Why do so many guys not want a commitment from a girl?

[Mantis Toboggan]

Agreed but I'd still categorize these guys the same way. If people feel they're settling, the likelihood of cheating is much higher.

 

But isn't it settling in the same sense that many women settle? Instead of the right person, they think in terms of "The right time". Then once the kids are born, the sex drive slows and the couple become roommates instead of lovers.

 

This is why I'm such a proponent of waiting for the right person. For men and women. Too many people put a priority on having a girlfriend/boyfriend. That's not a goal. The relationship will come when you're busy doing other awesome things you love. This is why I have a low tolerance for whiners. "Wah i cant get a boyfriend." who cares?

 

It's 2012. Let's stop living that small town, 1950's lifestyle where the main goal in life is to settle down and pop out kids.

 

Wrong. The combination of positive traits in a man doesn't ensure he's a dick. A dick is a dick which come in all sizes and shapes.

 

Those positive traits weren't meant to ensure anything. I'm just saying that....well, I'll put it this way - Neither high quality men, nor high quality women are sitting around complaining about a lack of commitment from the opposite sex. Sure, even the best of us has had our heart broken. But overall, these people don't complain because, well, desirable people have options.

 

I'm not saying that they cheat. But I'm saying that it's less necessary that they live in the fantasy world of sinking your claws into the first person who loves you and living happily ever after.

 

So, the people who are complaining tend to be less-desirable candidates for dating.

[threebyfate]

Any meat on that bun? Thought not.

 

A majority of the male population in the U.S. doesn't have options with women because a majority of the female population vastly overestimates their value in the dating pool and will hold out for a man far above herself in market value. It's their right to do so, but all these threads about men "not committing or not wanting a relationship" are really only talking about either 1) the top 5-10% life mating prospect, or 2) players who have learned to manipulate women as adroitly as women manipulate men. Average men (the bottom 80% in warped U.S. female estimate) take what they can get, if they can get a woman at all.

 

In the U.S. female world, "notfat" = worthy of tall, handsome wealthy professional man, when all she brings to the table is "notfat."

 

Or tell me about all these "average" guys you know who refuse to enter a relationship with a woman unless she is in the top 10% lookswise and earns six figures. Then tell me about the bigfoot in your backyard.

 

Or just go on match and look at all the underemployed single mothers who are obviously looking for a tall, built man with a six figure income.

Have you seen photos of all the cheaters on LS? They come in all sizes and shapes. When opportunity presents itself whether they're [insert positive traits] or not, this type of person will go for it.

 

Sure, good looking people have more opportunities. But not so good looking individuals also have opportunities, perhaps not in the "trophy" category but that doesn't seem to stop them from cheating. Cheating is an ego feed or a form of escapism.

 

What this boils down to is that cheaters will cheat and truly monogamous people won't, regardless of the amount of opportunities that present themselves.

[threebyfate]

So, the people who are complaining tend to be less-desirable candidates for dating.

A portion, agreed. The balance are just people who are too dumb, naive or have been suckered by the incompatible elements.

 

That's life. Live and learn that there are predators out there. But also, live and learn that there are also decent people and those are the types you want to connect with, whether in friendship or in romance.

[xxoo]

But isn't it settling in the same sense that many women settle? Instead of the right person, they think in terms of "The right time". Then once the kids are born, the sex drive slows and the couple become roommates instead of lovers.

 

This is why I'm such a proponent of waiting for the right person. For men and women. Too many people put a priority on having a girlfriend/boyfriend. That's not a goal. The relationship will come when you're busy doing other awesome things you love. This is why I have a low tolerance for whiners. "Wah i cant get a boyfriend." who cares?

 

There is a lot of truth here, too.

 

If you have to convince a man to commit, why would you want to?

 

When the connection is there, and a woman sweeps him off his feet, the desire to commit follows. He doesn't want to be without this woman.

 

If he can let you go, what is the point?

[dasein]

I don't think I've ever encountered a woman who regarded her "not fat" status as being her most outstanding quality.

 

Nor did I post anything about "most outstanding qualities." Proof of what I actually did post can be found by going on any OLD site and noticing the requirements listed by women who are "notfat" and that's all they got... other than 3 kids, a mortgage and a very low paying job.

 

If you weren't so ill-disposed towards women generally, you would probably find that lots of women have far more positive things to offer than simply "not being fat".

 

Not sure whether to call that straw or a nonsequitur, will settle for both. I am not ill-disposed towards women generally, just the general tendency towards rationalization to the level of dishonesty so many women display today resulting from having everything that issues from their mouths unquestioned for too many decades.

 

I spent the entire day yesterday with several lovely women and had a lovely time.

[RedRobin]

That's a negative spin....

 

For many of these young women, it will work out fine. They aren't prey. They are engaging in relationships in a way that feels authentic to them, in the place they are. They are looking more for the passion and fun, and less for the commitment.

 

But that means that there are women available for the low-commitment sex relationships men seek. So they don't have to commit if they don't want to.

 

And really, I wouldn't want a man to commit unless he really, really wanted to.

 

spin is spin.

 

Definition of PREY

intransitive verb

1

: to make raids for the sake of booty

 

2

a: to seize and devour prey

 

 

 

 

Younger women, by definition of their immaturity and lack of experience, are indeed 'prey' for older, 'burnt' out men who want low-resistance 'booty'.

 

Yes, for many of these young women, they will be fine... But I also think they overestimate their own 'maturity' and underestimate the fact that all they are really offering is their youth... which shouldn't be squandered on these 'burnt out' men just to stroke their egos.

 

But hey, they are all adults.

 

... and why I don't enter into anything romantic with men who aren't actively looking for a committed relationship. I've got better things to do than cajole, coerce, or otherwise manipulate a guy into comitting to me or anyone else.

 

Especially when I have plenty of friends/family to keep me going

 

or, some consider 'surrogate boyfriends'. Sounds like sour grapes to me... as if, more women would be settling for open ended, non-commital sex if we didn't have friends.

[xxoo]

Younger women, by definition of their immaturity and lack of experience, are indeed 'prey' for older, 'burnt' out men who want low-resistance 'booty'.

 

Yes, for many of these young women, they will be fine... But I also think they overestimate their own 'maturity' and underestimate the fact that all they are really offering is their youth... which shouldn't be squandered on these 'burnt out' men just to stroke their egos.

 

Why do you think they are squandering their youth?

 

If a woman is not ready to settle down in her 20s, for example, is it important that she only enjoys dating men her own age?

[joystickd]

spin is spin.

 

Definition of PREY

intransitive verb

1

: to make raids for the sake of booty

 

2

a: to seize and devour prey

 

 

 

 

Younger women, by definition of their immaturity and lack of experience, are indeed 'prey' for older, 'burnt' out men who want low-resistance 'booty'.

 

Yes, for many of these young women, they will be fine... But I also think they overestimate their own 'maturity' and underestimate the fact that all they are really offering is their youth... which shouldn't be squandered on these 'burnt out' men just to stroke their egos.

 

But hey, they are all adults.

 

... and why I don't enter into anything romantic with men who aren't actively looking for a committed relationship. I've got better things to do than cajole, coerce, or otherwise manipulate a guy into comitting to me or anyone else.

 

Especially when I have plenty of friends/family to keep me going

 

or, some consider 'surrogate boyfriends'. Sounds like sour grapes to me... as if, more women would be settling for open ended, non-commital sex if we didn't have friends.

please join everyone else in the real world. its not always about low resistance booty. that is just your perception of reality.

[RedRobin]

To the women here we live in the real world. In the real world not all men

1. Cheat on partners

2. Choose porn over meeting women

3. Are not afraid of commitment

4. Are looking for models

5. Want to be your surrogate boyfriend

6. Are looking for sex

 

So please woman up and join everyone else in the real world and stop living in your reality. Its annoying to see the attacks on men but when a man keeps it real its wrong or like in my case I got called abusive on here because I call it like I see it. Quit being a Debbie Downer its not helping your cause at all. If a man that saw some of your posts that's was talking to you I bet he would not commit.

 

Please join everyone else here in the real world its great here because everyone is different.

 

I agree that IRL you are absolutely right.

 

I also agree that 'we are what we eat' and trying to remain positive is better than getting sucked into a negative vortex.

[RedRobin]

please join everyone else in the real world. its not always about low resistance booty. that is just your perception of reality.

 

Of course it's 'not always' about any one thing...

 

Just alot of the time it is...

[joystickd]

Of course it's 'not always' about any one thing...

 

Just alot of the time it is...

Not even a lot of the time

[RedRobin]

I agree that IRL you are absolutely right.

 

I also agree that 'we are what we eat' and trying to remain positive is better than getting sucked into a negative vortex.

 

... and it seems that LS is a negative vortex....

 

Guess I'm guilty of getting sucked into it too.

 

(note to self... less time on LS pondering the sad state of dating... more time out having a life)

[mesmerized]

Plenty of men out there want committed relationship. You either havent found them or the guys you go after dont want you for a relationship ladies.

 

And lets not forget that plenty of women in their 20s are just out "having fun" as well. Ive had girls who would hook up with me and obviously did not see me as commitment potential.

 

It happens. Fvk this double standard of dogging men when they want sex and not a relationship. Women do the same exact thing and guys get told to "man up" if they get used for sex..apparently were supposed to be happy with getting laid despite our emotions getting messed with..but guess what? That sh!!t fvking hurts when you really like a girl. Its what caused me to join this site.

 

/thread

 

I never said women don't it it. I've done it and will do it again! But guys do it waaay more than women do. To the point that finding a relationship for some women is almost impossible if you don't decide to date down. My guy friends are getting girlfriends after girlfriends. Yet a good chunk of my girl friends and myself have been single for many years.

[Mantis Toboggan]

I never said women don't it it. I've done it and will do it again! But guys do it waaay more than women do. To the point that finding a relationship for some women is almost impossible if you don't decide to date down. My guy friends are getting girlfriends after girlfriends. Yet a good chunk of my girl friends and myself have been single for many years.

 

And from a guy's perspective, women do it waaay more than men. As a male, I'd say that women have more options available to them. As long as you're attractive, some man will approach (whether he's desirable or not is another issue). An attractive man still has to build the courage to approach women. SOME women will approach, but usually it's the man's job to walk over to the pretty girl and say hello. Of course, if you're an unattractive woman, then yes, that presents a problem.

 

That's why these types of debates (gender, race, religion) never go anywhere. Because all sides of the argument aren't really basing their beliefs on hardcore, indisputable facts. They're basing it on their own personal experiences and their emotions. This thread will end one day, and there will be no winner or loser. There won't even be an enlightenment by anyone...Because no one is debating from a point that is truly debatable. It's all about, "I feel. I experienced."

[joystickd]

I never said women don't it it. I've done it and will do it again! But guys do it waaay more than women do. To the point that finding a relationship for some women is almost impossible if you don't decide to date down. My guy friends are getting girlfriends after girlfriends. Yet a good chunk of my girl friends and myself have been single for many years.

 

No one is perfect have you ever considered the idea that maybe its an issue with you. Honestly if you are repeating the same thing then its an issue with you and talking about men not committing its counterproductive. You are only hurting youself by playing the blame game

[ascendotum]

I never said women don't it it. I've done it and will do it again! But guys do it waaay more than women do. To the point that finding a relationship for some women is almost impossible if you don't decide to date down. My guy friends are getting girlfriends after girlfriends. Yet a good chunk of my girl friends and myself have been single for many years.

 

The women your guy friends dating, are they dating down to get with them?

Is that why the relationships for them don't last, because after a while possibly the women think I've ****ed better, I deserve better, and break up with the guys?

If not then whats different about these girls that the guys are willing to commit to them (for a period of time anyway it seems).

The guys I know who get gf after gf and are blazay about the breakups, are fairly good looking guys, and they don't have to wait long before some other girl is super keen to go home with them.

[mesmerized]

And from a guy's perspective, women do it waaay more than men. As a male, I'd say that women have more options available to them. As long as you're attractive, some man will approach (whether he's desirable or not is another issue). An attractive man still has to build the courage to approach women. SOME women will approach, but usually it's the man's job to walk over to the pretty girl and say hello. Of course, if you're an unattractive woman, then yes, that presents a problem.

 

Women only have more options available for sex. Even that I'm not sure about anymore.

 

No one is perfect have you ever considered the idea that maybe its an issue with you. Honestly if you are repeating the same thing then its an issue with you and talking about men not committing its counterproductive. You are only hurting youself by playing the blame game

 

Other than me being somewhat picky and not being a rail thin model, I don't think it's my issue. I know it sounds a bit cocky but I'm very comfortable with who I am and I know I can be a great girl friend and been told that many many times by my exes. Most guy I meet just want sex asap. Very few want to date, get to know you etc. Getting a relationship with men seems like way too much work and chasing and at the end it wont go anywhere anyway.

[fortyninethousand322]

Women only have more options available for sex. Even that I'm not sure about anymore.

 

 

 

Other than me being somewhat picky and not being a rail thin model, I don't think it's my issue. I know it sounds a bit cocky but I'm very comfortable with who I am and I know I can be a great girl friend and been told that many many times by my exes. Most guy I meet just want sex asap. Very few want to date, get to know you etc. Getting a relationship with men seems like way too much work and chasing and at the end it wont go anywhere anyway.

 

Maybe you could try one of those "undesirables" you keep complaining about and putting down so often on here.

[mesmerized]

Maybe you could try one of those "undesirables" you keep complaining about and putting down so often on here.

 

hahaha, there is no point in doing that.

[fortyninethousand322]

hahaha, there is no point in doing that.

 

What are you worried about? That you might actually fall for an undesirable?

[phineas]

Plenty of men out there want committed relationship. You either havent found them or the guys you go after dont want you for a relationship ladies.

 

And lets not forget that plenty of women in their 20s are just out "having fun" as well. Ive had girls who would hook up with me and obviously did not see me as commitment potential.

 

It happens. Fvk this double standard of dogging men when they want sex and not a relationship. Women do the same exact thing and guys get told to "man up" if they get used for sex..apparently were supposed to be happy with getting laid despite our emotions getting messed with..but guess what? That sh!!t fvking hurts when you really like a girl. Its what caused me to join this site.

 

/thread

 

Had it happen to me a few times last summer.

I didn't get hurt too bad, but it does sting when someone you were sleeping with just falls off the face of the earth on you.

[Ninjainpajamas]

That's why these types of debates (gender, race, religion) never go anywhere. Because all sides of the argument aren't really basing their beliefs on hardcore, indisputable facts. They're basing it on their own personal experiences and their emotions. This thread will end one day, and there will be no winner or loser. There won't even be an enlightenment by anyone...Because no one is debating from a point that is truly debatable. It's all about, "I feel. I experienced."

 

Everything is debatable first of off, and why do some people require "hardcore, indisputable facts" when they can just open their eyes and see the world around them and take notice of the consistency in patterns that is reflective of human nature?

 

All squirrels climb trees and eat nuts, uh oh there's one squirrel that doesn't like nuts, he's allergic, that must mean that squirrels can't all eat nuts so I guess that invalidates the whole statement even though It's 98 percent true or at the least consistent to the reality.

 

If people want to be naive and need a level of undeniable proof that doesn't really apply to psychology 100 percent of the time, then these people should work on rockets and mathematics where every thing adds up over and over and has a formula and provides consistent results.

 

There is a winner and a loser, just because you can't recognize the flaws in your ideology doesn't make you "winner", and just because you don't admit defeat doesn't mean you didn't "lose". Although If you can't thoroughly explain yourself and your ideals how valid can your opinion be using one-liners or emotions?

 

People are too busy feeling special, instead of looking around themselves and taking a look around and realize "Wow...this **** is happening everywhere" and "Wow, I'm actually looking at the whole picture and both sides of the coin..now I recognize the truth".

 

Hey but since we all have a right to dispute any argument based off the claim of "indisputable facts and evidence" I guess we can all just continue living ignorantly and with extreme naivety.

 

If you base all of your ideals based on how you feel and what you experienced, then you truly look at life through a narrow looking glass.

[MrNate 2.0]

Everything is debatable first of off, and why do some people require "hardcore, indisputable facts" when they can just open their eyes and see the world around them and take notice of the consistency in patterns that is reflective of human nature?

 

All squirrels climb trees and eat nuts, uh oh there's one squirrel that doesn't like nuts, he's allergic, that must mean that squirrels can't all eat nuts so I guess that invalidates the whole statement even though It's 98 percent true or at the least consistent to the reality.

 

If people want to be naive and need a level of undeniable proof that doesn't really apply to psychology 100 percent of the time, then these people should work on rockets and mathematics where every thing adds up over and over and has a formula and provides consistent results.

 

There is a winner and a loser, just because you can't recognize the flaws in your ideology doesn't make you "winner", and just because you don't admit defeat doesn't mean you didn't "lose". Although If you can't thoroughly explain yourself and your ideals how valid can your opinion be using one-liners or emotions?

 

People are too busy feeling special, instead of looking around themselves and taking a look around and realize "Wow...this **** is happening everywhere" and "Wow, I'm actually looking at the whole picture and both sides of the coin..now I recognize the truth".

 

Hey but since we all have a right to dispute any argument based off the claim of "indisputable facts and evidence" I guess we can all just continue living ignorantly and with extreme naivety.

 

If you base all of your ideals based on how you feel and what you experienced, then you truly look at life through a narrow looking glass.

 

I vote this guy the official male representative of LS.

[Mantis Toboggan]

People are too busy feeling special, instead of looking around themselves and taking a look around and realize "Wow...this **** is happening everywhere" and "Wow, I'm actually looking at the whole picture and both sides of the coin..now I recognize the truth".

 

My point was - This thread, of course, is about how "so many men don't want a commitment".

 

The problem is, that depending on your dating experience as a man, you could say the same about women.

 

For every woman calling a man a commitment-phobe, there's a man who can say that he poured his heart out to a woman and got dumped.

 

I believe that the ups and downs (the pros and cons) of dating and relationships is balanced. And I believe that it's designed by nature to be this way. Women can be as anti commitment as men. And men can be as desperately in need of commitment as any women.

 

I AM the anti-commitment guy. But of my male social circle, i am the only one of those guys. If anything, it seemed that my male friends were anxious to settle down. I could tell when we were younger that they were building their life to be content with a picket fence, a middle management job, and a wife. And that's fine, but they're a far cry from "heartbreakers".

 

In fact, one of the women I'm dating ended things with me yesterday because she, "Wasn't ready for a relationship." which I found funny because I never considered us to be in a relationship, and in fact, am seeing 2 other girls. However, she's a nice girl and I wish her the best.

 

So, as I said, men can experience a commitment-aversion in women just as they say it about us.

[threebyfate]

Oh good lord, here come the self-proclaimed systemizers. Sorry guys but love and relationships have nothing to do with systems which is why any guy who tries to approach love and relationships in systemic fashion, will lose.

 

I sometimes wonder how many autties/aspies are on this site.