carhill Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Hmm... is it possible she has AIS (androgen insensitivity syndrome) and you're unconsciously picking up on the ambiguity? There's a lot about human sexual/romantic response which is unknown. I mention this because she proactively shared that this has been an issue for her and all signs point to such a dynamic being outlier to accepted norms for heterosexual behavior. IOW, it's normal for men to find her attractive and she appears stable but can't sustain a LTR. It's one potential explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Hmm... is it possible she has AIS (androgen insensitivity syndrome) and you're unconsciously picking up on the ambiguity? Jamie Lee Curtis has been happily married for a long time. Hilary Swank was married and currently has a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Relevance? Their AIS was never proven, merely rumored. ETA, with Jamie anyway, most normal men would overlook any aural anomalies. Edited January 24, 2012 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 Jesus Christ guys. You all are seriously overthinking this. This is simply a case of two peoples personalities not drawing up romantic attraction. I have met some great girls myself, whod make great gfs...but if the connection isnt there, then it isnt. Simply, there was no click. End of story, quit reading so far into this. Id make a great bf and future husband in my opinion, but that doesnt mean I will end up dating just anyone. Precisely my point. Not feeling the spark with someone doesn't make that person not relationship material... ESPECIALLY if you've rattled off a laundry list of their awesome qualities and would be proud to take them home to mom! Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 (edited) Recently I was going out with this one woman for a few dates; let's call her Jill. Jill is pretty, goal oriented, fun, low maintenance, great at conversation, confident, and perfectly suited to be brought home to mom, but for whatever reason I did not feel any sort of romantic spark. I enjoyed my time with Jill, and despite having chemistry and finding her attractive, I didn’t find myself attracted to her romantically. Why is this? I usually don’t think much of this, but when I told her how I was feeling, she said something that made me ask myself this question. Jill thanked me for being honest and upfront with her and said “I’ve unfortunately had this conversation many times.” This caught me off guard, how could someone like Jill have these problems? She has also never been in a long or serious relationship, just short stints. I’ve met women who are pretty and are fun to be with, but are just weird and/or socially awkward, but Jill isn’t like that. She doesn’t go for the bad boys and people won’t look at her like she is weird. She is not clingy, and is able to show the right amount of interest to let the man know she is interested. So is Jill, and other people just not relationship material? Is there some unidentifiable characteristic that makes a person desirable to have a relationship with beyond the obvious? I don’t know, but I am starting to think there does exist some uncontrollable and unidentifiable characteristic that makes people attracted to each other on a romantic level. One thing that I've learned (partially from this website) is that the dating game is different for everybody. For example, if Somedude were to post this very thread about meeting such a woman and her being interested in him, and him not giving it a chance because the 'sparks' weren't there, everybody here would go ballistic on him for not giving her at least every chance. OP, I don't recall many of your posts, but it seems like you do well with women. So, for you to require an emotional spark on top of the surface requirements ... fine. Many women and some men require that too, and there have been many threads on the subject. For me, I could never do such a thing. If I met my 'Jill', it might be in the back of my mind that there was no 'spark' but I would beat that thought down like LAPD on a jaywalker. Just about all of the women that I have sparked to emotionally in my life had no interest in me. Sometimes, the way you play the game is dictated by what options you have. You live in Louisville so I can only assume you watch college basketball. An analogy would be Princeton playing Louisville. Louisville can be frivolous with the ball, make a bunch of mistakes and shoot a poor percentage and still win the game. Princeton has to take every opportunity it gets, execute perfectly to score on those opportunities, and make sure to be steady to win the game. Well, I tried... Edited January 24, 2012 by jobaba Link to post Share on other sites
Anela Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 I find it a little disturbing that you're saying SHE might not be relationship material. This. She sounds like she is relationship material, it's just that there was no chemistry between you. Link to post Share on other sites
Feelsgoodman Posted January 24, 2012 Share Posted January 24, 2012 This. She sounds like she is relationship material, it's just that there was no chemistry between you. Read the original post carefully. The OP makes it very clear that this is a repeating pattern for the girl in question with men in general. I have an acquaintance who is the male version of the girl described by the OP. Tall, good looking, a lawyer, friendly personality and seems like a genuinely good guy...you'd think women would be all over him yet they don't see him as a catch for some reason. Must be pretty frustrating to have it all on paper but not have it translate into real-world success. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Casablanca Posted January 25, 2012 Author Share Posted January 25, 2012 For me, I could never do such a thing. If I met my 'Jill', it might be in the back of my mind that there was no 'spark' but I would beat that thought down like LAPD on a jaywalker. Just about all of the women that I have sparked to emotionally in my life had no interest in me. Sometimes, the way you play the game is dictated by what options you have. You live in Louisville so I can only assume you watch college basketball. An analogy would be Princeton playing Louisville. Louisville can be frivolous with the ball, make a bunch of mistakes and shoot a poor percentage and still win the game. Princeton has to take every opportunity it gets, execute perfectly to score on those opportunities, and make sure to be steady to win the game. Well, I tried... I sort of see where you are coming from...but at least in my mind, I felt I gave her a fair chance, including the night we met, we had 4 dates and I felt that was fair chance...everyone I have dated long term, I felt a spark after 2 dates, with pretty much getting that feeling within moments of meeting them. For me, and knowing my past, I feel like I would have been leading her on to go out anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Almond_Joy Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 I think one of the biggest problems now in dating is that too many tend to think that something that comes easily is immediately "bad" or "settling". They meet someone who seems perfect, and he/she likes them, and everything is just happening easily with little to no effort...so the person thinks something is wrong. I agree with this. When me and my current boyfriend got together, I had to fight the urge to drop and run because we got along so well together with no particular effort from the day we met. It was kind of a "quiet before the storm" mentality - like the better things were the worse the problems or "catch" would be when they inevitably arise. I also agree that it takes introspection to discern if that natural response is really what you want or if some perspective changes should be made. I also think this is the case for most situations of people who look good on paper but have trouble finding someone. The stability sounds like what you want, but then you get it and it seems too good to be true or boring. Link to post Share on other sites
irc333 Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 This post makes me think of Anne Hathaway. She's pretty/beautiful and probably has good genes, but for some reason she doesn't hit a switch in my head that makes me think "I'd like to sleep with her or date her." As opposed to other women. Yeah, you know what? I feel the same way about Anne Hathaway, too. Funny you mention that. She seems formal or something, it's weird. There's this new woman, Latin, almost 40, you'll know her if you saw her....she's very bubbly, animated, and makes me laugh, and perfect 10's aren't known to make me smile and laugh. They left off the "Eeeeww...you get the screen all greeezzyyy!" LOL I love her. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 Some people sure can look good on paper, but not relationship wise. My ex looked good on paper, but he is so fickle. I found this out too late. I think he just likes having a different woman every month. And seems to jump from woman to woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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