quietGuy13 Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 I kinda wish i wouldn'tsee beautiful girls because i just end up sad cause i can never have them. At least with flowers, you see nice flowers and you can get them. But not with girls. So i just feel so sad and bad everytime i go downtown etc. The only ones that get those girls are confident/talkative guys. So yeah, what's the point? Is there a reason for it? I dont think there is any point in putting 50 beautiful girls in front of me, everyday, when i'm never gonna ever get them as GF or dates. i'm male early 30s
Philosoraptor Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Just because the package looks good doesn't mean the contents are equally as nice. I was quite and shy, very unconfident at a time in my life. I can tell you one thing, whining about it gets you nowhere. Drive 20 miles from your house to a store of some sort and just approach the girls you want to talk to. Worst case sceario (and I've been there) is that they think you are an idiot and laugh at you with their friends. In the end they don't matter nor will you probably ever see them again. You control your future, but actions make change... not complaining. Eventually I started to just enjoy embarassing myself and would do things just to get a laugh out of people. I'm the person now that you see randomly dancing around the store and singing strange songs. I just laugh at the faces they make and continue being chipper.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 The short answer is babies. The long answer is that you fear rejection too much. Ask the first woman that catches your eye out. An emotionally mature woman will be flattered eve if they are not interested. If they say no life goes on.
oldguy Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Its just human nature to notice what we like & sort of dismiss what we are not interested in as much. As for your quote; "At least with flowers, you see nice flowers and you can get them", you do not have to posses something to appreciate it, in fact, most of the time the opposition is true & you really can't have them all anyway:D
poodle Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Wow... your post left me speechless! You don't have to be talkative to get a girl. All you have to do is be confident and happy with yourself. What's the point of being insecure? You can achieve anything you want if you're willing to work for it.
ascendotum Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Yeah there's 6.9 billion reasons why nature creates attractive women....propagation of the species, Start applying for work on an oil rig or at a mine or on deep sea finishing trawler. or a night shfit job.
zengirl Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Because pretty people exist. It's not like beauty is scientific. Something would be considered beautiful, even if we all looked like giant slugs. I mean. . . it's not really like they're being put right in front of you. They're just going about their day.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Yeah. Think of them as people, just like you are. They are people who are going about their day, like zengirl said. It doesn't have anything to do with you that they happen to be beautiful, or ugly, or whatever. And we can appreciate beauty whether it's flowers or a sunset or a person without "getting" whatever it is. I understand that you are lonely and frustrated. What are you going to do to improve your situation? I and many, many other people have given you good suggestions. Are you thinking about acting on any of them?
betterdeal Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I kinda wish i wouldn'tsee beautiful girls because i just end up sad cause i can never have them. Ever considered becoming a monk?
Mrlonelyone Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Quiet guy all kidding aside. Let me give you a big hug. HUG. You write like no one will even touch you with a 10 foot pole. I guarantee that right under your nose there is a woman who wishes you would make a move. She may not be a 10 or even a 4 but she exist. I know you have rejected it before but the services of a licensed sex and relationship therapist are totally legit. Lots of men like you need their help to get out of the rut you are in.
somedude81 Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Yeah I know your pain. It sucks seeing a pretty girl and knowing deep down that she will never give you a chance. It would be so much easier if the desire to have them simply didn't exist. Otherwise it feels like a cruel joke. It's even worse when you actually get to know somebody, care about her as a person, fall for who she is, and then get rejected
Mrlonelyone Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Yeah I know your pain. It sucks seeing a pretty girl and knowing deep down that she will never give you a chance. It would be so much easier if the desire to have them simply didn't exist. Otherwise it feels like a cruel joke. It's even worse when you actually get to know somebody, care about her as a person, fall for who she is, and then get rejected Then to make it the classic "nice guy" situation. You get rejected only to see them with someone who's actions say they don't care about them as a person at all. (Someone emotionally or physically abusive.) That has to be the icing on the cake right. Quiet guy I really wish you would just go out and ask a dozen women for dates. Desensitize yourself to the rejection. You know.... like the way snake handlers become immune to rattlesnake venom by taking tiny ammounts.
Dust Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I kinda wish i wouldn'tsee beautiful girls because i just end up sad cause i can never have them. You'd be even more sad in a world with out beautiful girls. You have every reason to enjoy their beauty so it's your mental block if you decide not to. At least with flowers, you see nice flowers and you can get them. But not with girls. So i just feel so sad and bad everytime i go downtown etc. You can pick flowers, but you can also pick up hot girls too! haha! No seriously you're alloud to go talk to them and shake their hand or kiss their hand or try what ever charming thing comes to mind and ask them out. Some of them will say yes. If you don't try then of course its very rare for one of them to see you seeing them and then just come over and introduce themselves.. and for you even that wouldn't be enough so they'd have to ask you on a date and then make all the moves from first kiss to undressing you and having sex. You have to be the man and make move if thats what you want. The only ones that get those girls are confident/talkative guys. So yeah, what's the point? Is there a reason for it? I dont think there is any point in putting 50 beautiful girls in front of me, everyday, when i'm never gonna ever get them as GF or dates. i'm male early 30s Being confident just means you go talk to the girls even though you're scared. You are capable of going over to them and grunting out a few sounds at a minimum right? Seeing 50 beautiful girls every day sounds incredible especialy if they are 50 random different girls a week. That means you're seeing over 200 pretty girls a week. If you actualy made moves you'd have a girlfriend. You don't even try though. You just make up excuses. Yeah I know your pain. It sucks seeing a pretty girl and knowing deep down that she will never give you a chance. It would be so much easier if the desire to have them simply didn't exist. Otherwise it feels like a cruel joke. It's even worse when you actually get to know somebody, care about her as a person, fall for who she is, and then get rejected You don't even try. You're so afraid of offending your huge ego with a rejection you don't dare try. Get over yourself and try for once in your life.
jobaba Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 I kinda wish i wouldn'tsee beautiful girls because i just end up sad cause i can never have them. At least with flowers, you see nice flowers and you can get them. But not with girls. So i just feel so sad and bad everytime i go downtown etc. The only ones that get those girls are confident/talkative guys. So yeah, what's the point? Is there a reason for it? I dont think there is any point in putting 50 beautiful girls in front of me, everyday, when i'm never gonna ever get them as GF or dates. i'm male early 30s Meh. I see tons of pretty to cute girls every day. If they are really cute or my type, I might think about them for some extra time or so, but never after that. If I get to know a woman well, and she just so happens to be pretty, and rejects me because I'm not attractive enough for her, that's what has f@cked me up.
Dafa Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 (edited) You'd be even more sad in a world with out beautiful girls. You have every reason to enjoy their beauty so it's your mental block if you decide not to. You can pick flowers, but you can also pick up hot girls too! haha! No seriously you're alloud to go talk to them and shake their hand or kiss their hand or try what ever charming thing comes to mind and ask them out. Some of them will say yes. If you don't try then of course its very rare for one of them to see you seeing them and then just come over and introduce themselves.. and for you even that wouldn't be enough so they'd have to ask you on a date and then make all the moves from first kiss to undressing you and having sex. You have to be the man and make move if thats what you want. Being confident just means you go talk to the girls even though you're scared. You are capable of going over to them and grunting out a few sounds at a minimum right? Seeing 50 beautiful girls every day sounds incredible especialy if they are 50 random different girls a week. That means you're seeing over 200 pretty girls a week. If you actualy made moves you'd have a girlfriend. You don't even try though. You just make up excuses. You don't even try. You're so afraid of offending your huge ego with a rejection you don't dare try. Get over yourself and try for once in your life. Well, i would say he'd not be more sad. Let's imagine as a thought experiment that the most beautiful girls would suddenly vanish. That means that the less beautiful would be the most beautiful in the new paradigm. So, in time, all would be the same. Regardless, this is not very relevant. As for him being able to pick up beautiful girls. I don't know how attractive he is, nor what is his measure of "beautiful" but if we assume he is talking about Monica Bellucci attractive and if he isn't a relatively attractive guy, then let's be realistic, he most likely won't be able to. All that "confidence is the most important" talk? I would say it is important, yes, but it goes only up to a certain point. As the saying goes, good looks open doors. The corollary of this is that initially, the door is closed so if you don't have the bare minimum, it stays closed. No matter how rich, confident or charming you are. This is my experience. That being said, two things: 1) As one of the posters already said, sometimes (most of the times, i would say) the interior is not nearly as interesting as the outside. Op, isn't there a possibility that you are deityfying (please someone correct me here), these women? 2) Regardless of how attractive he is or how attractive these "beautiful girls" are, if he doesn't step up, then probably there is no hope. As such, the OP should really start working on himself to be more proactive and assertive. I would say start by interacting in a more conversational manner, with any woman, not only the beautiful, but also with the ones he doesn't find as beautiful. This may sound manipulative but do it with every woman, both beautiful or not, use them to practice. When going to get a cup of coffee, be more assertive or funny with the woman that is taking your order. That will probably give you confidence and worst case scenario, at least you practice and know that next time you should not say that. I would say that the OP is simply venting frustration. But what i interpret from it is that, if indeed these women are so unobtainable, he should adjust his expectations to a more realistic level and pursue these. Instead of looking to women in a more objectifying way, pay attention to small physical ticks and idiosyncrasies of women and identify the ones you like. Being more aware of that "dimension" of attractiveness will shift your tastes to different women. Personally, things like how a woman walks, how she interacts on various levels, the words she uses when talking, her general manner of speaking are much more likely to make me remember a woman for more time than a general hot woman who doesn't possess some of these traits i like. Edited February 10, 2012 by Dafa
FitChick Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Aren't there women with similar disabilities who you could socialize with?
Dafa Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 The problem is that women with similar disabilities will also not approach him. Best case scenario, he needs to start approaching women in general to be able to find these kindred women.
Anela Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 The problem is that women with similar disabilities will also not approach him. Best case scenario, he needs to start approaching women in general to be able to find these kindred women. He has said that there are women who would date him, but he considers them to be "average" and not worth it.
Dafa Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 He has said that there are women who would date him, but he considers them to be "average" and not worth it. Ah, indeed. Didn't see that part. Then i guess the OP's problem is a question of moderating expectations, as i suspected and said in my previous post.
jobaba Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Well, i would say he'd not be more sad. Let's imagine as a thought experiment that the most beautiful girls would suddenly vanish. That means that the less beautiful would be the most beautiful in the new paradigm. So, in time, all would be the same. Regardless, this is not very relevant. As for him being able to pick up beautiful girls. I don't know how attractive he is, nor what is his measure of "beautiful" but if we assume he is talking about Monica Bellucci attractive and if he isn't a relatively attractive guy, then let's be realistic, he most likely won't be able to. All that "confidence is the most important" talk? I would say it is important, yes, but it goes only up to a certain point. As the saying goes, good looks open doors. The corollary of this is that initially, the door is closed so if you don't have the bare minimum, it stays closed. No matter how rich, confident or charming you are. This is my experience. That being said, two things: 1) As one of the posters already said, sometimes (most of the times, i would say) the interior is not nearly as interesting as the outside. Op, isn't there a possibility that you are deityfying (please someone correct me here), these women? 2) Regardless of how attractive he is or how attractive these "beautiful girls" are, if he doesn't step up, then probably there is no hope. As such, the OP should really start working on himself to be more proactive and assertive. I would say start by interacting in a more conversational manner, with any woman, not only the beautiful, but also with the ones he doesn't find as beautiful. This may sound manipulative but do it with every woman, both beautiful or not, use them to practice. When going to get a cup of coffee, be more assertive or funny with the woman that is taking your order. That will probably give you confidence and worst case scenario, at least you practice and know that next time you should not say that. I would say that the OP is simply venting frustration. But what i interpret from it is that, if indeed these women are so unobtainable, he should adjust his expectations to a more realistic level and pursue these. Instead of looking to women in a more objectifying way, pay attention to small physical ticks and idiosyncrasies of women and identify the ones you like. Being more aware of that "dimension" of attractiveness will shift your tastes to different women. Personally, things like how a woman walks, how she interacts on various levels, the words she uses when talking, her general manner of speaking are much more likely to make me remember a woman for more time than a general hot woman who doesn't possess some of these traits i like. Very well stated and eloquent post, new guy... I agree wholeheartedly.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 Well i think the fact that he is seeing upwards of 50 beautiful girls means he's either living at the playboy mansion, hawaiin tropic girls oil camp, or at wannabe actress auditions for girls who look hot but have no talent (like it matter though right?) Now I know that those aren't the only beautiful women, I may be exaggerating there but seriously It's still not likely to run into that many gorgeous women everyday. So I'd have to say that a lot of these women are probably average or a little above If he's seeing that many attractive women which is a good thing because chances are there's a chance he can get with one of them. You can't live with the mindset that you cannot do it, you can't shoot yourself down before you even had a chance. Can you imagine if George Washington said "You know what! the British are the very best military in the world, how can we possibly beat them with rag tag army! They've got better everything, and we've lost just about every battle!" If you were George Washington...we'd all be British! Thanks for the bad teeth Quiet Guy! *******! But it's not as easy as just rolling the dice either hoping one will go out with you. Once you learn how to talk with women it's not that hard, and just because you are confident does not mean you are scared, there's always that one girl that's going to make you nervous no matter who you are. You don't have to be this cookie cutter awesome guy just to get somewhere with women, some of them can see through that bull**** especially after getting burned for the 100th time. Some are looking for just a genuine guy who can be confident in himself, and I don't think that is too much to ask...at least with some women they value over qualities over looks.
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