Update x2 (Needs Time For Herself, Splitting Up but Maybe In Future)

[tehsensitive1]

Well hello there fellow heart broken pals.. Yeah yeah I know it's been a long time since i've been back but a late night coding session had me thinking and it's my 15 minute break.. Enough chit chat lets get to it.

 

Continuing from http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/270749-needs-time-herself-splitting-up-but-maybe-future#post3310486

 

and

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/299471-update-break-up-needed-time-myself-_

 

Now that you know my back story I have some advice, update on life, and how to cope.

 

It's been about a year since the "love of my life" decided to end it with a phone call. Yeah a phone call after a full 4 years.. Anyhow at first I was a lost puppy, my whole routine changed which is how you may feel right now. Don't worry you will get through it, keep your head up and do things to keep yourself busy. Also don't forget to talk about it with your close ones.

 

So how did I deal with the 1st month of the breakup. First if you've recently split up go complete NC (no contact) and I mean all networking such as facebook, twitter, instagram, anything you use just get the person who said "i'll never hurt you" out of your life.

 

I know it seems hard to just up and leave but it's the best thing you could ever do. She/He left you for a reason and your thoughts are going crazy "what if we can work out" "we can just stay friends"... Wrong my friend you can not stay friends with an ex because your feelings will still be there and it will make things 10x more difficult to get over them.

 

So how do you get through the first 2-3 months of a breakup. Well find yourself again, you will probably realize you changed a lot and matured quite a bit after being with someone for so long. Go to the club, local bar, or even out to eat with your friends. Be Social!

 

When your with someone you kind of shutout the rest of the world sometimes and that is not the way to be. You must now regain your social skills and be not afraid to talk to strangers and make new friends. Going out and doing random things you would usually say no to is a definite must. Lets say a friend says "lets go fishing" and your down, sad, don't feel like going. Stop! Say yes and go, even though your still kind of thinking about the breakup your primary thoughts are on fishing while the breakup is slowly being pushed to the back of your mind.

 

Yes the pain and hurting sneaks up on you at home during sleeping hours.. So how do you cope? Read a book, browse the web to better yourself and gain knowledge, call a girl friend of yours and talk (they like doing that), heck even have a text conversation with girls. What I did is actually got back into the whole working out thing, in the evenings I workout and push it to the limit. This way i'm working on my body thus helping me attract women, releasing endorphins making your mind and body feel good about itself, and i'm drained so when I hit the bed zzzz.

 

Slowly but surely you will think of the person less and less and viola a year later you'll be making threads on this forum to help others. So it's been about 6 months now and you still kind of feel it when you see the "ex" but your ok with it. Hopefully by now you have new hobbies and friends. You've been dating, working on your appearance (get your mojo back), and progressing in life. Good they'll see that and be like whoah they're actually doing just find without me making them question in their head "what if i hadn't".

 

For myself it's been a year since the split up and I see her around often. We have the same friends, party at the exact same places, and live literally close to each other and bump in to each other all around town. I never talked to her the day after she left me up until a week ago, yeah I know right..

 

Anyhoot complete no contact the day after definitely helped. When she came to a house party I had a weekend ago all of her friends asked if she could come because remember we have the same friends. I hadn't talked to her, looked at her, nor ever been in the same vicinity as her for a year. I agreed and figured it would be weird but hey i'm over it shes over it and we'll be fine.

 

She walks in and "aaaawkwaaaard" she goes to a corner and starts mingling but stays in the corner. I'm mingling having a great time thus playing the "i don't see her game" but I knew she was around. After a while of hanging and talking to everyone i go give her a hug, been a long time chat, make her a drink and im off into the crowd.

 

She's intrigued I can tell. Wondering what i've been doing, completely different dress style, 25 lbs lighter great shape, i'm the man attitude. By the end of the night she comes to talk and catch up. Asking questions such as what i'm doing now, have I had a girl after her, who i hang out with. I pull the come see the inside of my new house, i get a few compliments about the house, show her my room and close the door and viola.. Wait did I just? No I didn't i played it cool brought her out and sat down in the kitchen with her and chatted away for about an hr. It was great talking to her but i'm back to no contact and yes her friends are now constantly reminding me that she misses me. Does she want to rekindle? Idk but i sure as hell don't feel like getting back into something serious anytime soon.

 

Moral of the story, After a breakup go complete NC. It helps you heal, gives you time to find yourself grow into the person you are going to be, and leaves the person with a "what the f" since you completely ignored them after the split up (no matter how bad it hurt you).

 

Be strong you'll pull through, time does indeed heal all wounds especially the heart and mind.

 

I'll be around. See you when I see you guys.

[Radu]

Just a word of warning (what you just wrote reminds me of an ex), don't get back with her ... ever.

If you let them in after the cowardly stunt they pulled (mine broke up by mail), you lose all the time you spent on yourself.

So now, not only is the time you spent with her lost, but also the time you spent getting over her lost.