Educated Women/Working women = less interest in men/less interest in dating.

April 11, 2012

I have no idea what strange reality you inhabit, but it's nothing like mine.

There's only one

Kamille is right though, no more derail from me on this topic.

April 11, 2012

excellent post, as usual. men are just as shallow.

Of course they are. They just won't admit it in this theard because it wouldn't give them as many platitudes to defend the idea that women only want money. Of coures, by tomorrow, there is bound to be some kind of thread about how over weight women might as well not go out in public and settle for a life with their cats and how C sized breasts are the most preferred kind of breast, or how cool it is when older men date young hot babes since men are so "visual".

April 11, 2012

While more women tend to be into retail therapy and buying expensive clothes I know my share of men who think that anybody who is not some spoiled yuppy who lives in a gated community is a piece of trash. I just can't spoiled yuppies who think they are superior.

April 11, 2012

Of course they are. They just won't admit it in this theard because it wouldn't give them as many platitudes to defend the idea that women only want money. Of coures, by tomorrow, there is bound to be some kind of thread about how over weight women might as well not go out in public and settle for a life with their cats and how C sized breasts are the most preferred kind of breast, or how cool it is when older men date young hot babes since men are so "visual".

Now now DY, don't be so reactionary

There is a somewhat equal amount of superficiality and shallowness among both genders. I wouldn't trace it to gender, or even too much a cultural one......class maybe. I just think some individuals are predisposed to be that way.

As for the OP, I find that educated women who are refined in taste tend to swing both ways, as do unemployed, under-educated women.

April 11, 2012

I find that educated women . . . tend to swing both ways . . . .

Really??? Tell us more.

And don't leave out any details!!!!

April 11, 2012

Really??? Tell us more.

And don't leave out any details!!!!

Well you see.....when it hits a certain hour and their SOs go to sleep they sneak out and go to little dens in Soho and they have these strap-ons....

April 12, 2012

"Well you see.....when it hits a certain hour and their SOs go to sleep they sneak out and go to little dens in Soho and they have these strap-ons...."

You talking about LESBIANS? My favorite subject??? Great

cause yes.. I agree.

April 12, 2012

Yes and many of these women are kind of bad for relationships imo.

April 12, 2012

I cannot count how many times men start to become quarrelsome as soon as they hear what my professional and educational record is (and I am not mentioning it to brag but if someone asks me what I do for a living I will not lie about it). They start to challenge and to provoke. Now they should know that educated women don't like their intelligence be insulted so if no matter who starts to say stupid things, they will correct them. Which BTW seems to be more respectful than just let someone utter BS.
A good deal of men seem threatened or intimidated when they meet an educated woman and feel the need to put her "in her place". Well such a man will have it coming of course.

When an educated woman dates she wants to have a relaxing time with a guy who appreciates her for who she is, education included. She wants to feel safe and she certainly does not want the hostility of a man who feels threatened in his masculinity just because she happens to have worked hard to get a degree.

The average teacher doesn't earn THAT much as far as I've heard from some of my old teachers, but do you think a high earning female look down on a guy for choosing to follow such a passion rather than going for an accounting job or some sort of law/financial/business route? I doubt it. Even if she would care, why should the dude she's rejecting? She's no better than him for her choices. Her loss.

(I know what you'd say, they obviously would if they didn't care all that much)

I believe that working towards a degree is hard work, and I also believe that busting your ass doing physical labor is hard work. Not all hard work yields validating degrees.

I also don't understand why a guy would try to challenge a woman (or man's) intelligence.. It's not something that can easily (IF it was ever/is possible to accurately measure) be "quantified", so what's the issue?

I guess they assume that the woman will look down on them for not having the same degree? But how does having a degree in a specific subject make one mentally superior, overall? It just means they chose to learn about that particular subject. Doesn't mean they know jack **** about anything else, or that a guy with no degree couldn't.

April 12, 2012

It seems to me that this is true.

It seems that way to you based on what? Do you have personal or anecdotal experiences to back this up? Arent you the guy who creates threads about how you cannot attain a woman? So how would you have such insight into the dating life of professional women?

Even if the women try to date, they often fail because they don't really want to give up anything in their career life.

You can easily date and have a career. Many people do it, male or female.

They also always feel like competing with men so they don't want to be feminine or anytihing and they always feel like if they start dating that that is going backwards and giving up their power.

What does working have to do with being feminine? Tons of working women are feminine, even if they do feel they have to compete with men in the professional world.

And many of these career/education women often end up; in their 40's or 50's going to dating sites cause theyspent all their youth in their careers.

Source to back up this claim?

Last I checked women in their 40s and 50s go on dating websites because they are usually divorced and looking for a decent guy, not because they spent their entire 20s and 30s on their career.

Fail thread is fail.

April 12, 2012

I would rather live in the projects than live in one of those Mcmansion filled suburbs. I went to my former bosses gated community once to bring something to his Mcmansion and the vibe in the neighborhood just felt so soulless and lifeless. It just felt dead and sterile. Give me my house in a loud neighborhood any day.

April 12, 2012

The average teacher doesn't earn THAT much as far as I've heard from some of my old teachers, but do you think a high earning female look down on a guy for choosing to follow such a passion rather than going for an accounting job or some sort of law/financial/business route? I doubt it. Even if she would care, why should the dude she's rejecting? She's no better than him for her choices. Her loss.

(I know what you'd say, they obviously would if they didn't care all that much)

I believe that working towards a degree is hard work, and I also believe that busting your ass doing physical labor is hard work. Not all hard work yields validating degrees.

I also don't understand why a guy would try to challenge a woman (or man's) intelligence.. It's not something that can easily (IF it was ever/is possible to accurately measure) be "quantified", so what's the issue?

I guess they assume that the woman will look down on them for not having the same degree? But how does having a degree in a specific subject make one mentally superior, overall? It just means they chose to learn about that particular subject. Doesn't mean they know jack **** about anything else, or that a guy with no degree couldn't.

Why do you quote my post? Seriously, is what you write here a reaction to my post? It seems to have little to do with it.

I am not rejecting anyone. But I also don't want to be rejected or be on the receiving end of negative/hostile behaviour because of my eduction/profession.

April 12, 2012

The average teacher doesn't earn THAT much as far as I've heard from some of my old teachers, but do you think a high earning female look down on a guy for choosing to follow such a passion rather than going for an accounting job or some sort of law/financial/business route? I doubt it.

Honestly, there aren't many male teachers at my old schools (I was a teacher) or that I know, but those I do are all married. Most of their wives are educated, career women. One has a teacher wife who he met in college, that I know of, but from what I know of the others' careers, they probably make more than teachers here. One's wife is a CFO of a pretty large company.

I also know some men with less-powered careers who are partial SAHDs or who gave up their careers for the moment to be SAHDs.

I do think it's actually a little hard for two people with VERY high-powered, time-consuming careers to juggle things (I would imagine it'd be possible, particularly without kids, but it seems more stressful and difficult). At least one person has to be willing to sacrifice (it's better if both are willing to sacrifice a little, at various times), in many cases, but there's plenty of reason to believe men today are willing to be that partner when they marry high-powered women. That's a great trend - men and women both have more choices.

Of course, most educated women with careers don't have high-powered, time-consuming careers, just as most educated men with careers don't have those. That's a life choice. Both hubby and I are educated and have good, solid careers -- he's a manager and a programmer, has a B.S.; I'm the director of a nonprofit foundation, working on a PhD. Neither of us has particularly high-powered or time-consuming careers, though. They can be time-consuming at times, of course, but not continuously.

April 12, 2012

It just depends on an person's priorities. Some are career oriented and put relationships on the backburner. Some find an equal balance and find ways to be happy with both aspects of their lives.

Find someone who's priorities are similiar to your own.

This pretty much hits the nail on the head.

At my work I've seen four types of women:

a) Women who simply want to find love, no matter what income variations exist.

b) Women who simply want a guy who is "better" than a lowly retail/blue-collar worker, and they feel their college degrees and careers entitle them to it.

c) Women who are very "gold digger", where they feel their college degrees means they only "deserve" doctors, lawyers, and executives. So the average office worker isn't "good enough".

d) Women who are very career-driven. They would love to find Mr Right, but their careers mean more...thus it creates conflicts when guys come along who want her to slow down and have a family with him. They're often seeing things as "I need a man who can convince me to back off my career".

I also think many of the 40 and 50 somethings on dating sites are divorcees, not career women who kept the bar too high and now are still single. I think a few of those exist in OLD, but not as many as you might think.

April 12, 2012

I have always been attracted to super-educated women and being relatively successful myself, there hasn't been any issue of disparity as far as dating was concerned. In big cities like NY, London etc, I think there seems to be certain professions which congregate around eachother. The three obvious that come to mind are doctors, lawyers, and finance people for obvious reasons (money, difficult to get into, status etc).

Now have said all that, I will be the first to say that very successful women are by no means all the same. I dated a very successful girl who was super sweet, and super considerate and treated me better than any girl ever did. Unfortunately, I became bored in the relationship and my interest waned after a period of time. I've also gone out with the type who were super pedigree'd and wanted that in her man. I think that was her conditioning having come from parents who went to ivy league schools and so everything to her was where do you work and what are your future prospects. Funny thing is she wasn't really 'materialistic'. She was happy to go to dive restaurants and didn't even care how much I made. For her it was the status and pedigree. The 'educated accomplished' couple was her drive I think. The type that is most difficult to figure out and date (for me anyways) is the in between. The ones who come from a modest background, who really made it on their own, but never got attached to the trappings of success. That is my story also, so I relate most to this third category. Thing is though, in my experience, I don't think the woman needs her man to be as successful but it does get difficult to sustain when the man acts much weaker (ie shows clinginess, dependence etc). I fell into that trap recently, where I became too accomodating and clingy and the girl's attraction fell through the floor for me. So i think it's more about a basic human desire to want a person who shows inner strength, especially when she is testing you (and she may not do it consciously). Same goes for guys. I would beg that first girl above to stick up for herself and not let me have my way, but she was so afraid of losing me she always caved in, and the more she did the less attracted I became to her. It was ironic, because her colleagues at work thought she was super woman and she presented at various leadership seminars etc.

I would say both men and women want something slightly challenging and worth it but not something taxing and draining (not fun when you have the challenge of a hectic work life and a second job of babysitting an annoying partner).

Though I will add two points here. One is, there are some very patriarchal guys I know who want that very submissive, diminutive woman and they love total subservience. Second point is, I think basic biology makes delaying some decisions very difficult. In other words, if you don't care about having children of your own one day, then it doesn't matter when you get married or settle down. If you do, then it gets tricky as a woman approaches her late 30s and 40s because then trying to have a kid or birth defects become an issue. Though i will also add old sperm has it's own issues so I won't say only women need to worry about that

April 12, 2012

I have always been attracted to super-educated women and being relatively successful myself, there hasn't been any issue of disparity as far as dating was concerned. In big cities like NY, London etc, I think there seems to be certain professions which congregate around eachother. The three obvious that come to mind are doctors, lawyers, and finance people for obvious reasons (money, difficult to get into, status etc).

Now have said all that, I will be the first to say that very successful women are by no means all the same. I dated a very successful girl who was super sweet, and super considerate and treated me better than any girl ever did. Unfortunately, I became bored in the relationship and my interest waned after a period of time. I've also gone out with the type who were super pedigree'd and wanted that in her man. I think that was her conditioning having come from parents who went to ivy league schools and so everything to her was where do you work and what are your future prospects. Funny thing is she wasn't really 'materialistic'. She was happy to go to dive restaurants and didn't even care how much I made. For her it was the status and pedigree. The 'educated accomplished' couple was her drive I think. The type that is most difficult to figure out and date (for me anyways) is the in between. The ones who come from a modest background, who really made it on their own, but never got attached to the trappings of success. That is my story also, so I relate most to this third category. Thing is though, in my experience, I don't think the woman needs her man to be as successful but it does get difficult to sustain when the man acts much weaker (ie shows clinginess, dependence etc). I fell into that trap recently, where I became too accomodating and clingy and the girl's attraction fell through the floor for me. So i think it's more about a basic human desire to want a person who shows inner strength, especially when she is testing you (and she may not do it consciously). Same goes for guys. I would beg that first girl above to stick up for herself and not let me have my way, but she was so afraid of losing me she always caved in, and the more she did the less attracted I became to her. It was ironic, because her colleagues at work thought she was super woman and she presented at various leadership seminars etc.

I would say both men and women want something slightly challenging and worth it but not something taxing and draining (not fun when you have the challenge of a hectic work life and a second job of babysitting an annoying partner).

Though I will add two points here. One is, there are some very patriarchal guys I know who want that very submissive, diminutive woman and they love total subservience. Second point is, I think basic biology makes delaying some decisions very difficult. In other words, if you don't care about having children of your own one day, then it doesn't matter when you get married or settle down. If you do, then it gets tricky as a woman approaches her late 30s and 40s because then trying to have a kid or birth defects become an issue. Though i will also add old sperm has it's own issues so I won't say only women need to worry about that

What a delightfully even-handed post. Are you sure you're on the right forum?

Seriously, though, I agree with you and with those who said that it's just a matter of individual variation and personal priorities. Some "working women" -- just like some "working men" -- make their careers their priorities, some make their relationships their priorities, and some seek some sort of balance. People are people.

And I also agree with kaylan, who noted up above that the OP is making sweeping statements about people of whom he has no first-hand knowledge. Odd. For a while I took quietGuy at face value, but after this and a couple of other recent threads, I am starting to not believe that quietGuy is what he says he is.

April 12, 2012

I would say one more thing which is seriously altering people's perception of a suitable match. Achievement oriented people have to develop a set of traits to get where they want to be in their careers. So it's all about drive, hunger, hard work, figuring out what the optimal steps are, best places to work etc etc

Unfortunately, and I have to admit I suffer from this as well, we start to apply that same OCD method to pick a partner. There's nothing wrong with that but when you try to optimize around a list of criteria like education, job title, etc, you end up meeting a bunch of people that objectively look good on paper, but are not necessarily compatible when it comes to heart-level issues. It's pretty f**ked up but basically we're dating resumes and not people anymore (or at least among the yuppie crowd in major cities that I know do this). Then before you know it, you are in a crappy relationship with a ivy league douche and conversation sucks or he/she has the feelings of a cyborb, and you stick it out because it 'fits' so well. I call these mergers and not relationships. We look for synergies and not true connections.

Again, i'm being very blunt by saying i myself am making this mistake. I try not to, but the very traits that got me the best education and jobs is the very traits that now are hurting my ability to just meet a great girl who I really have a great loving relationship with. And I suspect a lot of successful women do the same things as guys do in this regard.

April 12, 2012

Hmmm. This reminds me of all the 50+ year old men on dating sites that decided at 45 that they'd selfishly lived for themselves their whole lives and now suddenly they want to marry and have kids.

Most of their marriages to their younger 30-something year old wives didn't work out, so now the dating sites are peppered with 50-57 year old men who have two or three kids under the age of 10. And they're bitter as hell

....and expect a baggage-free woman at least 20 - 30 years their junior. so disillusional

This pretty much hits the nail on the head.

At my work I've seen four types of women:

a) Women who simply want to find love, no matter what income variations exist.

b) Women who simply want a guy who is "better" than a lowly retail/blue-collar worker, and they feel their college degrees and careers entitle them to it.

c) Women who are very "gold digger", where they feel their college degrees means they only "deserve" doctors, lawyers, and executives. So the average office worker isn't "good enough".

i work with doctors and don't understand what the big deal is about them. i can confidently say that the majority of doctors are the most self-centered, arrogant, narcissistic, autistic and sociopathic people i've ever met.

on a side note, i belong in group a).

April 12, 2012

Commenting only on the thread title, IMO and IME it has been more a factor of less focus on and less time spent pursuing dating and romance, necessarily because the focus has been on education and career. Such were/are the person's style of prioritizing. I see it as a neutral. A choice.

April 12, 2012

Really??? Tell us more.

And don't leave out any details!!!!

such a typical predictable male response....

April 12, 2012

It seems that way to you based on what? Do you have personal or anecdotal experiences to back this up? Arent you the guy who creates threads about how you cannot attain a woman? So how would you have such insight into the dating life of professional women?

Were you really expecting better from THIS poster?

April 12, 2012

Just like I don't see the point in men angsting over how incompatible they would be with career women, I don't see the point in women resenting their points of view.

There are clearly men out there who understand and dig educated career-focused women. Not all of them do. Why waste energy on people we're not compatible with from the get go?

April 12, 2012

Just like I don't see the point in men angsting over how incompatible they would be with career women, I don't see the point in women resenting their points of view.

There are clearly men out there who understand and dig educated career-focused women. Not all of them do. Why waste energy on people we're not compatible with from the get go?

I don't think anyone has done that in this thread, but I agree with you. Of course, it's fine not to want to date a woman (or a man, frankly) who's career-focused and educated. I think it's a little bit silly to try to say that that large subset of women (or men) are uninterested in dating, undateable, not desired by any, etc, etc. If instead, one wants to say, "I don't want to date educated, career-oriented women," that seems normal, like anything else. I never wanted, for instance, to date someone who was uneducated. We all have our things we want.

I'm totally cool with all the guys of the world who preemptively rejected me and never contacted me because I had a Masters degree and had the nerve to post that I had an MA and was working on a PhD on my OKC profile, for instance. And hubby loved that this was the case, so it worked out for me. Finding someone compatible is the whole goal -- and people can want what they want, whatever it is, for sure!

April 12, 2012

I'm totally cool with all the guys of the world who preemptively rejected me and never contacted me because I had a Masters degree and had the nerve to post that I had an MA and was working on a PhD on my OKC profile, for instance. And hubby loved that this was the case, so it worked out for me. Finding someone compatible is the whole goal -- and people can want what they want, whatever it is, for sure!

Precisely - it's all about compatibility. It never fails to amuse me how some people feel the need to call certain preferences, as a whole, 'absurd', 'silly', or 'entitled', while other preferences are perfectly fine and reasonable. IMO, if a person absolutely wants to date a professional athlete with a PhD who earns $1m/year and looks like a demigod(dess), good for him/her. Just don't complain if it proves to be difficult to find one.

April 12, 2012

I don't think anyone has done that in this thread, but I agree with you. Of course, it's fine not to want to date a woman (or a man, frankly) who's career-focused and educated. I think it's a little bit silly to try to say that that large subset of women (or men) are uninterested in dating, undateable, not desired by any, etc, etc. If instead, one wants to say, "I don't want to date educated, career-oriented women," that seems normal, like anything else. I never wanted, for instance, to date someone who was uneducated. We all have our things we want.

I'm totally cool with all the guys of the world who preemptively rejected me and never contacted me because I had a Masters degree and had the nerve to post that I had an MA and was working on a PhD on my OKC profile, for instance. And hubby loved that this was the case, so it worked out for me. Finding someone compatible is the whole goal -- and people can want what they want, whatever it is, for sure!

I can't help but feel that all this raging on and on about who's the shallow-est sex and who'll have it worse in their 40s and 50s is in-built resentment based on over-arching generalizations. Stop paying attention that what you don't want and start focusing on what you do want, know what I mean ?

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Educated Women/Working women = less interest in men/less interest in dating.

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