Rimer Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I'm wondering whats wrong with me. I can talk to girls when I'm out with my friends but I can't close the deal. I don't have much confidence, i'm somewhat overweight and I really got no hobbies other than sitting inside doing stuff. I feel like I'm too boring too. I'm wondering once I chat up a girl it mostly takes off nicely but at the end they usually lose all interest me. I might come off too nice too. Do I have to have hobbies etc to be more interesting and not so boring? Does confidence really make that much a difference that girls can sense it even If I don't show it IMO. First I thought it was because my overweight but now I'm starting to think it might actually be something else that's wrong with me?
jerbear Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I'm wondering whats wrong with me. I can talk to girls when I'm out with my friends but I can't close the deal. I don't have much confidence, i'm somewhat overweight and I really got no hobbies other than sitting inside doing stuff. I feel like I'm too boring too. I'm wondering once I chat up a girl it mostly takes off nicely but at the end they usually lose all interest me. I might come off too nice too. If you feel you are boring, you probably are. Usually one you become self aware, you get the ephinany on what is the problem the find a plan to get out of it. Do I have to have hobbies etc to be more interesting and not so boring? Does confidence really make that much a difference that girls can sense it even If I don't show it IMO. Having a hobby that you are passionate about is what matters. If you took up skiing and hate it; just to please someone, you'll be in a world of hurt and be upset. Confidence does matter, you have to be able to talk to anyone and anyplace without feeling awkward. If it bothers you, join a Toastmasters group to start then join a business networking group to practice your elevator pitch. First I thought it was because my overweight but now I'm starting to think it might actually be something else that's wrong with me?How much overweight? Some women like the big bear. Dispite my LS name, I'm not a big bear. 1
Els Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 What 'stuff' do you do when you 'sit inside'? I find that people unfairly characterize certain hobbies to be 'boring', when they really are as viable as any other. Watching the TV is actually a 'hobby', so is playing video games, or reading a book, or any of the other things that people look down upon.
fencesitter Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 Oh sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with you. Try to find an interest outside of your home that represents who you are. Or, who you want to be. Like, volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or train for a 5k run. Worry less about "closing the deal" and make your life full. When you are fulfilled in life on your own, that confidence will come through. When you find something you can be passionate about, that enthusiasm will make you seem not boring at all. And who knows, maybe along the way you will meet a fabulous girl who shares your newfound hobby! 1
Author Rimer Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 What 'stuff' do you do when you 'sit inside'? I find that people unfairly characterize certain hobbies to be 'boring', when they really are as viable as any other. Watching the TV is actually a 'hobby', so is playing video games, or reading a book, or any of the other things that people look down upon. Actually. Mostly those. Tv, play games, surf the net Oh sweetheart, there is nothing wrong with you. Try to find an interest outside of your home that represents who you are. Or, who you want to be. Like, volunteer with Habitat for Humanity or train for a 5k run. Worry less about "closing the deal" and make your life full. When you are fulfilled in life on your own, that confidence will come through. When you find something you can be passionate about, that enthusiasm will make you seem not boring at all. And who knows, maybe along the way you will meet a fabulous girl who shares your newfound hobby! I'd love to be doing volunteering work for animals. But in my country the animal volunteering is non existant ;( There's also many sports I love to do when i was younger but now I can't because i'm out of shape.
Author Rimer Posted March 12, 2012 Author Posted March 12, 2012 If you feel you are boring, you probably are. Usually one you become self aware, you get the ephinany on what is the problem the find a plan to get out of it. Having a hobby that you are passionate about is what matters. If you took up skiing and hate it; just to please someone, you'll be in a world of hurt and be upset. Confidence does matter, you have to be able to talk to anyone and anyplace without feeling awkward. If it bothers you, join a Toastmasters group to start then join a business networking group to practice your elevator pitch. How much overweight? Some women like the big bear. Dispite my LS name, I'm not a big bear. I'm pretty much able to talk to anyone but If I get a hint of that IMO means the people rejects me or has no interest whatsoever talking to me I give up and move on or start moping about it and thinking whats wrong with me because I felt like they didn't like me. No toastmasters where I live. I'm a big bear =) I know there woman out there who like a big bear but still I'm not happy with who I am myself. Does that kinda thing come thru even if I think I can hide it myself
Teknoe Posted March 12, 2012 Posted March 12, 2012 I'm wondering whats wrong with me. I can talk to girls when I'm out with my friends but I can't close the deal. I don't have much confidence, i'm somewhat overweight and I really got no hobbies other than sitting inside doing stuff. I feel like I'm too boring too. I'm wondering once I chat up a girl it mostly takes off nicely but at the end they usually lose all interest me. I might come off too nice too. Do I have to have hobbies etc to be more interesting and not so boring? Does confidence really make that much a difference that girls can sense it even If I don't show it IMO. First I thought it was because my overweight but now I'm starting to think it might actually be something else that's wrong with me? Rimer, I really echo Jerbear's reply. Read that carefully. He spoke a lot of truth. Also, here are some threads I created that may help you. I can tell you I have been in your shoes before... it does take a high level of self-awareness and discipline to walk toward becoming a healthier, whole person. But the good news is you can do it! Don't be too hard on yourself, either. Enjoy the process of becoming the man you were DESTINED TO BECOME. Read these threads, preferably in order: 1. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/313588-my-awesome-breakthrough-experience-tonight-read-blessed 2. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/317238-sharing-my-experience-having-lunch-yesterday-five-single-late-20s-ladies 3. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/self-improvement-personal-well-being/316034-i-have-never-felt-determined-before ^ Be sure to read the third thread in particular. It's how I went from being in a very dark place to stepping into a much, MUCH healthier place. These threads may help color in some perspective for you from a guy who has been in very similar shoes as to yourself. Wish you the best.
fencesitter Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 In my experience, if you are not happy with yourself, you will only attract 2 kinds of people: those who are also not happy with themselves or those who will exploit your insecurities. Either way, it would be an unhealthy, damaging relationship, leaving you feeling even worse about yourself. Don't do that. YES, it comes through even if you think you hide it. Big bears make some women feel safe. Trust, there is someone for everyone! Work on boosting your confidence and love for life...and the women will follow.
Emilia Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Actually. Mostly those. Tv, play games, surf the net [....] I'd love to be doing volunteering work for animals. But in my country the animal volunteering is non existant ;( There's also many sports I love to do when i was younger but now I can't because i'm out of shape. So you lead a sedentary lifestyle with hobbies that are solitary, you aren't doing anything to improve your circumstances and as a result you are overweight. Would you find the same lifestyle attractive in a woman?
DontWorryBHappy Posted March 14, 2012 Posted March 14, 2012 Good advice in this thread. My last ex actually told me that he thought he was boring, and it was sad that I couldn't tell him otherwise. I'm a really random type of person who loves to do things on a whim, sometimes without thinking, because I like adventures... I like spontaneity. I'm an ambitious risk taker. But he was such a planner, always asked the same questions, said the same type of things every day.... He needs someone who is more like that too. Damn, I'm going on a tangent. The main thing is that you have got to be happy with yourself. Some girls won't like a guy who stays inside most of the time if they are an active person. But other girls might also be the type to stay in all the time. But seriously, what you're doing with your life isn't the issue. It's how you perceive it. If you're not confident about yourself and what you're doing, then yes, that will show in your interactions with women. I would focus more on just talking with people than "closing a deal". That'll get your confidence up faster than pressuring yourself will. You sound like a good guy though, so don't lose faith.
Author Rimer Posted March 18, 2012 Author Posted March 18, 2012 Thanks for all the responses. Teknoe I'll be reading your threads after I post this.. Took me a while to respond here as I've been pretty down this week fighting the old demons
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