wwwjd Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 We've ALL been there.... he: where shall we eat? she: I don't care, you decide he: Red Lobster she: no, I don't want to eat there he: Subway??? she: no thanks he: who's deciding?? she: you pick he: Flemings she: uh uh he: YOU decide then she: I can't think of anything, I want you to be the man and choose. I got tired of dating people like that so I man up, decide, and we go where I pick. One girl was actually a mental train wreck and asked me to pick, and vetoed everything, but didn't know where she wanted to go - she was having an "episode" of anxiety or whatever crap you choose to call it. How can a girl want us to be the man then constant pull THAT rug out from under us? And if I am supposed to be MORE of the man and man handle her past her issues of control, well, to ME, that is not being the man, but being an over controlling dick. I'm sure guys act this way too, but as I guy I never see that part of it. SO, in question form, LADIES, what sort of answer are you expecting when you say, "You decide" then you don't let us decide? Another point is, we are not being WEAK, we are trying to make you happy by taking you someplace you enjoy. This makes us feel good and we like doing it. We're happy to make decisions, be the man, show you a good time. But not if you want to pull the rug out over pointless little things that that. What do others do in these situations?
matte123 Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I expect the guy to take me to every restaurant that has ever existed especially if the restaurant prepare food made from rare expensive ingredients! Hahaha you have a strange mindset. I think normally the girls will not perceive a guy as weak for asking her where she wants to go to eat. I can understand your frustration because I have a friend who is exactly like that. She always do not know where she would like to go but then decline any suggestions when she ask us to decide. The trick is to find out what food does that person like or dislike by asking them directly. I know my friend's food likes and dislikes so I based my suggestions off of that knowledge. It usually works unless she isn't in the mood for that type of food
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I refuse to eat in any restaurant which serves food i could just as easily prepare at home, with little effort and at a fraction of the cost, so that's one indication. Secondly, i am happy to let you choose wherever you think we should go. Genuinely your choice. hobnestly - puck the venue. I'll go. i will just sit there, giving you the silent treatment, and tapping my nails and looking glum, if I don't like it. 3
LittlePrince Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 You should start with general suggestions like seafood, mexican, italian, fastfood, etc. After they are done eliminating each variety of food list back what they don't want. Hopefully they'll realize how silly they are being by denying every food in existence. If they can't then there is nothing to do but move on because do you really want to have this conversation every day of the year at some point in the future. Being selfish and uncooperative are bad qualities in a partner and you can't fix that. They'll have to work on that on their own by themselves. 1
FitChick Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Let the fussier person pick three places they'd like to eat (keeping in mind the others dietary restrictions, if any) and then the other person can choose. Win-win. Why people make the silliest things into power struggles baffles me. 1
EasyHeart Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 This is something that actually drives me nuts, too. Direct answer: Just go wherever you want to go. Indirect answer: Women who act like this generally do it because of insecurity, and the inability to discuss decision-making on something as simple as picking a restaurant is usually just one of many symptoms of their underlying emotional problems. In other words, they're undateable. 1
zengirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Veto power is all I ask for (and I rarely veto though often say "Anything but X" before we start), but I'm always happy to pick the place if Hubby doesn't want to (in that case, he gets veto power as well -- he's a picky pat and vetoes ALL the time). It really isn't that complex. We discuss and decide collaboratively usually. example (real convo, paraphrased): Me: In or out tonight? Him: Eh. . . whatever. Something easy if in but out sounds good too. Me: it's Friday night, let's go out. Him: Yes, that sounds easier anyway. Me: Where to? I'm up for anything but Asian food. Him: Oh, man, I was thinking (name of Thai restaurant). Me: Eh, I'd rather not, but if it's the only thing you want. Him: No, no, just something spicy. Me: Hmmm.... Mexican food around here sucks. How about (name of Cajun restaurant that we like). Him: Yes, perfect. But it will be crowded. Me: Hmm... take away? Him: Yes. Let's do that. Of course, that was a damn lazy night for both of us, if you couldn't tell. We aren't usually such party poopers. But I'm more referring to the back and forth.
Author wwwjd Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 ooh I see I made my initial post sound like *I* pick where *I* want to go, screw her, that is not the case. I mean, I MAKE THE PLAN (knowing she likes the place already) and execute the plan relieving her of having to be involved in the decisions making process. Unless, of course, I already know the above convo wont happen with her
Pyro Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Take her to the soup plantation http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/142941-never-been-so-insulted-date
Author wwwjd Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Take her to the soup plantation http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/142941-never-been-so-insulted-date hahahahaha the guy is like "WAaaaahhh, this doesn't suit ME, waaaah!"" hahahhaa quite narrow minded
TaraMaiden Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 I really do not know what to say about this topic. I'll drink to that.
veggirl Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 My BF will always ask what I want first, but if I say I don't care I really do mean it. Or like Zengirl, I will say "anything but X". I like the guy to choose. I've always always got the "you need to choose" thing bc I'm a vegetarian but I truly can find something to eat almost anywhere. 1
Author wwwjd Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 My BF will always ask what I want first, but if I say I don't care I really do mean it. Or like Zengirl, I will say "anything but X". I like the guy to choose. I've always always got the "you need to choose" thing bc I'm a vegetarian but I truly can find something to eat almost anywhere. That's the spirit!
threebyfate Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 This isn't about dating. My friend is like this when we go out to the point where I lose all patience and tell her to pick or shut up. She then proceeds to shut up.
SmileFace Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Take her to the soup plantation http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/142941-never-been-so-insulted-date I don't even!! Haha this has to be one of the funniest things I ever read 1
Els Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 (edited) Let the fussier person pick three places they'd like to eat (keeping in mind the others dietary restrictions, if any) and then the other person can choose. Win-win. Why people make the silliest things into power struggles baffles me. This. I really don't see how this can even be an issue. I swear, I've been in relationships for many years, have had some of the strangest silly fights ever, but this is one I've NOT come across. I mean, geez, the solution is blindingly simple: You: Where shall we go to eat? Her: You decide. You: X's place Her: Umm, nah You: Well, you suggest something If she persists with the 'you be the man and choose', then go to X. My second suggestion would be to go for women who don't do this crap. I mean, getting over-frozen ice cream out of the tub is harder. Edited May 8, 2012 by Elswyth
Els Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Veto power is all I ask for (and I rarely veto though often say "Anything but X" before we start), but I'm always happy to pick the place if Hubby doesn't want to (in that case, he gets veto power as well -- he's a picky pat and vetoes ALL the time). It really isn't that complex. We discuss and decide collaboratively usually. example (real convo, paraphrased): Me: In or out tonight? Him: Eh. . . whatever. Something easy if in but out sounds good too. Me: it's Friday night, let's go out. Him: Yes, that sounds easier anyway. Me: Where to? I'm up for anything but Asian food. Him: Oh, man, I was thinking (name of Thai restaurant). Me: Eh, I'd rather not, but if it's the only thing you want. Him: No, no, just something spicy. Me: Hmmm.... Mexican food around here sucks. How about (name of Cajun restaurant that we like). Him: Yes, perfect. But it will be crowded. Me: Hmm... take away? Him: Yes. Let's do that. Of course, that was a damn lazy night for both of us, if you couldn't tell. We aren't usually such party poopers. But I'm more referring to the back and forth. Yup, sounds like what we do too. I absolutely don't mind being the one to decide, and I don't mind letting him decide if he wants. The 'man up and choose' line in the OP is just over the top and pointless, IMO. I don't find the bf any less masculine when he asks me to choose. 1
xxoo Posted May 8, 2012 Posted May 8, 2012 Sounds like a conversation I might have with a child once (before I wised up). How about this: "Meet me in the car. It'll be a surprise :)" Or phrase it this way: "I'm really hungry for _______. Sound good?"
Author wwwjd Posted May 8, 2012 Author Posted May 8, 2012 Yup, sounds like what we do too. I absolutely don't mind being the one to decide, and I don't mind letting him decide if he wants. The 'man up and choose' line in the OP is just over the top and pointless, IMO. I don't find the bf any less masculine when he asks me to choose. SOME women can be like that. Not all. Just an extreme example for the purpose of this post. People in healthy relationships usually do NOT understand this kind of thing.
Recommended Posts