Feelsgoodman Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 He's only short on money because he buys **** he can't afford and doesn't plan for the future. And because he spends a lot of money of food and gifts to his girlfriend...which she strangely has no problem accepting even though she knows her boyfriend is short on cash.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 According to many of the women in that thread you are selfish & uncaring to even consider your money to be your own, you are in a relationship, it's supposed to be "our money" Your money is "our" money. My money is my money. Sadly, that's how most women think.
Author conehead Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 To me it sounds like the real question OP is asking, is whether his financial situation is acceptable. I think she trusts him to pay her back, but is questioning what it means that he's asking in the first place. I don't think him willingly spending money on her, is comparable to him asking to borrow $1,500 for a vacation to Hong Kong. Just because he bought her a gift she didn't ask for and he couldn't afford, means it's her obligation now to lend him money. I agree that she, if she has known how broke he is, she shouldn't have accepted his gifts, even though it's not her responsibility to manage his finances. But that was a few months ago, and they had only just started dating back them. There is a good chance she didn't know his situation. If they were in their late teens or early 20's, I wouldn't think his behaivior was that big of a red flag. But at 35, I expect a man to have his s!ht together. His financial recklessness would be a deal breaker to me. Spookie got it right. If something unexpected happened n he needed money right away cuz someone got hurt or something then I understand but he's using this money so he can shop leisurely in hk n stay in nice hotels. He also knew months in advanced n saved for it but he didn't, how can I expect him to deal with planning for kids college education if it came to that. Btw he pays for 75% of food cuz i commute 75% of time..for each 75 mins he drives I drive 275 mins n traffic plus I pay $40 every month for birth contro. He is nice n offers to buy me cloths n furniture while out but I refuse. I took the $800 gift it was before I discovered he's so broke plus it was our first valentines!
Author conehead Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 That being said I told him I will give him the money but also told him all my thoughts n concerns on this last nite. This morning he contacted me again to tell me sorry he should not have asked me for money n I said he should still take the money n he said no he can do without. We discussed how we will spend less money on expensive things frm now on and I suggested we do something else in place of vegas, spenind habit r hard to break though.
RiverRunning Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 As a personal rule, I would never give any boyfriend more than $50 if he needed to borrow money. $1500 is an enormous amount of money. I once thought of giving a similar sum of money to an ex whose car had been broken down for ages. I'm eternally grateful that I didn't do so, as I never would have seen the money again. Don't loan it to him. Period. He's 'just' a boyfriend of 6 months - I say that kindly, but also to reinforce that you haven't been with him long enough to really know if this is going to last long enough for you to get your cash back if you do loan it out.
Star Gazer Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 This is a committed relationship with a man you say has been generous & shared with you? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/323295-fiance-owes-me-money-need-some-perspective The male poster there is being roasted for daring to question why his gal hasn't repaid her half of loans the couple has accumulated According to many of the women in that thread you are selfish & uncaring to even consider your money to be your own, you are in a relationship, it's supposed to be "our money" In the above thread you cited, they are ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED. In that thread, BOTH MEN AND WOMEN took issue with a FIANCÉ expecting his FIANCÉ to pay back JOINT HOUSEHOLD EXPENSES. That thread is entirely different from the facts of THIS situation. Here, they are NOT engaged, they are merely BF/GF of 6 months. In addition, he's asking for a PERSONAL LOAN for items that are not household related and serve no benefit to the lender. Apples and oranges. Male or female, it is not wise for one person in a short-term BF/GF relationship to lend the other $1,500 for personal use when the indebted person has a demonstrated inability to manage their finances. 1
Art_Critic Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 That thread is entirely different from the facts of THIS situation. Here, they are NOT engaged, they are merely BF/GF of 6 months. In addition, he's asking for a PERSONAL LOAN for items that are not household related and serve no benefit to the lender. Apples and oranges. Male or female, it is not wise for one person in a short-term BF/GF relationship to lend the other $1,500 for personal use when the indebted person has a demonstrated inability to manage their finances. Best post in the thread and I totally agree.. and would add that if a GF or BF asks for money past a few dollars (like 10-20) for a loan it IS a red flag...
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Best post in the thread and I totally agree.. and would add that if a GF or BF asks for money past a few dollars (like 10-20) for a loan it IS a red flag... Yes, I also loved the part where she used unnecessary CAPITALIZATION for EVERY other WORD!
Els Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 (edited) I'm really not sure why this thread is even being compared to the fiance thread. 'Fiance' and 'bf/gf of 6 months' isn't even the difference between apples and oranges, it's the difference between a grain of sand and an elephant. Posting on the internet about your lover borrowing money? Dirty. Have you BEEN to LS? This is hardly the worst thing I've seen someone post about their R here. This entire forum IS for the main purpose of getting anonymous feedback on relationship problems. Do you really think posting about your 'bf/gf not being interested in sex', or 1000s of other threads, is somehow 'better' than this? Also, I find your holier-than-thou attitude amusing for someone who just quoted a letter an ex sent him here, verbatim. Edited April 25, 2012 by Elswyth 1
Author conehead Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 Last nite I offerred him the money still but he declined cuz of the things I said about him borrowing, I was bit harsh I suppose. I hope he doesn't resent me for this. I guess I tend to get upset easily and whenever that happens he tends to always apologize and doesn't even attempt to argue. I fear I may come off controlling
darkmoon Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 (edited) Last nite I offerred him the money still but he declined cuz of the things I said about him borrowing, I was bit harsh I suppose. I hope he doesn't resent me for this. I guess I tend to get upset easily and whenever that happens he tends to always apologize and doesn't even attempt to argue. I fear I may come off controlling controlling your money, yes very sensible, controlling him, well, you're not thinking of buying off any arising resentment of his. c'mon! you've read all our postings and decided to say no, to me, you have set ground rules about whether you fall into the obligation of lending him money or not, and unless you want to start a behaviour pattern of lending to indulge him ("don't be so mean"), get the loan back when he feels like paying and arguing if you say no to more meanwhile...i've seen it and seen it...control! just say "no" and forget he asked, like he should some would say - no need to be scared his asking you was not the greatest idea in the first place, say no and forget it - or is he controlling you even as we type here? hope not bye bye xx you're a girlfriend not a piggy-bank - he should not have asked you Edited April 26, 2012 by darkmoon
phineas Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Only read title of post & skipped to end. ermmm NO? 1
Els Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Last nite I offerred him the money still but he declined cuz of the things I said about him borrowing, I was bit harsh I suppose. I hope he doesn't resent me for this. I guess I tend to get upset easily and whenever that happens he tends to always apologize and doesn't even attempt to argue. I fear I may come off controlling I really do think that was rather unnecessarily harsh. This is a fairly delicate topic to broach with someone of 6 months (not entirely your fault, he started it). Had it been me, instead of going into great detail about the possibility of him not paying back etc, I think you could have just said that you're not comfortable loaning that much to anyone.
whichwayisup Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Last nite I offerred him the money still but he declined cuz of the things I said about him borrowing, I was bit harsh I suppose. I hope he doesn't resent me for this. I guess I tend to get upset easily and whenever that happens he tends to always apologize and doesn't even attempt to argue. I fear I may come off controlling Just be honest. He put you in weird spot and shouldn't be asking to borrow that much money. HE should have saved his money and planned for this trip or borrowed money from his bestfriend, or someone in his family. If he resents you for this, so be it. Maybe now he'll learn how to be responsible with his money.
amantis Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Just be honest. He put you in weird spot and shouldn't be asking to borrow that much money. HE should have saved his money and planned for this trip or borrowed money from his bestfriend, or someone in his family. If he resents you for this, so be it. Maybe now he'll learn how to be responsible with his money. Weird spot how ? he asked for money and she only had to say yes or no , but she got upset . I still dont understand whats the problem in him asking for money , she just had to say yes or no . 2
Art_Critic Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I still dont understand whats the problem in him asking for money , she just had to say yes or no . I think the problem is that he shouldn't have asked in the first place.. therefore him asking her for money puts her in the position of saying no, which could affect their relationship. A BF of 6 months should not be asking a GF of 6 months for 1.5k as a loan.. 2
amantis Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I think the problem is that he shouldn't have asked in the first place.. therefore him asking her for money puts her in the position of saying no, which could affect their relationship. A BF of 6 months should not be asking a GF of 6 months for 1.5k as a loan.. I would never ask money to my girlfriend , but he asked ,and like you said there was a possibility of her saying no . Its very simple , if she wants to loan the money to him , she can see if he pays back or not , i think that its a good way to see if he respect her and pay her back ... If he doesnt pay , she knows that he is a dick and she needs to move on . I really dont think that its a big problem him asking her for money ,she just need to say yes or no , if gets upset , she tell him to fk off
Emilia Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Last nite I offerred him the money still but he declined cuz of the things I said about him borrowing, I was bit harsh I suppose. I hope he doesn't resent me for this. I guess I tend to get upset easily and whenever that happens he tends to always apologize and doesn't even attempt to argue. I fear I may come off controlling He will end up resenting you yes. It sounds like he is not assertive enough - either in general or at least for you.
mortensorchid Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 NO NO NO NO NO!!! I don't know if you have decided or not whether to do this, but DO NOT GIVE HIM ANY MONEY!!!! Men borrow money from banks, not girlfriends. Remember, if you do, this will always be between you, whether he pays you back with his next immediate paycheck or over months and months of payment. If you have given him something by now, I hope you are not holding your breath or too attached to that amount because you're not going to get it back. I have seen too many women taken advantage of by guys who ask for money. They use the woman's insecurities and want to be in a relationship to their advantage. Would HE lend money to you if the tables were turned? Probably not.
Eddie Edirol Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Last nite I offerred him the money still but he declined cuz of the things I said about him borrowing, I was bit harsh I suppose. I hope he doesn't resent me for this. I guess I tend to get upset easily and whenever that happens he tends to always apologize and doesn't even attempt to argue. I fear I may come off controlling If he resents you, then it is a filter of a character flaw. If he resents you then its time to drop him. It sounds to me like he was spending big money on you (that he didnt have) to impress you. Shame on you for taking it, but bottom line, if he couldnt save up the money to go to his friends wedding, so spend money on expensive hotels and such, he sure as hell wont save the money to pay you back. Dont find out the hard way that hes a sweet talkin player.
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