What's your deal breaker?

[ditzchic]

I've never run across this. Most men I've been with who have had a threesome don't talk about it unless I bring it up, and even then after hearing, "yes I have" I say, "that's good" and they stop talking about it. LOL

 

It might also have something to do with the fact that I always tend to pick up total effing pigs. lol.

[oaks]

What are some of yours?

 

Smoking. Obesity. Being ugly. and whatever I said in the other threads where we did this topic.

[Andy_K]

The main ones for me are :

 

Smoking, obesity, low sex drive, 2+ children, facial hair, chavs, bad temper

[Eeyore79]

I think people are confusing what they would ideally want in a partner with what they definitely could not accept (i.e. dealbreakers). Of course I'd prefer an educated man, but I wouldn't immediately rule out a smart successful guy just because he didn't have a piece of paper from some college. I'd prefer a slim guy, but I'd consider a guy who was a bit overweight but otherwise great.

 

Dealbreakers are the things that you will not budge on, ever. They're the things that immediately disqualify someone, no matter how great they seem. Some dealbreakers are obvious and will apply to virtually everyone, such as being a criminal, an addict, a loser, or being completely incompatible. Other dealbreakers are more specific to you as an individual - someone else might accept those things, but they're a no-no for you.

 

I would actually be flexible on weight, height, education, differences in beliefs/tastes/opinions, etc. Being hot isn't really that important to me either. As long as he's compatible with me and I like him as a person, then other stuff doesn't matter so much and I judge people on an individual basis. So apart from the obvious dealbreakers that apply to everyone, the only things that would make me rule someone out with no questions asked are kids, pet allergies and smoking (and I'd be flexible if they promised to quit smoking).

[oaks]

I think people are confusing what they would ideally want in a partner with what they definitely could not accept (i.e. dealbreakers).

 

I'm not confused: being a smoker, being obese and being ugly really are deal breakers.

 

and smoking (and I'd be flexible if they promised to quit smoking).

 

Tried that. She quit for a while, then went back to it. The lesson I learned is not to expect that someone will change, even if they promise. So, now, smoking is definitely a deal breaker for me.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Smokers (It just instantly turns me off)

Women with children (slowly changing as I get older, but still primarily not an interest)

Obesity (I'm pretty forgiving with weight, but I'd like to be with someone who cares about what they look like more than they want to eat/drink)

Foodies (kind of like the above, except I just don't share the pure joy and excitement that many people do, I hate that food is always on their mind)

Promiscuous women (I'm not into women who are easy or wait around for one of those guys that just wants to stick it, to also want a relationship)

Materialistic - entitlement women (I'm not interested in someone who chooses people by how much they make or that they feel they deserve to be treated like a magical princess..ain't going to happen with me even If I had it)

[DearAbby]

My deal breakers are Laziness, not a stable job, lives with parents, doesn't work out, not smart, hates pets, too short, too fat LOL, socially awkward, bad personality, bad manners, sloppy dress, mean to waiters, talks about ex way too much, hasn't been in long term relationships, rude... shall I continue?

[bean1]

I don't understand why any parent would be upset or offended that their parental status is a 'dealbreaker'. Granted, I'm not single so this isn't a hurdle for me, but as a parent, is it not improper to date someone who doesn't want a partner who has children? You see over and over that people stepmothers/stepfathers never liked them, didn't like them as 'part of the package', or whatever and the impact it had.

 

I for one would be very appreciative if a man was upfront and said sorry but I don't date women with children, rather than spring it a year later or whatever.

 

As for me, obviously children isn't a dealbreaker as I have one of my own, but I agree with the OP that a parent who has nothing to do with their child and makes no effort is an automatic dealbreaker, that is a serious character flaw IMO.

[Eeyore79]

I don't understand why any parent would be upset or offended that their parental status is a 'dealbreaker'. Granted, I'm not single so this isn't a hurdle for me, but as a parent, is it not improper to date someone who doesn't want a partner who has children?

 

I'd think that a parent wouldn't want to be involved with someone who didn't want their kids, and would be grateful if the person was honest about it so they didn't waste their time and emotions on a fruitless relationship. But I'm viewing the situation from the perspective of a childless person who doesn't date anyone with children.

 

From the perspective of a parent, I suppose they dislike being ruled out because it reduces their options - they don't feel any less desirable because of having kids but they're being treated as if they are. I suppose they feel like they're being judged on something that's beyond their control, and are being automatically ruled out without being evaluated as an individual. Also they hate that anyone could think of their wonderful kids as a dealbreaker - they're offended that everyone doesn't love their kids as much as they do.

[Imajerk17]

There are deal-breakers that are deal-breakers because you just wouldn't be compatible with the person, and there are deal-breakers that are deal-breakers because you would have a hard time respecting the person.

 

Deal-breakers because I would have a hard time respecting the person:

 

*Typically shallow.

*Consistently lazy.

*Consistent self-pity.

*Lack of integrity--such as cheating on a former husband

*Still married--if she is married she shouldn't be hanging out with me

 

 

Deal-breakers because I wouldn't be compatible with the person (even though I recognize that she might still be an amazing person):

 

*Not athletic--I have a certain physical type I am attracted to for better or for worse.

*Single mom--Many single moms I know are great women who are past being shallow. I'm not sure how I feel about having my own kids though, never-mind how I would feel about taking responsibility for another man's, which is where it would have to go if we got serious.

 

 

Things that would not bother me, in and of themselves:

 

*Divorced--things like that happen to good people all the time. As long as she learned...

*No degree--as long as you are smart and motivated. Most people in my family didn't graduate college.

*Never married--it doesn't mean you're a loser or you have a fear of commitment as too many women are wont to say about guys past 35 who have never been married. It more likely instead means that you just haven't found the right person yet and that you take the decision to marry very carefully.

Edited December 15, 2011 by Imajerk17

[azsinglegal]

I'd think that a parent wouldn't want to be involved with someone who didn't want their kids, and would be grateful if the person was honest about it so they didn't waste their time and emotions on a fruitless relationship. But I'm viewing the situation from the perspective of a childless person who doesn't date anyone with children.

 

From the perspective of a parent, I suppose they dislike being ruled out because it reduces their options - they don't feel any less desirable because of having kids but they're being treated as if they are. I suppose they feel like they're being judged on something that's beyond their control, and are being automatically ruled out without being evaluated as an individual. Also they hate that anyone could think of their wonderful kids as a dealbreaker - they're offended that everyone doesn't love their kids as much as they do.

 

Not being a parent, and not ever wanting to have kids, I can tell you that dating someone with kids isn't a "deal breaker" but it is a totally different lifestyle. While the parent's first concerns are their kids, my first concern is our relationship.

 

When you have kids you lose freedoms and flexibility. You can't run off on vacation last minute and many times funds are challenged because kids do cost a lot of money. "Alone time" can be limited, dealing with an EX, and then there's just dealing with the kids in itself.

 

I've dated both guys with and without kids and I can tell you, without a doubt, dating a guy with kids is a package deal. You may want to take the guy as an individual but he's defined by his children. They're his first priority so you never will be. I'm not saying this is bad (as I obviously have an issue with a guy who doesn't make his kids a priority) but I am saying for a single, non-kid person like myself, it can be more baggage then I want to deal with. I'm sure many non-kid people, such as myself, feel the same way.

 

I know many of you are parents and single parents and will get upset that yes, us non-kid folks may make the fact that you have kids a deal breaker. But face it, you are living a totally different lifestyle then we are. To expect us to change our lives because you chose to have children may be asking too much.

[Pianiste]

Biggest deal-breakers: aggressiveness, somebody that lies about big/important things, severe mental disorders, promiscuous behaviour and shallowness.

 

Deal-breakers to me are in the first place things that put a limit to the amount I can trust a person. Besides that I have no click at all with shallow people so my contact with them would never come to the point where I would think whether it's a deal-breaker or not but I included it anyways.

[jadedone]

Deal breakers:

 

Neck tattoos. The female body is beautiful why ruin it?

 

Obesity.

 

Wears UFC or Tapout clothing.

 

proclaim to be a juggalette.

 

More than one baby daddy.

 

Uses the term Baby daddy.

 

drug use.

[CocoaBrown]

Not being a parent, and not ever wanting to have kids, I can tell you that dating someone with kids isn't a "deal breaker" but it is a totally different lifestyle. While the parent's first concerns are their kids, my first concern is our relationship.

 

When you have kids you lose freedoms and flexibility. You can't run off on vacation last minute and many times funds are challenged because kids do cost a lot of money. "Alone time" can be limited, dealing with an EX, and then there's just dealing with the kids in itself.

 

I've dated both guys with and without kids and I can tell you, without a doubt, dating a guy with kids is a package deal. You may want to take the guy as an individual but he's defined by his children. They're his first priority so you never will be. I'm not saying this is bad (as I obviously have an issue with a guy who doesn't make his kids a priority) but I am saying for a single, non-kid person like myself, it can be more baggage then I want to deal with. I'm sure many non-kid people, such as myself, feel the same way.

 

I know many of you are parents and single parents and will get upset that yes, us non-kid folks may make the fact that you have kids a deal breaker. But face it, you are living a totally different lifestyle then we are. To expect us to change our lives because you chose to have children may be asking too much.

 

Agree!!! And men you date should be thankful you know this about yourself. I've been a nanny for 14 years so obviously I love kids, but I can't say I would be jumping at the chance to date a man with children. Even if you aren't looking for anything too serious, their time, attention and $$$ is still limited. I've done it, it wasn't fun. And if I'm looking for long-term, I want someone's first priority to be ME not Billy and Jane.