xGF Just Apologized - Not Sure How To Feel

[Imajerk17]

As much as you would want her to "pay" more (i.e., apologize to your face, make some effort to repay you financially) and as much as I sympathize, you know you need to move on. See you have a life of your own now, and pursuing any more "closure" could bring what you have now down in flames. So I say you got to let this go.

[ShannonMI]

Ok. So a few years ago she convinced me to spend $12,000 on her, and was cheating at the same time. When I caught her practically red handed with hotel receipts she lied, and lied, and lied. We lived together and she used the full extent of the legal system to make sure I could not even get underwear by making false allegations.

 

Now she sends me this email

 

"Hey, I'm sorry this is coming so late, but I just wanted to say that I am sorry.

Please know that I have no alternative motive or intent by this email, and id

prefer that you not reply. I just wanted to make sure that you know. Why now? I got a small bit of a conscience back that I lost, that's all. Also sorry that you even have to get an email like this. "

 

How the hell am I supposed to feel about this? I'm engaged to someone who I really love... and who really loves me. I announce my engagement and within 1 month I get this email. Why?

Ugh don't even respond to this trifling b*tch. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm happy you have a new girl who you have a great relationship with.

[fishtaco]

Her cash flow must have dipped into the red.

 

Just take it for what it is, more manipulation on her part. Someone who would do something as outrageous as milking a guy she was cheating on for 12 grand will never suddenly grow a conscience and become a good person. It just doesn't happen.

 

I vote for this too. She's trying to see if she could hook you back in for more money.

[OliveOyl]

Maybe she's just honestly sorry and wanted to let you know.

 

Could it be that simple?

[fishtaco]

Maybe she's just honestly sorry and wanted to let you know.

 

Could it be that simple?

 

If she's honestly sorry she could start by paying back the 12 grand. Or at least start to. $200 a month. Something.

 

But then again I'm one of those people that don't like to owe others money. I think I may be the strange one.

[ShannonMI]

If she's honestly sorry she could start by paying back the 12 grand. Or at least start to. $200 a month. Something.

 

But then again I'm one of those people that don't like to owe others money. I think I may be the strange one.

Yeah exactly:rolleyes:

[escafeld]

Why is she asking you not to reply? So you won't make her feel more guilty? I'd be so tempted to give her a piece of my mind if I were you, but ideally you should not. Who knows why she's sending this now? Maybe she heard you got engaged! Hopefully she won't stir any more trouble now. So, try not to reply.

 

I'd guess she's requested 'no reply' because it enables her to retain power/control over the dialogue. If she doesn't receive one, then she can placate herself with the fact she never asked for one..however if she hadn't put that and the OP didn't reply she would be wracked with feelings of rejection.

[gaius]

I'd guess she's requested 'no reply' because it enables her to retain power/control over the dialogue. If she doesn't receive one, then she can placate herself with the fact she never asked for one..however if she hadn't put that and the OP didn't reply she would be wracked with feelings of rejection.

Smart guy this escafeld is. She's not even willing to give you the power to reject her, doesn't sound that sorry or wracked with guilt to me.

[Emilia]

Smart guy this escafeld is. She's not even willing to give you the power to reject her, doesn't sound that sorry or wracked with guilt to me.

 

Precisely. When I communicate something to my exes I don't tell them not to answer me and if they tell me to go and f*** myself then I deal with that. If I can't face that then I keep my trap shut because I won't just type up some random meaningless email to make myself feel better.

[Mrlonelyone]

I am in agreement with those who said it sounds like she's in a 12 step program or something. Addicts will tend to abuse people around them to feed their addiction.

 

Also the whole "don't reply" thing, as escafeld says sounds like a manipulative way to retain power in the dialog.

 

The worst part of that is, if she is in a 12 step program the making of amends means not just some BS apology. It has to be a dialog in which that person tries to make whole the people they hurt. She would try to pay back the money and ask for forgiveness. Not "I'm sorry but please don't respond to either accept or reject".

[Untouchable_Fire]

If she's honestly sorry she could start by paying back the 12 grand. Or at least start to. $200 a month. Something.

But then again I'm one of those people that don't like to owe others money. I think I may be the strange one.

 

There is no way she can pay me back... or would. She makes over $120,000 a year, but spends way more.

 

Additionally... I'm pretty sure she feels entitled to the money I gave her. I don't think that makes her bad. I think most women in our culture would also feel similar to her provided the same situation. The money is gone... and I don't really care about it that much.

 

I'd guess she's requested 'no reply' because it enables her to retain power/control over the dialogue. If she doesn't receive one, then she can placate herself with the fact she never asked for one..however if she hadn't put that and the OP didn't reply she would be wracked with feelings of rejection.

 

She is definitely a control freak.

 

My most likely response would be to ask her why she tried to string me along rather than be upfront. That's really where all my pain and anger are directed.