Lad123 Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Hi All Here's the background (If you have time!) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/315248-ldr-break-up-so-devastated My ex Girlfriend broke up at the end of January, and after a couple of e-mails in the following 2 weeks I went to total NC (Including deleting fb profile)....Until she broke it this evening with this e-mail: Hi Darling, I'm sorry to email you, I know you'd said you would get back in touch when you were ready but I just really miss you. I've been looking at old photos which I suppose I shouldn't have. I'd just like to know how you're doing, what you're up to, how's work etc and did you carry on with the rock climbing? How's the house looking? Have you been round to the neighbours' much at all? Done much with the garden? How is the revising going? I've not been doing much different to be honest. got around 11 hours with each academy now but it's not really enough! I mean you do more than that in two days haha! So going to start some private classes. Anyway I dont feel like I have much that would really interest you, just feeling really sad and I miss you loads. Love you all the world xxxx I'll be honest and say that I still love, even adore this girl, and the break-up was on good terms. (Though its taken until the past weekend to stop getting upset about it when I'm on my own!) I'm trying desperately not to get my hopes up on this e-mail. I just want to know how, if at all, I should reply. I was going to leave it a couple of days to mull it over. But I was going to just say what I've been upto: Joining Clubs, Being promoted at work, going to the gym(lost a stone!), meeting friends and starting motorbike lessons etc. And I feel like I should reply as I don't want to come across as a knob! But hand on heart, I part of me still wants her back....even though she's 1000 miles away, and she said as we split she felt she wanted to stay there for longer. Your advice would be much appreciated! Thanks again for your support!
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 13, 2012 Posted March 13, 2012 Hi All Here's the background (If you have time!) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/315248-ldr-break-up-so-devastated My ex Girlfriend broke up at the end of January, and after a couple of e-mails in the following 2 weeks I went to total NC (Including deleting fb profile)....Until she broke it this evening with this e-mail: Hi Darling, I'm sorry to email you, I know you'd said you would get back in touch when you were ready but I just really miss you. I've been looking at old photos which I suppose I shouldn't have. I'd just like to know how you're doing, what you're up to, how's work etc and did you carry on with the rock climbing? How's the house looking? Have you been round to the neighbours' much at all? Done much with the garden? How is the revising going? I've not been doing much different to be honest. got around 11 hours with each academy now but it's not really enough! I mean you do more than that in two days haha! So going to start some private classes. Anyway I dont feel like I have much that would really interest you, just feeling really sad and I miss you loads. Love you all the world xxxx I'll be honest and say that I still love, even adore this girl, and the break-up was on good terms. (Though its taken until the past weekend to stop getting upset about it when I'm on my own!) I'm trying desperately not to get my hopes up on this e-mail. I just want to know how, if at all, I should reply. I was going to leave it a couple of days to mull it over. But I was going to just say what I've been upto: Joining Clubs, Being promoted at work, going to the gym(lost a stone!), meeting friends and starting motorbike lessons etc. And I feel like I should reply as I don't want to come across as a knob! But hand on heart, I part of me still wants her back....even though she's 1000 miles away, and she said as we split she felt she wanted to stay there for longer. Your advice would be much appreciated! Thanks again for your support! She is 1000 miles away. how will this work unless one of you moves to be with the other? texts are just texts. love is as it does not as it says.
Frank13 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Nothing in the email says she wants you back. She misses you and is sad, but that doesn't mean she wants you back. I would go NC or reply with a simple "I am fine".
stimson554 Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Do NOT respond, she wants to alleviate all of the residual feelings of guilt left over from the breakup. "how are you?" "what have you been up to?" these are basic probing questions to see if you will respond. she believes you don't have what it takes to not talk to her, prove her wrong.
charliecakes Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Hm..I think you probably want to reply (even just casually?) and I guess I may be wrong and I know I've made a few mistakes, but I always think I should go with my gut, and if I'm wrong at least I'll know that I tried and won't be thinking 'what if?' You aren't going to be in a worse position, just maybe a little upset again for a few days? I don't know your circumstances but if you think it may work what do you have to lose? I guess just don't get your hopes up though, exes aren't always who we thought they were...
Chi townD Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Nothing in the email says she wants you back. She misses you and is sad, but that doesn't mean she wants you back. I would go NC or reply with a simple "I am fine". I agree. Even with responding with a text saying, "I am fine" might draw you into a conversation full of breadcrumbs. You really in the mood for that? She fell that she needed to leave and experience life. Well, you're letting her do that..hell, you already had to witness a photo with her and some other dude. She's living her life, a life that she chose not to have you a part of. What exactly does she want from you? You've been doing all of the right things. Keeping busy, doing things, getting promoted, traveling and getting fit. She's just trying to see where your heads at, seeing if you hate her. For some reason, women hate the fact that there's someone in the world that doesn't like them and think that they're awesome as a person. You not talking to her and being "a really good friend" is bugging the sh*t out of her.
standtall Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 You're her security blanket. She is reaching out to smell it again..I agree with the OP's here...nothing indicates she wants you back. IMHO, she really wants to hear that nothing much has changed with you and that you have not moved on, or that your wallowing without her. If you want to through her a curve ball, tell her that you have a new girlfriend and that you're engaged and your moving in together.
Author Lad123 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Thankyou for the replies! It all seems to make so much sense reading this to keep NC. But its been a hard day thinking about replying, then moments later, as CharlieCakes says...thinking that at least I could try. Either way I've decided to let it lie for a few days...see if I can settle on the way to go. Its funny that I've read so many posts on LS stating that we should remain NC. But when they get in touch...I can appreciate now how hard it is NOT to reply!
Senateguy Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 I can tell you what is going to happen before you even do it. You can read my situation, i got the breadcrumbs literally last week. Virtually the same exact message you are getting. She wants to know what you are doing and how you're doing. It is getting to her psychologically that she might not have the upper hand anymore and that she is losing you. This has NOTHING to do with her wanting you back. This is all ego. The whole dance of "i miss you" is just pure bait to try to draw someone in that they think they have on a string. There is no apology for leaving no nothing. If she wants you back....she will flat out say..."I want you back..i want to work things out." She is not saying that. So if you respond......and i'd bet my life you eventually will....because i think it's virtually impossible to not respond to someone you care deeply about.... she is going to be really nice and sweet for the first few conversations. She is going to tell you how great it is to talk to you...how sweet it is to hear from you again. Then her guilt will reside and her ego will be assuaged and she will pack up and go back to dumping you. I have literally done this tango 10-13 times. And no matter what happens that's the end result. The psychological aspect of this situation is simple. Your interest is too high and it's WAY beyond hers. ANd that makes you ripe for manipulation and as a result, you're very vulnerable to these emails because you have hope and desire that she will want you back. So you'll jump at any drip of water from the fountain of hope. The reality is she does not want you back, and that's very hard to accept. The only way reconciliation is at all possible and can be successful is for the interest of the dumpee to come back down to earth where they can rationaly analyze the situation. And there is no way in hell that is possible in four weeks. Her interest level is in the toilet and yours is in the heavens. That is recipe for hurt. So anyways. You need to ignore it. You need to create space. You need to get perspective. If you break no contact, she is going to hurt you because she is going to reject you again. And the awful thing about these breadcrumbs is that she will continue to feed them to you until her ego doesn't give a **** anymore or you turn off the communication. But know this. As soon as you start this conversation back up you are headed right back to day one and it sucks. Take my advice. Don't respond. But i'll be there for you if you do and when she hurts you. Because i personally can attest to how hard it is to ignore someone you really care about despite the fact they don't care about you. I had a post where there was 20 people telling me not to respond. I held out for a few days and despite knowing that it was bad and knowing what was going to to happen, i responded. We talked, we hung out, then she bailed again. But i'm there for you if you need support.
Author Lad123 Posted March 14, 2012 Author Posted March 14, 2012 Thanks mate! Just reading your post is making me well up. The thought of not being with her ever again is eating away at me. I'm finding it hard today to see past this situation and to think positively about ANY rekationship in the future. Its crap, as the past few days I felt like I had really got to grips with it. I wish I could see light at the end of the tunnel!
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