Never been so insulted on a date..

January 30, 2008

I'm so angry from a date I went on last night. I've been on loooots of dates mind you, with loooots of girls; some good, some quite bad, but this one was downright insulting.

Let me set the scene. I'd met online this chick who's mid 30s, worked at a local amusement park her whole life, and lives with her parents, who also work at the amusement park because their retirement stipend isn't enough to support them. Ok, a half dozen red flags I know right there, right?

Anyway, first date we went hiking, which I always do so I know a girl is in shape. Fine, she passed that test.

Second date, I took her to a nice restaurant near my place overlooking the ocean. We had salmon, pasta, dessert, wine and an after-dinner glass of port. Went back to my place and made out on the couch for awhile. Good second date.

Third date, tonight, she calls after work and says, "Hungry? Let's go to Soup Plantation."

Now, I'd never been to Soup Plantation before. So I said "umm, ok, I'm pretty hungry, do they have anything other than soup?"

She said, "You're a meat and potatoes kind of guy, eh?"

I felt like saying "Um, no, I'm a duck confit and grilled salmon kind of guy" but didn't.

So we get to soup plantation, and in case you've never been it's basically like this huge buffet. And I hate buffets. So we stand in line with a bunch of.. well.. nobodies, building up a salad on a plate, and we get to the register and she stands there like I'm going to pay!! After she invited me to this crap place!! :mad::mad: Then after a moment she says, "Uh. I guess I can pay." And then she goes ahead and pays FOR HERSELF, leaving me to fish around in my pocket to pay for myself!!!! :mad:

So we get to the table and, I s%#$ you not, there's a guy making BALLOON ANIMALS for the kids at the next table over. Balloon animals. And she's sitting there like all this is a proper date venue. I look around and pretty much every table but ours is filled with children.

I can't even look at her at this point. Can't say she's the prettiest thing anyway, but I was just soooo uncomfortable and getting angrier by the second.

After a couple of minutes she says, somewhat worriedly, "You seem uncomfortable."

I say, "Yeah, I am."

She says, "You don't like Soup Plantation do you?"

I say, "No I don't. It's not my style at all."

She says "Well I like it. I come here with co-workers all the time."

I don't say anything.

After a few more minutes, she says "Why don't we just go."

I say, "Let's take a walk or something" and she says "I think I just want to go home."

So we go out the door, she gives me a hug, and we go home. Later I text her saying "Look, that place was awful. Maybe ok for lunch but not a date. But I like you, if you want to try again let's do it." She hasn't responded.

So can anybody tell me their reactions to this? Am I way off base here? I talked with a friend of mine who echoed my reactions, but you know how friends are...

What an awful experience to be with someone so clueless. :laugh:

January 30, 2008

Sounds like she likes the place, enjoys it, and wanted to share the experience with you. She goes there often and invited you as she was going anyway. I think you're being too harsh, a bit snobby, which isn't fair to her at all.

She didn't do anything wrong, EXCEPT to assume you'd pay. Now that I think was tacky, as you say, she invited you. Aside from that, I think you were way too judgmental. It seems like a fun environment, and I don't see anything wrong with her choice.

And I think you could have been a bit more tasteful about it. If I were her, I'd feel like my companion was being rude and maybe a little selfish.

Don't take it personally, I'm just giving my opinion on the matter.

January 30, 2008

i think you are pretty arrogant.

so soup planatation may not be your perfect date venue but she has tried (by calling you out for a third date) and you should reciprocate by enjoying the company not sulking just because they don't serve your duck confit and squidink rissoto.

January 30, 2008

That was a good read, well she was insulted you were so snobbish about the place she deemed normal and appropriate.

I'm sure the obvious simmering resentment and disdain for the place, therfore her and her economic level was not acceptable to her.

Looks like she was very observant of what you really thought of her after that whole debacle, nobody wants to be with someone who they sense looks down on them, obviously.

She probably figured that you only wanted her for one thing after your immediate reactions to her.

January 30, 2008

i think she's the one who should be feeling insulted.

(i am with elvenP on that one- she shouldn't have assumed that you will be paying for the date)

January 30, 2008

Just like you "tested" her on your first date, perhaps she was testing you. To tell the truth you come across as a snob maybe she wanted to see how adaptable you are. Clearly you are not.

Also based on the limited information you have provided, it sounds like she is not a duck confit type of girl maybe she was trying to show you her normal evening out.

There is nothing wrong with either Soup Plantation or duck confit, but you really won't find the two fo them together.

I don't think there is any reason to be insulted, I'd chalk it up to what dating is all about - finding out if you are compatible with the other person. Doesn't look like you two are.

Sorry - but I'd suggest you to move on.

January 30, 2008

I agree with your feelings but not your actions. Take the bad scene the best you can and then months later say, "let's never go back there." No need to make the event a totally bad experience.

I do agree that you too have so different backgrounds that you may not be compatible. Also, whether a man asks for the date or not, he usually is the one who pays. And I can't assume it was expensive. So, why not go for the $8.99 and pay for the two of you and chalk it up to remind yourself that you pick the places next time.

I don't think she is clueless just has different views of dates.

Maybe chalk this bad experience and move on

January 30, 2008

Well don't date beneath you.

What made you date such a person in the first place?

And would you like to go to the Monster Truck Show with me? You pay though.

You pick up a woman that is not in your caliber and than whine about it. It was pretty podunk of you to do so. I mean what were you thinking?

arrogant yes, poor choice in dating material, perhaps for her too.

January 30, 2008

Here's my 2 cents. She mentioned the place in a phone call and a quick google could have told you about the place. At that point you should have called her back and said, you looked it up and weren't feeling it and recommended another place. Maybe she is a more casual type if girl and she likes casual places. Not everyone is a duck confit kind of person. No shame on them. Shame on you though for being so rude about it. You could have sucked it up for one date. She is obviously not your type, so just let it go.

January 30, 2008

Could have been avoided with a little MODESTY and open mindedness. Ok, so it's not the upper class rich joint, big deal. She likes it there. And trust me, this was NO reason to be insulted.

I had an ex who took a girl to a fancy dinner on v-day. She took a bite of the expensive food, stood up and literally spit it back out onto the plate, no attempt to hide it. Now THAT'S insulting. And she ended it with "wtf was that??!"

That was insulting, your date was not. She was being HERSELF.

January 30, 2008

So we get to soup plantation, and in case you've never been it's basically like this huge buffet. And I hate buffets. So we stand in line with a bunch of.. well.. nobodies

Ah, so you are all that and a bag of chips and everyone there was beneath you?

building up a salad on a plate, and we get to the register and she stands there like I'm going to pay!! After she invited me to this crap place!! :mad::mad: Then after a moment she says, "Uh. I guess I can pay." And then she goes ahead and pays FOR HERSELF, leaving me to fish around in my pocket to pay for myself!!!! :mad:

So we get to the table and, I s%#$ you not, there's a guy making BALLOON ANIMALS for the kids at the next table over. Balloon animals. And she's sitting there like all this is a proper date venue. I look around and pretty much every table but ours is filled with children.

Children?? Oh no, not children!!!! You must have feared for your life!! How dare she take you somewhere where these filthy little mongrels are!!

After a couple of minutes she says, somewhat worriedly, "You seem uncomfortable."

I say, "Yeah, I am."

She says, "You don't like Soup Plantation do you?"

I say, "No I don't. It's not my style at all."

Yes, its not your style. Perfectly fine to say. But you get all balled up and bent out of shape about it. I bet you throw tantrums quite often.

She says "Well I like it. I come here with co-workers all the time."

I don't say anything.

After a few more minutes, she says "Why don't we just go."

I say, "Let's take a walk or something" and she says "I think I just want to go home."

So we go out the door, she gives me a hug, and we go home. Later I text her saying "Look, that place was awful. Maybe ok for lunch but not a date. But I like you, if you want to try again let's do it." She hasn't responded.

Of course she hasn't responded. Look how you acted. Was it really necessary to text her and tell her it was awful? its like you were just itching to tell her what you REALLY thought of the place yet couldn't do it to her face.

So can anybody tell me their reactions to this? Am I way off base here?

Yes, in my opinion, you are. Its fine that you didn't like the place. But you actually got pissed off about it and considered yourself better than the people that go there. And if you think you are above the people that go there, then you are above her since she likes it. So you just proved that she isn't the one for you. Unless you like women who you feel are beneath you.

If you didn't like the place, you could have said that and dropped it.

What an awful experience to be with someone so clueless. :laugh:

No doubt. It must have been really awful........FOR HER.

January 30, 2008

Isn't it supposed to be about the company you're with, not where you are?

I think you should be thanking her for the experience, because it clearly shows that you two aren't compatible.

January 30, 2008

The pay thing was a bit of a red flag but IMO you completely over-reacted about everything else. Completely. What is so wrong with buffets that you would insulted when someone invites you to one? They're not everyone's thing, but people are bound to have different taste. It doens't ahve to mean anything.

The way you handled that, I woudln't have called you back, either. Not only would you have come off as slightly psyco to me, but I wouldn't want to date someone who was so particular/ snobby. I don't want to have to walk on eggshells all the time, trying to forecast which places are ok and which arne't.

Can you sum up what about that date was so disturbing to you?

January 30, 2008

So can anybody tell me their reactions to this?

Sure, I'll chime in. From your post, your sound like an arrogant dick. I for one am proud of her for leaving early and not responding to you. If I were her, I would never respond. You couldn't suck it up and stay through a meal because you didn't like the place... wow. I would recommend you just cash it in and date yourself, because you sure seem to be all about you.

I seriously could go on for hours about how much of a whiny, self-righteous b*tch you sound like, but my shift is almost over.

For the women that read this thread, this man is not representative of all men out there.

January 30, 2008

I agree with your feelings but not your actions. Take the bad scene the best you can and then months later say, "let's never go back there." No need to make the event a totally bad experience.

Exactly. I'd hate to see how he acts when a REAL problem crops up.

January 30, 2008

Thanks guys I appreciate the responses and I don't take them personally. It's great to hear different viewpoints on the issue.

I do have to agree that this girl's and my background were waaaay too different. I'd just never dated somebody so.. different.. before and honestly I had no idea that it was even possible.

I mean, imagine if I asked you out and then took you to a cockfight and as we were standing there to get in I expected you to pay. That's the kind of reaction I had to this. I'm not saying she was "wrong" I'm just saying.. .. I don't know.. it's just not something that would have EVER come into my mind to do. Maybe what upset me was the fact that I was soooo not in my element.

Again I appreciate the different points of view.

January 30, 2008

Well don't date beneath you.

What made you date such a person in the first place?

And would you like to go to the Monster Truck Show with me? You pay though.

You pick up a woman that is not in your caliber and than whine about it. It was pretty podunk of you to do so. I mean what were you thinking?

arrogant yes, poor choice in dating material, perhaps for her too.

So true. I have to admit I was just looking to get laid. I've stomached a lot for sex but apparently even I can't stomach Souplantation! :D

January 30, 2008

the very thing about testing that gal sounds so awful... I don't know why maybe it's ok for you guys to test girls, but are they some engines? Nope, they are human...

You were really rude to that girl, and I'm sure even if you didn't like there you could have paid at that soup venue. Too little of a man...

Try to get in touch with her a bit later... Maybe you will be uckier next time?

January 30, 2008

So true. I have to admit I was just looking to get laid. I've stomached a lot for sex but apparently even I can't stomach Souplantation! :D

Wow. Wow. She's really missing out.

January 30, 2008

Stomached the nobodies for sex? Incredible. Maybe you should learn humility CR. Geeze.

January 30, 2008

Oh you poor thing..........

I'm sure she is greatly sorry for not clearing the idea of where to go with you before she made the plans.

January 30, 2008

Well don't date beneath you.

What made you date such a person in the first place?

And would you like to go to the Monster Truck Show with me? You pay though.

You pick up a woman that is not in your caliber and than whine about it. It was pretty podunk of you to do so. I mean what were you thinking?

arrogant yes, poor choice in dating material, perhaps for her too.

Um, I don't think eating at Souplantation is indicative of ones class or station in life. They are all over the west coast, and are a casual soup and salad place. It's not a dump. But, it's also not the Four Seasons.

I can, and do, enjoy fine dining and 5-star restaurants, and yes, I have a true appreciation and understanding of them. However, I WILL eat at Souplantation, and I don't think it means I am a poor choice in dating material or that I am a "low-caliber" person. I am ivy and internationally educated, own a successful business, nice home, two cars, and pretty much don't have to worry about money in my life. HOWEVER, I don't think enjoying a casual salad lunch makes me someone "beneath" another in the dating world.

Yep, sometimes it's lunch at The Plaza or jetting to Paris to shop, and others it's lunch at Carl's Jr (LOVE that $6 burger!) or even Souplantation. It's not like this young lady told him she wanted to go to the BESTEST MOST DELICIOUSO HIGH-END place in town. Egads. It was a casual lunch place she goes with co-workers, and fancy pants turned up his nose in disgust.

I think the reality is that the OP was threatened by her being so comfortable in a variety of situations, and he knew he couldn't just relax. I get that - some people can only exist in one vein of life and lack the skill set to be able to move easily from one social situation to another. But this girl wasn't the problem in the equation...

January 30, 2008

If she asked you out, she should have paid for the date. Other than that, you acted like a spoiled brat. Someone with true class would have concentrated on their date or would have at least attempted to give a new restaurant a try, even if they ultimately decided it wasn't their kind of place.

I can't imagine your mental anguish if you had dined at Chuck E. Cheeses. I'm sure she'll find someone more open minded and mature next time.

January 30, 2008

No no no no you see Cad is not unaware of his actions, like he needs to be taught humility or more consideration.

It is all a test, because if the girl comes back then he can assure that it will result in a meaningless relationship/sex for him.

So he is actually upset that this one stayed away, because he likes to pick the low esteem ones to assure they will go along with his plans, and cater to his whims to be added to his harem, right Cad?

January 30, 2008

Yep, sometimes it's lunch at The Plaza or jetting to Paris to shop, and others it's lunch at Carl's Jr (LOVE that $6 burger!) or even Souplantation. It's not like this young lady told him she wanted to go to the BESTEST MOST DELICIOUSO HIGH-END place in town. Egads. It was a casual lunch place she goes with co-workers, and fancy pants turned up his nose in disgust.

So you'd take a date there on your 3rd date? And expect her to pay?

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