Renard99 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Hello I just wondered what peoples opinions are about when to move in with someone? What brings this up is that, after dating for 7 months, my GF and I are now with each other most evenings and every weekend (she hates the shared house she's in so it's much nicer for the two of us at mine) The thing is, I have a housemate, and, unfortunately, I think me being with my girlfriend a lot has made him a little uncomfortable (I get the impression that he feels the 'batchelor pad' has been violated) and has now made the decision to move out in 4 to 6 months time. This all coincides with my GF's contract on her place running out as well. Now, I don't normally move in with someone quite so soon in a relationship (11 to 13 months by the time he moves out) so that's worrying me a little, but, it's preferable to the alternatives (I move back with my parents, miles away, as I can't afford rent on the current place my own. She spends months trying to find rooms to rent in houses that arent full of crazy people as she can't afford rent on a place of her own) Are these the wrong things to be moving in together, or, considering the situation we would find ourselves in, is it worth a stab at being as we're with each other most of our free time anyway?
mixwell Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Well I have always heard the saying "you never know what someone is like until you live with them" and that's regards to friends etc.. I think only you can decide, there's no required time limit that you have to be together with her. If you two get along well for the most part then maybe it's not a bad idea. You cannot feel bad for your friend moving out either because if this is something that you want then it's your choice. I think if you two communicate well then give it a shot. The worst that can happen is that you two break up and end up moving out but you never know, things could work out very well for you guys.
FitChick Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 After a year of living together, expect her to want an engagement ring.
Author Renard99 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 After a year of living together, expect her to want an engagement ring. Think i'm fairly safe on this one. She got out of a nasty marriage a few years ago and has stated she has no intention to do it again. I appreciate that may change with time and i'm willing to roll with that, but for now that's fine by me.
Dusk1983 Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 (edited) Very similar situation here - I moved in to my gf's flat after only 6 months of being together, because I was there all the time anyway and I was getting sick and tired of the chaos of my own houseshare. I admit that I really freaked out at first, mainly with the fear of not being able to get any space from each other and ultimately getting bored. However, now we're 3.5 months in, I can honestly say neither of us have ever been happier. It actually seems really bizarre that I used to leave her every few nights to go and sleep alone, in another house, with a load of other people. A houseshare now seems like something that just prolongs an adolescent lifestyle. If co-habiting works, you really do just grow into each other, and it soon seems the most natural thing in the world to create your own "nest" exactly as you want it, no compromises, and be with each other all the time. We're both 28/29 btw, I know age shouldn't have anything to do with it, but I feel it's working so well because we're both mature enough to make it work. Edited March 8, 2012 by Dusk1983
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Bad idea bro, ones she is in, it will be hard to get her out if something goes wrong. Not like she can find a place fast and easy these days. Unless you are married or engaged...no need to move in together. Have your own place, your Man cave, your Isolation station for mental health...like Superman. Nothing beats living by your self in your own little world. Do what you like, clean as often as you like, keep stuff on the floor where you like....freedom!
fallenenvy Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I have found that living together changes the dynamics of a relationship...not necessarily good or bad.. You really do get to know someone 100% when you start living together.. and you either find you are compatible or you arn't... or you learn to compromise. The first time i lived with someone i made sure to have a 2 bedroom apartment. That way when we had a fight or were getting on each others nerves one of us had another room to go sleep in and calm down. I don't see any issues with her moving in with you.. if that is what you want. Just be prepared and know things will change... good luck and i hope it works out for you. Been over 2 years of my bf living with me...we annoy the hell outa each other sometimes...but its ok cause we still love each other and we have managed to compromise enough to get along.
make me believe Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Now, I don't normally move in with someone quite so soon in a relationship (11 to 13 months by the time he moves out) so that's worrying me a little, but, it's preferable to the alternatives (I move back with my parents, miles away, as I can't afford rent on the current place my own. She spends months trying to find rooms to rent in houses that arent full of crazy people as she can't afford rent on a place of her own) I think those are the wrong reasons, yeah. Because then if the relationship goes south, it will be so much more difficult for either of you to break up with the other one and move out. It would be different if you could easily afford rent on your own but wanted to move in with your gf for the sake of living with her, and not just for financial/convenience reasons. Also, I think you should be more respectful of your roommate and quit letting your gf unofficially live with you guys. Your post tells me that you are basically running him out of the apt because he is so uncomfortable with her being there all the time. It doesn't sound like he's willing to be the "bad guy" and speak up to you about it, so imo it's on you to realize that it's HIS place too, not you and your girlfriend's, and you need to respect his comfort level. (I've had roommates who's boyfriends never seemed to leave our apartment, and let me tell you it's SUPER annoying.) 1
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Your GF sound like too much drama. She got PHD in crazy detection...I bet SHE is the crazy one. I say brake up with your GF before it's too late!
zengirl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 Check out this post for some general insights on living together. This all coincides with my GF's contract on her place running out as well. Now, I don't normally move in with someone quite so soon in a relationship (11 to 13 months by the time he moves out) so that's worrying me a little, but, it's preferable to the alternatives (I move back with my parents, miles away, as I can't afford rent on the current place my own. She spends months trying to find rooms to rent in houses that arent full of crazy people as she can't afford rent on a place of her own) Are these the wrong things to be moving in together, or, considering the situation we would find ourselves in, is it worth a stab at being as we're with each other most of our free time anyway? Yes, those are the wrong reasons. I think timing can sometimes encourage a couple to take that step (even before hubby proposed, we were going to move in because it just seemed practical for a bit---though at that point it was a potentially temporary situation) but I don't think it can be the main REASON for the step. I think you should only move in with someone if you really do want to take that step with them. I don't think it's about the length of time necessarily, though I do think it's important to go towards it somewhat gradually (ideally, unless it was a LDR all or nothing situation, one would not go from seeing each other a couple times a week to living together), and it doesn't seem like it'd be a shocking change in your situation but it is something to consider. The dynamics will be different without the roommate there and with her truly moved in, so consider that. You could always get a new housemate when your roommate moves out, after all. So, don't let that be the main motivator of moving in together, or it'll not go well.
veggirl Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I agree with those that said your reasons are not good ones. Also that you need to be more respectful of your current roommate, seriously if I was him I'd be really pissed that your gf was basically the 3rd non-paying roommate. You and your gf are being extremely inconsiderate.
LnliHrt Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 I agree with those that said your reasons are not good ones. Also that you need to be more respectful of your current roommate, seriously if I was him I'd be really pissed that your gf was basically the 3rd non-paying roommate. You and your gf are being extremely inconsiderate. Vagina has this effect on some guys....even me at one time...
HeyFriends Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 dont do it.. moving in too soon can really make or break a relationship.
CupcakeCrisis Posted March 8, 2012 Posted March 8, 2012 My s/o and I moved in together after 2 1/2 years of dating. By that point though, I was staying at his place the entire weekend and trying to get him to let me stay the rest of the week too. I just wasn't ready to make the official leap until the 2 1/2 year mark. And there were several bad reasons motivating the move - I was in a verbally and emotionally abusive living situation and I couldn't quite afford to live on my own (I have worked temporary jobs that, while they're high-paying, can leave me in the dust when the contract runs out). But I also really did want to live with him and find out if we could make a go before getting more serious. But I'll be honest: at about half a year in, I really think it's too soon to start planning for your girlfriend to move in. I also think you've been rude to your roommate, but I'll spare you anymore of that. At six months in, have you even had your first fight? Traveled together? Are you aware of each other's income, would you be willing to discuss housework/splitting the bills/how to manage fights/what to do in an unplanned pregnancy? Do you like or can you at least tolerate each others' families? Have you worked on a project together? These are all important things to work out, and usually couples haven't been through all of that at 6 - 7 months in. If they have, go for it. But most haven't. My S/O and I laid down the ground rules with each other before we moved in as far as bills and housework. There were no nasty surprises there because we planned ahead. That doesn't mean we haven't had a few fights, but it happens. I also think it's important to be prepared for the living adjustment. Even though I had been pretty much staying with my s/o beforehand, when I moved in, suddenly I was also responsible for doing the housework and all for him too. Living together is a much more humble and less grandiose thing. After I moved in, I was depressed for about 2 months and I found it quite difficult to adjust at first. I remember often thinking, "This was a huge mistake, I never should have moved in, etc." I eventually adjusted. He learned how to compromise more in a live-in situation, which made it easier for me over time. Couples need to be prepared for that...it's not always easy at first.
Author Renard99 Posted March 8, 2012 Author Posted March 8, 2012 For those saying I'm being inconsiderate to my housemate.... She's only actually ever in the house at the weekends and even then, we're generally only around saturday night/sunday morning. When I say I'm with her in the evenings, it's on the way home from work and I walk her to her door. I honestly didn't think having her over one night a week is inconsiderate.
zengirl Posted March 9, 2012 Posted March 9, 2012 For those saying I'm being inconsiderate to my housemate.... She's only actually ever in the house at the weekends and even then, we're generally only around saturday night/sunday morning. When I say I'm with her in the evenings, it's on the way home from work and I walk her to her door. I honestly didn't think having her over one night a week is inconsiderate. Well, if THAT'S how much you're seeing each other, I definitely would think moving in would be vastly different and a bit risky. The OP made it sound like she was over your house every night anyway.
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