USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) So after spending the last three weekends in Vegas, I have to ask about something I'll coin the "Vegas Effect"...simply put, how do you deal with seeing so many beautiful women (or men for the ladies) in the same general area, especially if you are dating someone or in some sort of relationship? I understand that in Vegas, people tend to dress to the 9's, but in any area where you constantly see attractive people, how do you keep yourself from wondering whether you'd be able to attract them and questioning whether you should even be in a relationship at all...? Edited February 27, 2012 by USMCHokie
FitChick Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Someone who complains he can't get women and who now has one would be a fool to think he could suddenly score with a beautiful woman, especially in Vegas. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Besides, those beautiful women are probably hookers. 2
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 I go to Las Vegas quite often. People there dress to the 9's? New to me. No different from any other city. If anything, the thousands of tourists walking the Strip, etc. are often wobbling from one buffet to another. Where were you seeing these beautiful women? I'd say on average people in cities like Seattle, Boston etc. dress better than those in Las Vegas and none of the have a 10th of the classy women of Montreal. The better question is when you are seeing them. And class has nothing to do with it. Saturday night in Vegas is vastly different from a Saturday night in DC...
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Someone who complains he can't get women and who now has one would be a fool to think he could suddenly score with a beautiful woman, especially in Vegas. "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." I never understood that bird and bush saying... I'm not saying that I could, but I guess I still dream about it...? Besides, those beautiful women are probably hookers. I have no doubts.
somedude81 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Hokie is quietGuy13? Is there a reason Why nature puts girls you like in front of you?
kaylan Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I never understood that bird and bush saying... I'm not saying that I could, but I guess I still dream about it...? Is a Bird in the Hand Worth Two in the Bush? GEICO Commercial HQ - YouTube Its preferable to have a sure thing, then to simply chase the potential of having more.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Its preferable to have a sure thing, then to simply chase the potential of having more. Ah, now it makes sense... And this is why I have a struggle with this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/315289-how-do-you-know-if-your-feelings-genuine
reallyhotguy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) This reminds me that everyone interprets situations differently. Only some will see that as a challenge, and from there, the nature of the challenge will differ. I actually have the opposite problem: I imagine too many possibilities all these girls -- some more visceral than others -- which makes my second guess my own choices, and then my head explodes. We have a term in my field called "decision fatigue". Just the appearance of too many choices will overwhelm us until we can't act (before we've even had the chance). As for right now, it no longer bothers me. It being winter may have something to do with it. But mostly it's because I'm in love and confident about it. I'm unafraid of attraction to others because it can't possibly rival what I have, and any superficial energy that gets stirred up from other hot babes I either take right back to the bedroom, or right back to my first and oldest mistress, aka my "non-mouse hand". Edited February 27, 2012 by reallyhotguy
Ranchero44 Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 So after spending the last three weekends in Vegas, I have to ask about something I'll coin the "Vegas Effect"...simply put, how do you deal with seeing so many beautiful women (or men for the ladies) in the same general area, especially if you are dating someone or in some sort of relationship? I understand that in Vegas, people tend to dress to the 9's, but in any area where you constantly see attractive people, how do you keep yourself from wondering whether you'd be able to attract them and questioning whether you should even be in a relationship at all...? Beautiful people are a dime a dozen, ESPECIALLY in places like Vegas, Miami, much of the California coast, and Scottsdale, Arizona. There are simply some places in this country that have a high concentration of the BP (Beautiful People). People with integrity and strength of character, on the other hand, are not in abundant supply. Age-old, cliched advice, I know. I'd venture a guess, though, that you'd get sick of some of the stuff that happens while dating in a "beautiful" pool. You'd date 2 or 3 of these "10s" and wonder where their values are . . . . and be complaining that you can't find a girl with any substance. Believe me, I suspect it would get old quick.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 As for right now, it no longer bothers me. It being winter may have something to do with it. But mostly it's because I'm in love and confident about it. I'm unafraid of attraction to others because it can't possibly rival what I have, and any superficial energy that gets stirred up from other hot babes I either take right back to the bedroom, or right back to my first and oldest mistress, aka my "non-mouse hand". I totally understand this, and I'm not quite here yet...and I'm not sure I will be there anytime soon...but the girl I'm seeing right now lives a great distance away and, rationally speaking, is not Miss Right...and I'm still unsure of whether my interest in her originates from a lack of other options...
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 People with integrity and strength of character, on the other hand, are not in abundant supply. Age-old, cliched advice, I know. I absolutely agree with this, and I usually just assume that "beautiful people" don't have personality or character, as my defense mechanism to avoid rejection. I'd venture a guess, though, that you'd get sick of some of the stuff that happens while dating in a "beautiful" pool. You'd date 2 or 3 of these "10s" and wonder where their values are . . . . and be complaining that you can't find a girl with any substance. Believe me, I suspect it would get old quick. Maybe...I guess this is just me wondering whether I'm as physically appealing as my friends say I am...I am full of self-doubt, so I don't believe them for a second...I guess this is my attempt at some external validation to verify it...
Star Gazer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It's not hard to score in Vegas, for ANYONE. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, in more ways than one... Just because you score in Vegas, doesn't mean that translates to your ability to score back home. You're sounding like a classic GIGS guy.
Star Gazer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I guess this is my attempt at some external validation to verify it... Do not use Vegas as a validation tool. It validates everyone, including fools.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It's not hard to score in Vegas, for ANYONE. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, in more ways than one... Just because you score in Vegas, doesn't mean that translates to your ability to score back home. I only reference Vegas because that's where I noticed it first, so that's what I called it. It could be LA, San Diego, or even with the Desert Yetis out here...point being, it's not limited to just Vegas, but anywhere. You're sounding like a classic GIGS guy. I know.
Sanman Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 So after spending the last three weekends in Vegas, I have to ask about something I'll coin the "Vegas Effect"...simply put, how do you deal with seeing so many beautiful women (or men for the ladies) in the same general area, especially if you are dating someone or in some sort of relationship? I understand that in Vegas, people tend to dress to the 9's, but in any area where you constantly see attractive people, how do you keep yourself from wondering whether you'd be able to attract them and questioning whether you should even be in a relationship at all...? Well, that depends on what you are looking for and whether you can look at reality. You are picturing this perfect girl and you think that things will be great. However, look around you at reality. I did this and this is what I found: Most the guys I know are average. The ones in in happy relationships/married were in relationships with average looking girls. The ones in relationships with 'hot women' who were not hot themselves had significant issues: -One girl was a drama queen who would not introduce my friend as her bf after two years of dating. She also disappeared every time they had a fight and refused to hangout without her annoying friend. -Another one spent a friend's money until he was in debt -A gorgeous female friend of my gf admitted to her that she had not had much sex in her life and did not really enjoy it. Hence her bf, who everyone else thought was the man, had only slept with her twice in 1.5 yrs. -Another one attractive one had a guy's mentality of sex and often cheated/used men. Compare this to my gf. She is cute, but most of my friends are not jealous of how she looks. However, she is very chill, a lot fun to hang out with, and loves to have sex all the time. She is also in a lucrative field and has not interest in my money. I know I could flash some cash, let those gorgeous girls know I am a doctor, and get laid. However, in the long run I would end up like those guys. I'd rather be happy and not give a damn what others think of me. 2
reallyhotguy Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 I totally understand this, and I'm not quite here yet...and I'm not sure I will be there anytime soon...but the girl I'm seeing right now lives a great distance away and, rationally speaking, is not Miss Right...and I'm still unsure of whether my interest in her originates from a lack of other options... So, did you already buy the engagement ring, or...? Another thing on choice -- pop psych guy Daniel Gilbert wrote a book on happiness that has all sorts of interesting stuff to offer about how our choices, our expectations, and our happiness don't correlate. People are often a lot happier about things they have no control over, or things they've already decided on and can't undo, than things they perceive that they have control over, or have yet to decide on. The circumstances themselves are almost irrelevant -- people can have the same measure of happiness going blind as they can from winning the lottery, no ****. The reason you're unhappy is because you're vacillating. You just have to pick "this is what I want/have/can get right now", and go with it -- or you say "I'd rather be truly single", and go with that. If you only sort of like her, have a decent amount of fun, then schedule her into your life accordingly -- once a week, not a lot of expectations, you know, whatever, it is what it is and that's all. If you're earnestly looking for "true love", then she'll probably aggravate you more than anything -- but finally, it really doesn't matter what you do, it just matters that you're okay with it. Flip a coin if you have to; that will tell you what answer you want. I will say this -- I'm very glad things have turned out for me the way they have, so I wouldn't do anything differently (and that's kind of my point; everyone feels that way). But I could have saved myself a lot of undue agony in the past by simply allowing unsure, slightly stupid, going nowhere relationships to just be unsure, slightly stupid, and going nowhere. Do you really want to be the kind of guy who just can't enjoy an occasional candy bar?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 I know I could flash some cash, let those gorgeous girls know I am a doctor, and get laid. However, in the long run I would end up like those guys. I'd rather be happy and not give a damn what others think of me. Good post, makes a lot of sense, and I can see how all of those situations could have happened. But as terrible as this sounds, this is more about how I think of myself rather than what others think of me...
Sanman Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Good post, makes a lot of sense, and I can see how all of those situations could have happened. But as terrible as this sounds, this is more about how I think of myself rather than what others think of me... I disagree with you there. It is about what others think of you. You have been able to get a decent number of women. In fact, you are usually dating someone. You can easily date a bunch of women interested in you and find one you like spending time with and want for a relationship. The difference is that you are often complaining you cannot compete with your friends in scoring 'hot chicks' is places like Vegas. You are trying to prove (to yourself and them) that you can compete. However, as the commercial said..Congratulations on your 'didn't win nuthin' victory.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 So, did you already buy the engagement ring, or...? Hahah, not at all. It's only been a month and change...and what started out as a casual fling as turned into a long distance thing, which I am NOT a fan of...so it makes things like Vegas (or really any social venue) a bit depressing... The reason you're unhappy is because you're vacillating. This is absolutely spot on. I've been vacillating for well over a year now...and it's driving me a little nuts... You just have to pick "this is what I want/have/can get right now", and go with it -- or you say "I'd rather be truly single", and go with that. If you only sort of like her, have a decent amount of fun, then schedule her into your life accordingly -- once a week, not a lot of expectations, you know, whatever, it is what it is and that's all. If you're earnestly looking for "true love", then she'll probably aggravate you more than anything -- but finally, it really doesn't matter what you do, it just matters that you're okay with it. Flip a coin if you have to; that will tell you what answer you want. I more than just sort of like her, but there are certain unavoidable circumstances which make any sort of long term relationship a tough decision...and she lives 1500 miles away, so I'm literally "scheduling" her in...and with all the insecurity I've been dealing with, I feel like I need a dose of the "single life" to get it all off my chest...at least to my satisfaction...hence the struggle...
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 (edited) I disagree with you there. It is about what others think of you. You have been able to get a decent number of women. In fact, you are usually dating someone. You can easily date a bunch of women interested in you and find one you like spending time with and want for a relationship. The difference is that you are often complaining you cannot compete with your friends in scoring 'hot chicks' is places like Vegas. You are trying to prove (to yourself and them) that you can compete. However, as the commercial said..Congratulations on your 'didn't win nuthin' victory. Hmmm, you're probably right about that...but it's also about convincing myself that women might actually be interested if I made an effort...for example, this past weekend, I was playing blackjack with my married friend and this group of three girls came up to the table. We were that table that was winning and laughing and cheering and just having a good time, and one of the girls was definitely giving a vibe that she wanted to hang out with us (or me) that night. I noticed the signs but insisted she was just being friendly, so after a little while, I just picked up with my friend, said goodbye to them, and left. My friend told me about 2 minutes later while we were walking outside that "I definitely f*cked that one up"... That's pretty much how every one of my interactions with a girl goes...I can make her laugh and everyone has a great time, and then out of the blue, I'll say: "Big gulps, eh...? Whelp, see ya later!" Edited February 27, 2012 by USMCHokie
Sanman Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Hmmm, you're probably right about that...but it's also about convincing myself that women might actually be interested if I made an effort...for example, this past weekend, I was playing blackjack with my married friend and this group of three girls came up to the table. We were that table that was winning and laughing and cheering and just having a good time, and one of the girls was definitely giving a vibe that she wanted to hang out with us (or me) that night. I noticed the signs but insisted she was just being friendly, so after a little while, I just picked up with my friend, said goodbye to them, and left. My friend told me about 2 minutes later while we were walking outside that "I definitely f*cked that one up"... That's pretty much how every one of my interactions with a girl goes...I can make her laugh and everyone has a great time, and then out of the blue, I'll say: "Big gulps, eh...? Whelp, see ya later!" Well, you should ask them to come with you or ask one of them out. The worst thing that happens is you end up with the same result as you do anyway. However, it does not matter whether you pick up the chick or she comes out and obviously likes you. The thing you have to be looking for is what makes you happy. That is not being able to pick up a girl or just settling for anything that comes you way. You are so concerned about picking them up or how you get them that you have no answer to what it is you are looking for once they say yes.
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Well, you should ask them to come with you or ask one of them out. Well no sh*t... Unfortunately, in the moment, I don't even consider thinking of asking them that...maybe it's because of a subconscious fear of rejection which I try to rationalize in a million different ways... The thing you have to be looking for is what makes you happy. That is not being able to pick up a girl or just settling for anything that comes you way. You are so concerned about picking them up or how you get them that you have no answer to what it is you are looking for once they say yes. I honestly don't know what I'm looking for anymore...as I sort of explained in my last thread linked earlier, I want a real relationship with someone I'm genuinely interested in and not just settling for...but I'm so passively programmed that I don't even allow myself to meet the women I might be genuinely interested in...
Star Gazer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 Aren't you in a relationship with the woman you're dating? Should you even be considering asking out other women?
Author USMCHokie Posted February 27, 2012 Author Posted February 27, 2012 Aren't you in a relationship with the woman you're dating? Yes; but this so-called "Vegas Effect" has me questioning whether I'm emotionally stable and secure enough to be in one. And given the particular circumstances of my current relationship, doubts sometimes creep in the back of my mind that I should be looking for someone a little more "appropriate," as you have previously pointed out. Should you even be considering asking out other women? No. But I would have done the same exit regardless of whether I was dating someone or not.
Star Gazer Posted February 27, 2012 Posted February 27, 2012 No. But I would have done the same exit regardless of whether I was dating someone or not. Huh? Exit? How do you exit if you're not dating someone?
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