Toru Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) In case you want to read the backstory, this is a link to my original breakup thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/320124-today-really-tough-day-me Long story short. She got kicked out of school (21 years old, 3 years of her life wasted), started doubting everything and suddenly dumped me, her 4 year boyfriend (I'm 23, turning 24). She said she got such a big shock from getting kicked out of school, she totally didn't know who she was and what she would become. And that I was so supportive and kind during all this that she lost the 'chase' and didn't feel physically attracted to me anymore. She ended things by saying that I was in almost all aspects her ideal boyfriend. She had a lot of problems, cried a lot, we didn't have much fun for about 4-5 months. And apparantly I was too tolerant and should have told her sometimes to stop complaining and to not lose my needs as a boyfriend. I thought this would upset her even more so I shut up and just loved her. I was definitely at fault as well in the relationship, seeing as I should have kept both her feet on the ground and became too willing to do stuff for her without asking something (love) back. It's been 2.5 months after the breakup, more than 2 months NC. I can't say I've been doing great, but I'm trying. Procrastinating my studies a bit and missing her a lot. I started working out, which really helps me a lot, and have gained 10lbs already. Some days I wish I could just hear from her, because it's hard going from 4 years hearing from her every day to just dead silence. But I still want her as my loving girlfriend, something I know she can't give me right now, so I won't make the first step. Sometimes I play badminton with her dad and her grandma has a pub which I visit sometimes. They really like me a lot and the connection I have with her family is really great. They all don't understand why she broke up with me. And it's hard for me to ignore them as I really like all these people as well. She tells her parents nothing and her father says she is really depressed and that the family situation at home is really unbearable. Yet other people don't really notice her being depressed. She goes out a lot and she looks like a happy single allthough her niece thinks this is just an act. She still has a lot of contact with my friends. While we were in a relationship she frequently told me she didn't like some of these people, and that she didn't feel comfortable with them. Yet now she contacts them and acts like she really likes them. Okay, I can't tell her she can't contact these people and she didn't have a lot of friends to begin with. But recently she has been telling these people that we had such a good relationship, and that maybe she let go of the 'one'. She is struggling with this NC things she says, and really wants to hear from me. But she respects my wish. She also tells these people that she is still too depressed and confused to be in a relationship. It doesn't help that most of these people liked seeing us together. Her parents and some of my best friends told me they thought we really were heading in the right direction. Last time I heard from her 2 months ago I told her she needed to give me some of my stuff back. Sunglasses of my mother, dvd's, books, etc. Now 2 months later, she still hasn't given me my stuff back and I'm starting to get sick of it. I told her she could just put it in my mailbox so we didn't have to see eachother. But 2 months later, still nothing. What is she trying to accomplish with all this? I just look at the facts. She dumped me because she doesn't want a relationship with me after 4 years. I need to move on. But she is making it very difficult for me by doing all this. I know, it's breadcrumbs probably. But why won't she stop telling people I may be the one. I still love this girl, and hearing something like that really gets to me. Because I want her in my life. But I would presume that when I'm the one, she would want to be with me. And getting kicked out of school couldn't change that. Au contraire, that would make you want to be with that person even more. My head says, this girl's indecisiveness will probably never go away and she will never be able to give me enough. My heart says, I want her in my life, have fun with her and I want to hear from her. Some people tell me keep the NC, she has to make the first step. Other people tell me if you both miss each other that much and want to hear from each other you should just ... communicate. And maybe after time we could become something again. I'm really confused, what is all this? Relationships are so hard and I feel people my age quit way too soon. It's like working on a relationship doesn't exist anymore. Thank you for reading guys and girls. Edited April 30, 2012 by Toru
Philosoraptor Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 She made a choice and you need to stop questioning it. The reason she left doesn't matter in the end. What matters is that she has made a choice not to be with you. For your own mental sake I would really cut contact with the family as well. They will continue to inform you of her actions and you will remain stagnant instead of moving on and finding someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. 1
Author Toru Posted May 1, 2012 Author Posted May 1, 2012 You are probably right. Cutting it of with her family is going to be hard. They keep contacting me, and wanting to come over, so now I feel like I have to breakup with them. It's true, you are not what you think or feel. You are what you choose. It scares me though. It seems like all women I meet or know are not willing to work on relationships and just run the minute their feelings change.
Philosoraptor Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Patience is something that is undervalued. I too am seeking a good woman to settle down with. I have no real interest in playing games. I've just been living for myself and I'm sure with patience I will meet the right person. It seems so easy to jump into things with just anyone, but never lower your standards to what is available. Patience my friend, patience.
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