Wife not interested in sex any more. Need Avice.

[worriedsick]

I am not sure that a change of clothing will work here. I am going to have to read your thread on the subject.

 

Why does his weight turn you off? Is it his laziness? Ie Lack of motivation?

 

Is he unclean?

 

Let me read your thread...I probably should continue this conversation there.

 

In memory of Slick, we have revived his thread. Maybe he will return to us one day and give us an update on HIS situation.

 

Okay, the main reason his weight turns me off is because it represents his absolute lack of concern for how I feel, and whether I find him appealing or not. He isn't unclean at all, he's just a lazy ass who makes excuses for why he's let himself get this way instead of doing something about it.

 

Have fun reading that thread - the initial one I started got ridiculously long. It was a lot of people telling me what a shallow bitch I am and that he's the unlucky one, yada yada yada. The update is a little shorter and easier to read.

[worriedsick]

Which is better? Duty sex or contstant rejection?

 

The question I face on a regular basis is ""Which is better? Duty sex or Internet porn?"

 

For a few years I was pretty hooked on internet porn, and my wife complained about it. With a lot of work on my part, I broke the habit and sexually reconnected to my wife again, but after a few months her libido began to fade, "duty sex" 1-3 times a month is all we've had for months.

 

She's not tired from kids because we have no kids. She say's she's stressed by our financial situation (caused by a drop in HER income), the business that she runs and other stresses in life that everyone else has. I understand credit card debt being a reason to give up many things but sex doesn't have to be one of them.

 

So as each weekend approches, I try to gauge her mood of how sexual she might feel. When the sex is good (which hasn't happened since last year), it beats net porn hands down. But when my advances result in her saying "I have no interest in having sex with you!" or "Ok, if you really want to you can," or my part consists mostly of trying to hold the vibrator on the right spot until she tells me to put it in and finish.... A good porn site where I can immerse myself into the fantasy of being with someone who actually wants me can be very appealing.

 

It's interesting to hear you say that you would prefer your own hand and a cold computer screen to actual sex, even if it's "duty sex". I'm not judging you by any means, so please don't interpret it that way. I just assumed that all guys prefer any kind of sex over masturbation, even if the sex was boring duty sex. Interesting!!

[JamesM]

StayClose, I understand. Of course, when my sex life was pretty much dead...even duty sex didn't happen. And yes, a good porn vid was as good or better, because then I knew where I stood, and I could fantasize.

 

Worriedsick, that is the point. The duty sex literally becomes a release. Mutually enjoyable sex not only brings two people together in an expression of love, but it makes the man ..well, feel like a man. A man that can satisfy his woman gains confidence and abilty to conquer the world. If a man cannot even keep his wife happy, then he might as well hang it up. Then he begins to doubt himself, he has a hard time relating to his family, and even his work life suffers. That is why when men fall into affairs, it usually is not because the sex was good...no, it is because he feels desired, loved, and appreciated through the sex. And not from experience, but men who use escorts/prostitutes on a regular basis like the ones who give a GFE (girlfriend experience). This is when the escort is capable of acting...or some actually do..like the sex with the "client." If duty sex was fulfilling, wives would have a hard time keeping their man monogamous...yes, even more so than when the sex is good.

 

 

Notice throughout this Board, The biggest complaint men have is revolving around sex. Why? Because this is how they connect to their wives/girlfriends. Even when men fall into affairs..notice that the OW usually does not compare to the wife. Husbands above all desire that their wives desire them.

 

Please go read The Sex Starved Marriage. I think this will really open your eyes as to how men view sex. I couldn't believe how well it expressed my feelings. I think her position to you would be to tell you to improve the sex to give him motivation to change.

 

Hang in there. I truly think that those feelings of desire for him lie just underneath the feelings of disgust. If this thread turns into a bashing against you, you are welcome to PM me. I did a fair amount of research trying to...and actually did!... solve my wife's lack of interest in sex.

[StayClose]

It's interesting to hear you say that you would prefer your own hand and a cold computer screen to actual sex, even if it's "duty sex". I'm not judging you by any means, so please don't interpret it that way. I just assumed that all guys prefer any kind of sex over masturbation, even if the sex was boring duty sex. Interesting!!

Let me explain: Here's how duty sex works for us. Without going into too much detail, I essentially help her masterbate with a vibrator. It's about her getting her "O." When she's had enough, I can put it in.

 

No kissing. No neck nibbling. No dirty talk. No where other than the bed. Usually no oral. No things that get my juices flowing. No real intimate connection.

 

It's just using each other as tools to get off.

 

The plus side is that if my penis actually makes it into her vagina, that's the dicitonary definition of sex, and I can't complain that we never have sex. But it's not the inimate conneciton it should be. But if I want to have any real sexual endorphin rush, she won't do anything to help me and I have to find it elsewhere, like the Internet.