I want to move on so badly but I'm still holding back...

[fificremefarben]

It's been 7 months since my bf of 4 years broke up with me and 6 months since he finally admitted in a text message that it had been for another woman and cut he out of his life after he refused to meet me to give me an explanation face-to-face as to what had happened with this woman etc and how it had all happened (full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/304090-my-breakup-story-tell-me-what-you-think)

 

7 months on and I wouldn't want to be with him anymore because it's ruined, though I am still incredibly hurt and angered by what he did (and, particularly, how dishonestly he did it) after we were together for so long. I really want to move on, but something is stopping me. I haven't so much as kissed another guy since the breakup. I want to, and I want to move on so desperately, but it's like I won't let myself. Anytime a guy has approached me since the split I'll happily chat away with him but the minute anything romantic is even hinted at I put the barriers up and back off. This sucks because I've probably turned away some really genuinely nice guys.

 

I don't know what the problem is, because I'm sure I should be doing better by now after 7 months. I'm sure a lot of it is trust-related, because I trusted my ex more than anyone and he absolutely let me down, hurt me and ripped out my heart and put it in a blender. However, I won't even seem to let myself simply kiss a guy which, if it's just for one night, you don't need trust for. Also, I'm missing affection, which makes it all the stranger that I won't let any guy touch me at the moment.

 

I don't know how to get past this :/

 

Maybe I should throw in the towel and just get some cats...

[jus d'orange]

I'm so sorry to hear about how you were treated. That is so very rough to deal with.

 

You have to remember that your ex's mistreatment of you is a reflection on his bad character, not yours. You were the one who was hurt, and you deserve to be happy.

 

My ex told me that she wanted to be single and to experience life by dating others... that we were maybe too different, and she just didn't know for sure anymore. She said she felt like she wouldn't be able to truly commit to me until she'd broken it off. That was hard to swallow... I don't know how I'd feel if really she had another guy. But it a lot of ways, I would feel very sorry for her; I would think less of her. The dishonesty and emotional immaturity of your ex is his problem, not yours. You deserve better than someone who secretly leaves you for another woman.

 

Have you gone to therapy? Trust issues are difficult, and you may need some help in getting over them.

[mike588]

It's been 7 months since my bf of 4 years broke up with me and 6 months since he finally admitted in a text message that it had been for another woman and cut he out of his life after he refused to meet me to give me an explanation face-to-face as to what had happened with this woman etc and how it had all happened (full story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/304090-my-breakup-story-tell-me-what-you-think)

 

7 months on and I wouldn't want to be with him anymore because it's ruined, though I am still incredibly hurt and angered by what he did (and, particularly, how dishonestly he did it) after we were together for so long. I really want to move on, but something is stopping me. I haven't so much as kissed another guy since the breakup. I want to, and I want to move on so desperately, but it's like I won't let myself. Anytime a guy has approached me since the split I'll happily chat away with him but the minute anything romantic is even hinted at I put the barriers up and back off. This sucks because I've probably turned away some really genuinely nice guys.

 

I don't know what the problem is, because I'm sure I should be doing better by now after 7 months. I'm sure a lot of it is trust-related, because I trusted my ex more than anyone and he absolutely let me down, hurt me and ripped out my heart and put it in a blender. However, I won't even seem to let myself simply kiss a guy which, if it's just for one night, you don't need trust for. Also, I'm missing affection, which makes it all the stranger that I won't let any guy touch me at the moment.

 

I don't know how to get past this :/

 

Maybe I should throw in the towel and just get some cats...

 

I'm right there with you..my ex. dumped me for her ex. 7 months ago and I was doing great until she contacted me...just a minor setback though.

 

I know how you feel about he trust issue....even after 7 months I'm afraid to give my heart to anyone anymore but I'm sure the day will come eventually....you will too!

 

You said you don't know what the problem is...I don't think you have one..your heart was ripped out....as was mine and it just takes time...we all heal differently..some take more time than others.