She did it AGAIN!! And here we go AGAIN! Merry-go-round. see this text..

[Bito]

you can do it man. belive in yourself and move on from your addiction to her. it hurts like hell believe me I know.

 

Unfortunently It is not going to happen overnight and there may even be harder days ahead. But just remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

 

What has helped me move on is to focus and work twords something I want more than anything. Oddly enough that is to become a producer and dj. I saw you mention that you are one! What kind of music?

[wilsonx]

Wilson didn't you preach the virtues of NC for months and then break it because apparently the rules are different for you?..

 

A bit lost, Gibson is spot on in everything he says. Just print out his replies and re read them over and over again..

 

NC is a tool not rules. There's no rule in live that tells me how I must live my life. I make those rules. I did what i felt in my heart was correct. Bad breakup. I wanted to bury the hatchet and let go of hate and resentmemt towards myself and a person I valued as an influential part of my life.

[smokey bear]

Sorry but i was under the impression that nc was used to heal?

 

After you had healed, if you wanted you could break nc to proceed to friendship or a recon?

 

Also again its back to personal attacks after you all said that the personal attacks were not helping this post you all start again, Wilson didnt start it this time.....

 

Jesus give up, just give up. The man is allowed to change his perspective is tht not what we are advised to do on here, change, grow and learn BUT no its getting rammed down his throat just like ive had my learning and growing shoved down my throat.

 

Honestly stop it, its petty. Look back through this post and read all your own replies and look at your behaviour.

 

AND yes i have already done this, i wont be throwing out bitchy come backs im just asking for it to stop because it has nothing to do with this post

[Jono85]

Sorry but i was under the impression that nc was used to heal?

 

After you had healed, if you wanted you could break nc to proceed to friendship or a recon?

 

Also again its back to personal attacks after you all said that the personal attacks were not helping this post you all start again, Wilson didnt start it this time.....

 

Jesus give up, just give up. The man is allowed to change his perspective is tht not what we are advised to do on here, change, grow and learn BUT no its getting rammed down his throat just like ive had my learning and growing shoved down my throat.

 

Honestly stop it, its petty. Look back through this post and read all your own replies and look at your behaviour.

 

AND yes i have already done this, i wont be throwing out bitchy come backs im just asking for it to stop because it has nothing to do with this post

 

let the man get whats coming to him. u walk around like u've reached enlightenment with this stuff (his words), and like ur the relationship buddha or something who's the only one giving great advice, it's hilarious to me to hear things like that. the guy needs to be woken up and hit with some reality. that even He can make mistakes, doesn't always know what's right, and isn't perfect. what's even more funny is you got ppl like yourself who just follow him around, stick up for him, bow down to him, and defend his antics at every opportunity. leave it alone. he gets himself into these situations b/c of the way he carries himself.

[wilsonx]

What's coming to me, you have 2 balls let's see if any of them are Crystal

[smokey bear]

What a waste of a good thread

[wilsonx]

I'll try and explain after I get off work tonight for the whole 180.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

right guys if you have problems make a spread thread of "people who take there words as gospel truth" or "people who are hypocrites", w/e just don't draw a_bit_lost in the middle of this..

 

PLEASE this is HIS THREAD and no matter what the intention good or bad or even to defend abit of pride ( please dont think i am pointing fingers we all mean well but seriously we need to divert from this), you are bringing your own personal partialities on people here into a thread that is solely about helping a guy out of a difficult suitation , just for now say your piece and try to ignore what other people are saying if you disagree. Again the only person who knows the best thing to do is a_bit_lost... and tbh I will say this again NONE OF OUR WORDS ARE ABSOLUTE TRUTHS just what we've adapted to cope, cause if they were all 100% fail proof then we would be making billions off our own advice and not spend our days looking for advice on this forum as we all Here for universal support..

so yea please..

 

END THIS NOW!!!... and GET BACK TO a_bit_lost being the main focus here.. ok.. ty... right @ a_bit_lost:

 

Gibson's opinion was right on the money imho, she has'nt changed in the past she has struck out what 5-6 times if my memory is correct, what evidence you have she wont pull the same **** again? you need to put your wellbeing as a priority now and not focus on her wellbeing at the expensive of your own..

 

us men can be abit gullible to the old "damsel in distress " card but really alot of women are aware of this and will take advantage of this.

 

I think your aware of it too, we all are, but your allowing her to do this because she gives you very brief relief somehow, but at the expense of being unstable, and fickle and easy access to walk out when you become too inconvenient to her, which tbh is not worth the price of admission, which includes feeling let down depressed and worthless, ect,ect.

 

 

you did all you could but the amount of times she's let you down should be a indication that she really doesnt care about you at all, as if she really loved you ( and not what you offer or can give) then she would have corrected this behaviour a LONGGGGGGGGG time ago... simple and typical advice I know but it is what it is I am afraid..

Edited December 15, 2011 by TheJiltedGeneration

[a_bit_lost]

@jilted thank you mate. Everyone here is right with my situation, NOT one person here or my friends or family have said to continue anything, had a session with therapy today which I guess was helpful, I explained this forum and the kind soles that are helping me with it. It's just I'm 100percent preoccupied with her on my mind, then I think s@!? its been 5 weeks over now and 2 weeks she hasn't contacted me, she's gotta be with someone new or something, don't even want to think about it.. it's so over and that hurts. Just that last time round after what 7 or 8 weeks she begged me (literately begged in answer phone messages saying please please find it on your heart to contact me) and said she wanted to fight for me and prepared to do whatever it takes, jeeze she even said some of family said 'dont let that one go' and she claimed to tell me that she confided in her gran who said she had to fight for her grandfather... Could be all bollocks though given she lies about so much stuff. She even sent my best mate a message on fb trying to think of way to show how much she means (not that any of us are friends with her on there anymore, blocked and removed a long time ago, as i know how massively detrimental that is looking on there) these things were all last time round when she came back, a matter of months ago now. What a load of **** hey. I feel on this limbo state that this is gunna happen all over again at some point, but hey it probably won't.

[a_bit_lost]

Ok... Shes basically trying to come back now.. She called me Sunday night, I did actually answer and she was a bit lost for words as she didn't expect me to answer, she was with her dad and she told me shes been talking to him about things, she was telling me that misses me and she made a 'wrong choice', a wrong decision... I explained that this is like a merry go round, she said shes been talking to a therapist (im not sure if I believe it). She carried for a while and in the end I said I had to go and meet some friends. During the phone call I used a lot of the things I've learnt in here about the situation.

 

Since then shes text me, massive text, again basically saying the same things - That she made the wrong decision, had the best time of her life with me, she said shes been treated so badly in the past that she 'couldn't believe that someone like me could want to be with her' etc and that she should have trusted her feelings towards me and not run in the other direction, she said shes massively attached to me.

 

As everyone has said here, if I were to continue anything with her she'd do the same thing again, I have no evidence to say otherwise. I do feel like the fall back guy, I mean whats happened in the last 5 weeks?! Obviously something has come to a crashing end, whether that was with the ex, or someone else or something else... I haven't text back yet.

[wilsonx]

tell her sorry not interested good luck...

[a_bit_lost]

cheers wilson, easier said than done though huh...

[smokey bear]

cheers wilson, easier said than done though huh...

 

Give it another go, there is a chance that she's learned her lesson but what i can see happening again is she either learns to love you or disappears again because she cant love you.

 

Throw a tester out, go crazy on some lovey txts and see if she backs off again, if you do full knowing its a tester you'll be ok, once she replies trust your gut and listen to what its saying.

 

or post on here what her replies are and we'll break them down and see if she has changed.

[a_bit_lost]

Thanks smokey, not sure what to do at the moment, I may well post the message, I think she'll continue, everything is the same it seems as last time, my therapist says this is NPD

[a_bit_lost]

OK as an update to whats happened. Over the xmas period she called me almost daily, I kind of held back a lot, but in the end we started talking for long lengths of time day after day. I did some kind of tests, I text her and said that I really cannot see us working after everything and wish her luck etc, she flipped, called me crying and begging that she wanted it to work etc.

 

She got a train to me and sat in my car for three hours whilst she cried, begged and everything, she told me she had made a huge mistake and loved me so much - all this kind of thing, she said 'youre the man I love and youre sitting right there'. I stressed that I wasn't really into doing this again.. It just made her want it more. I told her she has to prove this, and that I have little faith in this working out, she insisted that she was going to climb any mountain to rebuilt my trust and do everything she can to make it happen. Given her begging and everything else, I wasn't prepared to string her along and make her want me for days so met with her the following evening and I said that we'd try it. So I guess we're back on.

 

I need some advice really, i've seen her a few times over the past week, its been great but I find it difficult to know how to behave and I know that i'm perhaps getting attached again. She calls me, texts all the time again, its like YET ANOTHER honeymoon period. I want this to work, but whats the best approach to getting this to work for the long haul.. I am holding back here and there OBVIOUSLY, she 'seems' to have put all her cards on the table. Family and therapist says its going to happen all over again, I'm an idiot for not listening, but the relationship is fun - I just would like it to work out. She cooking dinner for me on Saturday night.

 

• She told me shes seeing a councillor, i said i'd like her to continue with that
  
• She said she was confused and scared last time round and thats why she wanted to get help (i dont know whether this is bollocks or not)
  
• She said she wants to change for herself and this to work
  

 

^ ALL that kind of thing...

[lalalandman]

How old is she? What does she do for a living? Does she live with parents?

[lalalandman]

she sounds completely unstable. I bet the moment you get back with her, she'll be doing this same number on another guy within a matter of weeks or months. Trust me, you're not the only guy involved buddy

[a_bit_lost]

Shes 24! Not exactly an 18/19 year old this is what I cant understand. I'm sure you're right - I KNOW THE SAME THING WILL HAPPEN AGAIN! BUT, I would just like this to actually work out for once. Perhaps too much to ask...

[lalalandman]

Does she work? What does she do? You said you're a dj. Wondering if she has stable career.

[a_bit_lost]

HA!!! IM BACK!!! Can you f***ing believe!

 

So.... After a slightly ropey 6 weeks, where she was continuing to 'prove to me everything for her love' in an attempt to win back my trust and everything and prove it, everything she said in my car just after the new year, where she sobbed and begged for three hours professing her love for me, that shes willing to climb this HUGE mountain to regain my trust.. Fast forward 6 weeks, she springs on me 'I want to do my photoshoots again'... Where when in the car we spoke and I said I didnt like it.

 

Not only does she want to do her glamour esque photoshoots, she also 'may', 'potentially' do semi-nude photography... And if I didn't like it we'd need a serious talk.

 

I beat her to the punch and said 'Your decision has cost you your relationship'. Over the past couple of days i've sword badly at her, tried to talk to her, explained in person that this delicate relationship THAT SHE WANTED shes added another issue to it. She simply wont change her mind or not give me a positive 'no i cannot guarantee that i wont be doing semi-nude', she cannot say that to me!!!!!! I've tried to meet her half way and say i'd be prepared to stand by her whilst she continued with her fashion modelling, even though I don't like it, but I would make a compromise for her 'passion'. IVE EVEN gone as far as going RIGHT OK, ILL STAND BY YOU DURING ALL THIS. And now, shes like, hmmmm, well I know you're never going to be ok with it all so I just dont know.

 

Just to note - She DOES NOT intend to have a career in this, she DOES NOT get paid for it (she has to pay him?!), she 'says' she doesn't want to flaunt the pictures around (facebook and the like - YEHHH OK?!) there is no purpose for this?! I'm a logical guy and there is no reason for this - She simply loves it, loves the attention I guess.

 

When someone sits in your car screaming how much they love you and that youre the man I love and want to be with I didn't expect this 6 weeks later. Seeing my therapist yet again tomorrow night.

 

Shocked. Crushed. Annoyed. Gutted. EVERYTHING. Even thought about putting myself out of this misery by self sacrificing methods.

[Thatguyintx]

Great post Fluorescent!

 

I needed that today!

[smokey bear]

sorry dude, keep us updated

[a_bit_lost]

i called her this morning, i couldn't not I had in the night sweats and everything, like giving up a drug, she answered the second time, she didn't really want to talk to me - i said i wanted to make things work, she said it never would. I cant f****ing believe it. Im beyond destroyed. After I tried to convince her, she in the end hung up then followed with a long text saying she can see situations like this down the line and she doenst want that, that we are different and that she sees that now, and she has in her text requested I delete her number and not to call cos it hurts too much and she cannot do this, shes requested no contacted yet she finishes her text with love and two kisses - sounds like her decision is made. After hearing everything she had said to me, crying in my car at new year saying how much she loved me to this a matter of weeks later. I WANT to see her people!!! I want to go to her flat after work today when she finises so I can talk to her, Im f****ing clutching at straws. Im seeing my councillor after work for an hour, first time for a while. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! I WANT TO SEEE HER

[Frank13]

This all seems to come down to people wanting what they can't have and I see this over and over. She begged for you to be together. You didn't think it would work and resisted but gave in. Then she had you and no longer wanted you. So now that she doesn't want you, you are destroyed and want her.

 

It is almost like a mathematical formula.

 

1. Person A wants person B.

2. Person B refuses.

3. Person B has second thoughts and wants person A.

4. Person A refuses.

[a_bit_lost]

Fluorescent i know, im a complete mess today at work, utterly on the brink of an attack... Frank, i've already thought that and looked at this from every angle but when i got back involved with her i thought at some point i'm gunna have to get involved involved with her as this cannot just be a game, so despite my guard and wall she clearly saw past that and knew i was in hook line and sinker yet again and yeh didnt want me. In my mindset all I can think of right now is seeing her and talking to her and trying to plan how to do that, my councilling finishes at 630 and im tempted to just goto her flat after that when shes finished work - im f***ed