StupidAndInLove Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I am a first time poster, very long time lurker. I read these boards everyday. Ill make a long story short: My man is not married, but Ill refer to him as MM to keep it simple. Met MM a year and a half ago- he was 100% single. I was in the process of divorce- no contact with my ex at all. MM and I got along great. We were in it for 2 or 3 months when he got a call from an ex saying that she had his child (9 months old). He had lost a child years ago so family is very important to him. He told me he wanted to try and make it work with her for his son. I respected him telling me that and we remained friends. We are the best of friends. They moved in together and she became pregnant. He had a DNA test done on the first child and it turns out it wasnt his child. We began seeing each other romantically and fell in love. He spent 2 or 3 nights a week at my house. It bothered me a great deal because I wanted more. He told me all of the usual stuff- I love you, I cant leave because she is pregnant, etc. I understood. I mentally set a date to leave him alone when the baby is born. Their relationship has been rocky the entire time. The past few months it seems like it has gotten worse. Fast forward to this weekend- he up and tells her its not working, that they will be better parents without all of the fighting and arguing, and he is leaving. He packs up his stuff and he is now at my house (I know most of you disagree with that and thats okay ) He has told her he will pay half of the rent until their lease is up this summer and he will pay child support and be there for the child that has yet to be born. She throws in the "im committing suicide" line and begs for him to come back all day long. He tells me that he is not going anywhere, but he talks to her all the time. I am trying to give him the space he needs to deal with it. Its only been a few days, so its very new. He is going back there tomorrow night to "talk". He left in the middle of their argument and he feels he needs to sit down face to face and work out plans for paying the rent, child supoort, and him going to the doctors appointments. He feels she deserves an explanation. I understand all of that, but I cant help but be nervous because Im afraid he will go there, she will put on her best behavior and he will feel guilty and go back. I know I cant control his actions and feelings, but Im worried sick. I know he loves me and I know he wants to be with me. I have told him that if he chooses to go back (out of guilt or whatever reason) I will move out of the picture so he can concentrate on them. I will not have him leave my house to go back and continue an affair. I just needed to vent. Its what I get for seeing someone who is seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted March 13, 2012 Share Posted March 13, 2012 I just needed to vent. Its what I get for seeing someone who is seeing someone else. We get what we give, right? Just a question, are you really prepared for all the drama.. I mean, two babies, supposedly one not his, she threatening suicide, which in and of itself is a whole 'nuther' set of problems. All of this and you moved him into your house? What were you thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Author StupidAndInLove Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 We get what we give, right? Just a question, are you really prepared for all the drama.. I mean, two babies, supposedly one not his, she threatening suicide, which in and of itself is a whole 'nuther' set of problems. All of this and you moved him into your house? What were you thinking? I dont know what I was thinking (look at my username). One baby is definitely not his- I have seen the proof. The drama is what it is. I do love this man dearly. She has stopped threatening suicide and just wants to talk. I know that this wont be easy or fun, but I believe it will be worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StupidAndInLove Posted March 13, 2012 Author Share Posted March 13, 2012 Question...is he paying towards your rent and expenses while living there? Yes. He is paying half of everything, including rent. I have been doing it alone for a long time, so having the extra helps a ton. I appreciate your response. I have always been the type to push aside my feelings and I really need to work on that. He and I spoke about balance and the need for transparency with her. He is at the point where he believes he can be a better parent outside the home. She doesnt see it that way. He has told his family and friends that he has left the house. I dont believe this was a spur of the moment decision. I believe it has been coming for months and he just couldnt do it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
jackmartin199030 Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 Australians have long worried about whether Indonesia is ‘special’ or ‘normal’. Instead, we need to deal with Indonesia as it really is—a country experiencing simultaneously the challenges of political reform, economic development and a shifting regional security environment. The country’s political future is less certain than we would hope: after SBY’s term of government ends, the choice of a successor will be critical in determining the future of reform. We can’t rule out that Indonesia might slide back to old ways of doing business—democratisation is a fraught process. As the Indonesian economy grows, so too do the prospects for Indonesia to establish its natural position as the leader of Southeast Asia. As the world is re-examining Indonesia, so too Indonesia is looking afresh at the world—more interested in external issues than it was a decade ago. The Southeast Asian subregion increasingly finds itself at the centre of a more strongly interconnected Indo-Pacific region—so Indonesia’s strategic importance is going up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StupidAndInLove Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 That's good. I'm glad he's paying his way. I'm not knocking him because I don't him personally, so this is just generally speaking...don't let that change. Once he starts feeling financial burden with supporting her and their child, make sure you still receive the fair support you deserve. If you don't then you're essentially telling him that you're willing to fall down the list of priorities. Every thing we give up to accomodate them is that much harder to regain later on. I'm not talking about compromise...everyone has to compromise in relationships about one thing or another. I'm talking about things that are important to you, that make you feel loved and safe. These are basic needs and if someone can't meet them, then you have to look at compatibility, priorities, etc., and whether or not you're a good fit. I know it's hard because you're scared he could go back, and in reality he could. No one can guarantee that. Just keep in mind the type of relationship and the type of man that you want in your life. Expect him to be that man. Don't change yourself to make him fit...if that makes sense. Thanks Sad. That is great advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author StupidAndInLove Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Update: He did go have a talk with her as he said he would. He came back home and things were fine. He went with her to get a sonogram done a few days later. After he came back home she started bombarding his phone with text messages begging him to come back. This continued through Saturday when he turned his phone off and has not turned it back on since. He is going to give her rent money this evening and will talk to her about the messages. Obviously if she is pregnant she needs a way to get a hold of him. So it went way better than expected. He has bought some new furniture for the house and is helping me organize. We got the grill out this weekend and his close friends and some of my and his family came. I know it can be taken away at anytime, but for now its wonderful and I love sleeping next to him every night. Link to post Share on other sites
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