Coping better than I expected. Hope it remains this way...

[Tree_Salmon]

So...

I guess I'm coping better than I expected after such a short time (2-3 weeks since meaningful contact)

 

My first week was a disaster. I went through anger, jealousy, extreme guilt, and tons of other stuff. At one point it started to affect my work so I had to calm down.

 

It is getting much easier since I started realizing everything I've done wrong in the last 5 years of my life. Staying in shape, being good at my job and being around great people is helping a ton.

 

I'm still hurt at times and get a stabbing pain in my heart when i imagine her with the other guy but I left for a reason.

 

My original post is in the breakup section. I'd like to hear female opinions as well.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/325519-her-rebound-going-last-there-any-hope-left

[january2011]

From what I remember it was quite a rollercoaster. You'll have good days and bad days. Over time, there will be more good days and fewer bad days. And the difference between the two will become less apparent. With time and NC, it will hurt less.

[Tree_Salmon]

A few weeks ago it was unbelievably painful but these last few days my highs are really high and the lows are just almost as painful but much shorter.

 

I'm assuming that by jumping into another relationship she is dodging dealing with these emotions. I almost want her to go through them, maybe it'll change her life.

[mattr89]

Hey man, after reading your original post, it was scary how much that hit home for me. Although we never were as off and on as you guys, she was exactly how your ex is. And now after our break up a month ago, my ex is now with another guy. I feel exactly how you do right now. Your torn between knowing that she is off the wall and most likely it wont work out based on her past behaviors, and the deep connection you guys shared. I cant stress enough how similar this is to what im going through so i sympathize with you greatly.

 

It sounds like your doing better but i understand the thoughts of them together start to run your mind at times. But remember, you cant "think" your way out of this problem. No matter how much your ego loves to picture them together or convince you that she is never coming back... fact is you dont know. So it serves no purpose thinking about it and taking away from your life.

 

Ive done all the thinking i can about my ex and her new guy but it doesnt change the situation. As soon as you can accept that she has to make that decision to come back on her own, the sooner you will feel better. And maybe she just needs time to realize it on her own.

 

On a side note, yes i do think this guy is a rebound. As much as you might think she forgot about you...she hasnt. Just as you cant forget about the 8 years, neither can she. She still cares about the time you guys spent together. Now although she might just need time to realize it.

 

hope this helps!

[Tree_Salmon]

Well, you seem to be more optimistic than most here about her possibly coming back. I don't know. She has an addictive personality she might be addicted to this new thing and pass up on me. She needed a change in her life. I might end up being a reminder of all the things she did wrong in life, so maybe it would be a ****ty thing to revisit me.

 

I always joked that when she finally breaks out of her families control she would go wild. It kinda seems like she did and she is. So I'm not holding my breath. Like you said, who cares what i think. if she wants to see me again i still exists in the world so she can definitely find me.

[mattr89]

I rather just be open to life rather than closing doors on people. I still care for my ex as a person and always will, she was my bestfriend so id rather not forget she ever existed. If she wants to come back in my life, I will assess it when the time comes. But unitll then i gotta live my life. I suggest trying to adapt to this understanding. It will help a ton.

 

Your right, the change might be what she needs, but there are two sides to every situtation and she just might realize that the new guy doesnt have the same connection that you two shared. By no means am i saying hold on to her, im simply saying focus on you and but dont convince yourself of anything. Cause nothing in life is guaranteed.

 

Thats funny that you say she breaks free of her family, my ex also was sheltered by them and now that shes 21 she has been going wild so to speak. But the thing is, its not our place anymore to tell them how to live their lives just as we dont want them telling us how to live ours. Most people i talk to want me to forget my ex existed but they dont understand the connection we had and they never will. Thats why its better to keep an open mind and a positive attitude. Being a dick and shutting the door doesnt do a whole lot

[Tree_Salmon]

I agree and I'm all about keeping doors open. I mean my old ex is still a close friend who i spend time with now but my current ex is a drama queen so she made sure to have a huge falling out and tell me off.

Can't really do much about that.

 

I hate to say I can see the future, but in some cases I can. That's why im forcing myself to heal up and accept the worst of it.

[jennisfora]

the first couple weeks were good for me too, i was still in the denial stage, and signed myself up for a bunch of things, and got all ambitious, then i hit the grieving stage, and got all depressed, and let things go, and had trouble getting up in the morning.

 

now, i feel pretty normal. maybe a little off, like unemotional, but no more crying jags, and i feel like i woke up and am ready to be responsible again. think im coming out the other side. some days are worse than others. *hugs*

[mattr89]

No you really cant do much about that, some women feel they need that to make them feel better. She may or may not calm down and come to her senses. But you have to right attitude. Dont let that change