oaks Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Now I get emails from guys who I rejected before saying "Still here? haha". Funny thing is, they're still there too...But apparently, for a woman it's wrong to be on a dating website more than a month!!!! It makes me so angry when guys do that... There are bitter guys around who have this idea that there's something wrong with you if you'd rather be single than date them. If you hang around here long enough you'll read the same story from their perspective. So in case you have tried online dating...How long did it take you to actually meet someone good from it? About 9 months to find someone with mutual attraction beyond just a few dates but circumstances conspired against us and we couldn't turn it into a relationship. Then after another 2 months I met my current gf. Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 There are bitter guys around who have this idea that there's something wrong with you if you'd rather be single than date them. If you hang around here long enough you'll read the same story from their perspective. I think a lot of us figure a cute girl who sounds pretty interesting is probably going to get snatched up pretty quickly. If they don't, it makes us wonder. That being said, I'd never message a girl who clearly indicated here non-interest already (by not messaging back in the first place). Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 lol, I never said I think they are intimidated by my hotness. And they are the ones who told me they are insecure not me. With one, our date was during the day and believe it or not, he said he doesn't want to come because daylight doesn't make him the most attractive. Another guy was insecure about where we were going and him not knowing what to do so he bailed and then later wanted another chance. A lot of these guys are socially awkward. People are online for different reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
El Brujo Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I've been using a dating website for a few months now and I haven't met any guy who I really like and he really likes me back as well. Now I get emails from guys who I rejected before saying "Still here? haha". Funny thing is, they're still there too...But apparently, for a woman it's wrong to be on a dating website more than a month!!!! It makes me so angry when guys do that... So in case you have tried online dating...How long did it take you to actually meet someone good from it? Someone you feel great chemistry with etc. What is the average amount of time it takes for men and women to find someone online? Your experiences and thoughts are appreciated. IME you're wasting your time with OLD, and it's only going to lead to bitterness. You need to find (or start) some meetup groups of people who share your interests. Knitting? Bicycling? Volleyball at the beach? Drink-a-thons? They're all there. Seriously, give OLD the brush. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Online dating sites can be just a barren wasteland for a long period of time, but then you can suddenly "score" unexpectedly. That's what happened to me. I got on OkCupid in late 2010/early 2011 for about six weeks but quickly got off because I liked none of the men. Even the ones I sort of talked with casually, it was just that...just shooting the breeze. No real interest on my part. I got back on the site in October of 2011 and was immediately contacted by someone who I had moderate interest in, talked to him for two weeks kind of casually (like I said, only moderate interest on my part), met him in person, started to fall for him and ultimately did fall for him. And he was highly interested in me, too. We had good sex and good rapport. The only reason it ended was that I couldn't deal with the circumstance of him being in an open relationship with his already established girlfriend. (Long story). But basically, that didn't work out because I'm not polyamorous. But purely on interest, attraction, and compatibility, I scored...big time...with him. He's a perfect example of what I want. There have been times in the past, also, that I've found someone I wanted on a dating site. Guy I dated for one year in 2001/2002, I met him on a dating site and fell in love with him. I'd say it was pretty quick as far as how long I was on the dating site. (If memory serves, it was about a month on the site before I contacted him and we went out). That being said, it can be a barren wasteland, too. I'd say stay on and just sit back and relax to see what happens. If nothing happens for a long while, don't take it as an indicator that dating sites are ineffective or fruitless. I'm totally hung up on a guy I met on a dating site, and he's a guy who contacted me THE VERY FIRST DAY I put my profile up. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 (edited) 3) Of course, what kind of guy you're going for. If you have extremely high standards you could be waiting a long time. Also, just know that having good on-line chemistry does not always translate into real life. I have had three girls that I had on-line chemistry with (one I spent 60 hours getting to know over the phone), we met, and there was no in-person chemistry. So finding someone on-line is only 50% I agree with # 3. I don't like to say I have "high standards," because that makes me sound like a bitch, an elitist, a snob. I don't think I have "high standards" so much as I am "particular." A friend of mine got on Match a year ago and said she met tons of men and liked many of them. And it was true; she was constantly telling me, "I have a Match date tonight." So I got on, too, and was on for three months and liked none of the men. I didn't talk to, much less go out with, any of them. I think she just likes men more easily than I do. Every single one of her boyfriends in the past couple years have been men I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole; so you know, I'm admittedly particular. That being said, I have liked guys on OkCupid. ??? Even on OkC, though, I'm particular. My profile says "Replies Very Selectively" because that's true, I only reply to maybe every tenth (or so) guy that contacts me because I'm not interested in most of them. Might even be every 15th. I must emphasize, though, it's "particular" not "high standards." Some of my past boyfriends who I've loved a lot have probably been considered losers, or severely lacking in many ways, by other people. I also agree that chemistry is unpredictable as far as translating to real life or not. Or vice versa. Sometimes moderate (or seemingly no) online chemistry is actually quite present in real life. Last guy I had luck with from an online dating site, he and I were NOT having online chemistry (well, I think he was, but I wasn't). I was only writing him back to be polite and because he seemed smart, like good friend material. Like I'd want him in my social circle if not as a boyfriend. I even tried to get out of meeting him in person. But once I did, the chemistry was off the charts. I made out with him on our first date, sex came just a few dates later. I'm still hung up on him. Edited February 21, 2012 by Jane2011 Link to post Share on other sites
Saxis Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I tried OLD for about 3 months before giving up the first time. I live in a rural area and there isn't much to choose from. Talked to half a dozen girls maybe, only went out with one, which could've led to a relationship, but neither of us was comfortable with the distance. I gave it a couple month rest while I was buying my house this summer, and after I got settled in, tried it again. The very first and only message I sent is now my current GF and we're going on 3 months. It was her first time trying it and she had only been on there a week. She only talked to one other guy and he was rude so she never even met him. We both think that you get lucky sometimes... She's had several friends try it with no luck at all, and when I tried it that last time, she was about the only new profile that I was interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 In all honesty I did believe that seeing a pretty girl ONLINE the night of valentine's day was a bit weird Link to post Share on other sites
Author mesmerized Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Just got another "still on here??" message. Literally every guy I said no to sends that to me on a regular basis. What is wrong with these men??Why is it any of their business? It seriously makes me mad! Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Just got another "still on here??" message. Literally every guy I said no to sends that to me on a regular basis. What is wrong with these men??Why is it any of their business? It seriously makes me mad! Probably because they figured you were stuck up and for them to still see you on the line probably makes them laugh. It looks like you met someone and was dumped after he had sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mesmerized Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Probably because they figured you were stuck up and for them to still see you on the line probably makes them laugh. It looks like you met someone and was dumped after he had sex with you. How does it look like this? lol apparently I'm picky or I wouldn't stop seeing them. They're just butthurt they got rejected and trying to get it out of their system this way. Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 How does it look like this? lol apparently I'm picky or I wouldn't stop seeing them. They're just butthurt they got rejected and trying to get it out of their system this way. I see the same women who rejected me too but I don't send them another message. That's just plain stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mesmerized Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 I see the same women who rejected me too but I don't send them another message. That's just plain stupid. Yeah...It makes me wonder though...How long do you see pretty women online? Do attractive women come online for a couple of weeks and just disappear? Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Yeah...It makes me wonder though...How long do you see pretty women online? Do attractive women come online for a couple of weeks and just disappear? Some of them do disappear. And then the other ones you still see. I know I don't take really pretty women seriously online and may send a message like "Can you massage my back" LOL I only take CUTE women seriously and will send them a normal and detailed message Link to post Share on other sites
Author mesmerized Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 Some of them do disappear. And then the other ones you still see. I know I don't take really pretty women seriously online and may send a message like "Can you massage my back" LOL I only take CUTE women seriously and will send them a normal and detailed message What is pretty and what is cute? lol I'd like to think I'm both! Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 What is pretty and what is cute? lol I'd like to think I'm both! I take women seriously who don't have pics of herself at a party don't have pics of herself with a guy don't have pics that show her breast don't have pics with her posing with her butt poking out don't have 6 or more pics I'm attracted to someone who has 1 or 2 pics with one being a face pic and the other being a normal body shot pic Link to post Share on other sites
Author mesmerized Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 I take women seriously who don't have pics of herself at a party don't have pics of herself with a guy don't have pics that show her breast don't have pics with her posing with her butt poking out don't have 6 or more pics I'm attracted to someone who has 1 or 2 pics with one being a face pic and the other being a normal body shot pic Thanks for the insight. I more wonder for how long it is normal to see a woman staying on a dating website. Link to post Share on other sites
Jane2011 Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 So you actually send them rejection notes? Maybe that's why they're talking to you with the smart ass "still here?" comments. If I'm not interested, I just don't reply to the guy. That is just as "stuck up," I guess, but it also says I'm just not going to acknowledge you whether you're saying something nice in nature or smart ass in nature. It says "you're dead to me" lol... They're big boys. They can handle it. Most likely you/I don't mean much to them anyway. They're probably emailing plenty of other women, too. Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 So you actually send them rejection notes? Maybe that's why they're talking to you with the smart ass "still here?" comments. If I'm not interested, I just don't reply to the guy. That is just as "stuck up," I guess, but it also says I'm just not going to acknowledge you whether you're saying something nice in nature or smart ass in nature. It says "you're dead to me" lol... They're big boys. They can handle it. Most likely you/I don't mean much to them anyway. They're probably emailing plenty of other women, too. That's how it should be Link to post Share on other sites
Author mesmerized Posted February 22, 2012 Author Share Posted February 22, 2012 So you actually send them rejection notes? Maybe that's why they're talking to you with the smart ass "still here?" comments. If I'm not interested, I just don't reply to the guy. That is just as "stuck up," I guess, but it also says I'm just not going to acknowledge you whether you're saying something nice in nature or smart ass in nature. It says "you're dead to me" lol... They're big boys. They can handle it. Most likely you/I don't mean much to them anyway. They're probably emailing plenty of other women, too. lool no...i talk to them for a while or see them and then decide not to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 Last March I put up a profile on OKC for about two weeks. In those two weeks, only about two men who seemed somewhat compatible (age, location, etc.) contacted me. I met both of them for coffee dates and had strong chemistry with the second guy I met. We're still together. I think that's pretty quick for finding someone online. I believe I met him so quickly because I had a very clear vision/image in my mind of the kind of relationship I was looking for after my marriage ended. I held that image in my mind for quite some time (1-2 years). I realize most people here don't ascribe to the "law of attraction" but there were some fairly unusual coincidences around meeting him that made me realize that meeting him was no accident. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted February 22, 2012 Share Posted February 22, 2012 lol, I never said I think they are intimidated by my hotness. And they are the ones who told me they are insecure not me. With one, our date was during the day and believe it or not, he said he doesn't want to come because daylight doesn't make him the most attractive. Another guy was insecure about where we were going and him not knowing what to do so he bailed and then later wanted another chance. I don't think my estimations are that far off...And my photos are all taken within the past 6 months. you said they were insecure and didn't feel good enough. To me that sounds like you were saying they were intimidated by you. But it sounds like you meant they were major introverts. I actually have a friend who was like that. When we were younger he would start to shake when we went new places together & in fact would never go anywhere unless he HAD to for school or work or I dragged him there. He was smart also. VERY SMART. I'd say he was a very toned down version of Monk when younger. He's gotten over most of that now. Took him forever to loose his virginity. He had chicks chasing him, taking their clothes off for him but he just couldn't do it from anxiety. He also had a stutter. Funny thing was, when he got drunk, no stutter, no anxiety, and he could keep track of everyone in any drinking game. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
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