Life Person Posted February 24, 2012 Share Posted February 24, 2012 Hi everyone, I’m new here, been reading many of the stories in the past weeks and it has helped me get a perspective on my current situation, so I thought I’d also share my story to get some opinions and hopefully help someone who can relate. I’m a recent dumpee. Me and my ex had a relationship for four years that recently ended up after she fell in love with someone else. Our relationship was very good, we had a lot in common and hit it off very well and quickly after we first met, and were what many people usually say it's a "perfect" couple (oh, how many stories like this have I read around here!). During our relationship she met a guy with whom she got along very well form the start, but only in a friendly way (although he did make advances towards her at the beginning, information which she shared with me). Eventually I also befriended the person, at a time when he no longer was making advances at her (or so I thought at the time). Eventually, in a time when I started having some confidence and anxiety issues, they began hanging out more, and as I was more focused on my problems (and trusted my partner to be correct to me), she eventually fell in love with him, and dumped me without telling me anything beforehand, or giving me any chance to fight for our relationship. Some months on from what happened, I am now in NC with her, and am slowly starting to feel better about myself, and as this happens, I'm really starting to see how wrong I was done by the person I once had given a lot of confidence. I always knew there were risks, but I don't own anyone, so I always trusted her to do as she saw best, and if anythinh ever happened we could at least try to work things out, and if it wouldn't work, she would be free to go on with her life (and we had in fact discussed this once in a while during our relationship). More than hurt from being dumped, I'm actually more hurt from being lied to... From the similar stories I've read here, I think it resonated with many GIGS stories, many of the details are the same, although in this case I actually do think they have many things in common, so... from the time being I'm best at being without her, and trying to move on, without thinking much about it - oh, if only it would be easy! Link to post Share on other sites
Frank13 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Hi and welcome to LS. Sorry to hear of your situation. I think the only thing worse than being dumped is being dumped because the ex met someone else, and as you said, the lies. I am glad you posted and feel free to do so in the future. I know for me, LS has been a big help from getting advice, seeing I am not alone in how I am feeling, and posting my thoughts instead of contacting the ex. I really don't know where I would be without this place. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 What were your confidence and anxiety issues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Life Person Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 wilsonx: mostly typical "quarter-life crisis" thoughts, lacking general interest in life, apathy, coupled with being a shy and mostly non-talkative person. I've recently started feeling more stressed when I started thinking of the direction I wanted my life to take, and that would make me anxious as I'm many times a bit too demanding on myself (while at the same time feeling like I procrastinate a lot). Since the break-up the anxiety episodes I had about those things have gone down a bit (well, it helped me somewhat put problems in perspective), but after it my self-confidence took a further severe beating, although I feel it slowly growing a bit... (I'm planning on posting these problems in the Self-improvement forum in the near future) Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Sounds like good timing then, im sure she's having the same problems so its a coincidence its risen at the same time in both of you's, almost lucky i'd say Link to post Share on other sites
Author Life Person Posted February 25, 2012 Author Share Posted February 25, 2012 Yes, I thought about that too! The thing is, I was always outspoken regarding my problems, while she is a more laid back person, and even before the break-up I told her that things were going downhill for me, and at the time the best she did was offer me meager consolation, even telling me flat out that she wasn't experiencing those problems (at least the same as mine). However, I do feel a big part of her decision involved her trying to somehow "escape" from her life as best as she could (seeking a greener grass), so I think she is also in someway experiencing what I feel. After we broke, she ended up telling me sheepishly that she was worrying about those things, although she never speaks as openly about them, and is generally laid back, so it's a bit hard to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnP82 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 All I can say is that I empathize with you man. The same sort of thing happened to me and it isn't a very good feeling. Nevertheless we are better off. I think things work themselves out. Try to think of it this way; you are rid of a woman who falls in love with someone else while in a relationship. Someone like that isn't a catch. Link to post Share on other sites
smokey bear Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 All I can say is that I empathize with you man. The same sort of thing happened to me and it isn't a very good feeling. Nevertheless we are better off. I think things work themselves out. Try to think of it this way; you are rid of a woman who falls in love with someone else while in a relationship. Someone like that isn't a catch. Every one needs to learn, how else would she learn the difference between infatuation and deep love. She will learn a lesson from this but so will the OP. Im not praising her actions, just trying to offer understanding Link to post Share on other sites
blindnowisee Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 I've been i nthe same position. In hindsight my "perfect" relationship had turned a bit boring.. I'm assuming this might be the case with yourself as well. Boring+routine+losing interest usually results in one of the 2 people in the relationship checking out (i.e. already decided that he/she will not be continuing the relationship) and thus moving on to pastures anew. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnP82 Posted February 25, 2012 Share Posted February 25, 2012 Every one needs to learn, how else would she learn the difference between infatuation and deep love. She will learn a lesson from this but so will the OP. Im not praising her actions, just trying to offer understanding It's safe to say that we all learned lessons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Life Person Posted February 26, 2012 Author Share Posted February 26, 2012 Thanks everyone for the input. Yes, things became a bit stale towards the end, but not much, at least in my opinion. The worst times were the last two months, in which we started studying apart, but stopped making much effort to be with eachother - in this I share an equal dose of the responsibility, as I was more focused on my problems than on the relationship (which in my opinion doesn't justify the emotional cheating on her part). But even then we never discussed the fact that we were having problems - the though crept in my mind from time to time, but since the relationship wasn't openly bad, I didn't consider those thoughts seriously - my bad. Same as for the occasional jealousy towards that mutual friend. So, lessons hopefully learnt on my part: - try never to lose my identity to a new relationship - always pay more attention to the gut feeling - always talk, always talk As for her, we'll see if her new relationship works... I don't know what to think. Sometimes I hope it fails because I want her back, others just to be proven right... I know it's not healthy, but it's hard to escape these thoughts and sentiments. Especially as she has given me some breadcrumbs after the break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
rawr2 Posted April 9, 2012 Share Posted April 9, 2012 Hey Life Person, I just wondered how you are doing? How long have you been NC and how are you feeling now? Link to post Share on other sites
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