DDR Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 "What am I doing", No, no, no! A midlife crisis doesn't necessarily mean big trouble! That's just the cliche. I had one and it made me into a far better person. I had amazing discoveries and wrote a book about it all, as a matter of fact. Just give your wife all the space and support she needs... it may take a little while, but she will blossom, I guarantee. Don't be afraid, be strong and supportive. This is a typical thing that happens to a lot of us in our early '40s. I've come to regard it as a huge help, forcing much-needed changes. But if you have a good loving bond, there's no need to assume you'll get left in the dust... just allow, allow, allow and BREATHE! And, oh yeah, laughter helps. (My book is funny---called "What I Did On My Midlife Crisis Vacation")... with love and support, Debbianne Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 I'm beginning to think I could find my mate on LS. Standtall, I know you're M and happily so but I wish someone could clone you and TBK and Ninja and Owl and Just Joe and Thomas and ...oh so many of you. Now for this MLC thing. I'm 38 and I think I've woken up several times thinking I need a change and implemented it. At what point do people go through this phase? Is it about age or a major change like the kids growing up and leaving home? In practical terms, what's a MLC really? What a nice thing to say. And if I was clonable Nemo I'd most definitely share myself with you. Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 This was a pleasant and somewhat refreshing thread to read for a change. No debates, silly accusations or arguments, and overall, a happy ending. Link to post Share on other sites
Author What_Am_I_Doing Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 "What am I doing", No, no, no! A midlife crisis doesn't necessarily mean big trouble! That's just the cliche. I had one and it made me into a far better person. I had amazing discoveries and wrote a book about it all, as a matter of fact. Just give your wife all the space and support she needs... it may take a little while, but she will blossom, I guarantee. Don't be afraid, be strong and supportive. This is a typical thing that happens to a lot of us in our early '40s. I've come to regard it as a huge help, forcing much-needed changes. But if you have a good loving bond, there's no need to assume you'll get left in the dust... just allow, allow, allow and BREATHE! And, oh yeah, laughter helps. (My book is funny---called "What I Did On My Midlife Crisis Vacation")... with love and support, Debbianne Thanks!! I needed that post! We had a little bit of a rough day yesterday, quite bumpy actually, BUT.......the bumps we ARE having seem to be fewer and far between. Maybe that is a good sign. Now that you mention it, I DO need to go back to giving her a little more space. Three weeks ago, I stepped WAYYYYY back and I'll be darned if that did not bring her closer to me. I think that in a way, that lulled me into a false sense of security, that everything was right in the world. Then when the issue arose yesterday, I was NOT prepared and acted poorly . The positive is that we had some good cuddle time before I went to work this morning, no sex, but just holding each other. Even though I know that she is still angry from yesterday, she still tells me that she loves me each and every day. Think I am going to take a couple steps back, give the space, and refocus my efforts on what I have been doing and not focus on my screw up from yesterday. I don't know if it is 'much' needed change, but in her eyes it is. She was tired of the baggy jean home school mom look and has decided to freshen things up. I just need to get back to giving her a little more space and all the support that I can give. She truly is a beautiful woman and I am very glad that she has chose to be with me all of these years!! Thanks again for the post! Link to post Share on other sites
The Blue Knight Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 I know now that is NOT the case or else she would not be telling me that she loves me and WANTS to have sex with me on a daily basis :D:D!! What my counselor told me to do, which has really worked I might add, is give her some emotional space, let her take charge, let HER initiate our lovemaking. Your counselor is to be commended. That's advice all married men can live with. Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 4, 2012 Share Posted May 4, 2012 tween. Maybe that is a good sign. Now that you mention it, I DO need to go back to giving her a little more space. Three weeks ago, I stepped WAYYYYY back and I'll be darned if that did not bring her closer to me. I think that in a way, that lulled me into a false sense of security, that everything was right in the world. Then when the issue arose yesterday, I was NOT prepared and acted poorly . The positive is that we had some good cuddle time before I went to work this morning, no sex, but just holding each other. Even though I know that she is still angry from yesterday, she still tells me that she loves me each and every day. Think I am going to take a couple steps back, give the space, and refocus my efforts on what I have been doing and not focus on my screw up from yesterday. I don't know if it is 'much' needed change, but in her eyes it is. She was tired of the baggy jean home school mom look and has decided to freshen things up. I just need to get back to giving her a little more space and all the support that I can give. She truly is a beautiful woman and I am very glad that she has chose to be with me all of these years!! Thanks again for the post! re: the bolded... OP, I've followed your thread and I think it is interesting. I've been kind of going through something similar with my H although my story is a bit more complicated than what you have presented here. Anyway, when my H told me he needed space, what I learned to do - and I think you need to learn to do - is do things for yourself while they have that space. Don't just sit there waiting for them to come around but actively do something with that alone time, or whatever you want to call it. In other words, have a MLC of your own! If your kids are getting older, then perhaps your focus should shift as well. What will the next stage of YOUR life look like? Concentrate on yourself--not just on your marriage to your wife and how to improve it so that she will be happy. I kind of get the feeling from your posts that you are trying to re-mold yourself (does that make sense ) into whoever you think/she thinks you should be to accommodate her new attitude about life. Forget that. It isn't authentic. Instead, make your own changes, regardless of what she is doing or wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Author What_Am_I_Doing Posted May 4, 2012 Author Share Posted May 4, 2012 Concentrate on yourself--not just on your marriage to your wife and how to improve it so that she will be happy. I kind of get the feeling from your posts that you are trying to re-mold yourself (does that make sense ) into whoever you think/she thinks you should be to accommodate her new attitude about life. Forget that. It isn't authentic. Instead, make your own changes, regardless of what she is doing or wants. I have really stepped up exactly what you are talking about. Last March, we moved out to our little piece of heaven in Central OK and I bought an older tractor (1952 Ferguson to be exact) to help me take care of the property. Well, as you can imagine, a 60 year old tractor is going to need repairs from time to time and it has really turned into a new hobby for me. I have had some GREAT times out in the garage, tinkering with my tractor while sipping a cold frosty one! Not sure if I mentioned this earlier, but for many years, I have put her needs and the needs of my children before my own. I had all but stopped doing the things that *I* loved to do. I am starting to pick those hobbies back up again. Nothing warms my heart more when my wife walks up to me says "I love to see you happy and confident again. It is very sexy!" That statement alone tells me that what I am doing IS working, I just need to keep at it. And yes, I do agree with your statement about trying to re-mold myself, trying to turn myself into somebody that I *think* she is looking for. That was part of the problem. I was trying to be someone that I wasn't. I do believe that she noticed that and that was probably part of the conflict between us . I have stopped trying to do that............I have gone back to my faded blue jeans and ball caps on the weekends, shaving if I want to (apparently from time to time, she likes the scruffy look ).......just being me. Thank you for the post and the encouragement. Things are getting better, not great yet, but I am *confident* that will come in time. Link to post Share on other sites
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