Why do so many guys not want a commitment from a girl?

[mesmerized]

Men think that commitment is unmasculine. They are rewarded for being man-hos.

 

Women are considered weak and needy for wanting commitment, but that is still considered much more attractive than women who have sex like men and put off commitment for their own reasons...

 

For a man who doesn't commit, there are never ending excuses for why it is... but I've discovered it has zero to do with the woman they are with.

 

It has more to do with a man's desire to want to be in a committed relationship to begin with... Not about the woman he comes across. It is BS to think that the woman will magically become someone he will want to commit to. It is true that she may hang around long enough for him to enter a stage of his life where he wants to commit... but again... zero to do with her. More to do with him and his mindset about commitment.

 

Waste of time getting involved with men who aren't looking for a commitment or are wishy-washy about it.

 

Great post. I can see a man commit tho if he meets a woman who is so much better than him and if he feels like he just can't get better.

[joystickd]

The only thing women do to contribute to this is agreeing to have sex with men without commitment. This makes this world heaven for men. They get to live a free life and have sex too without having to go through commitment hassle.

 

Lol! How about the women seen by men that have changed on their SO? It would make men more cautious about committing. Consider what I said before the men that love their wife but for some reason they won't even touch them. What man would consider being committed to someone that could turn a relationship from being mutual to one sided? Look at Fred Rutherford that posted in the porn thread his wife wouldn't touch him and you could tell he loved her.

[somedude81]

The only thing women do to contribute to this is agreeing to have sex with men without commitment.

Don't you see? That is the problem!

 

Women having sex without commitment is why casual sex is so common.

 

Why would a man bother committing to just one woman when so many women are willing to have sex without a relationship.

 

It's your fault women that this is happening.

[joystickd]

The men who want commitment are the men women don't really want. The men women really want are the ones who don't want to commit. Simple really.

 

Women check that out. Acknowledge that

[mesmerized]

Lol! How about the women seen by men that have changed on their SO? It would make men more cautious about committing. Consider what I said before the men that love their wife but for some reason they won't even touch them. What man would consider being committed to someone that could turn a relationship from being mutual to one sided? Look at Fred Rutherford that posted in the porn thread his wife wouldn't touch him and you could tell he loved her.

 

LOL, you think women don't see that in men?? You think relationships with men are easy and that's why women commit? Nope, women understand that a relationship is a lot of hassle but they still want one. Because for a lot of women, the ultimate goal is commitment and they search for it. But for a lot of men the ultimate goal is having a glorious sex life so they come up with all these excuses to avoid commitment.

[RedRobin]

But they can. Not with you, but with other women.

 

I truly believe this is a reason that men are attracted to younger women. They are often less guarded.

 

Younger men are the same. It is no coincidence that they younger men interested in you were willing to chase for so long, while men closer to your age may be more guarded.

 

If you mean... less guarded meaning they will have sex without asking for exclusivity or commitment, then I agree.

 

That is the focus of this thread. Younger women are naive... and easy 'prey'.

 

These guys are even claim it is their fault... the women's... for giving in so soon and having a low bar on the man's behavior... That's awfully convenient for the men on this thread making that argument.

 

Honestly, I have no idea why younger men have chased me so long.

 

...I take that back.... I do. They sense that I'm with them because I genuinely like them as human beings. There is no 'agenda'. They also probably have a pretty good guess that I'm sexually experienced. That makes me a pretty good bet for a 'relationship'. Problem is, I have decisions to make too. As much as I liked them and admired them, I'm not going to be dumped when they decide they want a family.

 

...and about men my own age. Yea, I get it that they've been hurt. Instead of owning it, they run off to gullible younger women to avoid fixing their issues. It eventually comes back to bite them in the *ss, so I'm not all that worried about them. I worry more about the younger women, who are getting emotionally damaged by these wounded older men.

 

At the same time, I'm not going to put up with bad behavior either. I have my own ways of being polite and kind in my acknowledgement of their hurts. That's what women their own age have to offer. Sometimes it takes these same men awhile to figure that out.

[mesmerized]

Women check that out. Acknowledge that

 

Getting commitment from an undesirable man who can't get casual sex is easy, sure. That's the only way for them to get sex after all. But who wants an undesirable man???

[fortyninethousand322]

Getting commitment from an undesirable man who can't get casual sex is easy, sure. That's the only way for them to get sex after all. But who wants an undesirable man???

 

Define "undesirable".

[joystickd]

LOL, you think women don't see that in men?? You think relationships with men are easy and that's why women commit? Nope, women understand that a relationship is a lot of hassle but they still want one. Because for a lot of women, the ultimate goal is commitment and they search for it. But for a lot of men the ultimate goal is having a glorious sex life so they come up with all these excuses to avoid commitment.

You assume I think that and that is far from the truth but the fact is men want relationship and not committing is just not committing to that particular woman. Like I said you women on here acknowledge the men wanting sex thing more than the men on here do. That says a lot about some of the women here on LS. I'm still laughing at your failure to acknowledge that women also contribute to this issue. Two people are in a relationship not just the man so the blame is spread both ways about why one person wont commit. I take it you have created the new relationship the man only relationship. Copy write that so you can make money.

[mesmerized]

Define "undesirable".

 

Not attractive either physically, mentally or some other reason.

 

For example in my experience, guys who aren't good looking are easy to get relationship with.

[fortyninethousand322]

Not attractive either physically, mentally or some other reason.

 

For example in my experience, guys who aren't good looking are easy to get relationship with.

 

Well, there are several attractive, good personality, but somewhat socially awkward and/or shy types out there who are looking for a relationship.

 

If you're willing to do a little polishing, you can find gold. Problem is not too many people want to do that (men and women both).

[joystickd]

If you mean... less guarded meaning they will have sex without asking for exclusivity or commitment, then I agree.

 

That is the focus of this thread. Younger women are naive... and easy 'prey'.

 

These guys are even claim it is their fault... the women's... for giving in so soon and having a low bar on the man's behavior... That's awfully convenient for the men on this thread making that argument.

 

Honestly, I have no idea why younger men have chased me so long.

 

...I take that back.... I do. They sense that I'm with them because I genuinely like them as human beings. There is no 'agenda'. They also probably have a pretty good guess that I'm sexually experienced. That makes me a pretty good bet for a 'relationship'. Problem is, I have decisions to make too. As much as I liked them and admired them, I'm not going to be dumped when they decide they want a family.

 

...and about men my own age. Yea, I get it that they've been hurt. Instead of owning it, they run off to gullible younger women to avoid fixing their issues. It eventually comes back to bite them in the *ss, so I'm not all that worried about them. I worry more about the younger women, who are getting emotionally damaged by these wounded older men.

 

At the same time, I'm not going to put up with bad behavior either. I have my own ways of being polite and kind in my acknowledgement of their hurts. That's what women their own age have to offer. Sometimes it takes these same men awhile to figure that out.

Its not about easy prey. Think about a woman that has been through numerous relationships on some level she's burned out and a man has a harder time getting through the BS because she comes in the relationship with preconceived notions based on previous experiences. They are more guarded and sometimes it becomes a power struggle. A younger woman however is not burned out or jaded with dating and relationships. So she is not guarded and not all for a power struggle.

[RedRobin]

Don't you see? That is the problem!

 

Women having sex without commitment is why casual sex is so common.

 

Why would a man bother committing to just one woman when so many women are willing to have sex without a relationship.

 

It's your fault women that this is happening.

 

Because anyone who has witnessed a committed relationship that is reasonably functioning and healthy realizes that commitment brings intangible benefits that go FAR FAR beyond JUST SEX.

 

Those who don't value commitment don't get that. Which is why it is ridiculous to try to convince 'some' men what they have to benefit from being in one.

 

Considering the amount of effort most women put into having and maintaining a committed relationship, you'd think the reverse would be true. And in fact, that probably is changing.

 

I'm starting to see way more men complaining about women not wanting to be committed now that the women can have all the no strings sex they want (and lie about their so-called slut-hood later).

 

Be careful what you wish for....

[Untouchable_Fire]

It just seems that nowadays a lot of guys do not want anything serious with a girl anymore. The majority of guys I know in their twenties and thirties seem to just want to casually date and sleep with a number of different girls. The most these guys want is a FWB's situation. No one wants a serious, committed relationship anymore. There is no love, only sex.

I also notice the respect for women is lacking with these men. To most of them women are just objects, and it's a game to see how fast they can get us in bed. Why is this happening so much?

 

If you live in a big city... that's why.

 

Quality men are rare. Few go to college, fewer still get good jobs, less than that are in shape and attractive.

 

You better be ready to compete your butt off for a guy, or start doing the limbo with your standards.

[somedude81]

Not attractive either physically, mentally or some other reason.

 

For example in my experience, guys who aren't good looking are easy to get relationship with.

For example in my experience, girls who are overweight are easy to get relationship with.

[mesmerized]

You assume I think that and that is far from the truth but the fact is men want relationship and not committing is just not committing to that particular woman. Like I said you women on here acknowledge the men wanting sex thing more than the men on here do. That says a lot about some of the women here on LS. I'm still laughing at your failure to acknowledge that women also contribute to this issue. Two people are in a relationship not just the man so the blame is spread both ways about why one person wont commit. I take it you have created the new relationship the man only relationship. Copy write that so you can make money.

 

Guys in LS aren't a good representative of men in general. Guys who have posted here so far have trouble getting a woman interested in them. The idea of rejecting a relationship is luxury to them.

 

You can laugh all you want. Problems go both ways. If women cheat, men cheat even more (according to stats!). Same with other potential relationship issues. Yet one gender choose not to commit and the other does.

[mesmerized]

For example in my experience, girls who are overweight are easy to get relationship with.

 

Sure. It's easier to get a less undesirable woman as well.

[RedRobin]

Its not about easy prey. Think about a woman that has been through numerous relationships on some level she's burned out and a man has a harder time getting through the BS because she comes in the relationship with preconceived notions based on previous experiences. They are more guarded and sometimes it becomes a power struggle. A younger woman however is not burned out or jaded with dating and relationships. So she is not guarded and not all for a power struggle.

 

What kind of power struggle are you talking about? I agree that some bad behaviors are generated because of people's in ability to communicate.

 

I have also observed that some people (often men) go in assuming they are 'in charge' and expect the woman to snap to. Then women push back as a way to enforce their personal boundaries... then round and round it goes. If you are planning to just step in and take whatever you want with no questions asked, then yea... that is called NAIVE.

 

Being able to ask those questions in a way that is respectful and considerate is called MATURITY.

 

The fact that you are having a difficult time acknowleding that these same men have been burned and jaded as a result of their experiences is the only thing I'm objecting to. We are all a product of our experiences.

 

The difference being that some men expect younger women (or any woman) to fix it for them or accept your 'burnhood' in whatever form that takes.

 

We all have our junk to manage. I'll manage mine. They manage theirs. Hopefully along the way we can have a good laugh about it all...

Edited March 18, 2012 by RedRobin

[joystickd]

Guys in LS aren't a good representative of men in general. Guys who have posted here so far have trouble getting a woman interested in them. The idea of rejecting a relationship is luxury to them.

 

You can laugh all you want. Problems go both ways. If women cheat, men cheat even more (according to stats!). Same with other potential relationship issues. Yet one gender choose not to commit and the other does.

Stats lol Sometimes they are not a true indicator of what really going on. Its neck and neck with cheating. If you really want to get into a who does what argument then be my guest. My thing is just acknowledging that women contribute to men not committing. If you can't do that then you have some problems because men can actually acknowledge that there bad men out here and all the things they do, but women will not do that. Some women fail to be accountable that they also contribute to problems and place the blame on men because its easier. You see it all over LS

[somedude81]

Sure. It's easier to get a less undesirable woman as well.

OK, if you aren't offended by that comment, the it's fine.

 

Though if somebody comes in this thread and blasts me because of what I said, I hope they understand that it is equivalent to what you wrote.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Men think that commitment is unmasculine. They are rewarded for being man-hos.

 

Women are considered weak and needy for wanting commitment, but that is still considered much more attractive than women who have sex like men and put off commitment for their own reasons...

 

For a man who doesn't commit, there are never ending excuses for why it is... but I've discovered it has zero to do with the woman they are with.

 

It has more to do with a man's desire to want to be in a committed relationship to begin with... Not about the woman he comes across. It is BS to think that the woman will magically become someone he will want to commit to. It is true that she may hang around long enough for him to enter a stage of his life where he wants to commit... but again... zero to do with her. More to do with him and his mindset about commitment.

 

Waste of time getting involved with men who aren't looking for a commitment or are wishy-washy about it.

 

I don't know If I can necessarily agree with this..first off;

 

Who do you think at the end of the day has more sexual partners? men or women?

 

Women tend to have sex more often and more easily than me, so who is being the a "man-hos"?

 

It's a common misconception by women that men "sleep around" just because men are after sex when at the end of the day I would say grab 100 guys and 100 girls and the women would whip their asses with how many partners they have slept with...so I think it's total bull**** that men automatically get labeled as man-hos just because they didn't want something serious from the get-go.

 

And yet women sleep with all these men in hopes of wanting more? who's the naive ones here? the women sleeping with these "man-hos" anyway to try and get a commitment or the "man-hos" as you say who are actually more than likely the small group of men that are actually capable of sleeping with a lot of women?

 

Because the majority of men aren't that great at being "man-hos" most of them aren't capable of getting a woman into bed...every 1 girl the average guy sleeps with you've slept with 3.

 

Oh I'm sorry, you're the "victim" though because you decided to wrap your legs around a man because he was charming, there was sexual chemistry and you liked him. I guess every man is obligated to a relationship based on how you feel.

 

If anything men are more competent than women when it comes to a relationship, they know when;

 

- They're not ready for a relationship, age or personal ambition

- Still not over a past relationship emotionally

- Being selective about the woman they actually invest time with a committed relationship and eventually marry (god forbid men be picky about they want to marry ladies!)

- Don't have the time availability and want their freedom of not having to answer and text, and keep in constant contact to appease the neediness of a woman

 

These are all reasons men actually think about and figure..."well maybe I'm not ready for a relationship"...with women the list goes like this

 

- personal ambition/career/children come first

- I just feel like being wild/carefree with no care (exploring/curious)

- I'm jaded/emotionally scarred

- can't find any good men/they're all jerks/*******s/scum etc..

- I'd just rather stay alone and become a cat/dog lady

 

Yet regardless of all those reasons, that in no way that tomorrow woman will not meet a man tomorrow and throw everything out the window.

 

Well excuse us men for saying what we actually mean and sticking to it in the face of moderate emotions, and for not losing ourselves with someone just because they strike an emotional cord within us. Many men do not spend their days, time and effort into pursuing women...they actually spend a great deal of time with personal hobbies, entertainment, etc... Most mans hobbies are not "trying to get laid" believe it or not, we don't spend half the effort as women do in "trying to find a man".

 

In the end women need to realize they blame a small group of men for the mass of them. Most men do not acquire these "player like" skills, a lot of men are looking for commitment or willing to engage in that with the "right woman"...and unlike women when we don't just change because "emotions"....we don't just roll over and throw it all out of the window.

 

How would you feel If every man tomorrow desperately wanted a relationship that leads to marriage? Would you just choose the first thing that comes along or stop the chase because there is none and then maybe act like a man second guessing the awkward "ease" you sense in gaining something that's supposed to be "special and rare" like true love?

[joystickd]

What kind of power struggle are you talking about? I agree that some bad behaviors are generated because of people's in ability to communicate.

 

I have also observed that some people (often men) go in assuming they are 'in charge' and expect the woman to snap to. Then women push back as a way to enforce their personal boundaries... then round and round it goes. If you are planning to just step in and take whatever you want with no questions asked, then yea... that is called NAIVE.

 

Being able to ask those questions in a way that is respectful and considerate is called MATURITY.

 

The fact that you are having a difficult time acknowleding that these same men have been burned and jaded as a result of their experiences is the only thing I'm objecting to. We are all a product of our experiences.

 

The difference being that some men expect younger women (or any woman) to fix it for them or accept your 'burnhood' in whatever form that takes.

 

We all have our junk to manage. I'll manage mine. They manage theirs. Hopefully along the way we can have a good laugh about it all...

On some level you are right but also there are women that after being in a number of bad relationships want control. This is the power struggle I am talking about. I have met a few of these women and they hid this fact until I was emotionally invested in them. I get the sense of ageism from some of the women on LS

[phineas]

If you and the women on here get that then why not acknowledge that women play a part in men not committing. I see here women coming up with the same reasons of why men won't commit and not really acknowledging any other perspectives on the issue

 

Reasons I didn't commit to women:

They got bossy

tried to pussy whip me

tried to control me

got clingy

wanted me to spend all my free time with them.

tried to invoke double standards like "that's different" when it came to friends of opposite sex.

were constantly jealous / accusing me of potentially cheating when i'd done nothing at all.

 

then they stop hiding the crazy or start acting like disrespectful bish's because they think they have me wrapped around their finger.

 

The list does go on and on.

Basically all around disrespect & poor behavior is what i've seen from women since my divorce.

 

Admittedly I put up with that crap when I was younger because I wanted the sex and I wasn't really beating them off with a bat.

 

I think most men put up with poor behavior for the sex.

 

TIMES ARE CHANGING.

 

I think men putting up with poor behavior in trade for sex along with women looking for casual sex has created a Schism if you will of our culture in regards to the thought process on relationships & dating.

[mesmerized]

Many men do not spend their days, time and effort into pursuing women...they actually spend a great deal of time with personal hobbies, entertainment, etc... Most mans hobbies are not "trying to get laid" believe it or not, we don't spend half the effort as women do in "trying to find a man".

 

This proves the first post of mine here. Men simply don't care about women and relationships like men care about men and relationships. This contributes to the issue way more than anything a woman could have done.

[RedRobin]

I don't know If I can necessarily agree with this..first off;

 

Who do you think at the end of the day has more sexual partners? men or women?

 

Women tend to have sex more often and more easily than me, so who is being the a "man-hos"?

 

It's a common misconception by women that men "sleep around" just because men are after sex when at the end of the day I would say grab 100 guys and 100 girls and the women would whip their asses with how many partners they have slept with...so I think it's total bull**** that men automatically get labeled as man-hos just because they didn't want something serious from the get-go.

 

And yet women sleep with all these men in hopes of wanting more? who's the naive ones here? the women sleeping with these "man-hos" anyway to try and get a commitment or the "man-hos" as you say who are actually more than likely the small group of men that are actually capable of sleeping with a lot of women?

 

Because the majority of men aren't that great at being "man-hos" most of them aren't capable of getting a woman into bed...every 1 girl the average guy sleeps with you've slept with 3.

 

Oh I'm sorry, you're the "victim" though because you decided to wrap your legs around a man because he was charming, there was sexual chemistry and you liked him. I guess every man is obligated to a relationship based on how you feel.

 

If anything men are more competent than women when it comes to a relationship, they know when;

 

- They're not ready for a relationship, age or personal ambition

- Still not over a past relationship emotionally

- Being selective about the woman they actually invest time with a committed relationship and eventually marry (god forbid men be picky about they want to marry ladies!)

- Don't have the time availability and want their freedom of not having to answer and text, and keep in constant contact to appease the neediness of a woman

 

These are all reasons men actually think about and figure..."well maybe I'm not ready for a relationship"...with women the list goes like this

 

- personal ambition/career/children come first

- I just feel like being wild/carefree with no care (exploring/curious)

- I'm jaded/emotionally scarred

- can't find any good men/they're all jerks/*******s/scum etc..

- I'd just rather stay alone and become a cat/dog lady

 

Yet regardless of all those reasons, that in no way that tomorrow woman will not meet a man tomorrow and throw everything out the window.

 

Well excuse us men for saying what we actually mean and sticking to it in the face of moderate emotions, and for not losing ourselves with someone just because they strike an emotional cord within us. Many men do not spend their days, time and effort into pursuing women...they actually spend a great deal of time with personal hobbies, entertainment, etc... Most mans hobbies are not "trying to get laid" believe it or not, we don't spend half the effort as women do in "trying to find a man".

 

In the end women need to realize they blame a small group of men for the mass of them. Most men do not acquire these "player like" skills, a lot of men are looking for commitment or willing to engage in that with the "right woman"...and unlike women when we don't just change because "emotions"....we don't just roll over and throw it all out of the window.

 

How would you feel If every man tomorrow desperately wanted a relationship that leads to marriage? Would you just choose the first thing that comes along or stop the chase because there is none and then maybe act like a man second guessing the awkward "ease" you sense in gaining something that's supposed to be "special and rare" like true love?

 

woa! Long post...

 

Consider replacing 'you' with 'some women' or something like that.

 

I'm merely pointing out my observation of societal trends.

 

I assume most men will get married or remarried at some point in their life....It's my job to make sure I'm in the right spot to hit that trajectory when he happens to come along. *IF* I'm looking for a committed relationship leading to marriage. If I didn't care, then yea. I'd use the random cast net approach. Who cares?

 

In another thread I gave my opinion of man-hos and women-hos. I really don't put alot of stock in it... especially since it is something so easily lied about.