"Intensity" In A Woman...

[veggirl]

Yeah, thanks Ditz.

 

I guess it's just not a word I use.

 

The OP looks like she is "hot." There are going to be many guys who are put off by a girl who is "hot" and who is also thinking a lot, expressing those thoughts, etc. Why can't she just be hot? It's confusing

 

LOL. Mme C....really? Guys are confused by that? Your random digs at men sometimes come out of left field.

 

I've never in my life met a man who thinks a hot girl must not speak, or must be stupid, or must not express herself. Seriously. Any college campus will have loads of young girls who are similar looking to OP, and guys who are interested in talking to them, and gasp recognize they have opinions etc themselves.

[gaius]

Sucks for the insecure dumb guys now dont it?

Another issue in which you seem to be out of tune with normal straight guys. Tigress gets it, it's no surprise she's got ex boyfriends messaging her trying to get her back. While other women seem to have problems holding on to one man despite having tons of things going for them as well.

[kaylan]

Another issue in which you seem to be out of tune with normal straight guys. Tigress gets it, it's no surprise she's got ex boyfriends messaging her trying to get her back. While other women seem to have problems holding on to one man despite having tons of things going for them as well.

Normal straight guys? Gimme a break.

 

Tigress said that there are guys out there who get intimidated by smart women. She didnt say all straight guys are like this. Read for comprehension please. Some dudes enjoy a challenge. I am one of them...and I usually find most women cannot keep up with me in conversations or debates on things of importance to me. I have no problem with an intense chick. Its challenging and thus attractive to me.

 

Confident dudes dont get intimidated by chicks who speak their mind or are intelligent.

 

End of story.

Edited February 1, 2012 by kaylan

[tigressA]

LOL. Mme C....really? Guys are confused by that? Your random digs at men sometimes come out of left field.

 

I've never in my life met a man who thinks a hot girl must not speak, or must be stupid, or must not express herself. Seriously. Any college campus will have loads of young girls who are similar looking to OP, and guys who are interested in talking to them, and gasp recognize they have opinions etc themselves.

 

I agree Mme C's sentiment is somewhat extreme. I personally haven't met any guys like that...but I have met guys who are intimidated by a girl who is not only attractive, but intelligent and outspoken. It's not that the guys think she should just shut up and she's not entitled to express any opinions, it's that they don't like a girl outshining them, particularly if the subject is something near and dear to them. It's f*cking annoying, but it happens.

 

Kaylan, you say that most women can't keep up with you on subjects of importance to you. How would you take it if a woman matched or even bested you?

[kaylan]

Kaylan, you say that most women can't keep up with you on subjects of importance to you. How would you take it if a woman matched or even bested you?

Id welcome it.

 

I was drawn to my ex because she had a "wont back down" attitude when it came to kidding around, snarky quips, and debates. The way we connected personality wise is what really did it for me. I like being challenged, and I dont get that from most people in general. Plus im very competitive. I crave this kind of personality click when it comes to a girlfriend...but its rare to find that. I didnt know thats what I was looking for until I met my ex.

 

On some subjects she was able to kick my ass, and I hated it because I dislike losing. So whenever she beat me, Id do some reading up, and restart the discussion at a later time. If anything it only added to what I knew about certain things. And it taught me how to accept defeat, even though I wouldnt be happy lol

 

I enjoy having an equal when it comes to intellectual discussions and debates. Its why me and my best friend get along so well. Hes one of the few people to ever trap me in a run around while explaining myself in a debate. I respect those who can best me.

Edited February 1, 2012 by kaylan

[Lonely Ronin]

I'm a guy that has been labeled as intense/passionate a lot. Now that I'm in my 30's I'm running into more intense women than I did in my late teens and early 20's. I think this is partly do to the fact that society puts a lot of pressure on women (specially young ones) to be quiet, reserved & non-aggressive. IMO a guy that needs to dominate his partner in all aspects of the relationship is the worst kind of insecure.

 

I have been pretty much dating intense women solely lately, and the relationships are so much more fulfilling than ones I had earlier in life. My relationships are more spontaneous, intellectual, and the level of passion is mind blowing.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Quote:

The OP looks like she is "hot." There are going to be many guys who are put off by a girl who is "hot" and who is also thinking a lot, expressing those thoughts, etc. Why can't she just be hot? It's confusing

 

 

LOL. Mme C....really? Guys are confused by that? Your random digs at men sometimes come out of left field.

 

I've never in my life met a man who thinks a hot girl must not speak, or must be stupid, or must not express herself. Seriously. Any college campus will have loads of young girls who are similar looking to OP, and guys who are interested in talking to them, and gasp recognize they have opinions etc themselves.

 

Allow me to clarify my statement, because it really was not meant to be a random dig at men.

 

I used to be a professional dancer in night clubs and casinos. I mean, fancy costumes, choreography, etc. I presented myself as "hot" and did it in night clubs. Guys who I met under those circumstances often really did NOT welcome my intensity, introspection, etc. It was out of place. They wanted me to be a party girl. My best friend in those days has a very flirtatious, easy, effervescent personality. She's certainly smart, but no one would call her "intense" or ever accuse her of "thinking too much." She was probably not much better looking than I was, but she certainly fared far better with the fellows in our world, at the time.

 

I used the word "hot" in quotes to differentiate it from other words like beautiful, cute, gorgeous, etc (which the OP appears to be, as well as "hot".) Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that when guys are responding to "hot," they are not really on the right page for intensity or thinking a lot, in general.

 

The OP has an avatar of herself in a metallic strapless dress (I think). It looks like club wear. So if she is functioning in that environment, and presenting herself as "hot" (like she really is) I anticipate that many guys she will encounter socially will be hoping for light, party type interactions rather than any kind of intensity or seriousness.

 

It's not a dig at the guys, or at hotness, or at having fun at clubs.

[kaylan]

I'm a guy that has been labeled as intense/passionate a lot. Now that I'm in my 30's I'm running into more intense women than I did in my late teens and early 20's. I think this is partly do to the fact that society puts a lot of pressure on women (specially young ones) to be quiet, reserved & non-aggressive. IMO a guy that needs to dominate his partner in all aspects of the relationship is the worst kind of insecure.

 

I have been pretty much dating intense women solely lately, and the relationships are so much more fulfilling than ones I had earlier in life. My relationships are more spontaneous, intellectual, and the level of passion is mind blowing.

This.

 

(10 characters needed)

[neowulf]

Eh, you sound perfect to me.

 

My last couple of serious relationships have been with women who very closely match your description.

 

I love deep, complex discussion. My best relationships are hot beds of debate, curiosity and passion

 

Don't change you who are. It's hard for those individuals who don't "fit in the box" as it were, but it's pointless to fight your nature.

 

Somewhere out there is a man who will love you for everything you bring to the table. You just have to be patient enough (and persistent enough!) to look for him.

 

Trust me, he's looking for you too..

[ScreamingTrees]

I'd say that one of my biggest issues is NOT being in prolonged contact with any "intense" wimmenz.. I *would* take a risk and make a move on someone I don't really know, but I don't want to waste my time with someone who is most likely fundamentally incompatible in the way they see things in general and express themselves, regardless of how attracted I am to them, physically.. The physical part is easy to find and uninteresting, but the mental part is KILLING me.. A needle in a haystack..

 

Why should it intimidate a guy, if he's not insecure or weak minded? Does a guy think that if a girl is intelligent and outspoken, she's more likely to leave him or cheat on him because she's "stronger"? I'd say there's no correlation.. Although the intelligent girl might have an easier time sneaking another guy on the side..

 

You might as well come from another planet if you're looking to talk to the average club-goer. Can't believe some of the moronic **** I've heard coming from some people..

[ditzchic]

The physical part is easy to find and uninteresting, but the mental part is KILLING me.. A needle in a haystack..

 

Big Amen to this.

[Tybalt]

Reading this discussion has been heartening, especially hearing from both sexes who have perhaps struggled with this. It's helpful, too, to hear others expand upon and develop the concept more fully. It is about intelligence, yes, and also about emotional sensitivity, philosophical orientation, and a desire to make connections between art, life, and intellectual ideas. I'm pretty confident aggressive is not how I come across. I can get into a very reflective state sometimes when I'm trying to sort through something to achieve a greater level of understanding, and I think in this case the guy found it to be the "brooding" sort of intense.

 

It's something of a relief to hear that there are so many others who actively seek this kind of personality and relationship. It does not seem so easy to find. I console myself in the deep and interesting friendships I have in my life, as well as my in familial relationships, but I do desire a partner with whom I can forge something similar and lasting.

[soulm8]

I, too, have been told I'm "too intense" and "think too much". However, the man who labelled me so was a gifted, lying sack of *****/player. I assume the woman he is engaged to is more willing to wear rose colored glasses and accept everything as it comes.

[Emilia]

It is possible. Certain things like geographical environment, cultural environment, career, social lifestyle, financial change have an effect on people.

 

Years ago, Oxy was an introvert who lived in a social conservative town in Michigan, lived with his parents, worked in as an assistant manager in a fast food joint, took the bus to work, and wore drab, grungy clothes. I used to think I could be a virgin for the rest of my life and be fine with that.

 

These days, Oxy is extroverted in a pretty liberal town (I guess), lives in my own apartment, work for the state government (making more than twice what I made before), drives my own car, and yes, I do wear stetson hats and cowboy boots to wine-tasting events. And I shudder at the idea of going two months without sex.

 

You are describing someone who matured, got more confident as he gained life experience and opened up more to the world as a result as he found his place.

 

The above is not about your basic personality traits though. I think there are certain aspects of someone that don't change over time much:

 

- are you a passionate person? are there issues you care so much about that you are prepared to go quite far to either make a difference or change others' view point?

- do you fly off the handle or are you cool tempered?

- are you self absorbed or do you take notice of the world around you?

 

Most of us mellow with age (though it's more once you have passed 30) but I don't think deep down we change that much.

[ScreamingTrees]

Reading this discussion has been heartening, especially hearing from both sexes who have perhaps struggled with this. It's helpful, too, to hear others expand upon and develop the concept more fully. It is about intelligence, yes, and also about emotional sensitivity, philosophical orientation, and a desire to make connections between art, life, and intellectual ideas. I'm pretty confident aggressive is not how I come across. I can get into a very reflective state sometimes when I'm trying to sort through something to achieve a greater level of understanding, and I think in this case the guy found it to be the "brooding" sort of intense.

 

It's something of a relief to hear that there are so many others who actively seek this kind of personality and relationship. It does not seem so easy to find. I console myself in the deep and interesting friendships I have in my life, as well as my in familial relationships, but I do desire a partner with whom I can forge something similar and lasting.

 

To be honest, you sound a lot like myself. It's probably much harder for me to meet someone because I don't really put myself out there or know where to look for similar minded people, and I'm likely to be much younger than you.. How many of my peers are truly grounded and know who they are or what they want out of their lives? I knew at an early age, and I haven't changed, I've just refined myself over time.

 

Just listen to your father.. eventually the planets will align.. And it'll be an amazing experience for you, I'll bet! Don't water down your act for some bozo who likely wouldn't appreciate the most genuine parts of your being..

[Oxy Moronovich]

You are describing someone who matured, got more confident as he gained life experience and opened up more to the world as a result as he found his place.

 

The above is not about your basic personality traits though. I think there are certain aspects of someone that don't change over time much:

 

- are you a passionate person? are there issues you care so much about that you are prepared to go quite far to either make a difference or change others' view point?

- do you fly off the handle or are you cool tempered?

- are you self absorbed or do you take notice of the world around you?

 

Most of us mellow with age (though it's more once you have passed 30) but I don't think deep down we change that much.

We're just gonna have to agree to disagree, darling.

[spiderowl]

There are different kinds of intensity.

 

If someone is spouting their political views in a dominating, "I'm right and you should listen" kind of way, then that can be too intense and offputting. If they are just exploring ideas and bantering with others then that can be stimulating and exciting. Those with strong political interests can be similar to those with strong religious interests and not listen to others. Only you know whether you are intense in that way or not. If you find you are constantly picking holes in people's arguements and 'like a good argument', then maybe you are overdoing it and could relax a little.

 

The other way which comes to mind is if you are a deep thinker. I am like that and I had similar problems to you in the past. I received such comments as 'loosen up' and 'life's too short'. People telling me not to think or I think too much. At the time, I was very worried about this and very hurt. Now I realise that these people weren't right for me and some weren't intellectually able enough. Most people do not think about the kind of things I do. The ones who do tend to be academics or researchers, not most people I meet incidentally. I've just accepted over the years that there are going to be very few people who understand me and who I feel a connection with. It's sad but just the way it is. My last two partners both had first class degrees and doctorates (though that's not why I dated them).

[ScreamingTrees]

The other way which comes to mind is if you are a deep thinker. I am like that and I had similar problems to you in the past. I received such comments as 'loosen up' and 'life's too short'. People telling me not to think or I think too much. At the time, I was very worried about this and very hurt. Now I realise that these people weren't right for me and some weren't intellectually able enough. Most people do not think about the kind of things I do. The ones who do tend to be academics or researchers, not most people I meet incidentally. I've just accepted over the years that there are going to be very few people who understand me and who I feel a connection with. It's sad but just the way it is. My last two partners both had first class degrees and doctorates (though that's not why I dated them).

 

In regards to the first paragraph, what if you simply state how you feel or what you personally THINK about a topic, and not that they should believe similarly but that YOU believe what you're saying, even if it goes against what they believe? Some people are not willing to even have their beliefs questioned in a healthy manner, or to be around people who do not have similar beliefs but find it irrelevant to their relationship.

 

For example, I don't believe in religion, but I don't force others NOT to believe, I'm simply vocal about my beliefs when engaged. I am what I am. You asked, either hoping to have something in common or to learn something and have your cozy little perception challenged a bit. Some don't like it and their view of me changes afterwards, but neither of us can help what we think or how we perceive, and it shouldn't affect our relationship.

 

If their own personal truth changes because THEY have come to believe on their own that it's unlikely in their mind that a flying spaghetti monster exists and simultaneously their pastafarian lifestyle is cut short, that's a personal milestone for THEM, not me. That's THEIR progression, from one mental state / lifestyle to another.

 

Could that still give one an air of arrogance, even if unintentional? Maybe if a future debate ever arises, I'll have to mind my words.