Life Person Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 (edited) Hi everyone, I'm a recent Loveshack member, been visiting regularly since my 4-year girlfriend dumped me for another person (story here). Even though I haven't posted much, I've been reading a lot, specially in the Coping and Breaking Up sections, and although on one side it has given me some confort and made me see people with stories similar to mine (before I thought I had a very unique situation...), on the other I'm starting to feel a bit jaded and cynical towards these long term relationship things... I gave my ex a huge ammount of confidence, maybe bigger than it should be healthy, so the fall after she emotionally cheated on me and dumped me was hard. After I gave all my confidence to this person, and she knew she had no reason to lie (I would be understanding towards her if she fell in love with someone else), she still hid her feelings for a mutual friend, making me feel humiliated when I was dumped without warning (I hung out with both while this was going on - basically I was the wingman to my own girlfriend...). I have my own reason to feel cynical on my own, but reading all sorts of stories of people on LTRs who cheat, I'm starting to feel like I couldn't trust anyone. I know these forums are biased, mostly full of hurt people like myself, but still... Can anyone relate? I'm sorry if I seem to be attacking LS - I use it on my own risk, so I'm not blaming anyone at all, just want to see if someone shares these feelings. Edited March 22, 2012 by Life Person
Almond_Joy Posted March 22, 2012 Posted March 22, 2012 Yeah. I relate to what you're saying. Some members stop visiting LoveShack for a while. I just try not to read much in the forums where I know most of the cynicism is concentrated. I don't think LS can "make you" anything if you remain aware that you're reading perspectives from people with a particular bias.
smudge21 Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I think LS can make you see the darker side of dating - just reading what so many others are going through can put one off, especially if you're suffering as well. But for me, it's been nice to simply know I'm not alone in what I've been through. I thought my issue was so unique, but it's not at all. In fact, after a year here, I can see so many patterns. It's like people just go through the same ****, with the odd difference, and knowing that makes me remember we're pretty much all the same, and in turn, we all end up healing eventually. Just look at how many members LS has, then look at how many are online at any one time. Basically what that says to me is that so many have come here looking for help and support, found it and moved on, and the cycle just keeps on repeating. We suffer, we heal. That's it. Just like watching the news when you only hear bad things, LS is generally here for support so it's bound to focus on the bad things, but you have to remember that even if 1000 people posted about their break up one day here, that still means that 6,699,999,000 didn't.
gaius Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 There are a few really positive examples of relationships around here, so no it doesn't. The ratio of happy to unhappy people seems to match up to what I see in real life. 1
OpenBook Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 I was already cynical when I came to LS. To me, LS is a fascinating study of human nature, from a safe anonymous distance. My own reactions to posts (and others' reactions to mine) also show me a lot about myself that I didn't see before. LS is a helpful resource in my own ongoing learning experience. Cynicism included. 3
denise_xo Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 No, LS doesn't make me cynical. I do think, though, that a lot of people have unrealistic expectations towards life in general. Cynicism often results from having illusions broken and not wanting to deal with reality. Once you accept that life is what it is (rather than what you think it should be), it becomes much easier to navigate the world. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 People are only cynical when they dont know, or understand why they were left by their SO's. If you read around LS for long enough, you will get all the ammo you need to learn about how relationships work, and how to conduct yourself in them, and how to see problems coming.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 23, 2012 Posted March 23, 2012 LS is double-edged. I crave the knowledge about why I did everything wrong when single but it depresses me nonetheless -- probably because I'm trying to purge my demons retroactively. Not easy.
Author Life Person Posted March 23, 2012 Author Posted March 23, 2012 Thanks everyone for the opinions. I guess it's a bit harder for me since I'm inexperienced in relationships, since my ex was the only person I've ever been with. I'm just afraid to become this ever-cynical and untrusting partner in the future (the oposite of what I was in my past relationship). I do think, though, that a lot of people have unrealistic expectations towards life in general. Cynicism often results from having illusions broken and not wanting to deal with reality. Once you accept that life is what it is (rather than what you think it should be), it becomes much easier to navigate the world. - denise_xo You're probably right. I had probably unrealistic expectations of the trust I could give to another person, so that's why the loss of trust seems so violent. However, shouldn't we strive to be with people who have the same outlook as us regarding these issues? I thought my girlfriend had, guess 4 years may not be enough to really know one person... Just look at how many members LS has, then look at how many are online at any one time. Basically what that says to me is that so many have come here looking for help and support, found it and moved on, and the cycle just keeps on repeating. We suffer, we heal. That's it. - smudge 21 Yes, I have noticed this before, it's a nice way to look at things!
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