Oxy Moronovich Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 NOT TRUE. I've lived in different countries/different cities and it DOES make a difference where you are. Not only countries, but even different cities are different. Men in North America approach women considerably less than lets say a lot of European countries in my opinion. And it'n not only me who says that. I've had men telling me that too. Yes, and Europeans also have a lower birthrate and lower rate of marriage.
make me believe Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 One man approached me after I had to smile at him a total of THREE TIMES before he got the frickin hint, but even after that he only introduced himself, told me where he worked and then said "come visit me sometime" and that was the end of it. I've never even heard of the place and he didn't bother mentioning where it was. Later in the night, after dancing my ass off, another group of 3 men in suits approached after (again) I had to smile 3-4 times before the dummies got the point, and even then they only introduced themselves. They were next to us at the bar for another hour, and never even offered to buy us a drink (we were buying the entire time ourselves). This seems pretty obvious to me. CLEARLY these guys were not interested enough to approach you on their own accord, but since you kept looking over & smiling at them, they probably figured you were into them & if they came over one of them might get laid at the end of the night. So they came over, introduced themselves, and then it sounds like you just sat there waiting for them to dazzle you or something. I just don't understand why you immediately make the leap from "guys don't approach me" to "guys are pussies" instead of "these guys weren't interested in me." It seems impossible for you to believe that somebody could look at you or talk to you and NOT be interested in pursuing anything with you. 1
Eddie Edirol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 NOT TRUE. I've lived in different countries/different cities and it DOES make a difference where you are. Not only countries, but even different cities are different. Men in North America approach women considerably less than lets say a lot of European countries in my opinion. And it'n not only me who says that. I've had men telling me that too. Oh I believe that, but Ive also heard that european men that approach women the most are very ridiculously aggressive and the women are turned off by it. So even if FS was over there, her standard for what men say to her when they approach would be a reason to shoo them away.
Oxy Moronovich Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Oh I believe that, but Ive also heard that european men that approach women the most are very ridiculously aggressive and the women are turned off by it. So even if FS was over there, her standard for what men say to her when they approach would be a reason to shoo them away. I'm tired of all these idiotic stereotypes that the European dating scene is better. It is not. Only in 3 countries would I agree that men approach more than in North America: Greece, Spain, and Italy. In other European countries, the men DO NOT. I've been on expat forums for Germany, Netherlands, and Denmark and there were American women complaining that the men approached them significantly less than American guys. In those countries where women got approached more, there were still some complaints. In Spain, the women are considered to be far more aggressively feminist than the average American feminist. My friends who visited said it was difficult to find a young woman wearing a dress in Extremadura (sp?). The men were the ones who rolled the carriages and they were far more browbeaten than even the Dutch. Greek guys complain their women are short, dumpy, and hairy. So they approach foreign women more because they look hotter, and, if they are from a richer country, they have more money. I don't know much about Italy, but I heard complaints from the women that the men are so lecherous that going out in the daytime can be a chore. So in only 3 Euro countries do they approach more than American. And those aren't entirely for honest reasons. The French approach more. But French men always, always complain their women are unfriendly and distant. French men like to moan their women are the most unfriendly in Europe. So whenever they meet an American or British woman for example, they are aggressive because those women are said to be far more easy. Plus, European men engage in prostitution and visit poor countries for sex tourism more than American men. Looks like things aren't all sun and roses on the other side of the Atlantic. 1
musemaj11 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 The more egalitarian the country, the less aggressive the men are and the more aggressive the women need to be. Its natural. It seems to me women just want everything. They want everything to be easy and handed to them on a silver platter. They want the benefits of men politically and economically yet at the same time do not want to lose their traditional gender benefits socially either. 4
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Funny. I was single for approximately three weeks before getting approached by my current boyfriend at a bar. But you know what OP, I wasn't trying so hard. I wasn't dressed- or made-up...I was wearing a cute tee shirt and jeans, watching a hockey game, and enjoying a beer with my friend. I was happy. I was just being the relaxed, laid-back person that I am and enjoying life. Men don't want a woman who needs a man to be happy. They want a woman who is happy all on her own. The fact that men approached you and then didn't ask for your contact info or try to really flirt with you says something quite definite: there was something about your interaction and personality that turned them off. If they were really just "pussies" they wouldn't have approached you in the first place. As many posters have stated, the approach is the hard part. Relax a little, get the stick out of your a**, and enjoy life. Guys notice happy women and gravitate toward them. 4
sigurpol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Ugh. Maybe some of those guys didn't want to get involved with anyone like that, THAT night. I don't want to hear, OH YEAH RIGHT GUYS ALWAYS WANT ASS LOL. Maybe some guys already HAD girlfriends and weren't about to zero in on you. BUT GUYS WHO GO OUT MUST BE SINGLE LOL Maybe some people just are not assertive like that, maybe they simply didn't want to approach you. BUT TRUST ME, IM GOOD LOOKING AND I SMILED THREE TIMES AT THEM LOL Sometimes people aren't approached enough, or get turned down a lot, to a point where when they get "three smiles" from someone, they don't know how to act. To generalize an entire coast about the male population in a window of about, I don't know, four hours (give or take a few) is laughable. I understand the frustration n' all, but god damn. Don't move out East.
threebyfate Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Frustratedstandards, want to meet guys at bars? You and your friends walk in like you own the place. Go straight to the bar, quickly scope out the crowd of men there. Find the guy you want and head straight for him but don't look at him. Squeeze in next to him and ineffectively try to flag the bartender for a drink. If the prey guy is interested, he'll try to help you get a drink and that's when conversation starts since not only will he get the attention of the bartender for you, he'll also want to chat you up and most likely want to buy you a drink of which you will refuse but flirt and thank him. Then, after you've gotten his attention, state that you need to get back to your friends and walk away with a flirty smile. If he's interested, he'll watch where you go, watch you for awhile to see if you came with any guys, what competition is circling you and then approach again.
PlumPrincess Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Frustratedstandards, want to meet guys at bars? You and your friends walk in like you own the place. Go straight to the bar, quickly scope out the crowd of men there. Find the guy you want and head straight for him but don't look at him. Squeeze in next to him and ineffectively try to flag the bartender for a drink. If the prey guy is interested, he'll try to help you get a drink and that's when conversation starts since not only will he get the attention of the bartender for you, he'll also want to chat you up and most likely want to buy you a drink of which you will refuse but flirt and thank him. Then, after you've gotten his attention, state that you need to get back to your friends and walk away with a flirty smile. If he's interested, he'll watch where you go, watch you for awhile to see if you came with any guys, what competition is circling you and then approach again. You should become a dating coach! I think I'm way too naive and clueless about all these things and men. No wonder I'm constantly single.
threebyfate Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 You should become a dating coach! I think I'm way too naive and clueless about all these things and men. No wonder I'm constantly single. Frankly, I've never been much into bar guys. Not trusting enough since you know nothing about them but they're a great place to practice. This does work. The first time I did it was a complete accident. Really was trying to get a drink at a busy bar during a girl's night out. Turned out to be the hottest guy at the bar that night. He did end up watching me after I left since I caught him staring a number of times. Didn't acknowledge that I'd noticed and continued having fun with friends, dancing, etc. After around an hour, he approached and we chatted. Won't get into the entire tale but you get the picture. Tried it a few times after that to see if it was a fluke. Nope. Worked like a charm each time. All it takes is to be noticed, with an opportunity for the guy to break the ice.
PlumPrincess Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Frankly, I've never been much into bar guys. Not trusting enough since you know nothing about them but they're a great place to practice. This does work. The first time I did it was a complete accident. Really was trying to get a drink at a busy bar during a girl's night out. Turned out to be the hottest guy at the bar that night. He did end up watching me after I left since I caught him staring a number of times. Didn't acknowledge that I'd noticed and continued having fun with friends, dancing, etc. After around an hour, he approached and we chatted. Won't get into the entire tale but you get the picture. Tried it a few times after that to see if it was a fluke. Nope. Worked like a charm each time. All it takes is to be noticed, with an opportunity for the guy to break the ice. I don't go to bars that often, but it sounds doable. I started a new thread to collect more dating tips. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/316147-dating-tips-women
threebyfate Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I don't go to bars that often, but it sounds doable. I started a new thread to collect more dating tips. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/316147-dating-tips-womenJust noticed it and posted there. Too bad I didn't see it earlier or my second post would have ended up in that thread too.
carhill Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 If memory serves, the OP is 28, though I thought her to be older from her posting style. Retrospectively, I did ask out some pretty spectacular women without giving much thought to their 'league'. If they presented themselves as single, that was really all I needed to know. Perhaps, also in retrospect, taking 'no' for an answer was being a pussy, but at the time I thought it respectful. For the OP, I hope she finds some different and more positive conclusions in the future. I recall my exW's best friend being a lot like what some posters are describing here, regarding 'vibe'.... she was single during the vast majority of our M, having gotten divorced (20 year M, H cheated) early in it. Tall (5'10"), natural blonde, striking features; even my exW commented positively on how awesome her figure was. She's a registered nurse who, at that time, worked at the same prison where Charles Manson resides. She literally ate men. I used to sit back and watch her chew them up and spit them out. I watched her many times at bars and concerts and other places we went to. I, personally, wouldn't have touched her with a ten foot pole. The negative energy field was too strong. Obviously, other men felt differently, but of course they didn't know her like I did. She could be sweet and loving, mainly to her three kids and my exW, but, whoa, men got a completely different side, me included. I don't know the OP and she's young enough to be this lady's daughter, but I do get the sense of 'frustration' leaking into her interactions and aura and, while the results might appear to indicate men are pussies, it's possible men are just avoiding her without any prejudice as to their psychology. I think it's one of those areas where personal interaction is really required. People are a mixed bag and all we're seeing in this space is some of the stuff in the bag rather than the totality of the bag, IMO. 1
SCandy Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Is it me, or OP is emotionally unhealthy female, who defense her sister, cheating on he husband.....she is wrong on so many levels, that if she gets a decent guy, it will be injustice of the century!
Dusk1983 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 As usual, our resident troll nailed it. Not rocket science though, FS clearly isn't as attractive as she thinks. We all overrate ourselves from time to time. In seriousness, though, LS needs more of the troll's pithy one liners and less of everyone else blathering on.
El Brujo Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 The more egalitarian the country, the less aggressive the men are and the more aggressive the women need to be. Its natural. Hmm... ya think??? Man oh man, it's enough to make us wish we were still living in caves and having to crack women over the head with a wooden club so we could drag them back to our caves by their hair!
Els Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Judging from the fact that you labelled an entire gender 'pussies' simply because you weren't approached at a bar, I'm frankly not surprised. 4
zengirl Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Judging from the fact that you labelled an entire gender 'pussies' simply because you weren't approached at a bar, I'm frankly not surprised. Totally. And she was approached! That's the funniest part.
Els Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Oh, yeah, I forgot. 'Not approached the way she wanted', was what I meant.
wezol Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 Ok. So last night, I was being so painfully obvious with the smiles, and I was alone half the night sitting at the bar, ALSO smiling at guys I noticed were looking at me. NOTHING. One man approached me after I had to smile at him a total of THREE TIMES before he got the frickin hint, but even after that he only introduced himself, told me where he worked and then said "come visit me sometime" and that was the end of it. I've never even heard of the place and he didn't bother mentioning where it was. Later in the night, after dancing my ass off, another group of 3 men in suits approached after (again) I had to smile 3-4 times before the dummies got the point, and even then they only introduced themselves. They were next to us at the bar for another hour, and never even offered to buy us a drink (we were buying the entire time ourselves). Again, no contact info, nothing. And they were flirting with my girlfriends afterwards, so I don't get it. We all left confused. I don't understand. I did the eyebrows, I did the smiles, leaning outward, being alone half the f*cking night, and I looked nice. Even as I wandered aimlessly when I lost my friends, I would bump into cute guys and say "I lost my friends" and we would laugh at that, but nothing came of it. Men really are pussies and I think it has to do with the men in the West. I don't hear my friends in europe complaining that they don't get approached. They have men on a waiting list for gods sake. So i'm moving. Ok, check it out. If a guy approaches you in a bar, then he is attracted to you. I've NEVER approached a women at a bar that I wasn't attracted to in one way or another. So, if he walked away, he didn't feel you were interested. By reading this post alone, I'm willing to be you felt "entitled", and he said "screw that". It's a two way street. Don't play ignorant. 3
FitChick Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 If the OP is still reading this thread, you might try one of those dinner date events where you pay a fee to have dinner with six or eight other people so you can get to know each other. They are generally successful, educated professionals. I think most major cities have something similar.
mtber75 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 It can be for various reasons! It can be more of an ego trip for some guys. Even though they are involved, they like to know they still have it (able to talk to single girls). You have to be more obvious in your approach...Why don't you approach the guy your interested in. You'll be surprised at how many guys get turned on by that. I sure do!
LZ2000 Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 So last night, I was being so painfully obvious with the smiles, and I was alone half the night sitting at the bar, ALSO smiling at guys I noticed were looking at me. Well, just so you know, I'd come over if you were smiling at me.
KathyM Posted March 2, 2012 Posted March 2, 2012 I do think men in the U.S. are more timid about approaching women. I noticed that too, and I've traveled to several different countries. Men there seem to approach pretty easily and have more confidence in doing so, as do men who are foreigners here in the U.S. Here, U.S. men seem to be afraid of rejection, or they try to get some kind of cues before approaching. In other countries, at least the ones I've been to, they are more brazen and are not afraid of women. My husband is a foreigner still, but has been living in the U.S. for many years, since before I met him. Before I met him, he wouldn't hesitate to approach women and ask for their number after a brief conversation, and would get phone numbers all the time (so I've been told by his friends). American men should adopt a more aggressive style in approaching women. They are too timid, and I guess it's no wonder why women here have started to approach men, since that's the only way they're going to get these guys out of their protective shell.
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