xztjohn Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I was wondering how does a dumper feeled being ignored. I have been ignoring my ex for 4 months now and am curious to know how she feels if you were trying to contact a person and all you get is complete silence or it goes upon deaf ears. Has anyone been through this experience? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveydove Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 it feels AWFUL. I briefly dated and some what fell for a friend of mine, and after a summer decided I loved and missed my ex. I hurt him so badly, he shunned me completely, and it drove me to insanity. I missed his friendship and his affections so much. But it also made me dislike him, I found it super immature and cold-hearted. It is a double edged sword. In my experience, when it comes to those we love or loved, it is best to take the high road and treat them with respect (it will also make you look better). If you simply cannot be in contact with her bc it is too painful for you (totalllyyyy understandable), politely let her know you do not plan to be in contact. It is much more adult than playing the kindergarten ignoring game. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 oohhhh very interesting. I have been ignoring her for 4 months now, she did some really ****ed up things to me and I have become really bitter towards her cause of it. (we broke up for about 7 months now). Do you think I should open up to her and talk? I mean I could probably talk to her, but I don't want to feel like I am being played. Did that guy ever talk to you ever again? Do you really hate the guy cause of it also? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xztjohn Posted April 12, 2012 Author Share Posted April 12, 2012 I am pretty curious on your guy's opinion on this. Link to post Share on other sites
loveydove Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 He had some setbacks where he would show up at my house and tell me how beautiful I was or something... But I think he knew my heart really belonged to someone else and we would never really be more than friends who happened to be attracted to eachother...I guess on a couple levels. He talked to me a little here and there, and one day I apologized to him for not giving him a chance and planning my life out...as things werent going as planned with my boyfriend at the time...and he cut me off. Never heard from him again. I was never mean to him purposefully, but being in contact with me I think kept him held in a place where he couldnt be happy or move on. And now he has this girlfriend who realllly loves him, and I am sure he doesn't want to mess it up. But I have always thought if he was truly over it, he would be able to at leasr be civil with me. Either that or he is punishing me by refusing to acknowledge my existence. But I know he loved me, and you never really forget someone you love. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 it feels AWFUL. I briefly dated and some what fell for a friend of mine, and after a summer decided I loved and missed my ex. I hurt him so badly, he shunned me completely, and it drove me to insanity. I missed his friendship and his affections so much. But it also made me dislike him, I found it super immature and cold-hearted. It is a double edged sword. In my experience, when it comes to those we love or loved, it is best to take the high road and treat them with respect (it will also make you look better). If you simply cannot be in contact with her bc it is too painful for you (totalllyyyy understandable), politely let her know you do not plan to be in contact. It is much more adult than playing the kindergarten ignoring game. Cracking up here....Treat the dumper with respect? LOL!!!!!! My dumper gets the 'respect' he showed me and does not deserve contact with me. I also ignored. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Do you think I should open up to her and talk? Open up about what? You say she did nasty stuff to you and left you, so what exactly do you need her to know? What do you think it would change by telling her anything? She hurt you and left you, so why should you be the one to "open up" to her? Why do you feel you owe her anything? Be honest, this isn't about wanting to open up, you simply are still in love and want her back, but the person you want back, isn't the person who treated you like dirt and left you. You still have those rose-tinted love specs on and therefore are unable to see her bad side, only the good. For that reason, now is the wrong time to make contact. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatDudeXO Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 it feels AWFUL. I briefly dated and some what fell for a friend of mine, and after a summer decided I loved and missed my ex. I hurt him so badly, he shunned me completely, and it drove me to insanity. I missed his friendship and his affections so much. But it also made me dislike him, I found it super immature and cold-hearted. It is a double edged sword. No it's not immature. Life is all about risks, you risked losing your friend by dating a friend but then you hurt them. When you hurt someone, you risk losing them and that's what happened. It's not immature at all. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
robkris8079 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 I am treating mine with respect by not contacting her. She has sent a couple of texts like "hope we can be friends" and "can I talk to your daughter sometime". Those got no response. But she needed some stuff at my house and I did respond by saying "I'll send them soon as I get a chance". I dumped my ex after a 5 year relationship. She was cold, distant, not coming home, not texting or communicating with me in any way the last two weeks of our relationship. She wanted out and nothing to do with me or my daughter at that time. After 5 freaking years of love and commitment. She was done with me, I'm giving her what she wanted. I want to move on and I can't by talking to her and being a part of her life. Plus I will not let her by my daughter even though she helped raise her because honestly she will not be in her life forever. Once a new bf comes into her life I don't see her still hanging around an ex and his child. Link to post Share on other sites
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Since my last contact was along the lines of "F*** you I hate you go to hell" it has been easier for me to ignore. Still stings, but I have no reason at all to break NC. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 He had some setbacks where he would show up at my house and tell me how beautiful I was or something... But I think he knew my heart really belonged to someone else and we would never really be more than friends who happened to be attracted to eachother...I guess on a couple levels. He talked to me a little here and there, and one day I apologized to him for not giving him a chance and planning my life out...as things werent going as planned with my boyfriend at the time...and he cut me off. Never heard from him again. I was never mean to him purposefully, but being in contact with me I think kept him held in a place where he couldnt be happy or move on. And now he has this girlfriend who realllly loves him, and I am sure he doesn't want to mess it up. But I have always thought if he was truly over it, he would be able to at leasr be civil with me. Either that or he is punishing me by refusing to acknowledge my existence. But I know he loved me, and you never really forget someone you love. "and one day I apologized to him for not giving him a chance and planning my life out...as things werent going as planned with my boyfriend at the time...and he cut me off. Never heard from him again." sounds like he did the right thing to me. typical, ppl missing their exes and reaching out to them only when their own relationships faulter. i'm sure he was tired of being your backup plan. nothing he did sounds child-like, he had good reason to cut you off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveydove Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Cracking up here....Treat the dumper with respect? LOL!!!!!! My dumper gets the 'respect' he showed me and does not deserve contact with me. I also ignored. Wooow you guys, calm down! Geeeze, if you thoroughly read what I wrote, you would know I understand he can't be in contact with me because he needs to be able to move on and it is too painful for him. Of course that is in no way an immature choice, to protect and heal oneself??? I thought it was harsh not to atleast let me know what was going on. A simple, we can't be friends, I would prefer if you didn't contact me anymore, etc. would have sufficed. I think life is too short to hold on to anger and grudges forever that way. ie. she screwed me over so eff her, I'm never going to talk to her again and not even tell her I am doing it! We barely dated. Sometimes things don't work out. And he pursued me very strongly while I was with my boyfriend, which is not that smartest or most respectful thing to do. He begged me to give it a shot, and I did and it didn't work out. I always treated him kindly, and it would have been nice if he had atleast told me to leave him alone. I had no idea if he wanted me to pursue his friendship or give up. It wasn't some huge blow up, we went on some dates. I know people here are hurting, I am hurting soo much right now myself. But have you never dumped anyone before? Went on a few dates and realized that it wasn't a good fit? Do we not have that right? Come on guys. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 Since my last contact was along the lines of "F*** you I hate you go to hell" it has been easier for me to ignore. Still stings, but I have no reason at all to break NC. Yikes! Well like you and I discussed in a different thread, each individual breakup is unique. You certainly didn't have pleasant breakup, so I understand the NC. However I do try to keep in mind that breakups are the hardest thing to go thru, and sometimes we do our worst when going thru them. I never said to a girl F you I hate you go to hell, but I have done plenty that I regret. Try to base your memories on the overall relationship, over one particular event. If that as well elicits horrible memories, sure just walk and never look back. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 who cares how they feel, they dumped you. that means they don't want you in their life anymore. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
robkris8079 Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 who cares how they feel, they dumped you. that means they don't want you in their life anymore. but she does want me in her life. She texted me a month later saying "hope we can be friends" Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 12, 2012 Share Posted April 12, 2012 (edited) Wooow you guys, calm down! Geeeze, if you thoroughly read what I wrote, you would know I understand he can't be in contact with me because he needs to be able to move on and it is too painful for him. Of course that is in no way an immature choice, to protect and heal oneself??? I thought it was harsh not to atleast let me know what was going on. A simple, we can't be friends, I would prefer if you didn't contact me anymore, etc. would have sufficed. I think life is too short to hold on to anger and grudges forever that way. ie. she screwed me over so eff her, I'm never going to talk to her again and not even tell her I am doing it! We barely dated. Sometimes things don't work out. And he pursued me very strongly while I was with my boyfriend, which is not that smartest or most respectful thing to do. He begged me to give it a shot, and I did and it didn't work out. I always treated him kindly, and it would have been nice if he had atleast told me to leave him alone. I had no idea if he wanted me to pursue his friendship or give up. It wasn't some huge blow up, we went on some dates. I know people here are hurting, I am hurting soo much right now myself. But have you never dumped anyone before? Went on a few dates and realized that it wasn't a good fit? Do we not have that right? Come on guys. The dumpee owes the dumper NO explanation. When you dump someone, you release them and they need not let you know how they feel about the dumper contacting them. That is rubbing salt in the dumpee's wounds. You dump someone, don't have the nerve to contact them for anything. Respect them and let them move on. That is how it should be. For a dumper to ask that the dumper would say "I would rather us not talk" is adding insult to injury. The person who was dumped owes dumper nothing. You cannot compare the hurt that a dumpee feels, and if the truth be known, I have no sympathy for a dumper. It's easier for a dumper because you no longer want to pursue something. I've let people go, yes, because it didn't work out, and I certainly didn't try to contact them or have the nerve to think I should do that. the dumper still trying to contact gives the dumpee false hope. Just dump and leave them be. The dumpee has every right to say "eff that person; I will never deal with him/her ever again"; for the dumper to be upset by that is nervy and arrogant. You dump someone and then ask for some kind of consideration; that's what I found laughable. I dropped of the face of the earth after my ex tried contacting me. He dumped me, why was he calling? I moved on and that was that an I certainly wasn't going to say "gee...I'm letting you know that I am no longer going to speak to you"...LOL You want closure from the person you dumped so you can get on with life. It does not work that way. The person who was dumped needs the closure. Edited April 12, 2012 by BewitchedandBothered 2 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 but she does want me in her life. She texted me a month later saying "hope we can be friends" that's because they want to relieve their guilt, and they are hoping you aren't harboring angry feelings toward them. if a dumper wants to be friends, that means they are OVER you and don't want to be with you. problem is, we dumpees often are NOT over them, and stupidly agree to be friends, only to keep torturing ourselves thinking it "means something" when it doesn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
robkris8079 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 that's because they want to relieve their guilt, and they are hoping you aren't harboring angry feelings toward them. if a dumper wants to be friends, that means they are OVER you and don't want to be with you. problem is, we dumpees often are NOT over them, and stupidly agree to be friends, only to keep torturing ourselves thinking it "means something" when it doesn't. Yeah I knew all that. I put the smiley face because I found her text amusing. I didn't take it any other way except exactly the way you said. I don't want to be her friend. Link to post Share on other sites
LZ2000 Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 It is kind of a mixed bag of emotions really. It depends on one's personal situation though. Because you can feel relieved and glad knowing that the source of conflict, tension and disturbance (your ex) is out of the picture and there is a temporal peace left for you to enjoy. On the other hand, you can find yourself heartbroken, torn, disappointed and hopeless at the same time. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 16, 2012 Share Posted April 16, 2012 but she does want me in her life. She texted me a month later saying "hope we can be friends" Mine said: "Maybe down the road, look me up...I really want us to be friends. I never throw anyone away". Um yeah. That really sweetens the pot. Link to post Share on other sites
macardent Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 but she does want me in her life. She texted me a month later saying "hope we can be friends" bro just leave it. She is looking for ego boost.. screw it.. the girl who dumped was not my type but did so many things that made me fall in love with her. she left me 7 months later saying she loves her self more and blah blah. I have dated plenty of goodlooking girls but she was the worst when it came to looks but she had a beautiful heart. She was looking for self confidence by being with me. I hate that.. it does hurt my ego somewhat but i still love her. So bottom line all em girls are looking for ego boosts. so screw it.. move on.. find a hotter girl and rub it in her face!! that should be your motto. I know I can find a better looking girl than my ex shouldnt be hard - that would hurt her ego - and she might start to value me again.. Good Luck to You Link to post Share on other sites
gotye Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 who cares how they feel, they dumped you. that means they don't want you in their life anymore. here, here! They need to understand that you can't be hurt and still be expected to be friendly my ex totally expected that of me even when I politely told him I still wasn't ready to be friends like I owed it to be friends. He hurt me, I owe him nothing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 here, here! They need to understand that you can't be hurt and still be expected to be friendly my ex totally expected that of me even when I politely told him I still wasn't ready to be friends like I owed it to be friends. He hurt me, I owe him nothing. exactly. someone on here once compared this to being fired from a job. your boss fires you, you don't go back to work the next day and hang around like nothing happened. your bf/gf dumps you, you don't go back the next day and hang around like nothing happened. they fired you from the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Phanpooh Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 Cracking up here....Treat the dumper with respect? LOL!!!!!! My dumper gets the 'respect' he showed me and does not deserve contact with me. I also ignored. Respect him, at least he letted you go.... Let anyone else here deal with him! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mridul_chajilee Posted April 17, 2012 Share Posted April 17, 2012 As a dumpee after 2years when i saw my EX in the street i ran towards her but she wanted to run from me,atlast i catched her and say 'HELLO,hw are u?' She replied 'its non of ur bussiness hw i am!' 'Go from here or i will suicide in the road' and i also ran from her.:(From that day i swear that if i found my ex in piblic or in any place i will never call her. Link to post Share on other sites
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