tehsensitive1 Posted March 26, 2011 Posted March 26, 2011 After reading all over these forums and learning how to cope with NC, doing my own thing, etc.. I finally decided to join this very helpful active community and try to find closure. Let the story begin.... I am the dumpee, going on week one starting last sunday. My girlfriend and I had been together for 3 1/2 years some times were good and some times were bad but we loved each other so much that we always stuck together and were happy. Till the bullet to the chest came... I am a 21 year old learning how to cope with his first real heart break ever. Throughout my high school years I met this girl, she was a freshman and I was a senior. We dated for a while before getting serious and we hit it off great, I guess you can say the honey moon stage but after a while we both began to grow and love each other more and more. We went through tough times together helped each other out like couples do. Overall a good relationship with the occasional arguments and making up like the norm. Before I go on with the rest of the story, I realized she's young still and never got to enjoy her high school years because we were both so far up each others a**es which I think turned into a bad thing. Commence Story pt 2 "The Breakup". So late friday night I txt her asking if shes going to come see me after work "maybe if im felling it" she states. I found that odd but was like ok whatever she'll call or txt after work... The contact never came, I call her at around 1230 a.m. to talk about our day etc and shes talking different acting different so I ask whats wrong thus it began... The punch in the stomach, the shot to the chest, the burning in the eyes.... While on the phone she tells me she doesn't know if she can do it anymore, be together that is.. She starts telling me she feels bad for not giving me much attention, she hurts because its not what it use to be, she would much rather hang out with her friends than hang out with me, pretty much the whole pity i feel bad and its unfair for her to continue hurting me and herself. It hits me with a bang, I immediately tear up, voice changes starts crackling and the usual why what happened I though everything was good (we had had a great day and sex the day before). I was honestly stunned because our relationship seemed perfect and this literally came out of no where. On the phone she explained to me that she regretted not living a normal highschool life such as not having friends, not going out, etc. This is due to us being up each others as**es. Throughout her whole freshman-second semester of senior year we were together and now she's calling it quits on me just like that... Its not a normal quit either, she just told me straight up on the phone let me cry and talk while she just kept repeating herself about being unfair for me with no pain or hurt in her voice. She said she needed time to do her, and enjoy her last semester of highschool along with giving her some time and stuff, she said idk right now just give me a couple of months you know we'll probably end up being together.. I of course asked if anything could be done with no positive results. I ended the call by saying well ill see you around and goodbye. In my room I was crushed, sat there looking at the floor dazed eyesight going in and out of focus with the deep feeling in the stomach.. It then hit me and the tears came.. After about 15 mins I composed myself, I have always been strong minded but when it comes to my love im weak. I got on facebook and looked at her pics, then I deactivated my facebook account. I thought to myself this hurts too much and I know thats all im going to be doing on facebook is hearing about her good times blah blah.. 30 mins later I get a txt saying "why did you delete me" I state "I didn't delete you, I disabled my facebook because seeing you would hurt me too much" it ended like that. The next day im down and out of it I just can't cope.. and in such a small town you run into everyone thus I see my ex driving and she pulls up right next to me at a stop light, I look at her and she just looks straight ahead doesn't even turn her head... She knew I was there just couldn't bare to look.. Emotions run through me like crazy its the next day after the break up so I immediately call her I dont know why. I get no answer and I continue driving and then the call back, I have an iphone and I see her face and although it hurts I answer "Did you call" /me/ "Yeah whats up what are you up to, i just couldn't stand to see you and not talk to you I love you" /her/ "Oh ok well im going to the track to walk with friends I don't wanna be alone" /Me/ "Baby I just want to tell you I love you very deeply, idk what I can do but just know I love you and i know we can be happy together down the road just don't forget about me" /Her/ "I just dont know what im doing idk, i don't wanna cry anymore" /Me/ "Ok baby, my bad sorry ill let you go ok, just know that we can be happy together in the end".. Conversation ends.. Been in NC for 6 days and haven't seen her nor texted no nothing complete NC. Its not over yet, I talk to a friend today and she tells me i've been hearing that shes been seen a lot with this other guy.. I nearly crumble but i stay composed.. Thats it im in complete chaos inside. I realize she loves hanging out with her friends because she never had a typical high school life so she wants to enjoy her last semester, she told me give her space and we'll see how it goes. Idk know what to make of it if shes seen with another guy lately whom shes going to prom with yet I know she couldn't just start messing with someone else within a week I know my ex shes not like that, she was 100% faithful throughout our whole time together.. Shes 18 which is young and I think thats the problem where as im 21 and shes developing into a woman now.. Conclusion: Idk what to think, I don't know what do, I want her back as she told me i still love you I just need time to do me maybe we need a break to rekindle our bond... I guess im on here getting my feelings out there because I feel like I lost my second half, I really thought she was the one... I've been coping by staying busy working on my mobile phone store, hanging out with friends, just staying busy in general but when im alone or randomly doing something shes in my head.. I want to contact her or do something sweet such as leave a rose on her car windshield so when she gets off work she knows im still interested or thinking of her but that is a strict NC rule to not do.. I still feel like I have a lot of unanswered questions I just can't cope with, I feel like im not finished with the conversation.. I need more answers instead of indirects.. What do I do should I continue NC because she hasn't what so ever tried to contact me at all and I feel like **** like she literally can drop me after almost 4 years and start talking to someone else that fast.. What are your opinions guys, I know the elders have great wisdom and can help me get through or can kind of see the outcome of this.. Does she still want to be together, does she still love me, does she still care for me, shes talking to another guy already is that possible or a rebound idk.. I know i will go day by day and not wait for her but im hoping for a second chance, is that even in the ballpark for me? Sorry for the long story guys Im just hurting and ill be damned if it ain't killin me.. Should I let her grow up, continue NC.. Idk I just want answers!!
Author tehsensitive1 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Bump... Anyone Please, This crap hurts and it still feels like day one...
Chi townD Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 okay, everything I'm telling you is stuff that you don't want to hear. But, you might want to listen. Leave her alone. Go NC. Don't contact her for anything! Right now, it looks and sounds like you're begging and pleading and that isn't very attractive in her eyes. You're like a lost little puppy. Look, I know you live in a small town, but that should help you to avoid the places that she likes to go. Dude, she's still in high school and if anyone on LS doesn't know what she wants out of life, it would be her. You need to cut her out of your life...there I said it. Go NC, don't respond to any phone calls or texts, you've taken care of the FB thingy, which is a good step. I would talk to your friends to not bring her up in conservations and YOU shouldn't ask them about her either. Is it gonna be hard? YEP!!! But, use NC as a time to heal and move on. Any time you're tempted to contact her, post here. You'll feel better about it afterwards.
Darren Steez Posted March 28, 2011 Posted March 28, 2011 This is the best place to get support for no contact. It sucks because scenerios run through your head every second when you think about her. Listen she can give you all the excuses she wants but when it comes down to it, she doesn't want to be with you. The natural thing to do is say no, I love you, let me prove how much I love you, be its all one sided dude. At the worst she's banging or thinking about banging someone else, which means at the moment, you are irrelevant. You keep begging only adds to her ego. The minute you stop giving a f*ck, settle down and do your own thing, heck even meet someone else, the minute the texts will start flooding back asking how you are etc etc. Keep yourself busy and be selfish..focus on yourself, dont invest so much in someone else, get that confidence and get that swagger back. Trust me if she's this callous, she's not worth it. If you want to be blunt..there's other women out there..go get em!
Author tehsensitive1 Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 thanks for the replies fellas and i've been doing the NC for 7 days now. She hasn't tried to txt, contact, or anything towards me meaning you guys are right she doesn't want me anymore but ill be damned if it doesn't hurt right now. I never begged other than the next day after the breakup and then after I went complete NC and blocked on facebook. I haven't tried to txt or call her what so ever but sometimes I just think I can have that second chance.. What makes it worse is shes a model and I feel like I can't get a better looking female than her, its like I lost my mojo and am down on myself. She told me she still loves me and maybe later down the road we'd probably be together but she just wants to enjoy her last semester of high school.. Was that just caking ish up so I don't feel bad? thanks for the help guys I really needed it and would love more advice, maybe hearing all these opinions will piss me off and help me move on and realize shes a bad person idk.. Thanks though everyone
Author tehsensitive1 Posted March 31, 2011 Author Posted March 31, 2011 Just an update: So i've been NC for a week and a half and im starting to feel better.. It hurts like hell knowing shes already messing around with other another guy but ill take it day by day. LS has helped me so much and im definitely sticking around. Although i still hope for a second chance, im not chasing her.. If and when she decides and gets over her case of GIGS I may take her back but who knows how ill feel about her later down the road... I still have those rough days where I almost break down but its life and this will make me stronger.
0hpenelope Posted March 31, 2011 Posted March 31, 2011 (edited) Just an update: So i've been NC for a week and a half and im starting to feel better.. It hurts like hell knowing shes already messing around with other another guy but ill take it day by day. LS has helped me so much and im definitely sticking around. Although i still hope for a second chance, im not chasing her.. If and when she decides and gets over her case of GIGS I may take her back but who knows how ill feel about her later down the road... I still have those rough days where I almost break down but its life and this will make me stronger. Feeling that hope is part of the healing process but it goes away with time, too. Once you stop feeding the hope, it will die. I'm happy to see you're not shutting out the pain. That's very important for your healing too. That she's spending time with another male will only help to solidify your resolve to move on, I hope. People who ask for space must be given space. AAALLLLL the space they want. She'll meet other guys but you know, you'll meet other girls too. Whether or not preparing yourself for a new romantic pursuit is besides the point, it's just for you to be open to meeting as many people as possible for new friendships and new experiences. Give her the gift of missing you. Good luck with everything. Edited March 31, 2011 by 0hpenelope
Fufu Posted April 1, 2011 Posted April 1, 2011 Sigh, it looks like there are many people still not doing the NC in a good way for themselves. it's okay, we made mistakes at times and right now you are vulnerable. You will be fine when you do whatever it takes to make yourself happy again. So here it is THE NC. 1. Do not initiate any forms of contact to your ex gf. 2. Do not respond/reply to your ex gf's messages, phone calls and whatever electronic messages you can think of. 3. Do not think and wonder what she is doing, thinking and feeling. They no longer matter to you. To do number 3, you have to do actions to stop yourself from thinking and wondering which means stop finding out which means delete her from your mobile phone, delete her from your facebook... and some other stuffs you can think of. "She hasn't tried to txt, contact, or anything towards me meaning you guys are right she doesn't want me anymore but ill be damned if it doesn't hurt right now." This is a mentality of you are still thinking of her. I know it's hard but you have to try to think of other things that doesn't involve her anymore. "So i've been NC for a week and a half and im starting to feel better.. It hurts like hell knowing shes already messing around with other another guy but ill take it day by day. LS has helped me so much and im definitely sticking around. Although i still hope for a second chance, im not chasing her.. If and when she decides and gets over her case of GIGS I may take her back but who knows how ill feel about her later down the road... I still have those rough days where I almost break down but its life and this will make me stronger." Stop finding out what she is doing, cut them off, all those signals or messages, or whatever that will lead you to know what she is doing. Think of, what you need to do to get out of this unhealthy and unhappy situation and to be happy again. You can do it when you put your heart and mind into it.
Author tehsensitive1 Posted April 1, 2011 Author Posted April 1, 2011 Thanks guys, again I have been in complete NC for almost two weeks now and I have not contacted through txt, facebook, nor anything else. The only bad thing is that its a small town and our lives are somewhat around each other, such as my work place is close to hers, driving on the main street out of town you tend to see everyone you know along with you know who... The only contact i've had was when driving and saw her driving with someone in the car. I have honestly gotten better and stronger everyday, i've started to look at things such as how bad of a person she is to let someone she supposedly loved hurt this bad. How shes changed and not the person she used to be if shes gonna go get with someone within a week, little things like that in general that are beginning to open my eyes. I will continue doing my thing, going out and mingling, and enjoying life. I of course know after 3 years you can't completely let someone go with a blink of an eye i've read these forums enough to know that you will hurt once in a while and thats part of getting over the situation. To loveshack and the caring people around here. I never though waking up in the morning and reading forums for about an hr a day would help me cope with what seems to me a hard time in my life. I will continue updating my situations and am going to stick around, you guys have helped me so I think i need to start helping others.
Author tehsensitive1 Posted April 7, 2011 Author Posted April 7, 2011 2 1/2 weeks in NC, i occasionally see her here and there but im not hurting as much. I have really bad days where it hurts and I think too much but the pain is less. Ive been going out with friends, met a new girl that has become my best friend nothing more and she's helped me through the whole ordeal. I don't have hope of getting back together but I still in a way want her back I miss her. I know these feelings will go away eventually but they say it takes time..
JadedAmore Posted April 7, 2011 Posted April 7, 2011 It sounds like with your most recent posts, you're on a good road to recovery. Healing takes a different amount of time with each person, and it's likely going to hurt for quite a while. But as you already seem to know, as time passes, the hurt will lessen and lessen and one day she will be a distant memory. I think it's great you've found a new friend to confide in that's helped you through this. However, make sure that you don't cross the line where she ends up becoming your rebound because you are so desperately looking for comfort. Women love to dote on their men as well, so it might be a line she may try to cross herself. Take your time, allow yourself to heal, and when you feel you're ready -- jump back on into the dating game. Best of luck to you.
Author tehsensitive1 Posted April 25, 2011 Author Posted April 25, 2011 Alright so its been an actual month now and im here for an update. All in all is going well, i've been going out having fun enjoying time with many different friends and putting my self out there more. I thank you guys for the advice and i've learned alot on how to come from loveshack. The pain is still somewhat there, i seldomly need to talk about it but I have my days where it hits home. I can't say I don't love her because I do still but im at that stage where I realize if it really was love she woudn't have walked out so im kinda in resentment... Still randomly confused but overall I got a few days without thinking about her which is good. Thanks again for your replies and I will continue to come back with updates on how long it took me and what I did to get over her, I hope that my updates also help others in need. See ya guys in a week or two cheers!!
Author tehsensitive1 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Posted June 15, 2011 I'm back with an update, its been a while and im here to say that im healing quite well. I'm dating and enjoying the little things in life focusing on work and friends. I admit it was tough and I have those days or the occasional dream but the pain isn't as bad as it use to be. I thank you loveshack for letting me post my emotions and helping me through what I felt was a hard time in my life. I am currently running a few websites, talking to many females just friends though and have been meeting a lot of new people. I'm working and have been kinda spoiling myself making MYSELF happy like you guys told me to. I just got back from San Francisco and had me quite a great time while attending Apple's WWDC. To all those out there going through hard times take it day by day and complete NC will work for you. I have kept it going for 2 1/2 months real complete NO CONTACT and it has helped bunchas. Ill be back sometime loveshack and hopefully I can write a piece on how to get over it for the young and dumb =)
shook187 Posted June 15, 2011 Posted June 15, 2011 buddy your story is THE SAME as mine. except my ex isn't seeing someone else. shes just got G.I.G.S, im 10 days NC. and we've been apart a month. it's hard, but hey, my girl was a model too, and i've had plenty more since. if you wanna talk. yim me Joeyz_ or pm me your facebook we have alot in common.
Author tehsensitive1 Posted July 21, 2011 Author Posted July 21, 2011 Hows it going everyone i'm updating you all once again and this time its been a bit longer than usual since i've come back. Long story short I was with this girl for 4 yrs, back and forth trust issues we grew up and changed into our adulthood... She broke it off more than likely over some school kid closer to her age (Age diff was 18-21). I was devastated as she was my 2nd real love i believe but seriously who knows real love at this young of age anyways.. Anyhow i'm doing great as of right now and I don't think about her much if even at all anymore, well other than tonight since i'm writing about the girl. I think its been 4 to 5 months since i've literally spoken to the cold hearted bizznatch.. I went complete NC a couple of days after joining this forum and boy has it helped. NC is the way to go for complete healing and getting back to being happy with yourself. My complete no contact started with deleting everything about her, complete 300+pic albums, vacation videos, cough naughty videos, everything to our prom pics, our small notes, throwing away her left over clothes... Idk lets just say I took this complete NC 100% to the max. It was hard, i hurt and cried for the first month or so but slowly I became stronger. It was hard not seeing her, nor having pics, or even hearing her voice.. I lost my companion and lover.. I dealt the first few weeks with hanging with friends every day and staying completely busy and it helped. After a couple months she was still in my head but not as much.. The knot in the stomach was still there and I hated hearing about her or seeing her tagged in fbook pictures.. I went through the hate stage "if you loved me you wouldn't have left" kinda thing.. During that time I made many new friends and changed my lifestyle completely. I started dating back and forth making it clear that I was in it for fun not to fall in love, all the ladies understood. Month 4: I seldom think about this chick and to this day I have not received nor tried to have any communication with her.. I'm past the hate stage and when I hear the name or see a pic I dont care much other than a tiny bit of question in it but i've learned to live with it and it will eventually go away. LS helped me and I gratefully thank all the forum goers here who post day in day out their opinions thoughts and past experiences for us to learn. Right now i'm completely happy with my life and the direction im heading. I am currently dating many beautiful women and enjoying being young and dumb =). I run a few sites and work a part time for a living. I own a mercedes, own the house no payments stress free and yes im still young. I realized my potential with the ladies and am doing online college classes... I'm finally preparing for a better future with hopefully the one I truly love.. Tips: if your struggling hang out with friends, talk about it with your close ones.. Not many but we all gotta have that one you can tell it hurts to see her. meet new people! instead of saying no i don't feel like going or its too late.. Just say yes... Seriously if they're like lets go to the bar at 1 am or go to that party at 2 and your sleeping wake your a** up and go out do randomness.. It helps. Face the fact they're gone and won't ever come back. You have to be happy with yourself and before you can forget about them and that means going out, having new hobbies to replace their time etc. I have many many thoughts running through my head but im currently working on my sites.. Well I shoulda been but you guys popped into my head so I cam to say hi. I've been typing too long, im out but i'll come back sometime and update you all on my healing process. I don't believe i'm fully healed at this point but i say a few more months and my heart will be 1 piece once again. To LS and all those out there hurting over a female lady, don't worry everything is gonna be alright time heals all wounds and the man above will help you see it through.
0hpenelope Posted July 21, 2011 Posted July 21, 2011 Thanks for stopping by! Nice to see you're doing well.
MovingOn13 Posted July 22, 2011 Posted July 22, 2011 Good stuff man. Your story struck a cord with mine. I too dated a girl throughout highschool and 1 year of college. We did, however, go to different high schools so we weren't up each others azz all the time. She too felt she was missing out on college...she will be a senior this year...and so things went bad around january. I too, like you, was proactive in starting NC and i deleted her from my life. Fast forward 7 months later, i am at about 85 percent healed. We dated since we were 15 ( now 20 both of us). she sent me a FB friend request a month ago after not hearing or seeing her since the break up. I "not now'ed it" I feel like our age of early twenties, most people don't knwo what they want in a partner and often times who we are as teenagers and who we think we are as early 20 year olds is different and thats why holding a relationship at our age is so difficult, but you live and you learn.
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