Author Jstub Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 I bet she's going to text/ call OM for comfort. I want to puke. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 You don't think you will get past this, but you will. Cheaters blame the other person ALL OF THE TIME. They have a choice to tell you what issues they have and when they don't and decide to be with someone else, they blame you. It is CHEATING 101...lie, blame, lie some more, be cold, distant, angry with you, tell you that you are imagining things, you are crazy, you are paranoid and lie more until you discover and then they tell you a little bit more until you are almost crazy with it. Cheaters have to lie. They don't want to face the truth. Listen, you were not perfect in your marriage, I was not perfect in my marriage and my XH dam* sure wasn't. Your wife chose to cheat and my XH chose to cheat. Own your part of the problems, but not what she did. That is on her. I'm sure you know this, but drinking is not going to help and can get you into trouble if you lose too many inhibitions. You know, Sunny is right about the money and credit cards. She just might do everything she can to get as much as she can. Get it all done tomorrow. Don't think you can't get through it. You can. Stop drinking, talk to your brother, go to bed, get up, take care of the kids before school and go directly to the bank and call the credit card companies. Get a post office box if you have to...that is what I did and it kept the XH from knowing my business. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Hugs Really - she needs to blame someone and it's never gonna be herself! So stop beating yourself up ok? You didn't MAKE her spread her legs - she did that. She's just sorry she got caught. Any decent person would have told you, but she lied and lied. Your wife isn't the woman you thought she could be. Take action. Remove her from your home. Her cheating behind can go stay with that scum she cheated with. Give her absolutely no options! Call her sister and tell her your truth - and that a visit now is not wise or welcome. And don't drink, it won't solve a thing - only makes you depressed! She is just plain mean! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 She already said you have been violent with me and aggressive. I have not once laid a finger on her... Not even once. I can't type straight... Need to be strong. Shut down all feelings...Thank you all you are just amazing. What would i do without you. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Stay strong buddy. Stick to your plan. Take care of you and the kids! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Thank you 2sunny - you have been just amazing. I am going to go sleep right now, because staying up is doing me no good. I will tell work tomorrow what is going on, because I have been hiding it for long enough. Maybe, because in my denial self I thought things will be okay. Not anymore, no going back now. I will face the music. Such bad timing, I have class on Saturday all day and next week it's going to be so busy at work. 6 AM to 6 PM meetings. How am i going to concentrate....... I have to figure it out.... good night Link to post Share on other sites
findingnemo Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 She already said you have been violent with me and aggressive. I have not once laid a finger on her... Not even once. I can't type straight... Need to be strong. Shut down all feelings...Thank you all you are just amazing. What would i do without you. Hey Jstub, I'm really sorry but I'm also glad you know the truth. I know you're in pain but you need to start protecting yourself and your kids NOW. First off, report her drug use to someone, anyone. It must be official. If you don't do it now it will seem like you're just accusing her of something to make her look bad when you do it later. She has already started building a case against you in her mind by saying you were violent, etc. For Gawd's sake man, go on the offensive NOW. her dug addiction will get you custody of your kids. You can't afford to have the kids with her 50% of the time. Forget that and go for 100%. When she's clean, you can re-consider. Link to post Share on other sites
jaymz Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Jstub, you have got some great advice here. Take a deep breath, make a plan utilizing all the above advice and then get it done today: The finances, reporting the drug abuse, packing her stuff up, getting a lawyer, having a consultation with the top 5 lawyers in your area, 100% custody of your kids, etc My STBXW accused me of all sorts, my favourite being "physical torture". It will all be lies and exaderations as she has "checked out" of the relation and is justifying her actions to herself,family and friends by making YOU the bad guy. Well, if your going to be the bad guy by being nice to her then you may as well do the above!!! My biggest regret is not doing things much quicker: I wanted my wife back and didn't want to jeopardise any chances by being "mean" to her. Well, it didn't work and I put myself in a much worse position. Its a great big **** sandwich right now, your whole world collapsed, but you have to take a bite and keeping taking a bite and then its gone! Lots of posters here have gone through it, it does get better but you need to act now. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 Took the day off work. Calling lawyers now. Need to get some legal advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Good call. We can advise on relationship stuff...but it's best to have experts handle the legal/financial aspects. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Move money first thing! Close credit cards or she will take cash advances and max them out and you are responsible for at least half the debt until you file the court papers. Print out the balances right now to all your debt... So that IF she spends anything - you can PROVE what the balance was when you separated...then you won't be responsible for what debt she acquires from this point moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 We have 0 debt. No mortgage. Just a car lease, hers. It's under my name. As for money, she has no clue where our money is. I handled the finances since day one. We do have an account in europe under her name. Have to see what to do about that. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 Not one open credit card? Not one open bank account? Look closely - because IF there is any chance of her obtaining money from any of these areas - she will gain access to what is available if you don't take action now. Any cards with a zero balance will be maxed out by her... It's guaranteed. And the car lease - if it's under YOUR name - it is YOUR car and YOUR debt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 She has one credit card and the limit is low - it's under her own name. I have already saved all statements - I had just paid for her card, so it's a 0 balance. She has an ATM card and I just moved most of the money out of that account. Now, I will ask the lawyer as to how you officially state that you are separated. Maybe, I can get her to sign a paper. Worth a shot Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 23, 2012 Share Posted March 23, 2012 The lawyer will tell you that the D papers need to be filed with a "separation date" listed. That is the official starting point the court works from - but it's not recognized unless the papers are filed. It's a lot of papers to fill out - but very necessary to get the starting point obtained. Did she call her sister and state not to come visit? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 23, 2012 Author Share Posted March 23, 2012 The lawyer will tell you that the D papers need to be filed with a "separation date" listed. That is the official starting point the court works from - but it's not recognized unless the papers are filed. It's a lot of papers to fill out - but very necessary to get the starting point obtained. Did she call her sister and state not to come visit? I don't know about her sister. Didn't get a chance to talk about that in all the madness. I'll take care of that next. Thanks for the reminder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 (edited) 1. So i called the sister up and told her what's going on and that it's not a good idea for her to come. She is coming regardless, but she will not be staying with us. 2. What gets to me the most is that my wife thinks she is in love with OM. They confessed their love to each other and said their night was mind blowing. My wife also told him that she does not want a relationship with him, that she sees him as a lover and that she promises that they will have another mind blowing night together before she leaves (up north / Europe). Then they both say, their love is out of this world and that it is not an ordinary love, that they have not felt this way before. It's all a bunch of BS, but it's sad to see that she buys it. She is in love with an idea and has lost her brains. He is a writer, so he must be good with words. A 55 year old, getting to bang a 30 something year old is good enough reason to BS a vulnerable woman. My my, how naive can you be. 3. My wife used to be very possessive of me. If I even looked at another woman, she used to make a big scene. So i had trained myself to act appropriately. Not anymore! after last night's episode, I am free to do what I like. I know, I know other women are not the answer etc. I should be happy with myself, but hear my story. So I took my kids to the park this afternoon, I remember about 2 weeks ago, I was there with my wife and kids and this woman kept checking me out... my wife went nuts about it. So guess what, she was there and we started talking. Turns out, she is in the same boat, her husband cheated on her and they are now separated. We talked for a bit and we both came to the conclusion. Why should they only have fun? SOOO, I dropped off my kids at home, and she dropped her kids at her ex and we went to her place and had sex. I have to say, it was damn good. It felt good to have sex with a stranger and it was better than what me and my wife's sex life has been like the past year. We both agreed that we are in no position to even date, not ready at all. We just said it felt damn good. No regrets. No I will not be replacing my wife with another woman. I will however, have sex with anyone I feel like (if they agree haha). Edited March 24, 2012 by Jstub Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Oh my! I hope you covered it - and also I hope you've covered it with your wife too! Std's are everywhere now! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 She wasn't gonna leave you - you are her free ride. And stop trying to figure out what's she's thinking/feeling...a druggy is never in their right mind. They have no conscience! Did you get your things done today? When is she moving out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 Oh my! I hope you covered it - and also I hope you've covered it with your wife too! Std's are everywhere now! Covered it good. With my wife, not so much - but then again we didn't have sex for a couple of months. She wasn't cheating back then, things were fine. I had a dream that she was pregnant - The weekend that she screwed the guy was her ovulation cycle.. I hope my dream doesn't come true? She's supposed to get her period today or tomorrow. How exciting!! hahahah - oh and she got her palm read 3 weeks ago and the palm reader said, you will be pregnant in the next 3 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 DAMN that was fast! You HAVE to stop looking at your wife as a victim of this guy. She is participating of her own free will. She may have even initiated it for all you know. I think she is stringing him along for whatever benefit she sees, just like she tried to string you along for her benefit...i.e. live here and pay the bills, but we're separated, etc. Anyway, congrats (I guess?? lol) on your afternoon activities. I'm glad you did something that made you feel better. I didn't see you mention contacting lawyers or anything like that though. Hope you're taking care of yourself in the ways that will benefit you for more than an hour or so. Yes, you are right. It does not matter anyway. As I told the OM yesterday, THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER. A slut cheater and a home wrecker (with 2 divorces behind him). I did contact a bunch of lawyers today. I have made appointments for next week. That should be beneficial right??? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Yes, you are right. It does not matter anyway. As I told the OM yesterday, THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER. A slut cheater and a home wrecker (with 2 divorces behind him). I did contact a bunch of lawyers today. I have made appointments for next week. That should be beneficial right??? Yep. Did you close accounts and move money? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jstub Posted March 24, 2012 Author Share Posted March 24, 2012 She wasn't gonna leave you - you are her free ride. And stop trying to figure out what's she's thinking/feeling...a druggy is never in their right mind. They have no conscience! Did you get your things done today? When is she moving out? Drugs, oh how I hate them - Once in a while it's okay to have a good time (depending on what it is), but anything in excess is never good. Got things done yes. Moved money, cancelled her phone (oh how I enjoyed doing that), next, I will fry (virus) her computer and refuse to fix it. Made appts with a bunch of lawyers. When is she moving out? Now, that's up to the lawyers. She does not want to leave and I am not leaving. She is actually being very nice to me today (scared?) even though I canceled her phone. I know she is contacting (or already contacted) the shark lawyer she used to work for. This guy is very well known for getting 100% custody when it logically makes no sense. Now about the drugs, I can not report her at this point, because she managed to get an actual prescription from a doctor she bull****ted... 10 mg... how she did that? No clue! maybe she gave him a bj? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 Drugs, oh how I hate them - Once in a while it's okay to have a good time (depending on what it is), but anything in excess is never good. Got things done yes. Moved money, cancelled her phone (oh how I enjoyed doing that), next, I will fry (virus) her computer and refuse to fix it. Made appts with a bunch of lawyers. When is she moving out? Now, that's up to the lawyers. She does not want to leave and I am not leaving. She is actually being very nice to me today (scared?) even though I canceled her phone. I know she is contacting (or already contacted) the shark lawyer she used to work for. This guy is very well known for getting 100% custody when it logically makes no sense. Now about the drugs, I can not report her at this point, because she managed to get an actual prescription from a doctor she bull****ted... 10 mg... how she did that? No clue! maybe she gave him a bj? You'd be shocked what sex acts are exchanged for drugs. So she's not mad about the phone? She must have gotten an extra pay as you go phone already - or had it before... IF she attempts full custody - just simply ask the judge to drug test her right on the spot. She's not gonna tell her attorney about her drug use. It's up to you to disclose her habit and lack of ability to care for the kids. Keep a diary of daily events. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 24, 2012 Share Posted March 24, 2012 And the right thing to do would be a phone call to the doctor that prescribed it - telling him that she's an addict. Link to post Share on other sites
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