dasein Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 My theory is that when men fall in love, we're way more bothered by our girlfriend's sexual past than women are of men's sexual past. Just a theory of mine based on nothing more than a gut feeling, really. It could be partially the ego thing it seems to be, but it actually has rational roots as well. Impulsively promiscuous women, women who take advantage of the female sexual gatekeeping power to have a gluttonous amount of sex, are terrible bets for relationships due to correlations with personality disorders that aren't nearly as prevalent in men. All but a tiny % of men are incapable of being impulsively promiscuous because unlike average women, average men have relatively little idea which of their sexual advances will produce sex. A man can approach ten women a day for a month and get lots or no attention. A woman can be much more certain that if she seeks sex from X men, Y will accept her invitation. With greater control comes greater responsibility. If a man hits on 10 women and 8 accept, he's not "promiscuous" because for all he knew, 0 would accept. What all men do know though is that if we stop approaching, stop seeking sex, we will not get any sex at all. The female experience is completely different. It's just another kind of gluttony, another kind of materialism, and gluttons make bad partners. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I always ask women about their relationship history because I want to make sure they're available and looking for the same kind of relationship that I am. And I always have the STD Talk before have sex together. I think both those kinds of talks are necessary and normal. But I've never asked a woman about her past sex life, nor do I talk about mine. I don't want to hear things "Oh wow, this one time at band camp. . .." Link to post Share on other sites
reptilelover88 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 (edited) With all my partners, including the current one, we talked about sexual history. But only the headline information, without a deep-dive into the details. From experience, very few people can deal with the mental images resulting from such deep-dives. I agree. My ex used to go into excruciating detail about his ex (unprompted by me) including the contraception they used, how and where he took her virginity (and how she bled all over the sheets), what her vagina felt like, how she looked and acted when she had an orgasm... I think he was genuinely just immature and clueless - she was his first, and his only girl before me - rather than intentionally trying to hurt me, but I did find it very hurtful. I never managed to get the images out of my head. I wish I had never heard all those horrible details in the first place. So my advice would be - give the bare minimum information (e.g. are you a virgin?) but spare your poor partner the details! I usually say something like 'I prefer not to dwell on the past now that I'm with you'. Edited April 27, 2012 by reptilelover88 grammar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 I agree. My ex used to go into excruciating detail about his ex (unprompted by me) including the contraception they used, how and where he took her virginity (and how she bled all over the sheets), what her vagina felt like, how she looked and acted when she had an orgasm... I think he was genuinely just immature and clueless - she was his first, and his only girl before me - rather than intentionally trying to hurt me, but I did find it very hurtful. I never managed to get the images out of my head. I wish I had never heard all those horrible details in the first place. So my advice would be - give the bare minimum information (e.g. are you a virgin?) but spare your poor partner the details! I usually say something like 'I prefer not to dwell on the past now that I'm with you'. Wow, that's truly awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like he wasn't 'over' her. I can't imagine a partner going into that much detail. I think I'd probably end the relationship. It would be too difficult to carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
reptilelover88 Posted April 27, 2012 Share Posted April 27, 2012 Wow, that's truly awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like he wasn't 'over' her. I can't imagine a partner going into that much detail. I think I'd probably end the relationship. It would be too difficult to carry on. I should have done! Massive red flag... I never want to hear that kind of thing again and if he offers it anyway, it's not a good sign. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted April 28, 2012 Share Posted April 28, 2012 Which are you more bothered by, her sexual history or sexual "quality"? I'd be more bothered by the fact that someone was a willing participant to someone cheating on their significant other....in such a vile way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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