What Is It Like To Be Beautiful

[zengirl]

Re: Pretty Vs. Smart

 

This is a silly dichotomy, I've always thought. I'm probably quite beautiful (no standardized tests for that, sadly) and I'm extremely smart. I always identified as a "smart girl" mainly because I never really believed in "beauty" as a thing (even objectively beautiful people aren't beautiful to everyone) but I think it's silly to let being beautiful make you feel less smart or let being smart make you feel less beautiful. The dichotomy only exists because we want to put people down---that's why we make boxes. You can't possibly be beautiful, smart, kind, and interesting! Oh dear! That's too much! It's silly.

 

So here's the secret folks: there is no immunity against rejection. It's something we all live with. You can let it destroy you or you can see the humor in it. You only have one life to live. Are you going to spend it wishing you were somebody else, or are you going to make the most of what you've got?

 

This.

 

I guess I'm beautiful. I grew up near Miami Beach, so it's so hard to tell sometimes. Beauty standards are rigorous there; the only place that's probably worse is SoCal. I never "felt" beautiful because no one looked like me (half-Japanese/half-white) but I think I was then, too, because I modeled (small time, and no runway as I'm not quite tall enough) in HS and college and the thing people would always say when I wanted to be an actress (I was the lead in all the drama plays and such) was, "Well, you're pretty enough," or "Well, you have the look." Of course, I wanted it to be about talent because I've never cared for looks as much as brains or talent or character. And my mother is definitely beautiful, and I look a lot like her if you ran her through an anime machine.

 

Being beautiful never inoculated me to heartache or rejection. It didn't stop my mother from marrying a man who cheated on her several times, with women who were objectively less beautiful than her. It's just not magical.

 

There are downsides to being beautiful -- when I worked in advertising, my male co-workers plainly suggested (they didn't really even mean to be jerks or realize it was offensive) that the only reason I had such great success was that I was a beautiful girl so my job was done for me. When I became a teacher, I learned to downplay my looks a bit and reach out to women more because women in education (who are predominantly not beautiful -- at least in this area) do NOT like beautiful women. I'm sure beauty has smoothed the way for me as well, a few times, but it's also had some bad points.

 

When it comes down to it, I love the way I look. I suppose that's a benefit of beauty. I wouldn't trade bodies with many people, and those I would, it'd be just for a trial run. I don't know if anyone who looks "average" feels that way or not. I'd like to think they do and that they love their own bodies, but it's not the kind of thing you ask in RL and it certainly doesn't seem true on LS.

[danmorisson]

Outer beauty means everything to women, and most don't give a **** what you're like on the inside, you could be a former wife beater, a neo-Nazi, practically anything, they don't care (or most don't care) if you're a Brad Pitt in the looks department, and will only talk to people they would normally find putrefying if these ugly dudes are rich and/or famous, because most women are also obsessed with status. "You're a loser". That word "loser". A popular word with the women. Women view the world as "winners and losers".

[Kamille]

Outer beauty means everything to women, and most don't give a **** what you're like on the inside, you could be a former wife beater, a neo-Nazi, practically anything, they don't care (or most don't care) if you're a Brad Pitt in the looks department, and will only talk to people they would normally find putrefying if these ugly dudes are rich and/or famous, because most women are also obsessed with status. "You're a loser". That word "loser". A popular word with the women. Women view the world as "winners and losers".

 

Dan the man. I adopt you.

[danmorisson]

Dan the man. I adopt you.

 

Women are shallow as ****. They spend about 5 hours putting makeup on and obsessing over their looks all day long, not because of us but because of their own obsession with outer beauty. Ask them who their favourite artists are and most will post this long list of super models, even their fav female artists will be super models. They are also the reason the entertainment has went downhill, shove a few models in a crap film to attract the shallow female audience.

 

Edit: Women literally cannot watch a film if there isnt any models in it, hence why most film these days are bad casted

Edited March 20, 2012 by danmorisson

[xxoo]

When it comes down to it, I love the way I look. I suppose that's a benefit of beauty. I wouldn't trade bodies with many people, and those I would, it'd be just for a trial run. I don't know if anyone who looks "average" feels that way or not. I'd like to think they do and that they love their own bodies, but it's not the kind of thing you ask in RL and it certainly doesn't seem true on LS.

 

Oh, wow, I don't think I've ever been objectively described as beautiful (pretty, yes), but I have never wanted to look like anyone else!

[zengirl]

Oh, wow, I don't think I've ever been objectively described as beautiful (pretty, yes), but I have never wanted to look like anyone else!

 

Good. At first I assumed, people generally felt that way if they had healthy self esteem, but then I wondered. *shrugs* As I said, it's not the kind of thing you really sit around and discuss.

[Kamille]

Women are shallow as ****. They spend about 5 hours putting makeup on and obsessing over their looks all day long, not because of us but because of their own obsession with outer beauty. Ask them who their favourite artists are and most will post this long list of super models, even their fav female artists will be super models. They are also the reason the entertainment has went downhill, shove a few models in a crap film to attract the shallow female audience.

 

Edit: Women literally cannot watch a film if there isnt any models in it, hence why most film these days are bad casted

 

Good pet!

 

_____________________

[Anela]

Dan the man. I adopt you.

 

 

Oh, wow, I don't think I've ever been objectively described as beautiful (pretty, yes), but I have never wanted to look like anyone else!

 

I haven't always been happy with my looks, and I admit that I'm not happy with them now, but I wouldn't change much (if I had the opportunity to do so).

[danmorisson]

 

If you were being honest, you didn't even think that was funny.

 

Why am I even posting here? This is the part of the Internet where the deranged hang out

 

Here's one of your favourite pages http://www.facebook.com/pages/Richard-Ramirez/28164004143

[Kamille]

Good. At first I assumed, people generally felt that way if they had healthy self esteem, but then I wondered. *shrugs* As I said, it's not the kind of thing you really sit around and discuss.

 

 

 

 

I haven't always been happy with my looks, and I admit that I'm not happy with them now, but I wouldn't change much (if I had the opportunity to do so).

 

So true. While I haven't always been happy with my looks, I've never even considered wanting to look like anyone else.

 

Nowadays though, I'm super happy with my looks. Wouldn't trade being me for anything.

[xxoo]

Why am I even posting here? This is the part of the Internet where the deranged hang out

 

Was this intended to be Question/Answer?

[volkl1996]

This is an interesting thread/discussion.

 

I want to spin it from a mans point of view, and maybe an age thing too.

 

I have always been told I am tall, dark and handsome, with a great smile and great looks, since I can remember. I work out and take care of myself and get lots of compliments on my body/build. I have even been referred to as pretty or metro. I like fashion and I dress well. Not for anyone else but me though.

 

When I was younger, lets say mid 20s to late 20s, I did not notice the looks my way as much. Now that I am divorced, and 45, I DO notice the looks and I do notice the extra attention I seem to get from woman, especially when I walk into a bar or a group setting. Not the 20 something woman, the mid to late 30's and older. I get lots of attention from them.

 

I do feel more confident, I think (I cannot say it's from my looks as I have always looked this way!)..though I can carry a conversation well, I am intelligent, witty, funny, etc so I do not depend on my looks to get me anything. I have friends who have average looks yet they can talk to any girl. Not me, I am a bit shy and on the conservative side at first.

 

Sometimes I wish I was fat, short, bald and ugly so I could see what it's like to not depend on looks to get you in the door.

 

Regarding a beautiful woman..yup, I will turn my head, though I will usually not approach or talk to them. I will let the 50+ other dudes approach them instead.

 

I go for classic beauty looks, and intelligence, confidence and emotional independence add so much to physical beauty!

[sweetsmmr91]

This is interesting! As someone who has lost 150 pounds I guess I used to be "unattractive" but now that I am more thin and pretty, I've found that people treat me much much better. The other day I had a guy offer to pay for my gas at the gas station, people hold doors open for you more often, offer to get your drink. Make conversation with you far more often. Don't avert their glances and are more open with staring. It can be overwhelming, especially for someone who wasn't used to it. I can see the distinct differences in how people approach and treat you when you're attractive vs how they do when you are unattractive. Which kind of makes the entire thing seem petty and ridiculous, because I am absolutely the same person I was before. You can enjoy the benefits of being more attractive, but you can't take it at anything further than face value. It doesn't mean anything.

 

The only thing that actually matters is how you feel I guess. I feel more confident, more chipper. I have more fun with my hair and makeup and clothing shopping. It's easier to be silly in public, and you're less afraid of attracting ridicule from people. It seems like if you do something annoying- like spill a drink, or let your dog's leash go on accident and they jump all over strangers- people are more cheerful with you about it. When I was obese people would roll their eyes when I do these things on accident, and now they smile and help me out and make conversation.

 

It's an interesting phenomenon.

[zengirl]

This is interesting! As someone who has lost 150 pounds I guess I used to be "unattractive" but now that I am more thin and pretty, I've found that people treat me much much better. The other day I had a guy offer to pay for my gas at the gas station, people hold doors open for you more often, offer to get your drink. Make conversation with you far more often. Don't avert their glances and are more open with staring. It can be overwhelming, especially for someone who wasn't used to it. I can see the distinct differences in how people approach and treat you when you're attractive vs how they do when you are unattractive. Which kind of makes the entire thing seem petty and ridiculous, because I am absolutely the same person I was before. You can enjoy the benefits of being more attractive, but you can't take it at anything further than face value. It doesn't mean anything.

 

The only thing that actually matters is how you feel I guess. I feel more confident, more chipper. I have more fun with my hair and makeup and clothing shopping. It's easier to be silly in public, and you're less afraid of attracting ridicule from people. It seems like if you do something annoying- like spill a drink, or let your dog's leash go on accident and they jump all over strangers- people are more cheerful with you about it. When I was obese people would roll their eyes when I do these things on accident, and now they smile and help me out and make conversation.

 

It's an interesting phenomenon.

 

Interesting. Probably one of the truest perspectives on here that actually answers the question -- I guess that's essentially "the bubble" someone asked about recently in dating. Yes, I agree these things slightly happen, but I do think they may happen to average looking girls and guys who seem bubbly as well (especially young ones) as well as beautiful girls and guys. Unsure.

[sweetsmmr91]

Good point, I'm thinking now that it's more of an "obese" vs "not obese" thing than a "beautiful" or "not beautiful" thing. Being obese is more frowned upon than being less attractive, so people are more unpleasant to the obese. But you can probably be "unattractive", with a bubbly personality and have people treat you just as well. Although I do think being attractive is what gets people to go out of their way to do things for you. Being bubbly just makes them kinder to you. Being thin makes them less critical of you. Being obese makes them critical and less likely to do anything for you. I don't know, it's interesting to think about but it's also kind of sad, haha.

[zengirl]

Good point, I'm thinking now that it's more of an "obese" vs "not obese" thing than a "beautiful" or "not beautiful" thing. Being obese is more frowned upon than being less attractive, so people are more unpleasant to the obese. But you can probably be "unattractive", with a bubbly personality and have people treat you just as well. Although I do think being attractive is what gets people to go out of their way to do things for you. Being bubbly just makes them kinder to you. Being thin makes them less critical of you. Being obese makes them critical and less likely to do anything for you. I don't know, it's interesting to think about but it's also kind of sad, haha.

 

Probably somewhat true, but yes, sad. Bubbly may not go as far other places either --- it goes a long way in the SE.

[Els]

So true. While I haven't always been happy with my looks, I've never even considered wanting to look like anyone else.

 

Nowadays though, I'm super happy with my looks. Wouldn't trade being me for anything.

 

Aw, really? That's pretty cool. I admit that if I was offered the chance to change some things, while still being the same person, I would. Granted, that is probably because I have an innate, and incurable disease affecting my appearance.

 

I guess it doesn't really bother me much, and I don't spend time stressing about it because I'm happy to be WHO I am, but it would be a lie to say that I would refuse if I was offered a chance to retain that while just looking different (and not having that illness).

[Anela]

................

Edited March 21, 2012 by Anela

[JesseJames]

People are only going to see what they want to see.

 

Except for my penis--I get the same reactions every time.

 

They're like... where did this extra participant come from and why is he pointing at me?

[tigressA]

I didn't think I was pretty until I left my hometown almost 7 years ago and I was in a more ethnically/racially diverse area. My hometown is literally like 99% white and I'm mixed (black/white)...I had crushes, but none of the guys liked me. I was thought to be ugly because I had skin that was darker and hair that was curlier than anyone else. I wanted to be white because then, I thought that was the only way to be pretty. That desire, that belief, was really sad, but it was a product of being constantly bullied for looking so different from everyone. All I had wanted for years was to blend in. It didn't help that neither of my parents really knew what was going on, though that was at least partially my fault as I internalized a lot of things and I just assumed that they wouldn't be able to help me.

 

External validation did help. It helped me look at myself in a more positive light, and from that change in self-examination, I was able to strengthen my belief in my attractiveness, eventually not having to rely on outside approval. I can look in the mirror and say, "Heyyyy. NICE."

[LHayes67]

.................

Edited March 21, 2012 by LHayes67

[thehead]

I've had a few girlfriends who were very beautiful and I'm friends with some women who can stop traffic. From what I see, perks include men hurrying to open the door, being seated at better, higher-profile tables in restaurants, no shortage of dates, people turning to stare as they walk down the street, guys offering to help carry, load, unload stuff from their cars. It might not be universally true beautiful women are treated better, but it's hard to deny some perks exist.