geegirl Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Thanks again, I'm actually disappointed in myself for ignoring the red flags early on in the relationship....disappointed in allowing her to hurt me so bad or should I say disappointed for allowing myself to have been hurt so bad. At 42 yrs. old and having been thru numerous relationships..breakups..I thought I'd be able to handle this one better...for some F-uped reason this one brought me to my knees. At 40, I've made some really bad mistakes too Mike. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Some relationships can cut you at the knees and some allow you to dust off and move on, and it doesn't matter how old you are. Granted and hopefully, with age comes wisdom, but when dealing with matters of the heart, it's not so cut and dry. What's important are the lessons you learn through it all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 I'm going to let my emotions settle down some more before I do anything but I'm thinking on the lines of IF I respond (I know I said I wouldn't) it will be an email saying: I received your friends request....not at this time...Please leave me alone,do not contact me again ,if and when I have a change of heart I'll let you know. ???????? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I'm going to let my emotions settle down some more before I do anything but I'm thinking on the lines of IF I respond (I know I said I wouldn't) it will be an email saying: I received your friends request....not at this time...Please leave me alone,do not contact me again ,if and when I have a change of heart I'll let you know. ???????? You may want to respond differently in a few days. So why don't you just allow yourself a few days to calm down and regroup and then you can decide how you would like to respond. You can post here again for ideas or you can just bite the bullet and do what you feel is right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Mike, would you like to understand what happened with your relationship. I can help you with closure and how you feel right now and to understand from a spectators point of view what happened I will only post it with your permission Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 I'm going to let my emotions settle down some more before I do anything but I'm thinking on the lines of IF I respond (I know I said I wouldn't) it will be an email saying: I received your friends request....not at this time...Please leave me alone,do not contact me again ,if and when I have a change of heart I'll let you know. ???????? That's a good idea. See how you feel in a day or so. Did you know, washing your hands refreshes the mind? There are clinical trials that show this. Sleep on it, wash your hands of it, these are old sayings and they're as true today as they were centuries ago. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 Mike, would you like to understand what happened with your relationship. I can help you with closure and how you feel right now and to understand from a spectators point of view what happened I will only post it with your permission Fire away! Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 (edited) Think it over... I'd reply something like: "Thank you for your friend request. I appreciate our past friendship but make it a policy not to be FB friends with exes. Hope you have a happy new year" That's not sounding hurt, being mean or asking for more contact. I think your emotions are jumping ahead to think that behind this is interest in getting back together. She probably doesn't think you would ever want that anyway because she knows how she ended things so would never even try. Not to mention she may be content in her relationship and just making nice because she knows you are a good guy that she did wrong. (Those are "why" assumptions of course) If she ever took a real step toward reconciliation, you know to say no thank you. Edited January 6, 2012 by M2155 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 6, 2012 Author Share Posted January 6, 2012 Think it over... I'd reply something like: "Thank you for your friend request. I appreciate our past friendship but make it a policy not to be FB friends with exes. Hope you have a happy new year" That's not sounding hurt, being mean or asking for more contact. I think your emotions are jumping ahead to think that behind this is interest in getting back together. She probably doesn't think you would ever want that anyway because she knows how she ended things so would never even try. Not to mention she may be content in her relationship and just making nice because she knows you are a good guy that she did wrong. (Those are "why" assumptions of course) If she ever took a real step toward reconciliation, you know to say no thank you. Excellent...Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
immitable Posted January 6, 2012 Share Posted January 6, 2012 Think it over... I'd reply something like: "Thank you for your friend request. I appreciate our past friendship but make it a policy not to be FB friends with exes. Hope you have a happy new year" I made a mental note of this, for just in case Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 mike I shot it off in a pm... if you have any questions... respond back... Ill be glad to help you out Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
ken_25 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Mike you do what you want bud. But it's just a Facebook request.. it's not a email, a text, a phone call or anything. It's just a request. I would simply ignore it and not respond. You owe her nothing, and do you really have a "policy not to be friends with exes"? Or is that just m1? Again do what YOU feel is right. Congrats about the job. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Mike you do what you want bud. But it's just a Facebook request.. it's not a email, a text, a phone call or anything. It's just a request. I would simply ignore it and not respond. You owe her nothing, and do you really have a "policy not to be friends with exes"? Or is that just m1? Again do what YOU feel is right. Congrats about the job. Thanks..When she dumped me before telling me about going back to the ex...that was 3 days later she mentioned something about being friends (like they all do)and I said no...no way....I'm the one that is/was in love and your aren't.....I can't be your friend and she understood. Yeah I'm starting to think now that's all it is....just a friends request...nothing more. Like Geegirl or M2155 said she probably feels that the way she dumped me that I'd never want to try it again. Link to post Share on other sites
ken_25 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 And you should never want to try again. Maybe one day you can let her have a window into your life, and you possibly have a window into hers. But not now, it's still raw. Just keep moving forward, as if nothing happened. Best to you mike, you're a good guy. Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Mike i cant help you mate, i just get shot down every post, ill be leaving ls too. Its just a bully site If you dont agree with the majority you get run out. Good luck, keep your heart safe At least you are honest man...agree 100% Its like some users are going around giving the same advice to everyone and when you dont agree...hell breaks.... Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 hey didnt I do that in your post and you didnt agree? /facepalm Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 (edited) hey didnt I do that in your post and you didnt agree? /facepalm I believe you were wrong regarding my case as you thought I broke contact out of the blue, while as you might recall she said she needed to talk as it was an emergency. Your comment to that was:I saw that coming.....and I was wrong to speak to her. You went on to say that she does not want a relationship with me and I dont pick that up, even if she said she misses me and that she feels strange without me and having a hard time. I dont believe I did wrong to ask her to reconsider her choices when she said she missed me but thanks anw for the effort Edited January 7, 2012 by 69ways Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 (edited) Something I learned tonight that I Fail to do with myself but can do with others without breaking a sweat is taking myself out of a situation and looking at all the other possible angles. The reason you dont see what I see is because you cant take yourself out of the situation and look at it from all possible angles. You only see that situation from your own angle and when someone doesnt agree with your angle, then you dismiss them and say they are wrong. This thread is proof in this concept. ****, this forum is proof of this concept. Look how many people dismissed me in this thread when I was the only one showing all the angles including NC. Go through this thread and read how many people dismissed me. Everyone had an angle, their own, but none of them would put on spectator shoes and see all possible angles. I even asked permission to give information and was shot down by another poster. People need to get rid of the black and white thinking. Love isnt black and white, its not, if it was Mike's ex would have never have left him. I spent 2 hours tonight helping him understand what happened and hopefully that helps him understand and not hurt for the next 2 years. Hopefully he can start to heal and understand it wasnt his fault and it wasnt his ex's fault. Neither one of them are bad people, he just got hosed by an attachment. Edited January 7, 2012 by wilsonx Link to post Share on other sites
69ways Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Something I learned tonight that I Fail to do with myself but can do with others without breaking a sweat is taking myself out of a situation and looking at all the other possible angles. The reason you dont see what I see is because you cant take yourself out of the situation and look at it from all possible angles. You only see that situation from your own angle and when someone doesnt agree with your angle, then you dismiss them and say they are wrong. This thread is proof in this concept. ****, this forum is proof of this concept. Look how many people dismissed me in this thread when I was the only one showing all the angles including NC. Go through this thread and read how many people dismissed me. Everyone had an angle, their own, but none of them would put on spectator shoes and see all possible angles. I even asked permission to give information and was shot down by another poster. People need to get rid of the black and white thinking. Love isnt black and white, its not, if it was Mike's ex would have never have left him. I spent 2 hours tonight helping him understand what happened and hopefully that helps him understand and not hurt for the next 2 years. Hopefully he can start to heal and understand it wasnt his fault and it wasnt his ex's fault. Neither one of them are bad people, he just got hosed by an attachment. I agree with you is not black & white but a lot of people here treat it as black and white and treat each situation the same, thats why I did not take kind to some people using characterisations like I am stupid to break NC and all that. There are different angles and approaches to each case 100% but the bad thing about this threads are that people dont do what you did in this forum, they usually get affected by their own experiences and reflect that on their answers Link to post Share on other sites
StussyMagnet Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Something I learned tonight that I Fail to do with myself but can do with others without breaking a sweat is taking myself out of a situation and looking at all the other possible angles. The reason you dont see what I see is because you cant take yourself out of the situation and look at it from all possible angles. You only see that situation from your own angle and when someone doesnt agree with your angle, then you dismiss them and say they are wrong. This thread is proof in this concept. ****, this forum is proof of this concept. Look how many people dismissed me in this thread when I was the only one showing all the angles including NC. Go through this thread and read how many people dismissed me. Everyone had an angle, their own, but none of them would put on spectator shoes and see all possible angles. I even asked permission to give information and was shot down by another poster. People need to get rid of the black and white thinking. Love isnt black and white, its not, if it was Mike's ex would have never have left him. I spent 2 hours tonight helping him understand what happened and hopefully that helps him understand and not hurt for the next 2 years. Hopefully he can start to heal and understand it wasnt his fault and it wasnt his ex's fault. Neither one of them are bad people, he just got hosed by an attachment. I come to LS often but don't post very much but this is starting to pi$4 me off.... I may have missed it but I can't find one single post that disses you. I see plenty that disagree with you. They are allowed to disagree with you. It's their opinion. You talk about being able to take yourself out of a situation so consider this. When you disagree with a poster, you are doing exactly the same to them as you are stating they do to you. The difference being that they can accept that people can have different opinions. And on the subject of dissing, I read all of your own thread (and other threads you have posted on) and you are very guily of launching into ad hominim attacks on other posters but woe betide anyone who says boo to you - Boo hoo they're dissing me. And taling of opinions, you state earlier on in this thread that- "You have to understand too is I have been in Mike's shoes, you have too probably. We are giving 2 opposing opinions/options Which is one is wrong? You dont determine that, nor do I." yet later on in the thread you state........ "Mike, would you like to understand what happened with your relationship. I can help you with closure and how you feel right now and to understand from a spectators point of view what happened" That comes across as "I know what happened in your relationship". You don't. You have an opinion, just like everyone else. And you can be no more sure it's correct that you can that everyone elses is wrong. Aslo in this thread - "Everyone had an angle, their own, but none of them would put on spectator shoes and see all possible angles. I even asked permission to give information and was shot down by another poster" How do you know they aren't putting on spectator shoes? Just because they have a different opinion than you doesn't mean they haven't looked at all angles. The irony is that almost every post of yours is full of black and white thinking - "I'm right and you are all wrong" I think the issue that folk on here have with you, and I may be off base in speaking for everyone, is that you dress up your opinions as facts that only you (and a select few) can understand. It's nonsense. Your opinions are no more valid than anyone elses. You constantly assume that your advice is correct and chiselled in stone - the very definition of black and white thinking. You're constantly doing the very thing that you accuse others of. And for the record, I agree with you. I think Mike should probably ask her why she wants to be friends. Ps, I'm sure I'll be put on your ignore list now - very adult and not all all black and white. /sarcasm Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Something I learned tonight that I Fail to do with myself but can do with others without breaking a sweat is taking myself out of a situation and looking at all the other possible angles. The reason you dont see what I see is because you cant take yourself out of the situation and look at it from all possible angles. You only see that situation from your own angle and when someone doesnt agree with your angle, then you dismiss them and say they are wrong. This thread is proof in this concept. ****, this forum is proof of this concept. Look how many people dismissed me in this thread when I was the only one showing all the angles including NC. Go through this thread and read how many people dismissed me. Everyone had an angle, their own, but none of them would put on spectator shoes and see all possible angles. I even asked permission to give information and was shot down by another poster. People need to get rid of the black and white thinking. Love isnt black and white, its not, if it was Mike's ex would have never have left him. I spent 2 hours tonight helping him understand what happened and hopefully that helps him understand and not hurt for the next 2 years. Hopefully he can start to heal and understand it wasnt his fault and it wasnt his ex's fault. Neither one of them are bad people, he just got hosed by an attachment. Wilson..Thanks for your insite...opinions and thoughts last night...I sincerely appreciate it!! Alot of it I agree with!!..some I'm not so sure...none of us know exactly the dynamics of my or any relationship b/u...I take your opinions...thoughts as well as others who kindly give me their advise...put them in my "mind blender" stir them up and go from there. I'm now guilty of.....be careful what you wish for..you may just get...well I got it and now wish I haden't. I had closed that door and was ready to lock it....now because of that friends request it has set me back a few steps...temporary I hope!! All those good ..happy memories of us and all the pain I endured have resurfaced which I worked so hard to bury in the past. I had so much doubt that she ever loved me....that she used me intentionally...now I know and believe from your and others beliefs...thoughts.. that she did love me and didn't intentionally use me....as you correctly said she was infatuated with me but an attachment(her ex.) wins over infatuation. I'm still "mulling" over what to do...I so wish now this wouldn't of happened....that I wouldn't have to be back here and continued my march foward without having all these feelings and emotions stirred up again. Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Mike, the only thing you're guilty of is not being honest with yourself you wanted a breadcrumb, you got your wish, now do something about it. You love this woman, I see it in all your posts, I saw it in your pms, just talk to her, friend to friend, that's what you use to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Mike, the only thing you're guilty of is not being honest with yourself you wanted a breadcrumb, you got your wish, now do something about it. You love this woman, I see it in all your posts, I saw it in your pms, just talk to her, friend to friend, that's what you use to be. I'm not gonna bull sh*t you or anyone else here...yes I still love her but not IN LOVE with her like I once was. Myself or others can't just flip that switch on the side of our head or in our heart from loving someone to..not loving someone.Well...maybe in time....lots of time. Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 And all this because of a Facebook request. What do you know for sure? receiving it upset your balance.you felt the need to discuss it here.you didn't accept it right away.you didn't dismiss it right away. Something about this event says things about you, where you are, what you are like. How did you feel, physically, when you received the message? Emotions are said to emanate from different parts of the body. http://www.wikihow.com/Understand-Your-Emotions Then again, could this be an offering you've brought to the LS table to ingratiate your way back into the group? It wasn't that long ago you said "Hi ho, Silver!" and rode off into the sunset, was it? Did you miss us? Not to dismiss your feelings apropos this news from this woman you were seeing some time ago, but I suspect there's a little trace of over egging the Facebook pudding for the sake of having a chat with your old buddies here. In Betterdeal's dojo he will teach you to catch arrows, dodge bullets and make Women orgasm just by looking at them... Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Mike were you friends with her while she was in a relationship with her ex Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Mike were you friends with her while she was in a relationship with her ex No..never saw him..never met him. All I knew about him were all the negative things she told me about....that we've already discussed. Link to post Share on other sites
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