WhiskeyLullaby Posted April 16, 2012 Posted April 16, 2012 Hello all, After struggling with this situation for quite some time, I thought I would throw it to the masses. I am currently dating a girl that I have been with off and on with for almost 7 years. We started dating in HS, went to prom together, etc. For the next four years we were off and on. We went to different colleges, and were never really exclusive. After I graduated college, we got back together and have been for 2 years. I had three other gf's throughout college, two of which I had very strong feelings for. The last of the three relationships ended after graduating college. Although I know I shouldn't, I still think about the relationship from college 2 years ago. I haven't contacted her, or let her know that. I don't think I will. The real question is what to do with the HS girlfriend, as she now wants to move in together. She is honest, smart, loyal. We have great sexual chemisty, and have a very healthy sexual relationship. The thing our relationship is lacking that the one I had in college had is the emotional connection. She is not as soft-hearted or nurturing as I would like. I can't 100% say that I love the HS girlfriend like I loved the college one. Yet, I know the HS girl is everything a guy would want in a girl and the college girl was not trustworthy at all. I have a history of not being satisfied or changing things that don't need to be changed. Do I need to put more effort into the current relationship to make it more fullfilling, or should I cut ties for good and move on with my life at age 25? Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.
lv1028 Posted April 17, 2012 Posted April 17, 2012 Really? Most people would be happy with 50% of what you have! You know the 80/20 rule? We may have 80% of what we want in that relationship, but it is the 20% that we want so desperately, will seek it out, and will gladly give up the 80% for the 20%, which could actually only be 10 or 15%. How do you think many affairs start? Would you rather have 80% of something or 20% (or less?). It sounds to me as though you have intimacy issues and can't get close to people. You will find flaws in everyone and will look for the next person only to find flaws in them. I think a little counseling will go a long way. Like you said, it's an emotional issue. Spare her and get the help you need.
Lovely Girl Posted April 18, 2012 Posted April 18, 2012 OMG I was just about to explain the 80/20 rule! But basically like the person above mentioned most people will only get 80% of what they need from their partner. Most people end up leaving a good relationship for the 20% they were lacking. Realizing later the person they ended up with isn't measuring up in other departments. But you can't make something work if there is no chemistry. My advice would be to work it out with your current gf but to befriend the ex BUT NOT BEHIND YOUR GF'S BACK. That way you can get to know the ex for who she really is and realize once and for all that she is or isn't what you really want. Answer mine please. I need a guys input http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/322348-he-asked-my-number-but-he-just-being-nice
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