The Bit Where You Realise Your Role In the Break Up.......On a Massive Low Today!

[Lad123]

Hello All!

 

My apologies if this is in the wrong section, I wan't sure!

 

Here's the LOOOOOONG version of my relationship:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/315248-ldr-break-up-so-devastated

 

But the short version is that my Girlfriend of 2.5 years recently decided to end things as she had recently moved abroad (Originally on a temporary basis) to work after her University course. I was fine with this but after a a few weeks of her returning from her break back home for Christmas I noticed that something was amiss. The end result is that the relationship was ended. The reasons she gave were:

 

A) That she wanted to stay there for longer than she planned.

B) We were just too different

C) She had been thinking more and more 'What If?' when she met new men.

 

Its been 1 months since BU, and over 2 weeks NC. I can say that I am accepting the break up now. But I still feel like crap. I have days where I can keep a lid on my need to break down, but other days the choked up feeling in my throat just gets too much and I have to let it out at some point(Not the best idea when working in an all male workplace).

 

Today has been no exception to the latter case. But It has been made all the worse by the fact that I have had a hard think of what I could have done t make things better.

 

First off, I accept that the draw of a foreign place for a young girl is too much to resist, and having a boyfriend back at home only makes things harder. I willingly accept that.

 

As for the other too reasons I can't help but feel that I drove her away and made the decision easier for her to make.

I'll be honest and say that I was a doormat. I made things too easy for her, I told her often that i loved her and adored her. And willingly helped her whenever I could. I just wanted her to feel speial to me. I told her recently (whilst drunk) that I wanted to marry her, and she responded by saying that she did to but i had to do it sober...which is fair enough! She reinforced this point again when we went out and she pointed out the sort of ring she wanted! The point is that I thought i was doing everything right at that stage.

 

I know also that I have confidence/self esteem issues. She always pushed me in the right direction. But I know that there are some occasions where my shyness came into play and I found it difficult to socialise with some of her friends. And I think even my lack of friends (I only have a few close ones, some local, some at distance) to introduce her to made her want to end things

 

I am aware that these things have played a major part in her decision. I only have to think of her male 'friends' to see how she wanted me to be. And I can't help but think now that I have bored and dissapointed her, and she just gave up on me. But in turn I have dissapointed myself, as I have lost someone so special to me and I know that I'll never get her back now.

 

There hasn't been a day gone by that I wish that I'd get a e-mail/text/phone call wanting to talk because she made a mistake (I guess we've all been here) or that she return later inthe year for her break and decide i was the one she wanted all along.I miss her so much, I feel like I have a huge gap in my life now and I don't know what to do.

 

Anyway my point is that, as things stand. I am aware that i need to change drastically. But at the moment, I feel like now matter how much planning I do, for things like working out, rock climbing, joining running clubs, or learning to ride a motor cycle. I feel like I have an impossible task ahead of me. One that is just too set in my mind to be ridden off and one that will just cause me to make the same mistake again and again. I'm terrified of being alone.

 

I would like to know if anyone else has been here, but has successfully conquered a lack of confidence, low self esteem and the dreaded 'doormat' syndrome, to go on to have a fantastic relation with someone special.

 

This is my first break up at the age of 27, so I know I have alot to learn. I feel this is the worst I have ever felt, so any inspring advice/stories would be a great help.

 

Massive thanks to you fantastic people.

[Philosoraptor]

Please hand me your rose colored glasses so I may break them for you. You are currently sitting in the stage where you are blaming yourself and you need to realize that both people in the relationship could have done things to change it. But the truth of the matter is if you were just being yourself and that person wasn't happy with it, then it wasn't going to work out no matter what. The only difference would be when it failed.

[Lad123]

Thankyou Philosoraptor.

 

You'd be right about the rose tinted glasses. I'm trying so hard to remember all the bad points of the relationship....I'll be glad when i can see things more objectively!

[Philosoraptor]

Thankyou Philosoraptor.

 

You'd be right about the rose tinted glasses. I'm trying so hard to remember all the bad points of the relationship....I'll be glad when i can see things more objectively!

Honestly you don't want to focus on the bad either, that just bring about anger. But using anger correctly can be a good tool for moving on with your life. With time hopefully you will find that middle ground that allows you to see things clearly.