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Has anyone here ever had a reconciliation? Or snapped out of GIGS?

loveydove

By loveydove
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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loveydove Established Member

loveydove

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Posted

I'm wondering people's experience with reconciliation. Even though I am doing my best to move on, there is still some hope inside me, and I find it encouraging to know that you never know what the future holds. Has anyone here successfully gotten their ex back? anyone who went through GIGS and how you snapped out of it? I'd love to hear your stories.

Mr Scorpio Established Member

Mr Scorpio

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Short verson. Dated my ex for two years before she dumped me. I went NC and first heard from her in a significant (non-rent/bill/lease) fashion a year later. I had no reason to believe she was single, and I had no interest in talking to her as "friends" so I didn't reply.

 

A year later she contacted me again, this time leaving a voicemail on a Saturday night. To me, that was a big blinking red sign that said "vacancy". So, I e-mailed her back a few weeks later. We exchanged a few e-mails and then I called her almost 2 years ago to the day.

 

We wound up starting an FWB relationship that night, which then slowly progressed into getting back together... which then quickly progressed to her dumping me a second time six weeks later.

 

Turned out that while she was deciding if she wanted to get back together with me, she was chatting it up with guys she had met on a dating site. Be careful what you wish for.

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

Posted
Posted
Short verson. Dated my ex for two years before she dumped me. I went NC and first heard from her in a significant (non-rent/bill/lease) fashion a year later. I had no reason to believe she was single, and I had no interest in talking to her as "friends" so I didn't reply.

 

A year later she contacted me again, this time leaving a voicemail on a Saturday night. To me, that was a big blinking red sign that said "vacancy". So, I e-mailed her back a few weeks later. We exchanged a few e-mails and then I called her almost 2 years ago to the day.

 

We wound up starting an FWB relationship that night, which then slowly progressed into getting back together... which then quickly progressed to her dumping me a second time six weeks later.

 

Turned out that while she was deciding if she wanted to get back together with me, she was chatting it up with guys she had met on a dating site. Be careful what you wish for.

 

Haha, the dreaded BOUNCE of GIGS, phase 4. I am going to write a thread dealing with it if my ex ever snaps out of it.

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wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

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There are several people on this forum that have "SNAPPED" out of it and woke up.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/309202-so-here

 

I was one of them, at the time, I had no idea I was going through it, if you just read my posts and thought processes, this is what it is like dealing with someone at the beginning of phase 4, very ego, very self centered, bounces around a lot. I quit posting there because I am now able to process my own thoughts and my own bouncing in my head.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/312214-my-gigs-experience-consequences-my-actions

 

This is a girl, that I talk to every now and then that snapped out as well, for the forum sake her name is "Roberta"

 

---------------------------------------

 

The overall process is not fun... i see several posters on the forum now going through it and I enjoy watching their thought process in dealing with this. They dont even know they are going through it.

Edited by wilsonx
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EmergenC Member

EmergenC

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I'm pretty sure my ex has just gone down the path of GIGS. I posted my story here just yesterday.

 

I'm actually 4 months on from my break, doing good so far, strict NC since I found out she'd gone straight into another relationship.

 

Thought i'd start an account here because you guys seem to be GIGS experts!

lalalandman Established Member

lalalandman

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Wilson, you are part of the inspiration I have left that keeps me coming here to LS. You know what that is? Waiting for you to give up on GIGS.

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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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I'm starting to think I wouldn't ever want my ex boyfriend back-if he really has GIGS.It makes me sick!I might feel differently in a few minutes or a few days but yeah...makes me sick to think about it.

 

I'd love to hear a real happy reconciliation story myself...

Nohbody Established Member

Nohbody

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I'd love to hear a real happy reconciliation story myself...

 

I'd love to see a Unicorn and a Narwhal have a fencing match.

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robkris8079 Established Member

robkris8079

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I can show you a happy gigs reconciliation story! Just have to read my thread on here. But make sure you stop reading right before the 8 months passed and she re-gig'd. Or whatever she did. :D

dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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Thanks for the affirmation Nohbody & Robkris,

 

I'm beginning the see the truth in all of this.

GIGS is totally understandable for someone in their teens or 20's,they just haven't experienced enough to be able to have a commited relationship.

 

Waiting for an older person to snap out of GIGS is just fooling yourself to have your heart trampled on over & over again(if you do get the chance to have it trampled on again)It's just nice way of making an excuse for an emotionally unavailable person...or a sex addict...or a cheather.If someone is really worth your love,they would never get GIGS in the first place.

 

I hope someone can prove me wrong

wilsonx Established Member

wilsonx

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Facts are skewed a bit. Not everyone goes through it. It's not an excuse for their behavior either. You can't stop yourself from getting it. It leaves a nasty emotional scar. And they get it because they loved you in the first place but deep down, something is missing from them and they don't know what it is so they go looking for it.

Phanpooh Established Member

Phanpooh

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I believe about GIGS things, i had it. But that is just a reason for breaking up! and there is tons of reason for that too.

I dun give a false hope here, i dun give any advise here, in fact, when they leave you, you MUST know that: that is over! cause they hurt you and they really mean it, they don't care about you! why you r here, waiting for a reconcile? in other hand, they accepted that: " you lost a person who DO NOT love you, but your exes lost someone who truly love them"

let me tell you a simple story:

at that day, a bird can't fly and he fell on road. Suddenly, a cow poop on him, and that shi t warm him a little bit.

a lesson: shi t isn't bad > BU isn't a worst, that make you stronger then

not everyone shi t on you is a bad person, they sometime not care about the place they pooped

so learn your lesson and if they come back, at least make sure you forgive them, and say thank them for a chance to " let you live your own life by yourself"

we don't include someone in our life, even your shadow could leave you alone in the dark.

Love isn't there, after BU. take your self-respect back, you laid your heart, your soul on their hand and they throw it away, then you easily give it to them again?

80% think that is stupid and lost respect on you

20% think they are lucky and boots their ego

GIGS or not, LOVE or not? BU still mean BU, they are now strangers, don't want your name on their list and tell me, do you want to be with some strangers ? share your life? if they want you back, they will do everything to make it be. remember at the first time you were in a relationship, how easy it was to talk, to date? and now?

Edited by Phanpooh
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dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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Facts are skewed a bit. Not everyone goes through it. It's not an excuse for their behavior either. You can't stop yourself from getting it. It leaves a nasty emotional scar. And they get it because they loved you in the first place but deep down, something is missing from them and they don't know what it is so they go looking for it.

 

I understand where you're coming from but , the end of the story will always remain the same. They broke up with you once & they will break up with you again! You are just a safety net, while they search for whatever the hell they think they are looking for.

 

So all in all...they're emotionally unavailable, a sex addict, a cheater - or maybe just young.(The human brain isn't even fully developed till the age of 26 or 27) so I give those people a pass.They are allowed to have GIGS & should have it.

 

Otherwise...we need to get over these people! The fact that they didn't want us makes them fundamentally incompatible.

 

P.S.

Can you guys tell I'm in the anger phase today? I hope I can stay mad! Lol :)

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gibson Established Member

gibson

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It's just nice way of making an excuse for an emotionally unavailable person...or a sex addict...or a cheater.

 

Really?

 

So somebody who started dating someone and even though it is for a very long time (let's say 20 - 27)... is not emotionally unavailable, sex addict or cheater because they no longer want to be that person?

 

When did dating or a relationship (even a long one) become marriage?

 

If someone is really worth your love, they would never get GIGS in the first place.

 

So you and your first love, are married?

 

If someone loves us or we love them, we / they are now "married" / stuck with that person forever no matter what?

 

You do know that people change, their feelings change and love is a choice right?

 

I'm not sure about the rest of you guys but I didn't know who I was, what I wanted or what love was till I was in my late 20s. I didn't even consider marriage until I was in my late 20s because I never felt "settled", I wanted to have my career going, I knew I was still immature, I wasn't prepared to make a lifetime to commitment to someone, etc. I also found that the women I was dating or in a LTR felt the same way.

 

It's not to say that me or the women I dated and where in LTRs with could not be one of the "ones"... One of us (sometimes them and sometimes me) were just not "there" yet. It was bad timing more than anything.

 

There is nothing wrong with having G.I.G.S.... If you are not ready, not sure, want to have some fun, want experience life outside of a relationship, want to see what is out there, focus on school, focus on career, travel, etc. and need / want to end a relationship... how is that wrong?

 

I don't confuse dating and a relationship with marriage so the whole till death due us part isn't applicable.

 

Plus, who wants to be with someone that is no longer sure or doesn't want to be with you any longer? I honestly don't get that.

 

For me, a break up is a success story. Two people that "courted" one another and for whatever reason (and there is no right or wrong reason), one or both of us wanted / needed it to end. The alternative, you stay with someone who doesn't want you or you don't want them. Or worse, you marry and it ends in divorce and most likely with kids involved.

Edited by gibson
dsw31 Established Member

dsw31

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Really?

 

So somebody who started dating someone and even though it is for a very long time (let's say 20 - 27)... is not emotionally unavailable, sex addict or cheater because they no longer want to be that person?

 

When did dating or a relationship (even a long one) become marriage?

 

 

 

So you and your first love, are married?

 

If someone loves us or we love them, we / they are now "married" / stuck with that person forever no matter what?

 

You do know that people change, their feelings change and love is a choice right?

 

I'm not sure about the rest of you guys but I didn't know who I was, what I wanted or what love was till I was in my late 20s. I didn't even consider marriage until I was in my late 20s because I never felt "settled", I wanted to have my career going, I knew I was still immature, I wasn't prepared to make a lifetime to commitment to someone, etc. I also found that the women I was dating or in a LTR felt the same way.

 

It's not to say that me or the women I dated and where in LTRs with could not be one of the "ones"... One of us (sometimes them and sometimes me) were just not "there" yet. It was bad timing more than anything.

 

There is nothing wrong with having G.I.G.S.... If you are not ready, not sure, want to have some fun, want experience life outside of a relationship, want to see what is out there, focus on school, focus on career, travel, etc. and need / want to end a relationship... how is that wrong?

 

I don't confuse dating and a relationship with marriage so the whole till death due us part isn't applicable.

 

Plus, who wants to be with someone that is no longer sure or doesn't want to be with you any longer? I honestly don't get that.

 

For me, a break up is a success story. Two people that "courted" one another and for whatever reason (and there is no right or wrong reason), one or both of us wanted / needed it to end. The alternative, you stay with someone who doesn't want you or you don't want them. Or worse, you marry and it ends in divorce and most likely with kids involved.

That's exactly my point.I said you when you are in your 20's, that's perfectly fine & it shouldn't even be called GIGS.I should be called finally growing up.Otherwise...If you are over 28 & someone is GIGSing on you-don't let them do it again.It's the only way they'll learn that you are not a doormat.

Phanpooh Established Member

Phanpooh

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This thread is going to be hot :) i like this :D where is mokey ? come here and have fun

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loveydove Established Member

loveydove

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so noone has a reconciliation story....

Kamila Established Member

Kamila

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I'm wondering people's experience with reconciliation. Even though I am doing my best to move on, there is still some hope inside me, and I find it encouraging to know that you never know what the future holds. Has anyone here successfully gotten their ex back? anyone who went through GIGS and how you snapped out of it? I'd love to hear your stories.

 

Partners with GIGS don't know what they want. They are unsatisfied with what they have.

 

You could be the perfect bf/gf, it wouldn't matter, because you'll remind them of what they perceive they aren't.

 

And that feeling of uncertainty and low self-esteem spreads to the relationship, to the extend of selfdestruction.

 

Going out with someone else is just a way to erase that feeling of unhappiness.

 

They are looking for something, or just looking for the fun of it.

 

I think someone snaps out of GIGS the moment they accept themselves as unperfect. It's all part of growing up.

 

A hope story:

A woman lacked some commitment from a man she dated for years.

So she ended it and told him that she wanted more from him (hint: marriage).

They kept low contact for about a year.

Eventually, he couldn't live without her and accepted to take the big step with her.

He was afraid of losing his freedom when he was with her.

But by not being with the woman he loved, he felt like he was in prison.

Awwwwwwwwwww :love:

 

You can't force someone to be with you. But you can make the decision to let go.

Phanpooh Established Member

Phanpooh

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story about my first ex and i think she had GIGS ^_^ that girl is "mine" forever! and i will tell you how i treat a GIGS ex...

8y ago, i met her

at begin, i didn't notice about her, she is a hot girl, a good and always there is boys, who would "die" for her...

at first, i put her in friendzone and then we both like eachother, after 3months, we jumped in relationship. in middle honeymoon-phase, i saw sth wrong with her. she is with me but showed a sigh not committing, she enjoy the fact that around her were tons of boys ( until this day, there are always somebody around her)... i was afraid of that and i let her go.

in next 3m, im a brokenheart and she just enjoy her life, and at the end, she got a rebound, he treated her very well. just like every dumper, it hitted me hardly but then i quickly learned my lesson and put a COLD NC.

after she dumped that rebound, she want me back, i ignored it

Year later, she didn't talk to me and i don't care about it, i still "love" her but i was moving on and i didn't look back, in fact i thought i'm not good enough for her and she deserve more.

2y after break-up, i got GIGS ( and still today), and she just out of my life....

then suddenly year later, i met her again, i swore, at that time, if she crawl back, i will be with her FOREVER and never let her go again... but she didn't! and i hide myself from her again.

and 4y ago, i left my hometown, and she sent me a tears song, that a suck song but made me crying.... but then we know, we r not mean to be but at least we loved eachother once time....

after 8y, sometime i called her, to talk, to share our emotional and our story-line... She is single, and doing great! She want a reconciliation if that is possible, for me, i don't love her that much ^_^

she said she still love me, there aren't anyone treat her better than i did, ( but i didn't do anything for her) but that doesn't mean we want a relationship again. this isn't a happy ending but it's a good ending and we both need it

Edited by Phanpooh
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loveydove Established Member

loveydove

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Posted
story about my first ex and i think she had GIGS ^_^ that girl is "mine" forever! and i will tell you how i treat a GIGS ex...

8y ago, i met her

at begin, i didn't notice about her, she is a hot girl, a good and always there is boys, who would "die" for her...

at first, i put her in friendzone and then we both like eachother, after 3months, we jumped in relationship. in middle honeymoon-phase, i saw sth wrong with her. she is with me but showed a sigh not committing, she enjoy the fact that around her were tons of boys ( until this day, there are always somebody around her)... i was afraid of that and i let her go.

in next 3m, im a brokenheart and she just enjoy her life, and at the end, she got a rebound, he treated her very well. just like every dumper, it hitted me hardly but then i quickly learned my lesson and put a COLD NC.

after she dumped that rebound, she want me back, i ignored it

Year later, she didn't talk to me and i don't care about it, i still "love" her but i was moving on and i didn't look back, in fact i thought i'm not good enough for her and she deserve more.

2y after break-up, i got GIGS ( and still today), and she just out of my life....

then suddenly year later, i met her again, i swore, at that time, if she crawl back, i will be with her FOREVER and never let her go again... but she didn't! and i hide myself from her again.

and 4y ago, i left my hometown, and she sent me a tears song, that a suck song but made me crying.... but then we know, we r not mean to be but at least we loved eachother once time....

after 8y, sometime i called her, to talk, to share our emotional and our story-line... She is single, and doing great! She want a reconciliation if that is possible, for me, i don't love her that much ^_^

she said she still love me, there aren't anyone treat her better than i did, ( but i didn't do anything for her) but that doesn't mean we want a relationship again. this isn't a happy ending but it's a good ending and we both need it

 

This is the most confusing story ever and I'm not sure what to make of it. It doesnt sound like love to me...you only dated 3 months and never came back to each other?

Nanette New Member

Nanette

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Seperated from my spouse and we both went to counseling for 6 weeks then got back together continued counseling, still together. When there is a break up there is a reason and you have to deal with it to make it possible to move forward together or apart.

  • Like 1
gibson Established Member

gibson

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Posted (edited)
That's exactly my point.I said you when you are in your 20's, that's perfectly fine & it shouldn't even be called GIGS.I should be called finally growing up.Otherwise...If you are over 28 & someone is GIGSing on you-don't let them do it again.It's the only way they'll learn that you are not a doormat.

 

Not being a doormat is easy...

 

Having firm boundaries, knowing your self-worth, having self-esteem, having self-respect, loving yourself, being true to want you want / need, accepting nothing less than you deserve, etc.

 

As far as giving someone a second chance (G.I.G.S. or not) is concerned...

 

If you have / do the things above, you will not have any problems determining and making the correct decision on whether or not the person has matured, changed, learned from their mistakes, etc.

 

An example of what I am talking about...

 

My G.I.G.S. Ex has come back twice over the last 2+ years (her last attempt was this 4 months ago) and asked for a second chance. Although she meant well and probably believed and wanted to be ready... I quickly was able to determine just by talking to her that what she was saying didn't line up with where she was at, her lifestyle, her thought process, her actions, etc.

 

I was not interested, hurt or affected by her second chance attempts because I didn't compromise, try to "fix" her, change her, try to get her where she needed to be, convince, etc. I was true to myself, what I wanted / needed and my Ex wasn't it. Also, knowing what I know about G.I.G.S.... My Ex isn't going to what I want and what I am looking for, for a long time.

 

My Ex wasn't looking to pull one over on me. She knows what I am looking for, what I want and knows that I am not going to accept or take anything less. All she was hoping for is that I would come live in her world and be okay with that lifestyle / "scene". For me, I left that lifestyle / "scene" a long time ago, I no longer enjoy it and I want no part of it.

 

Now my Ex wasn't happy at first but after some thought, she agreed with, respected, thanked me for my decision and we both went our separate ways.

 

Neither one of us is right or wrong... Just bad timing. I once did what she is now doing and like me, she will eventually grow tried of it, burn out and want something "more" and finally want to settle down.

 

When she is done with that lifestyle / "scene" and just like when it happened to my friends and I, her choice in friends, what she does for fun, her interests and hobbies, people she associates with, what she does with her free time, etc. will all change. It's not something that happens overnight, it's a process that takes times. She will get "there" eventually and it will be on her time and in her own way.

 

Once she gets through this "phase" (G.I.G.S.), the guy she ends up with (no, it will not be me), is going to be one very, very lucky man.

Edited by gibson
Phanpooh Established Member

Phanpooh

Posted
Posted

A little detail about my story. U may think STR isn't love? For me, time isn't a problem. that relationship is just 2m, but in 2y, we live together and everyday, we spent 12/24 hours together. We studied, ate, played,... Almost together. My f are her f, and her are mine too. We were living far from our family, and the only good things i did for her is supporting her emotional. At begin, we just had fun issues but then we quickly went deeper. That not about time, we werent in rela but we still were together. I always take care of her even how she hated me. There wasn't sexual between us, just indeep connection. And let me tell you, how i could do a cold NC, i though that i was her mistake and without me, she is better but in 8y, her happiness is a time with me. I didnt say that was love, but in reality, she is 'mine' and 4m ago, when im single, she made it sure by crawl backed to me, did everything even begging but still showed her confident.

So tell me what is that?

Phanpooh Established Member

Phanpooh

Posted
Posted

Do you want a successful story? Here it is

my couple f, dated 3y at highschool, break up due to GIGS, and 4y then they married. Now they r happy and planned to have kids next year.

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