kaylan Posted February 13, 2012 Posted February 13, 2012 A recent thread inspired me to create this one. Check it out here and leave the OP some advice. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=313796 Now I want to ask other dudes. Could you date a woman who failed to launch? That is, she still lives with her parents after age 25...isnt in school, work a low paying job, debt, no life goals or career ambition, and is perfectly content with making just enough money to cover food and a hobby. Now personally I would not date such a person. Not because living at home is bad...but because lack of ambition and the inability to be a independent or contributing adult is unattractive. If a gal had goals and was living at home to save up for a house one day, and was actually chipping in with her parents expenses, then Id be kool with that. But someone who has no goals outside of paycheck to paycheck expenses isnt something Id go for. Not to mention I wasnt raised with the idea that I should date someone Id have to end up taking care of if things got serious. So what say you men?
El Brujo Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 It might be possible that she suffered one round of bad luck right after another. Not everyone who lives with their parents is a bum... and I speak as a man who moved back in with his mother because there was no one to take care of her when she was dying of cancer.
Teknoe Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 A recent thread inspired me to create this one. Check it out here and leave the OP some advice. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=313796 Now I want to ask other dudes. Could you date a woman who failed to launch? That is, she still lives with her parents after age 25...isnt in school, work a low paying job, debt, no life goals or career ambition, and is perfectly content with making just enough money to cover food and a hobby. Now personally I would not date such a person. Not because living at home is bad...but because lack of ambition and the inability to be a independent or contributing adult is unattractive. If a gal had goals and was living at home to save up for a house one day, and was actually chipping in with her parents expenses, then Id be kool with that. But someone who has no goals outside of paycheck to paycheck expenses isnt something Id go for. Not to mention I wasnt raised with the idea that I should date someone Id have to end up taking care of if things got serious. So what say you men? Probably not, because I'm living at home right now too, and don't think it'd be healthy for two late 20s people to date and think it could work out. I gotta improve myself first, and she's gotta be ready, too.
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 At this point in my life, I wouldn't care at all. As long as she's happy and doing something productive that's all that matters. I got my own place and I'm finishing up my degree; which should get eventfully lead me to getting a job where only one income is needed.
jobaba Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Now personally I would not date such a person. Not because living at home is bad...but because lack of ambition and the inability to be a independent or contributing adult is unattractive. If a gal had goals and was living at home to save up for a house one day, and was actually chipping in with her parents expenses, then Id be kool with that. But someone who has no goals outside of paycheck to paycheck expenses isnt something Id go for. Not to mention I wasnt raised with the idea that I should date someone Id have to end up taking care of if things got serious. So what say you men? No. Ambition is important to me. More so than looks and material qualities. She has to have the ambition, if not the success to back it up. At this point in my life, I wouldn't care at all. As long as she's happy and doing something productive that's all that matters. I got my own place and I'm finishing up my degree; which should get eventfully lead me to getting a job where only one income is needed. No offense man, but LOL at thinking a bachelors degree is going to guarantee enough to support a two person household in SoCal!
Author kaylan Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 (edited) It might be possible that she suffered one round of bad luck right after another. Not everyone who lives with their parents is a bum... and I speak as a man who moved back in with his mother because there was no one to take care of her when she was dying of cancer. Did you read the OP? I did not say simply living home was bad in of itself. I said there are sometimes good reasons for it. I said living at home simply because one didnt want to be independent is bad. I also gave additional reasons on top of that. Living at home to take care of someone, or save to buy a house, or because you hit hard times are fine reasons. But to live home and mooch, while also having no life goals or ambition...thats entirely different. No offense man, but LOL at thinking a bachelors degree is going to guarantee enough to support a two person household in SoCal! Property value is ridiculous is some SoCali cities. Glad Im in the eat for now. A 450k 3 bedroom home in the NYC boro of queens could easily go for a smooth 1.2 million in San Fran or Palo Alto Edited February 14, 2012 by kaylan
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 No offense man, but LOL at thinking a bachelors degree is going to guarantee enough to support a two person household in SoCal! And why not? It's not like I'm planning on buying a house any time soon and home prices and rent are cheaper than in the Bay Area. BTW, do you even know what my major is?
jobaba Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 And why not? It's not like I'm planning on buying a house any time soon and home prices and rent are cheaper than in the Bay Area. BTW, do you even know what my major is? Not to derail the thread (or forum), but ... The best BS you could do state school wise is probably an Electrical Engineering Computer Science (EECS) degree from UC Berkeley. Stable, high demand field that would 'probably' get you a nice middle class income without any other further degrees, but as a one person household, you'd struggle a bit. Anything less than that degree would be more of a crapshoot. I'm not trying to belittle you, I'm just trying to make you aware that supporting a household with just a bachelors degree education is a thing of the past...
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 How much a year do you think one needs to make in order to be middle class and not struggle?
Author kaylan Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Please PM one another. Id rather not see this become a derail discussing what degree and income one needs to comfortably live in a particular area.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 The same guys who wouldn't have a problem dating a girl who failed to launch are very likely to be the same guys who'd be pissed at a girl for expecting him to pay on the first date.
johan Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 how much a year do you think one needs to make in order to be middle class and not struggle? $120k. . . .
veggirl Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Well, I'm 28 (female, obvs) and I know exactly ONE guy that I can think of who would date a woman who hadn't "launched" yet. He is 28, single (obvs), and DESPERATE. On the whole, I think men are gonna be more...forgiving...of something like this than women are. I sure as hell would not date a guy who lived at home right now, unless it was VERY temporary. If I lived at home, I'd understand if guys wrote me off because of it. I don't expect MUCH $$ wise from a man...but at this age I absolutely expect a man to be able to take care of himself, and have the desire to do so.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 $120k. . . . With student loans, I agree. Without, deduct about $20k.
somedude81 Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 $120k. . . . Why the hell would you need $10,000 a month to not struggle? My current expenses are about $1,300 a month and I got my own apartment and my car is paid off. I'm not exactly going hungry either and I can only hear the faintest sound of gun shots Kidding, I don't live in the ghetto. If I was supporting a woman who didn't have a great job, I really don't see my expenses getting that much higher. And I'm not going to be with some princess either who wants me to buy her the best clothes and jewelry. She can take care of her own stuff.
veggirl Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Why the hell would you need $10,000 a month to not struggle? My current expenses are about $1,300 a month and I got my own apartment and my car is paid off. I'm not exactly going hungry either and I can only hear the faintest sound of gun shots Kidding, I don't live in the ghetto. If I was supporting a woman who didn't have a great job, I really don't see my expenses getting that much higher. And I'm not going to be with some princess either who wants me to buy her the best clothes and jewelry. She can take care of her own stuff. That's awesome, SD. Proof that one can be a student and still independent! I agree a couple would NOT need $120k to live comfortably middle class. TBH, SILK (single income no kids) could be fine on 60k, assuming neither is bringing in crazy personal debt.
johan Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 When you make more, your expenses go up. House (furnishings, maintenance, utilities), better car, better clothes, better entertainment. Your expenses will go to maybe $3000/month. Take out about $2500 for taxes. The rest goes to investments. You should target about $2000/month to go to savings and investments. You won't be working your whole life.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 My current expenses are about $1,300 a month and I got my own apartment and my car is paid off. I'm not exactly going hungry either and I can only hear the faintest sound of gun shots Kidding, I don't live in the ghetto. What you're describing may be "not struggling" but it is certainly NOT middle class. $1,300 in expenses is pretty much nothing. That doesn't even cover my rent.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 A recent thread inspired me to create this one. Check it out here and leave the OP some advice. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=313796 Now I want to ask other dudes. Could you date a woman who failed to launch? That is, she still lives with her parents after age 25...isnt in school, work a low paying job, debt, no life goals or career ambition, and is perfectly content with making just enough money to cover food and a hobby. Now personally I would not date such a person. Not because living at home is bad...but because lack of ambition and the inability to be a independent or contributing adult is unattractive. If a gal had goals and was living at home to save up for a house one day, and was actually chipping in with her parents expenses, then Id be kool with that. But someone who has no goals outside of paycheck to paycheck expenses isnt something Id go for. Not to mention I wasnt raised with the idea that I should date someone Id have to end up taking care of if things got serious. So what say you men? LOL - what's the difference between "failing to launch" as you describe it here, and having all of the aspirations in the world, only to fall for some schmuck and his money, and then spend your life popping out kids and eventually living off of alimony and child support? The "failure to launch" thing doesn't work the same way for women... Though I would agree that many of them should maintain a "naked room" just like T.B.
Author kaylan Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 LOL - what's the difference between "failing to launch" as you describe it here, and having all of the aspirations in the world, only to fall for some schmuck and his money, and then spend your life popping out kids and eventually living off of alimony and child support? The "failure to launch" thing doesn't work the same way for women... Though I would agree that many of them should maintain a "naked room" just like T.B. I guess gold diggers are women who fail to launch...now that I think about it though. Anyways, Id say "failure to launch" works the same for women in more guys eyes than ya think. All my close guy friends def want a girl whos got plans for herself or is already on her feet and self sufficient. They arent looking to be in a relationship with someone theyd have to take care of or who has no drive. EDIT: to the rest of you carrying on about what constitutes a middle class income. Dont derail my thread. PM or create another thread for that please. This thread just started so its too early for it to derail for pages on end.
Sanman Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Nope, I couldn't deal with that in a woman. She can live at home, but she needs to have some plans and there needs to be a good reason that she is doing so. The opposite is also true as far as I am concerned (People living paycheck to paycheck or with parental help pretending to be independent in their own place). I want a partner with a good career and sound financial planning skills as that is what I bring to the table. I have goals in life and having to pay a significant amount of my salary to support someone who can't get their sh*t together is not one of them. Luckily, my gf has both the career and financial planning skills to accomplish our goals (financial independence, debt free living, property ownership).
Emilia Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 When I was around 28 I dated a guy who was 25 but living at home and unemployed. He never went to college and never had a good job. I ended up having to support him financially; had to buy him a used car, he never paid bills, had to buy him clothes etc. Probably spent 10k on him (excluding the monthly bills which I won't count cause I would have had to pay them anyways without him). Why I did it? Because I'm not a picky person. I take pride in independent for myself but I didn't expect it from a guy because I prefer being the strong one plus I'm not a picky woman; I am not demanding when it comes to a guy's career or if he has money. I also liked being the breadwinner. You say that as if that was a good thing. I hope you have self-respect and appreciate your own achievements. I would date a man in temporary difficulty because that can happen to all of us but sure as hell I can do much better than some lazy loser who thinks the world owes him a living.
gaius Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 EDIT: to the rest of you carrying on about what constitutes a middle class income. Dont derail my thread. PM or create another thread for that please. This thread just started so its too early for it to derail for pages on end. Damn you're a control freak. I live fairly modestly and have different expectations of myself than I do of women when it comes to money, so yes I would if we got along well. I dated a secretary for a while who lived with her mom, had to pay for everything. It was one of my best relationships, surpassed only by my current one of course!
grkBoy Posted February 14, 2012 Posted February 14, 2012 Now I want to ask other dudes. Could you date a woman who failed to launch? That is, she still lives with her parents after age 25...isnt in school, work a low paying job, debt, no life goals or career ambition, and is perfectly content with making just enough money to cover food and a hobby. No...I and many other men now have been raised to never get involved with such a girl. Too many other guys have grown more to treat these girls as "just for sex" rather than avoid them altogether. I know some women dream of being the traditional SAHM and happy housewife, but are frustrated that men now look down on that. That's life though. Women's lib also conditioned men to want more. Bear in mind the "no life goals or career ambition" is a big one. If she worked in a Starbucks but did painting and worked to put her stuff in galleries, then I wouldn't avoid her. She has goals and ambitions though. The ones your description really seems to make me think of are the party girls who only value looking hot and think some guy will take care of them in life.
Author kaylan Posted February 14, 2012 Author Posted February 14, 2012 Damn you're a control freak. I live fairly modestly and have different expectations of myself than I do of women when it comes to money, so yes I would if we got along well. I dated a secretary for a while who lived with her mom, had to pay for everything. It was one of my best relationships, surpassed only by my current one of course! How am I a control freak? Gimme a break dude. I have been here enough time to see how some posters are on this board. Too many threads get derailed for pages on end on something off topic to the original post. I dont need that happening by only the second page. If you think Im a control freak for asking posters to start a different thread and let mine stay on topic, then you dont need to post here if it bothers you. Also, you may be ok taking care of a woman who doesnt bring as much as you to the table, but many guys arent like that anymore. They werent raised in a time where women just grow up and move out once she has a man to take care of her and pay for everything. For most guys today, theyd resent a girl they had to pay everything for.
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