ctes300 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 This is where it started but I will supply the cliff notes.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/314031-valentines-day-mis-step-2.html meeting 1 ) met at a tapas place, had wine and talked for 4 hrs - kissed goodbye - seemed great. next evening) talked on the phone for about 1 hr following day) met at her place, talked screwed around and her shirt came right off but she made it clear that was as far as it was going (mind you, the prior and current conversations were very sexual and open) - i pushed a little further and she got angry. went to dinner, came back and hung out until 1 AM. seemed like things were still ok. didn't call the next day, waited until monday, then left a vm close to her being off work, then called a bit later which went to vm - much later I got a text saying she was out - so i tried her again on the phone thinking she was home then. she returned w/ a text saying she it was a really long happy hour, I replied ' i guess so' which I am sure didn't translate well on txt. didn't mean to be sarcastic, it was late. the next day was v-day, sent flowers (daisies) per my sister's bad advice - got a thank you, my cat is eating them reply. i never replied. called her 5 days later on the following saturday left vm, got a text reply saying she was on the train and couldn't talk today. texted back how about monday? and nothing. its now a week later - I'm going to a party in the next town over from her (she knows I have friends there) this evening and was thinking of asking her to meet prior to the party at a pizza place nearby in her home town which is also close that we had talked about and like. We had great chemistry to begin with and she had always responded. I am thinking she is either too nice to just say NO, or is on the fence. Should I bother giving this one last try or just move on ?
eleanorhurting Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 she might come around but I would not count on it. As hard as it sounds, I think you should forget about it for a bit. I love daisies! They are my favorites! You seem like a sweet guy. I would have loved daisies on Vday!
reallyhotguy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 This one is over. Sorry You'll meet someone soon where you won't have to question whether you're making "the right moves" or not, because the fit will be self evident for the both of you.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I think it's too late for this one too. Just for learning's sake, I think you made some bad decisions about when to not call her. You don't need to call a new dating prospect every day, necessarily, but to not call the day after her shirt came off … And flowers on V day was nice, but if you liked her, a phone call or some other contact would have been a good idea. And then to wait 5 days? Basically, I think you pushed for sex when she'd made it clear she wasn't going there, and then your contact became pretty sketchy. Not the way to woo.
PlumPrincess Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 My theory is that she was into you, but when you pushed for more, she thought you were only interested in sex and now she is retreating from you.
sigurpol Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I would try to move on. Sounds like things are getting a little shaky
Author ctes300 Posted February 25, 2012 Author Posted February 25, 2012 I think it's too late for this one too. Just for learning's sake, I think you made some bad decisions about when to not call her. You don't need to call a new dating prospect every day, necessarily, but to not call the day after her shirt came off … And flowers on V day was nice, but if you liked her, a phone call or some other contact would have been a good idea. And then to wait 5 days? Basically, I think you pushed for sex when she'd made it clear she wasn't going there, and then your contact became pretty sketchy. Not the way to woo. Lots of things went through my head and seemed to make every decision wrong. Lots of second guessing. As for my lapses in contact, my main concern was not to crowd her. I would have felt better if she called back rather than text which makes me feel she wasn't interested after the 2nd date.
Imajerk17 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 (edited) Call her again. Tell her that you want to see her again. Tell her you want to take her to that pizza place and don't even mention the party. Things might be done but you never know. You have nothing to lose. Overall though, I'm thinking that you made a couple mistakes. First of all, you played it too cool when it would have served you to be more proactive. You would have been calling her the day after Date 2 when her shirt came off instead of 2 days later, and you would have been better off calling her for Valentine's Day or the next day instead of waiting 5 days. Secondly, you might have overdone it with the flowers on V-Day. I'm not sure about that though. Your first mistake of letting was definitely worst than your second. You kind of were put to a tough decision with Valentine's Day though. You made the call to give her flowers, and then you wondered if you came on too strong so you backed off and waited 5 days to call. If there is anything I learned about dating, momentum is really your friend, and while you don't want to smother, playing it cool is overrated. Next time, when starting a relationship NEVER let two or three days go by without a phone call. And call after you get physical for the first time. And go for small gestures over big ones every time. Edited February 25, 2012 by Imajerk17
TheSingleGuy Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 ++++If there is anything I learned about dating, momentum is really your friend, and while you don't want to smother, playing it cool is overrated. Next time, when starting a relationship NEVER let two or three days go by without a phone call. And call after you get physical for the first time. And go for small gestures over big ones every time.++++ This is EXACTLY the kind of advice I desperately need. I have REALLY played it cool with women I've met the last few years and my dating life has been, basically, disastrous lately. When I'm out of town, I get laid like a rock star because we both understand the impending deadline. I've never thought in terms of an impending deadline with respect to momentum. I'm gonna start following this rule: never allow more than 2 or 3 days to go by without a phone call. Sounds like good advice. And always call the day after physical-ness. (I assume that goes for making out too???) Any suggestions for frequency of texting between phone calls?
SJC2008 Posted February 25, 2012 Posted February 25, 2012 I think the 3 calls in one day and the "I guess so" text hurt you the most. When you left the first message did you tell her to call YOU back? If you did you really came accross as pushy/needy by calling her back 2 more times. I HATE the term needy and feel like it is thrown around too easily but you may have done that with the 3 calls. As far as the text, I would of been more casual. Something like "Happy hour! I'll let you go then. I'll call you middle of the week". A casual text like that shows you're giving her her space and by saying middle of the week it leaves a little "well it is tuesday or wednesday?" and may get her to think about you more. It doesn't look good but being that you're going to be in her area I'd say go for it. Don't ask her to it though, call her when you're up there and then invite her.
TheSingleGuy Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 This is a perfect example of why I hold so much internal hatred for women. The guy called her three times in a night (if I'm reading this right), didn't call her the day after getting her shirt off, sent flowers on Valentines Day and then didn't contact her for 5 days. Let's assume, for just a minute, that he didn't screw all these things up. He's still the same f***ing guy. But had he not made those mistakes, she could very well be in love with him by now. Women believe whole-heartedly in all this fate and destiny bulli*****. But at the end of the day, this is about game. Nothing more, nothing less. From a guy's point of view, screwing up the intervals for communication are extremely trivial. The women of the world are teaching us men to play games. Period. Three phone calls in one night = needy desperate loser. No phone calls or texts in five days = uncaring/player. Just the right amount of communication = I want him. From my perspective, this is so f***ing stupid. A more experienced man would have negotiated this minefield without tripping an alarm, he'd have slept with her and then she'd be the one on here complaining about how she got f***ed and dumped. Am I right in all of this???
SJC2008 Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 Yeah you gotta toe the line between needy and not interested lol. In my opening up thread the theme seems to be to much too soon. The bottom line is you gotta meet someone you're on the same wavelength with. It blows my mind how people don't communicate in the courting stage and jump to conclusions. It takes a while to show your true colors and THAT'S when I judge!
Author ctes300 Posted February 26, 2012 Author Posted February 26, 2012 This is a perfect example of why I hold so much internal hatred for women. The guy called her three times in a night (if I'm reading this right), didn't call her the day after getting her shirt off, sent flowers on Valentines Day and then didn't contact her for 5 days. Let's assume, for just a minute, that he didn't screw all these things up. He's still the same f***ing guy. But had he not made those mistakes, she could very well be in love with him by now. Women believe whole-heartedly in all this fate and destiny bulli*****. But at the end of the day, this is about game. Nothing more, nothing less. From a guy's point of view, screwing up the intervals for communication are extremely trivial. The women of the world are teaching us men to play games. Period. Three phone calls in one night = needy desperate loser. No phone calls or texts in five days = uncaring/player. Just the right amount of communication = I want him. From my perspective, this is so f***ing stupid. A more experienced man would have negotiated this minefield without tripping an alarm, he'd have slept with her and then she'd be the one on here complaining about how she got f***ed and dumped. Am I right in all of this??? I pretty much agree. I wouldn't say its inexperience - if my end game was just to sleep with this girl by date three, I could have made it happen. I went from not playing the game because we hit it off so well to feeling like I had to. I totally dropped my guard thinking that openness would be reciprocated without the usual games (maybe that's where I am naive), it seems no matter how you feel its best to be measured in your emotions. I should have known there's always game involved and am willing to chalk that part up to inexperience. Around noon yesterday I went against everyone's advice feeling there's nothing left to lose and wrote a really long text (3 msgs in length). I explained how we were too open too soon, but I wasn't out for just sex and felt bad about it. I also explained how I was torn on sending her flowers also being so soon and in a holiday catch 22. I said I'd like to see where this goes and offered to meet someplace other than our homes and suggested the pizza place we like and talked about to meet before the party I was attending in her area later. Later on that night I am fully enjoying myself at the party and had since written the whole thing off since I hadn't heard back all day, and then I receive a text at midnight saying ' We were too open too soon. I felt as if we were really good friends'. So, it seems she's still interested. I have yet to text or call back. I really want to stop the texting because I hate it. I either want to get her on the phone or better yet just to meet.
PlumPrincess Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 I pretty much agree. I wouldn't say its inexperience - if my end game was just to sleep with this girl by date three, I could have made it happen. I went from not playing the game because we hit it off so well to feeling like I had to. I totally dropped my guard thinking that openness would be reciprocated without the usual games (maybe that's where I am naive), it seems no matter how you feel its best to be measured in your emotions. I should have known there's always game involved and am willing to chalk that part up to inexperience. Around noon yesterday I went against everyone's advice feeling there's nothing left to lose and wrote a really long text (3 msgs in length). I explained how we were too open too soon, but I wasn't out for just sex and felt bad about it. I also explained how I was torn on sending her flowers also being so soon and in a holiday catch 22. I said I'd like to see where this goes and offered to meet someplace other than our homes and suggested the pizza place we like and talked about to meet before the party I was attending in her area later. Later on that night I am fully enjoying myself at the party and had since written the whole thing off since I hadn't heard back all day, and then I receive a text at midnight saying ' We were too open too soon. I felt as if we were really good friends'. So, it seems she's still interested. I have yet to text or call back. I really want to stop the texting because I hate it. I either want to get her on the phone or better yet just to meet. That's what I told you. Why is nobody ever listening to me? The reason she replied was because you were honest and explained the situation to her.
Mme. Chaucer Posted February 26, 2012 Posted February 26, 2012 This is a perfect example of why I hold so much internal hatred for women. You need to get past that. The guy called her three times in a night (if I'm reading this right), didn't call her the day after getting her shirt off, sent flowers on Valentines Day and then didn't contact her for 5 days. Let's assume, for just a minute, that he didn't screw all these things up. He's still the same f***ing guy. But had he not made those mistakes, she could very well be in love with him by now. Women believe whole-heartedly in all this fate and destiny bulli*****. But at the end of the day, this is about game. Nothing more, nothing less. From a guy's point of view, screwing up the intervals for communication are extremely trivial. The women of the world are teaching us men to play games. Period. Three phone calls in one night = needy desperate loser. No phone calls or texts in five days = uncaring/player. Just the right amount of communication = I want him. From my perspective, this is so f***ing stupid. A more experienced man would have negotiated this minefield without tripping an alarm, he'd have slept with her and then she'd be the one on here complaining about how she got f***ed and dumped. Am I right in all of this??? I think you are misreading everything. Sure, a more experienced or a person with great social skills might not have had the same troubles as the OP. This does not mean that the woman would be responding to game playing, or that the guy would have pumped and dumped. Relationships of all kinds need to build. Both people are contributing to what happens. Stuff needs to be favorable. Lots of people "might have been" something, but the right chain of events did not take place. Sometimes it's because somebody screwed up, sometimes it's timing, sometimes it's luck. But it's not typically because women have a stupid belief system that things often fail to work out.
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