how on earth are people ok with this?

[starla33]

I think you need to have really thick skin for online dating.

 

I myself, do NOT date multiple people at the same time (i know I shouldn't do that blah blah everyone is dating mutliple people early on). Well I don't like to.

 

If i go on 2 amazing dates I kind of stop looking and want to see where it goes with the guy, but if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think? I just assume he is not interested and lose interest in him at that point....so when he contacts me again I may go out with him, but I've already lost interest at that point.

 

Playing the field is cool and all, but you would at least think they would quick looking and give you a chance.

[Black Jack]

I think you need to have really thick skin for online dating.

 

I myself, do NOT date multiple people at the same time (i know I shouldn't do that blah blah everyone is dating mutliple people early on). Well I don't like to.

 

If i go on 2 amazing dates I kind of stop looking and want to see where it goes with the guy, but if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think? I just assume he is not interested and lose interest in him at that point....so when he contacts me again I may go out with him, but I've already lost interest at that point.

 

Playing the field is cool and all, but you would at least think they would quick looking and give you a chance.

 

I will never do online dating again. Went on one date with a psycho and it ended badly. I understand you.

[dasein]

if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think?

 

Dunno, what do you suppose he thinks when he sees you sitting on there?

[Mantis Toboggan]

Playing the field is cool and all, but you would at least think they would quick looking and give you a chance.

 

Why would they do that when you could, in theory, leave them at any time?

 

When the time in the relationship comes for a commitment, then I'll commit. Until I know where the girl's head is at, I'm not going to cut myself off other women who might like me more.

[curlygirl40]

Hope I'm linking o.k, but I started a thread about that here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/315719-how-does-make-you-feel-when-person-youre-dating-still-has-profile-up

 

 

I agree with you I think it makes you feel crummy. If I meet someone who I would like to get to know better, I will hide my profile while I'm doing that.

 

In the past when I've been dating someone and I see they are still online every day (which you can do on Match even though your profile is hidden), I assume they aren't that into me. BUT I will still date that person (not sleep with, but continue to date) to get to know them better and see where it goes.

[starla33]

Hope I'm linking o.k, but I started a thread about that here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/315719-how-does-make-you-feel-when-person-youre-dating-still-has-profile-up

 

 

I agree with you I think it makes you feel crummy. If I meet someone who I would like to get to know better, I will hide my profile while I'm doing that.

 

In the past when I've been dating someone and I see they are still online every day (which you can do on Match even though your profile is hidden), I assume they aren't that into me. BUT I will still date that person (not sleep with, but continue to date) to get to know them better and see where it goes.

 

So where does it usually go?

[starla33]

Why would they do that when you could, in theory, leave them at any time?

 

When the time in the relationship comes for a commitment, then I'll commit. Until I know where the girl's head is at, I'm not going to cut myself off other women who might like me more.

 

I guess, but I'm giving them a chance. Why can't people just relax and slow down and stop constantly looking.

[somedude81]

If i go on 2 amazing dates I kind of stop looking and want to see where it goes with the guy, but if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think?

Why do expect a guy to take his profile down after only two dates? Is that what you do? Why?

[kaylan]

Um..you should assume the guy is interested if he keeps going out with you, but hes keeping his options open until things get serious.

 

No big deal OP. You should do the same. Dont put all your eggs into one basket so early on. As long as the guy isnt getting physical with other people then I see nothing wrong.

 

I will never do online dating again. Went on one date with a psycho and it ended badly. I understand you.

Because you can only meet psychos online?

 

Lets be serious here. You can meet bad dates anywhere.

[oaks]

I think you need to have really thick skin for online dating.

 

It's not for sensitive souls, no.

 

If i go on 2 amazing dates I kind of stop looking and want to see where it goes with the guy, but if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think?

 

So it's okay for you to log in but not okay for him to log in? Perhaps he draws a similar conclusion: that you logged in because you're still looking. Aren't you being a bit hypocritical?

[xpaperxcutx]

Until exclusivity is discussed you cannot monitor what he does with his free time and what he is doing with his personal life. That would make you a stalker.

[JesseJames]

Once he's with you, is he to embrace paper bag over-the-head and you can lead him everywhere like a German Shepherd? You are one controlling little lamborghini Cuntosh. If you think a modern dude is going to drop a profile,for any reasons imaginary, you should probably get your head examined. Greater life prospects are more difficult to attain for a male.... JFC get a clue and let the dude be a dude while he fracking can.

[Black Jack]

Because you can only meet psychos online?

 

I never said that only psychos exist online.

 

Lets be serious here. You can meet bad dates anywhere.

 

It wasn't just a bad date, man, she tried to kill me.

 

How about slamming on your breaks before stupidly assuming something about someone you don't even know.

[Jane2011]

I think you need to have really thick skin for online dating.

 

I myself, do NOT date multiple people at the same time (i know I shouldn't do that blah blah everyone is dating mutliple people early on). Well I don't like to.

 

If i go on 2 amazing dates I kind of stop looking and want to see where it goes with the guy, but if the guy is from a dating site and I log on to the site I see him sitting on there what is one to think? I just assume he is not interested and lose interest in him at that point....so when he contacts me again I may go out with him, but I've already lost interest at that point.

 

Playing the field is cool and all, but you would at least think they would quick looking and give you a chance.

 

I don't multi-date either. Not because I'm against it on principle, though. As a matter of fact, on principle, I think it makes a lot of sense (provided you're just getting to know people and not having sex with all of them).

 

But I only date a person if I really enjoy being around him and am highly attracted to him. The chances are extremely slim of my finding two or three of these at the same time. And I would never date three or four guys I find "okay" because lukewarm attraction is never worth it to me.

 

If I'm ever okay with a guy dating other women besides me, I'm probably not that into him.

Edited March 21, 2012 by Jane2011

[Jane2011]

In your situation, though, I think after two dates (even good ones), just seeing him "online" on the site shouldn't be too alarming. You don't know if he's just on there surfing around or just logged on while doing work. I know when I was on OkCupid, I would just log in (even after I started seeing someone I liked a lot), just to see if anyone had emailed me. I was happy with the guy I was dating, but I mean, we weren't married and I'm still entitled to check my email, even dating email. I would also log on and not even be paying attention to the site, just doing other work or even posting on this board or whatever.

[kaylan]

I never said that only psychos exist online.

 

 

 

It wasn't just a bad date, man, she tried to kill me.

 

How about slamming on your breaks before stupidly assuming something about someone you don't even know.

You dont need to explain what you meant because you implied that online dating was a bad idea because you met a psycho.

 

If someone says they wont ever online date again because they met a psycho from an OLD site, then you are in fact painting online dating in a bad light...when you meeting a psycho has nothing to do with online dating.

 

You follow?

[RedRobin]

OP... You know what... it doesn't even matter. You know you don't like multidaters so don't date them.

 

Since OLD is basically another word for 'multidater', I'd say... yea, stop doing online dating.

 

That way, the multidaters will have their place to play and those who don't like multidating can meet people IRL.

 

You know... where people are OK being accountable to someone or something for their actions.

[kaylan]

OP... You know what... it doesn't even matter. You know you don't like multidaters so don't date them.

 

Since OLD is basically another word for 'multidater', I'd say... yea, stop doing online dating.

 

That way, the multidaters will have their place to play and those who don't like multidating can meet people IRL.

 

You know... where people are OK being accountable to someone or something for their actions.

Silly statement. Online dating means ONLINE DATING.

 

People who do solo and multidating are online...so chill out. How does she know the guy wasnt online checking up on her just like she did to him?

[RedRobin]

You dont need to explain what you meant because you implied that online dating was a bad idea because you met a psycho.

 

If someone says they wont ever online date again because they met a psycho from an OLD site, then you are in fact painting online dating in a bad light...when you meeting a psycho has nothing to do with online dating.

 

You follow?

 

There are very, very slim odds that anyone I would come across in my circle of friends/work/family would be a psycho.

 

That's the way I like it. Not doing OLD opening myself up to people who wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of meeting me, much less, even getting coffee with me. And we're not talking looks-wise or money-wise.

[Black Jack]

You dont need to explain what you meant because you implied that online dating was a bad idea because you met a psycho.

 

Exactly. To ME it is a bad idea. All I said was that I understand where OP was coming from. I didn't ask for your comment.

 

If someone says they wont ever online date again because they met a psycho from an OLD site, then you are in fact painting online dating in a bad light...when you meeting a psycho has nothing to do with online dating.

 

Painting online dating in a bad way because I express my disagreement with it? You seriously need to get your argument straight. If others want to continue using that method I have no problem with it. Nowhere did I say that others shouldn't use it because I had a personally sick experience with it.

 

You follow?

 

Nah I'll pass.

[kaylan]

There are very, very slim odds that anyone I would come across in my circle of friends/work/family would be a psycho.

 

That's the way I like it. Not doing OLD opening myself up to people who wouldn't have a snowball's chance in hell of meeting me, much less, even getting coffee with me. And we're not talking looks-wise or money-wise.

We arent talking about a circle of friends.

 

The same people you meet online you could run into in the real world. You could run into these people in parks, coffee shops, and wherever else. So spare me the poor logic of your argument.

 

If you dont want to expand your dating pool with online dating, then fine...but dont dogg the system. It works for plenty of people...and various types of people. Dont get all butt hurt because your scared some guy you went on 1 or 2 dates with isnt jumping for a commitment.

 

I find it insecure, needy, and outright clingy if someone expects a person to be solely about them after less than a few dates. Thats creepy imo. And you could easily meet multidaters thru your circle of friends. Its not like multidaters only go online.

[The Outlaw]

Don't do it. Won't do it. Have no interest in doing it. I've tried the 'internet dating' thing and wasn't impressed. That's enough for me.

[Jane2011]

The other thing, OP, is that it would be more alarming, in a way, if a guy created some dating profile after meeting you and going on two dates with you. But if he's just keeping active something (his dating profile) that already existed before/when you guys started dating, it's a little premature to take it down after two dates, even if they were good dates. If he did, in fact, enjoy the dates with you and is thinking there might be potential with you, he's probably already feeling less reliant on the dating site. But it's reasonable for him to have it up for a while until you're actually a solid couple.

[kaylan]

The other thing, OP, is that it would be more alarming, in a way, if a guy created some dating profile after meeting you and going on two dates with you. But if he's just keeping active something (his dating profile) that already existed before/when you guys started dating, it's a little premature to take it down after two dates, even if they were good dates. If he did, in fact, enjoy the dates with you and is thinking there might be potential with you, he's probably already feeling less reliant on the dating site. But it's reasonable for him to have it up for a while until you're actually a solid couple.

This.

 

The bolded is absolutely correct.

 

Exactly. To ME it is a bad idea. All I said was that I understand where OP was coming from. I didn't ask for your comment.

You dont need to ask for my comment. Its a damn public discussion and Im allowed to offer up a rebuttal since I disagree with your viewpoint. I dont want someone to be dissuaded from using a good avenue to meet people all because you decided to paint OLD as a place to meet psychos. You can meet psychos anywhere.

 

Painting online dating in a bad way because I express my disagreement with it? You seriously need to get your argument straight. If others want to continue using that method I have no problem with it. Nowhere did I say that others shouldn't use it because I had a personally sick experience with it.

Get my argument straight? How about you reread and actually attempt to comprehend my argument.

 

You did paint OLD in a bad light with your initial post. Saying you met a psycho, wont use OLD again, and then leaving it at that would come off to many as you saying "online dating is filled with psychos". So I offered up my argument that you can meet psychos anywhere and just because you met one online doesnt mean you cannot meet a lot of good people online.

 

You had a sick experience with it...fine. But I was adding to the discussion so some people wont get a simply one sided view of OLD...its public discussion. Dont get upset when people with opposing viewpoints comment.

 

Nah I'll pass.

Not that I thought you were capable of following my argument. So thats fine.

[RedRobin]

We arent talking about a circle of friends.

 

The same people you meet online you could run into in the real world. You could run into these people in parks, coffee shops, and wherever else. So spare me the poor logic of your argument.

 

If you dont want to expand your dating pool with online dating, then fine...but dont dogg the system. It works for plenty of people...and various types of people. Dont get all butt hurt because your scared some guy you went on 1 or 2 dates with isnt jumping for a commitment.

 

I find it insecure, needy, and outright clingy if someone expects a person to be solely about them after less than a few dates. Thats creepy imo. And you could easily meet multidaters thru your circle of friends. Its not like multidaters only go online.

 

Funny that you think that spending time getting to know someone is a 'commitment'. Last time I checked, a commitment is marriage.

 

But that's ok. Feel free to associate yourself with the ADD'ers and perpetual channel changers of the dating world.

 

Not sure about 'solely' about them after a few dates either. I actually DO have a life. One that I care to project honestly from the beginning. That is pretty tough to get from a multidater. Honesty that is.

 

So... pass... and about my circle of friends... in my world, people who multidate are called cheaters (if they lie) or people in an open relationship (if they are honest about their multidating). I'm not into either one. In my world, you like someone, you date only them until you stop liking them. It really isn't complicated.

 

...and no, it is also highly unlikely that anyone I meet in my general vicinity (unless they are just a common criminal looking for a victim) is going to be a psycho either. In that case, I have good enough instincts to avoid going on a date with one. But nice try.

Edited March 21, 2012 by RedRobin