She did it AGAIN!! And here we go AGAIN! Merry-go-round. see this text..

[a_bit_lost]

@smokey_bear

 

Can i ask a question, one for my investigation OP, do you feel that your ex could openly talk to you about anything and showed who she really is with you, really opened up like she did to no other?

 

- Umm, the first 6months episode with her, she calmed down and began to re-find herself, she even told me, underneath the stiletto girl and model image opened into this girl who used to do ballet and kinda homely things, she'd flick between that homely image back to her 'street' bravado rapidly though. She NEVER wanted to make things loudly public with us, this meant there was no facebook relationship update, nothing. I was very sinister... She didn't want us to be a public thing to, that told me everything really. Once broken up first time round I removed her from facebook etc. When we got back together, I never added her back, i didnt want to for fear of seeing things on there i didnt want to from the past months! I did see around 4 weeks into the 2 month second relationship her status was still 'single' I WAS FURIOUS and made it KNOWN, that she was still portraying this single image on her fb which she'd often put modelling pictures up etc... Grr... I asked her to remove that single status just to blank when we together second time round - IT DIDNT fill me with confidence.. In summary, she did indeed become herself with me...

 

 

Also did she mention her faults in the past relationship and make efforts to fix these faults in your relationship.

- None.. Obv i knew she cheated on her ex, she said they worked hard together and got past it. The only other faults were all his, that he did nothing, smoked weed, massively a BUM she said - I was the opposite. Its no wonder he hit her and stuff (well, if thats true) cos she is such a flirt.

 

I can also guess that she started to reach out at the start of 4 months post break up.

- Reach out to who? Her ex? Quite possibly, during the beginning when we were together there were 'often' reasons she needed to contact him, they previously flat shared so she had a lot of loose ends to tie up.. this went on for ages..

 

By any chance on the second chance relationship was she looking for fun? Not such a relationship but fun?

- I remember the thing she said to me when we were excited together about getting back together. She said "My life sucks without you", and "Do you how rubbish it is being single". I dont understand the second one as I know she was hanging out with various guys... Perhaps not actual relationship material. Our second relationship was a laugh a minute, seriously, we laughed and laughed, like mates, defo more so fun. I did say to her to test the water, hey look - lets just be mates. She said NO I CANT DO THAT WITH YOU. So i was kinda like confused, she did want a relationship. Our fun was very fun, so much fun, often said we were like mates and that never laughed so much with someone we with 'with'.

 

 

Did you feel used second time round compared to feeling loved the first time?

- Massively

 

[a_bit_lost]

@smokey bear

 

my ex gf - smoking hot

me - same as her i guess (i get called a pretty boy often)

 

people said we looked the same if you know what i mean the girl version of the bf etc

[wilsonx]

dave seems like the mature one in this thread. and not pretending like his advice is gospel.

 

 

wilsonx comes off like a giant a**hole here. i get that everyone praises him it seems, and i'm not denying whether his advice hasn't helped ppl...but get off ur high horse sir. dave's right, u don't know the exact situation, yet u seem to think it directly relates to an old relationship of yours.

 

i mean giving advice is one thing, but claiming you're right and someone else is wrong is a little immature. especially when the OP backed up claims that daves advice and stance was indeed right. actually, wilsonx YOU also backed up daves point by saying "captain save a hoe". wasn't that daves point?? that she was a hoe?? lol

 

 

smokey not sure why you're jumping on dave...he didn't attack anyone, wilson did.

 

 

my .02.

 

Mature, he called someone's ex a whore, I called him out on it, so Im attacking? Grow up... I told him to look outside the box and the rest of the thread comes crying in his defense...

[a_bit_lost]

dudes, please... i'm a difficult situation emotionally and all this advice is great and practical, wilson, dave, it IS ALL good advice, no battle of advice both of you have offered has triggered 'ahh yes's' in my head.. Before I started this i wanted to text back to that, and now im ok for the moment and not holding my phone shaking wanting to text for this moment. thats why im here and its helping. bear and jono that you too and i appreciate it.

[smokey bear]

dudes, please... i'm a difficult situation emotionally and all this advice is great and practical, wilson, dave, it IS ALL good advice, no battle of advice both of you have offered has triggered 'ahh yes's' in my head.. Before I started this i wanted to text back to that, and now im ok for the moment and not holding my phone shaking wanting to text for this moment. thats why im here and its helping. bear and jono that you too and i appreciate it.

 

 

This girl is going to try and be a friend and reap all the benefits of the lifestyle you cAn give her, she said being single sucks, red flag, you ignored a lifetime of red flags the first relationship, im glad you see that now.

 

dont take her anywhere etc and see if she still sticks around but i doubt a relationship will ever revolve again, i think shortly in the next few months she may wander back to the ex.

 

 

 

If you continue a relationship with her you will get massively used again, if you want to test this theory, offer her friendship with that lifestyle. dont spoil her. Sounds like a girl who loves a man who is no good for her (ex) and she cant walk away, forgive her dont hate her.

 

 

Rather than advising, what do you plan to do from here?

[davesterr]

Mature, he called someone's ex a whore, I called him out on it, so Im attacking? Grow up... I told him to look outside the box and the rest of the thread comes crying in his defense...

 

I called his ex a whore.

You called her a hoe indirectly by calling the topic starter captain-save-a-hoe

Yet im the immature bad guy , and you're the hero.

It's funny how some people are the pot calling the kettle black.

 

Thanks Jono85 for speaking your mind.

I don't care who's right or wrong.

I simply am here to help the topic starter.

It's sad how some have nothing better to do than taking stuff on this forum personal.

But then again you will always have those kind of people.

 

Either way to the topic starter:

Sorry you're in this position.

I already gave you my advice on this.

This will be the last post i will make in this topic.

I did what i came for , trying to help you.

If other people don't have anything better to do than to pick fights.

Then i'll just be the mature one and ignore it since you asked me to.

Edited December 14, 2011 by davesterr

[a_bit_lost]

@smokey bear

"Rather than advising, what do you plan to do from here?"

 

- I simply don't know, ive kept NC at the moment. Its so hard to just walk away... This advice has helped and i'm feeling marginally better after it, the panic that I had that had set in for the past few days has calmed a fraction. Its hard to walk away when I get inviting text messages like this, I mean there have been others prior to this like 'can i talk to you', and a couple of other emotional ones, not quite as long at the one I posted. I've gone NC but if she were to call now I think i'd answer, I kinda wish she would call now, I know I cannot call her?! The longest shes gone with not contacting me within this 12mth on/off thing is probably about 2 weeks max, and thats approaching now after that text i posted. Its ripping me up inside, and it sounds like its done the same to her.

Yeh - I did ignore a lifetime of red flags first time round and a couple second time round. She has the potential to be a great candidate for a relationship, if only she'd just calm it like she did for a percentage of the time I was with her, when she was at those times we agreed whilst with each other that we didn't want to be ANYWHERE else but right here and nothing else mattered when she was with me, nothing else - I could see that was genuine, but as soon as I would not be with her the drama started. I felt like I had to be with her all the time in order to keep this going and keep her in that place until things were settled, massive stress for me that was (even though I did NOT show it!! I really didnt), literately weeks before to this breakup she travelled to mine, jumped on a train to come and see me and surprise me, shower me with emotion etc etc. Cant understand what happen in a week, if she did indeed see her ex at that wedding or something else.

 

Something interesting I just remembered. When we got back together for the second time, within a couple of weeks she told me her ex called her and shouted at her that she'd got back with me. I was confused, I said umm.. why is he calling you AND what would it matter now its like 8mths since you broke up (6months i was with her + 2mths apart). Her answer.. She said 'well.... i did see him and have a chat with him when we weren't together'. I thought and said.. Ahhh right, so you attempted to go back to him or something. I said what is this, jumping between boyfriends?! Cant remember how that was left, guess I just parked that conversation.. I did say I wasn't stupid and that I can work things out from what you're telling me.

 

@davesterr

Your advice is to the point, a lot of the stuff you've said I felt in my gut during the time I was with her.

 

@wilson

same as above

[a_bit_lost]

and i forgot to note, when we did get back together the second time she wanted to talk me out to dinner and to date again and do it right, she really wanted to get back together, its so very odd.

[davesterr]

It seems to me that this girl likes being around you.

Like you said: You motivated her to get a job etc.

She even admitted her life sucks without you.

Shes a model , she has plenty of friends so why would she say that?

You probably boost her ego and somehow stimulate her self worth.

That's one of the good things in a relationship , becoming better than you thought you ever could be.

 

However it looks like you are both still young adults in your 20ties.

And this girl is a party chick.

No matter what you do or how much taming you think you can apply ,

Nothing will change her.

Right now she rather live the single social life rather than staying loyal to you.

I know what it's like when you feel like you need to be with her all the time.

And the reason for that is lack of trust.

Not because you are a bad person , but because she has no self control.

 

It's sad when you look at the times and you see all the great things.

When you realise this girl could be so perfect for you. If only.

But that's where it goes wrong.

Because you are not in control of the ''if only she would calm down''

This girl simply likes the attention toomuch.

She rather flirts with other guys rather than to stay loyal and settle down.

Does this mean she will always be this way?

No , but for the time being yes , and there is noway you can change her.

People don't change because we want them to.

In most cases people never change.

But one day this girl will probably want to start a family or something and that's when she might calm down.

When she has lived her single life to the fullest and can look back with no regrets.

 

It sucks for me to hear this bro.

And it sucks for me to see what this thread became of.

I simply wanted to give you some quick pointers but i feel obligated to give you my real advice since you are having a hard time.

My girlfriend like you looked like a model and she too rather enjoyed the single life and attention over me.

I guess i will never truely know the real reason for the breakup that happened.

But i did notice that when she knew i still loved her , she kept calling herself a whore to our mutual friends because of how she acts in school.

After alot of stalking i even found out that alot of others asked her this too and why she does it.

She said: Because it's fun.

 

In my case it looks like my ex had a good heart and felt bad about how she behaved.

But then again didn't want to give up on acting like an attention whore either.

I don't know what your ex's reason is.

But it seems to be that she is just not mature enough for a real relationship.

She is simply unwilling to make sacrifices.

She rather live the single life and keep her fb status single so she won't be judged or having to deal with the fact that shes dating even while she was with you.

 

I'm sure you treated her great.

And unlike others on this forum , i don't think you failed at taming her.

You can beat up a wild animal , keep it caged and ruin its whole life.

But will the animal be happy?

 

You did what you could.

But this girl is just not ready yet to settle down.

I wouldn't over analize everything and i wouldn't blame yourself.

I wouldn't compare myself to her ex either.

She was with you because she liked you.

Just because this girl doesn't know what she wants doesn't mean you should change.

It doesn't mean you should start smoking pot and hitting her.

Stay true to yourself man and don't take all of the blame.

 

In the end my only advice i can really give besides giving you my insights:

I know you still love this girl , and she might come back again.

But if you feel like you have to be with her every single time to make sure she won't cheat then that's just messed up you know.

There's noway you can have a loving peaceful mutual caring relationship if she is not willing to calm down.

And by the looks of it , she has no intention to do so for a long time.

It sucks even more knowing that things could be amazing.

I know the exact feeling of what you're speaking of.

But unfortunately , what could'be been and what was , isn't what still is.

Despite how great things can be , you have to realise that they're not.

And because of that , you won't be able to truely be happy with her right now.

 

All you can do is either get her back by either trying to get her back or waiting till she comes back.

The last one is probably when she feels lonely and realises flirting with random people is shallow and has no meaning.

But aventually she will go back flirting because she likes the attention.

 

If you do get back with her.

Just know most likely nothing will change.

I would try to enjoy the moments with her.

But yeah do keep your guard up.

And by keeping your guard up i don't mean you have to stop being nice.

Just be your usual self but inside emotionally don't let her in as much.

If you tell her you love her , inside you will always be aware of the rejection once again.

So don't get too attached.

Don't love her with all your heart.

Not untill she has proven herself that she has changed.

Otherwise you will be in for alot of hurts.

 

You say you really love her though but if she makes your life too stessful then you may not want to get back.

You said you look like a model aswel so i don't think you will have trouble finding girls.

Then again no girl can truely replace your ex.

In the end it comes to making sacrifices.

You might not be with your ex again but in return you will have a peace of heart and might find someone new who's more loyal.

It really is up to you.

My ex acts just like yours and also has all the looks in the world.

And as much as i wanted to be with her , i had to let go for myself to heal.

For me , the pain was too big , for you , i don't know.

Only you know what you're gonna decide.

 

I will still stick to my original advice though.

If you can (and this is really hard to do if you still love her) , have fun with her but don't get attached.

She's a model and im sure being with her is great.

So why pass that up?

If you realise this girl won't change.

Then just be with her and have fun but disconnect yourself emotionally.

Let her become what any other hot girl is.

Just a girl to be physical with and laugh with but nothing serious.

This way you can have all the benefits and none of the hurt.

Ofcourse this isn't the loving feeling you want with her , none of the cuddling and holding hands and all those amazing things , but then again you can never truely get that despite of what could've been since she is unwilling to calm down.

Atleast this way you still get to be with her and ride the ride untill it ends as shallow as it is.

 

This is just my opinion though just incase people with no life will take it personal again.

Either way it's up to you what you're going to do and what you believe.

I think if you listen to your instincts then you will know the right thing to do.

Just remember the saying: Once a cheater always a cheater.

Whatever you decide on , let that be in the back of your mind.

Goodlucks man.

Edited December 14, 2011 by davesterr

[smokey bear]

Id put my bets on it that she goes back to the ex in the next 6 months.

 

After 8 month split from ex, she gets angry phonecall from him saying she went back to you..................

 

 

 

MAJOR RED FLAG

 

The only way he would do this, after 8 months is if in those two months split she went back and was stringing him along, she has gave him some bull**** to provoke that response.

 

I think when she went to you, she has been missing the past, she has been missing something to look back, your her most recent ex so she would instinctivly think it was you, but i think through time and what has happened she has figured it out that yes she missed the past but it wasnt actually you it was the previous ex, still unresolved issues, quite frankly because jumping in with you she never had any chance of resolving those problems or grieving the past relationship.

 

You cant skip that step, it rears its ugly head at some point.

 

The reason she even gave it a shot is because of the lifestyle you can provide, mighty apealing to women, we like shiny things.

 

In all of this its not a reflection of you, your probably the best she'll ever get.

[smokey bear]

It seems to me that this girl likes being around you.

Like you said: You motivated her to get a job etc.

She even admitted her life sucks without you.

Shes a model , she has plenty of friends so why would she say that?

You probably boost her ego and somehow stimulate her self worth.

That's one of the good things in a relationship , becoming better than you thought you ever could be.

 

However it looks like you are both still young adults in your 20ties.

And this girl is a party chick.

No matter what you do or how much taming you think you can apply ,

Nothing will change her.

Right now she rather live the single social life rather than staying loyal to you.

I know what it's like when you feel like you need to be with her all the time.

And the reason for that is lack of trust.

Not because you are a bad person , but because she has no self control.

 

It's sad when you look at the times and you see all the great things.

When you realise this girl could be so perfect for you. If only.

But that's where it goes wrong.

Because you are not in control of the ''if only she would calm down''

This girl simply likes the attention toomuch.

She rather flirts with other guys rather than to stay loyal and settle down.

Does this mean she will always be this way?

No , but for the time being yes , and there is noway you can change her.

People don't change because we want them to.

In most cases people never change.

But one day this girl will probably want to start a family or something and that's when she might calm down.

When she has lived her single life to the fullest and can look back with no regrets.

 

It sucks for me to hear this bro.

And it sucks for me to see what this thread became of.

I simply wanted to give you some quick pointers but i feel obligated to give you my real advice since you are having a hard time.

My girlfriend like you looked like a model and she too rather enjoyed the single life and attention over me.

I guess i will never truely know the real reason for the breakup that happened.

But i did notice that when she knew i still loved her , she kept calling herself a whore to our mutual friends because of how she acts in school.

After alot of stalking i even found out that alot of others asked her this too and why she does it.

She said: Because it's fun.

 

In my case it looks like my ex had a good heart and felt bad about how she behaved.

But then again didn't want to give up on acting like an attention whore either.

I don't know what your ex's reason is.

But it seems to be that she is just not mature enough for a real relationship.

She is simply unwilling to make sacrifices.

She rather live the single life and keep her fb status single so she won't be judged or having to deal with the fact that shes dating even while she was with you.

 

I'm sure you treated her great.

And unlike others on this forum , i don't think you failed at taming her.

You can beat up a wild animal , keep it caged and ruin its whole life.

But will the animal be happy?

 

You did what you could.

But this girl is just not ready yet to settle down.

I wouldn't over analize everything and i wouldn't blame yourself.

I wouldn't compare myself to her ex either.

She was with you because she liked you.

Just because this girl doesn't know what she wants doesn't mean you should change.

It doesn't mean you should start smoking pot and hitting her.

Stay true to yourself man and don't take all of the blame.

 

In the end my only advice i can really give besides giving you my insights:

I know you still love this girl , and she might come back again.

But if you feel like you have to be with her every single time to make sure she won't cheat then that's just messed up you know.

There's noway you can have a loving peaceful mutual caring relationship if she is not willing to calm down.

And by the looks of it , she has no intention to do so for a long time.

It sucks even more knowing that things could be amazing.

I know the exact feeling of what you're speaking of.

But unfortunately , what could'be been and what was , isn't what still is.

Despite how great things can be , you have to realise that they're not.

And because of that , you won't be able to truely be happy with her right now.

 

All you can do is either get her back by either trying to get her back or waiting till she comes back.

The last one is probably when she feels lonely and realises flirting with random people is shallow and has no meaning.

But aventually she will go back flirting because she likes the attention.

 

If you do get back with her.

Just know most likely nothing will change.

I would try to enjoy the moments with her.

But yeah do keep your guard up.

And by keeping your guard up i don't mean you have to stop being nice.

Just be your usual self but inside emotionally don't let her in as much.

If you tell her you love her , inside you will always be aware of the rejection once again.

So don't get too attached.

Don't love her with all your heart.

Not untill she has proven herself that she has changed.

Otherwise you will be in for alot of hurts.

 

You say you really love her though but if she makes your life too stessful then you may not want to get back.

You said you look like a model aswel so i don't think you will have trouble finding girls.

Then again no girl can truely replace your ex.

In the end it comes to making sacrifices.

You might not be with your ex again but in return you will have a peace of heart and might find someone new who's more loyal.

It really is up to you.

My ex acts just like yours and also has all the looks in the world.

And as much as i wanted to be with her , i had to let go for myself to heal.

For me , the pain was too big , for you , i don't know.

Only you know what you're gonna decide.

 

I will still stick to my original advice though.

If you can (and this is really hard to do if you still love her) , have fun with her but don't get attached.

She's a model and im sure being with her is great.

So why pass that up?

If you realise this girl won't change.

Then just be with her and have fun but disconnect yourself emotionally.

Let her become what any other hot girl is.

Just a girl to be physical with and laugh with but nothing serious.

This way you can have all the benefits and none of the hurt.

Ofcourse this isn't the loving feeling you want with her , none of the cuddling and holding hands and all those amazing things , but then again you can never truely get that despite of what could've been since she is unwilling to calm down.

Atleast this way you still get to be with her and ride the ride untill it ends as shallow as it is.

 

This is just my opinion though just incase people with no life will take it personal again.

Either way it's up to you what you're going to do and what you believe.

I think if you listen to your instincts then you will know the right thing to do.

Just remember the saying: Once a cheater always a cheater.

Whatever you decide on , let that be in the back of your mind.

Goodlucks man.

 

 

We dont take it personal, its just obvious you dont have a good understanding of gigs and you give out bum advice.

 

Instead of trying to advise everyone, i advise you dave to research gigs and get a greater understanding of it, you understand a lot of it but just dont see it from a point of view without you in the equation, you have nothing to do with your ex's gigs and its no reflection of you, let go of the bitterness and actually try and understand what your ex is going through and im sure your mindset would change a whole lot.

 

Id love to see another on the gigs recon bandwagon but not if your going to be a headache, im sorry i can be insulting but i find it amusing to poke your buttons.

[davesterr]

Not to start crap again but who are you to tell me i give ''bum advice''?

I told you moodswings would happen.

Guess what?

They happened and you were back crying posting on the forums about it.

You call it ''bum advice'' when everyone on the forum agrees with me that i am right.

Then again as stated multiple times i'm not here to be right.

I am here to help and for the people i do it for , they appreciate it.

 

Who are you to tell me my advice suck when you can't even follow your own?

You post on this forum everyday making new topics about the same problems.

When will you ever learn?

 

And this is about taking shiit personal because you start raging when other people try to help.

And when those people including myself , were right , you start crying again about feeling hurt.

 

Now believe me , as much as you think me and others are trying to ''bring you down'' we aren't.

I am here on this forum to help the topic starters , not to be right.

In most if not every of my cases , they appreciated it and learned from it.

 

It is really only you and wilsonx who are on these topics not to give advice , but simply are here to tell who are wrong in your opinion because you got nothing better to do.

Telling someone they give bad advice won't help the topic starter at all.

It is immature and doesn't do anything , it just shows you have nothing better to do.

And the best thing is , i always get the topic starter to admit i am right.

So even if you or wilsonx think im wrong , i get the satisfaction of knowing im right in the end anyway.

 

Also who are you to judge?

Who are you to tell who's advice on this forum is wrong when you are an emotional wreck?

For starters i think you should be on this forum to either help yourself or help others , but starting crap because you got nothing better to do.

Really? Does that make you feel better?

Not to mention your own advice has more grammar errors than a third grader.

 

Anyways we all know you are the most immature one who dumped their ex , left him for someone else and then went back crying.

And we all know you take advice on this forum personal and see it as attacks on you thinking we are all plotting to ''bring you down''.

So i will just not reply to either you or wilsonx posts anymore.

 

Not only are you both here for the wrong reasons , trying to tell others they are wrong instead of giving advice , which is really immature and ridiculous.

But also because since the topic starters always backup my advice claiming i was right , it simply is a joke to even hear you two rant about my advice with childish namecalling because in the end the topic starter already proved i was right.

Yet unlike you and wilsonx , i do not care about being right.

I just care about helping others feel better.

Maybe you should stop trying to pick fights on this forum , get over yourself and actually be on here for the right reasons.

 

i find it amusing to poke your buttons.

 

Also you claiming it's ''fun to poke my buttons'' just show again you have no life and nothing better to do.

truely pathetic that you use a forum where people are trying to help eachother for your own amusement.

Like everyone else said: Grow up.

Edited December 14, 2011 by davesterr

[a_bit_lost]

@davesterr

 

Thanks for your post there and spending your time there - Yes, im 27 and shes 24. But for 27, I dont want to sound egotistical or arrogant but i've kinda got some good things going on.. The house with swimming pool, the sport car, the lifestyle, the jobs, the family and i'm a pilot, and have a bit of a 'rudeboy' side with being a DJ as well.. And a heart of gold. But as said i'm not a pushover, i stand by my values and let them know! She is a party girl yes. Like yours, other people have also steered me away from her telling me shes an attention whore and lacks morals, but like yours again, outside of that and tucked away is the complete opposite, days out to the beach, lunch dinner etc etc all out with her, took her away many times whilst I was on business for the company I work at to big cities, hotels, dined at top places... She on the other hand has nothing, and I mean zilch (other than her looks), she often said she was the 'scrubber' that I brought to my parents, of course I reassured her, she said she's never been with someone like me and once said 'I think you don't think i'm the one for you, but we have a great time', she was probably right. That me, my life and my family are on a completely different wavelength, my dads a Dr. and all of us are educated etc. Once we were back together second time, whilst I was dj'in at a big nightclub i had a weekend residency at I saw her flirting with others touching etc, so much so her girlfriend said 'goddd... she is SUCH a flirt', then she comes over to me all touchy feely with me.. BAH! She isn't mature enough no.. Yet she managed to hold down 5 years with that ex, how he managed I don't know given her cheating during that relationship and all her other characteristics - but she did/does love him and she told me this. I could successfully tame her, this is the thing, and I brought out in her this WHOLE other side that acted shocked to. I kept her on her toes, she would often say I did, I gave her emotion when needed and was matey and fun with her when we were having fun, plus id give her a good run for her money in a debate and often disagree with her. All the right moves in my book. As you say animal and cage and she is indeed unwilling to make sacrifices. She'd tell me how proud she was to be with a gentleman and shocked the way I treated her etc, yet, wouldn't be public about it, showering me saying how proud and a successful man at 27 I was and how much of a huge influence I'd been, I'd kick her ass until she achieves and I told her that, stuff like that made her just kiss me etc.

 

She did stress me out to the max... I didn't need so much drama in my life, SO much drama.

 

I cant be friends with benefits, I just couldn't do it - its all or nothing. Not for a long time, she'd have to get another STD test before I even touched her. This second time round, i tried the guard up etc etc I did it well, I did guard up last time round in fact as I suspected those red flags, but still ended up stung hard. I think the whole guard thing made her want me even more first time round, as I'd decline some invites from her, wasn't hugely interested etc etc. I don't have trouble finding girls and sure I could go out and pick up something, but i'm not like that, i get attached and I don't settle for 'just' anything.

 

- And I just drove though the city and saw her walking home from work.. ugh.. It felt ok though, I was in my flashy sports car with some tunes going, and she definitely saw me, I saw her and my car doesn't blend that well. I felt like I just gained a point for that cos I was happy driving *somewhere* to her and tunes going. Sorry that was childish.

 

 

 

@smokey bear

 

Thanks again too. Major red flag indeed, she MUST have said something to him or DID something during the 2months in the summer, or before, who knows, I'm sure you're right - stringing, I mean is that not exactly whats she doing with me here with these texts, for a second time, but definitely something provoked that yes.. Its now nearly 2 weeks she hasn't contacted after that long one, perhaps that's it.. I can't bring myself to chase this, heart says yes do, brain says no, one hour is different to the next with me at the moment. Yeh, I was her 'most' recent ex to turn back to, but this wouldn't include the HIGHLY likely raft for sexual partners she had when we wern't together, hence me getting an STD from her. So I guess I was more than just a friend with benefits, I could never really work out whether if she was my girlfriend or not, even though she'd tell me OF COURSE I AM, 'This is what GF's do' she'd say here and there etc etc!... Do you know that feeling...?

 

Lifestyle I can provide, ABSOLULTY.. Yes, she'd love to stay at my house, often, I didn't like it, I kinda thought she was in it for the ride as her apartment is ummmm..... not very nice.... with a squat like entrance. I fell out with her a few times as I was considering on selling it and getting a penthouse apartment and BOY did she not want me to sell that house... She called me an idiot, and i'd be like 'it has nothing to do with you, whether I want to sell it or not'.. She loved the image of sitting by the pool in her bikini... (uncommon round here to have a house and blue swimming pool.. especially owned by someone whos 27) I knew full well she liked the life I could offer her.

 

"In all of this its not a reflection of you, your probably the best she'll ever get." Thank you... Perhaps yes. She said she didn't deserve me the day when she split me this time. I just agreed with it, didn't fight it, I got a bit cross just here and there, but said dont get treated like a sex object and find someone who cares, like i've done, she said she'll never meet someone else like me. And within 48 hours I got a text saying how amazing a man I am, how proud is was of me, how its hurts. I ignored this, I didnt want to be her emotional tampon, she ended it. And obviously this is where I'm at now 4weeks NC and the message as i've posted (plus as said a few other breadcrumbs and weird things, and obviously I drove past her today, whether that elicits another response from her I dont know)...

[smokey bear]

Not to start crap again but who are you to tell me i give ''bum advice''?

 

My name is Smokey Bear dont forget it.....

I told you moodswings would happen.

Guess what?

They happened and you were back crying posting on the forums about it.

You call it ''bum advice'' when everyone on the forum agrees with me that i am right.

 

Me and Wilson dont agree, so thats not everyone, sorry your wrong on this one

Then again as stated multiple times i'm not here to be right.

I am here to help and for the people i do it for , they appreciate it.

 

If your here to help then why are you posting marathon messages about you being right, youve spent the majority of this post trying to prove your right.

 

Who are you to tell me my advice suck when you can't even follow your own?

 

Again Im Smokey Bear, dont forget it...

You post on this forum everyday making new topics about the same problems.

 

Havent posted a thread in a while actually and i never duplicate post content

When will you ever learn?

 

Learn what? What do you want me to learn?

And this is about taking shiit personal because you start raging when other people try to help.

And when those people including myself , were right , you start crying again about feeling hurt.

 

When did i cry about being hurt, Ive took the piss out you during this thread because i know you act up to it. I do so, so that you realise your marathon posts and self defence are rediculous. If i have cried on here, which has been a while now, its through my own actions. Ive only had one personal attack, from Wilson, and it benefited me greatly

 

Now believe me , as much as you think me and others are trying to ''bring you down'' we aren't.

 

Never said anything about me, or anyone bringing me down, ive been enjoying myself and your little rants

I am here on this forum to help the topic starters , not to be right.

In most if not every of my cases , they appreciated it and learned from it.

 

How many times on this thread alone have you posted about how you are right, wait and ill count up and get back to you, may be a while, be patient.

It is really only you and wilsonx who are on these topics not to give advice , but simply are here to tell who are wrong in your opinion because you got nothing better to do.

 

Nope, but when we hear someone calling someone else's ex a whore and their ex a whore then we tend to advise people " Hey look id take this guys advice with a pinch of salt as its obvious he has no respect for women, and sounds quite jaded about the whole break up theory. "

If i knew you in person and you spoke about any woman, regardless of what they done to you, infront of me like that, i'd slap you, and im the one who's to grow up?

Telling someone they give bad advice won't help the topic starter at all.

It is immature and doesn't do anything , it just shows you have nothing better to do.

 

Yeah, i agree its better to listen to someone who goes about calling ex's whores. That alone gives me a good idea of what rubbish spouts out your mouth and should be a red flag to anyone listening to you

And the best thing is , i always get the topic starter to admit i am right.

So even if you or wilsonx think im wrong , i get the satisfaction of knowing im right in the end anyway.

 

Cause thats all that matters to you, good One!!

 

Also who are you to judge?

 

Ill say it again, My name is Smokey Bear and dont forget it....

Who are you to tell who's advice on this forum is wrong when you are an emotional wreck?

 

A month ago, yeah i was an emotionl wreck, today? no! I think you will find its you who is letting their emotions run away with them, I never said your advice was wrong, it was bum advice, from a guy who goe around calling ex's whore's.

And for the record, a whore is a woman who has se for money, thats about the most insulting name you can call a woman, watch how you throw it about because you could also be done for slander!!!!

 

 

For starters i think you should be on this forum to either help yourself or help others , but starting crap because you got nothing better to do.

Really? Does that make you feel better?

 

Yeah, your just such an easy target, normally i dont, normally i just let it go, but your marathon posts and lunacy just make it too tempting not to have some fun, sorry i was just in a fun mood today, thanks for the laugh xxx

 

 

Not to mention your own advice has more grammar errors than a third grader.

 

Im a lazy typer, thats just how i am, its no reflection on my intelligence and if your applying it is, be careful

 

Anyways we all know you are the most immature one who dumped their ex , left him for someone else and then went back crying.

 

Thanks, least im the best at something, woohoo!!!!!

And we all know you take advice on this forum personal and see it as attacks on you thinking we are all plotting to ''bring you down''.

 

One post, my first post, and it sticks like dirt, well, well done for being so narrow minded you never bothered to check back and see if any of that had changed

So i will just not reply to either you or wilsonx posts anymore.

 

Oh my God, xmas has came early

 

Not only are you both here for the wrong reasons , trying to tell others they are wrong instead of giving advice , which is really immature and ridiculous.

But also because since the topic starters always backup my advice claiming i was right , it simply is a joke to even hear you two rant about my advice with childish namecalling because in the end the topic starter already proved i was right.

 

And this is what is important to you!!!!!! So why does it bother you what me and Wilson say

Yet unlike you and wilsonx , i do not care about being right.

 

 

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? Re read your whole post, ill pick out the important parts

IM RIGHT! IM RIGHT! DONT LISTEN TO THEM, IM FIGHTING SO HARD FOR THIS BECAUSE IF I DO THEY WILL ALL THINK IM RIGHT

I just care about helping others feel better.

 

Really, I thought that when you called their ex a whore, really comforting, your sooooo sensitive

Maybe you should stop trying to pick fights on this forum , get over yourself and actually be on here for the right reasons.

 

You picked the fight, Wilson just gave his opinion, me too, that your advice wasnt the best, again, your tarred yourself with the whole brush, really paints a good image of the type of guy you are

 

 

 

Also you claiming it's ''fun to poke my buttons'' just show again you have no life and nothing better to do.

 

No it shows that your easy to wind up and that i enjoy it :-)

 

truely pathetic that you use a forum where people are trying to help eachother for your own amusement.

 

Ok ill just go about calling everyone's ex's whore's

Like everyone else said: Grow up.

 

Ok ill become bitter, old and jaded like you :-)

 

 

 

Read above, my response in bold.

 

Sorry if this causes anyone offence, it will be the one and only time i do it, but i just couldnt help myself.

[Jono85]

Read above, my response in bold.

 

Sorry if this causes anyone offence, it will be the one and only time i do it, but i just couldnt help myself.

 

interesting u have a a BIG problem when davester uses language like whore and even go on to say that if he ever used that kind of language in front of you, regardless of what the girl did to deserve that language, you'd slap him...but when wilsonx says this is a classic "captain save a HOE" case...u could care less.

 

very interesting.

[gibson]

 

Thanks for your post there and spending your time there - Yes, im 27 and shes 24. But for 27, I dont want to sound egotistical or arrogant but i've kinda got some good things going on.. The house with swimming pool, the sport car, the lifestyle, the jobs, the family and i'm a pilot, and have a bit of a 'rudeboy' side with being a DJ as well.. And a heart of gold.

 

SO WHAT!

 

You have no self-respect, self-worth and get your validation and approval from women, their looks, money and possessions.

 

If you had any self-respect, self-worth and got validation and approval from within... You wouldn't have a thing to do with this women!

 

But as said i'm not a pushover, i stand by my values and let them know!

 

Yes you are a pushover and you do not stand by your values. Also, if you actually had any and weren't a pushover, you don't have to let anyone know them either. Much less, let them use you, abuse you and continue to allow them to do so over and over and over again.

 

She is a party girl yes.

 

So why are you trying to have a relationship with this girl? It's NEVER going to happen until she is ready to settle down. That isn't going to happen for a long time.

 

Like yours, other people have also steered me away from her telling me shes an attention whore and lacks morals, but like yours again, outside of that and tucked away is the complete opposite

 

BS! She has shown you who / what she is over and over and over again. You refuse to see it!

 

Advice - When someone shows you who they are, believe it!

 

I work at to big cities, hotels, dined at top places... She on the other hand has nothing, and I mean zilch (other than her looks)

 

SO WHAT!

 

Also, you point out the obvious... Aside from her looks, there is nothing to offer.

 

she often said she was the 'scrubber' that I brought to my parents

 

This is her main problem... Her perception of herself is her reality. So she acts and behaves like the person she thinks she is.

 

of course I reassured her, she said she's never been with someone like me and once said 'I think you don't think i'm the one for you, but we have a great time', she was probably right. That me, my life and my family are on a completely different wavelength, my dads a Dr. and all of us are educated etc.

 

You and your obsession with status, money and material possessions can't save her from herself!

 

You are just as hollow and empty as she is, she just gets her validation and approval in a different way which is by getting attention from men and banging them.

 

You are her have the same problem.

 

Once we were back together second time, whilst I was dj'in at a big nightclub i had a weekend residency at I saw her flirting with others touching etc, so much so her girlfriend said 'goddd... she is SUCH a flirt', then she comes over to me all touchy feely with me.. BAH! She isn't mature enough no.

 

But wait... You aren't a pushover and she knows where you stand. Remember?

 

Point is, she has ZERO respect for herself, for you and for your relationship.

 

Yet she managed to hold down 5 years with that ex, how he managed I don't know given her cheating during that relationship and all her other characteristics - but she did/does love him and she told me this.

 

That is not love!

 

Have you figured out that you are no different than her last Ex?

 

What about her is so special again? All I have heard is she is hot.

 

I could successfully tame her

 

THE HELL YOU CAN!

 

This line of thinking is what got you in trouble to begin with!

 

People have to want to change for themselves. They do it in their own way and own time, if they even do it at all.

 

I brought out in her this WHOLE other side that acted shocked to. I kept her on her toes, she would often say I did, I gave her emotion when needed and was matey and fun with her when we were having fun, plus id give her a good run for her money in a debate and often disagree with her. All the right moves in my book.

 

All the right moves?

 

Your RESULTS speak differently, getting used, abused, lie too, cheated on and STD from her, etc.

 

As you say animal and cage and she is indeed unwilling to make sacrifices.

 

You think?

 

She'd tell me how proud she was to be with a gentleman and shocked the way I treated her etc, yet, wouldn't be public about it, showering me saying how proud and a successful man at 27 I was and how much of a huge influence I'd been, I'd kick her ass until she achieves and I told her that, stuff like that made her just kiss me etc.

 

All words... Look at her actions.

 

Advice - Words can lie and mislead and often do. Actions can't.

 

She did stress me out to the max... I didn't need so much drama in my life, SO much drama.

 

Oh really?

 

So so yourself a favor and drop this girl like a bad habit!

 

I cant be friends with benefits, I just couldn't do it - its all or nothing. Not for a long time, she'd have to get another STD test before I even touched her.

 

She has nothing to give but STD's. So why would you even consider this?

 

This second time round, i tried the guard up etc etc I did it well, I did guard up last time round in fact as I suspected those red flags, but still ended up stung hard.

 

Suspected?

 

This girl is a walking billboard with flashing warning signs and red flags all over it.

 

I think the whole guard thing made her want me even more first time round, as I'd decline some invites from her, wasn't hugely interested etc etc.

 

She has no class, no morals, no self-respect, no self-worth, no character, etc.

 

You on the other hand think so little of yourself that you have to get women that need to be save from themselves and with your material possessions.

 

I don't have trouble finding girls and sure I could go out and pick up something, but i'm not like that, i get attached and I don't settle for 'just' anything.

 

Another lie to yourself... You settled for a women who does not respect you, lies to you, cheats on you, uses you, etc.

 

You settle for heck of a lot worse than 'just' anything.

 

And I just drove though the city and saw her walking home from work.. ugh.. It felt ok though, I was in my flashy sports car with some tunes going, and she definitely saw me, I saw her and my car doesn't blend that well.

 

You made me throw up in my mouth!

 

You are the male version of her... You do not think you have anything to offer besides... Money, career and material possessions.

 

You will only end up dating women who use you for the only thing you have to offer. With your Ex, it's looks and sex.

 

I felt like I just gained a point for that cos I was happy driving *somewhere* to her and tunes going. Sorry that was childish.

 

There you go again... Seeking approval and validation from a women who does not respect you, lies to you, cheats on you, uses you and your material possessions.

 

You didn't gain a thing in her eyes or yours.

 

It's a good thing you found LS, my hope is that you focus on you and learn to fall in love with yourself. Find some self-respect, self-worth and learn to seek approval and validation from within you, not from money, cars, career, looks and certainty not from women.

 

Best of luck to you!

[davesterr]

There's a difference in defending themselves and by picking fights.

I called his ex a whore , wilsonx called her a hoe.

What's the difference?

Regardless of what i called her , the topicstarter agreed with me.

There's a difference in taking stuff literally and knowing how one implies it.

Attention whore is different from a whore who works for money.

Then again i don't expect you to understand this.

The reason i used the words that i did was for the topic starter to realise things easier.

 

It's truely pathetic how you are probably over your mid thirties and still act like a lil kid.

With having nothing better to do then to look for fights or people to blame instead of offering advice.

And my marathon posts aren't for myself , they are here to help people.

I don't get what your problem is against them since no one forces you to read them.

People say they love my advice and even bookmark it.

I think that says enough about my advice.

Not that i am here for compliments though.

 

Funny how you keep repeating your own nickname when the only meaning it has to people on this forum is adult who was too stupid to dump her ex use another guy for a rebound and then started crying about it and refuses to grow up.

 

Also here is the post where you take mine and philosorapters advice personal claiming we are there to ruin your mood and how we won't ''bring you down''

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309896/

The best thing of all?

The moodswings we said would happen did happen and you posted about it a few days after lol.

Sweet karma.

 

In the end , I don't care about immature people like you.

I simply dislike the fact that you bring your boredom to a forum like this where people are waiting for advice and not your bullshiit that you start for your own amusement.

As mentioned before: Get a life.

Edited December 14, 2011 by davesterr

[Jono85]

gibson dished out the tough true love. OP it takes strength to admit your faults. reread his comments, and work on yourself. i'm 26, you're 27, we're both still relatively young and can change for the better. i have a ton of faults myself and am trying to work on them. but gibson is spot on.

[a_bit_lost]

@gibson

 

wow.. ok your comments are fair. Obviously I tried to win a women over with all those things, regardless of all that, I wasn't saying it for an ego boost on here of all places - this women did in fact pursuit me in the beginning I just got massively attached in the process, yes ok, one day i'll look back and think what the hell was I doing, but that's why i'm here, because at the moment it kills and I was looking for advice of how to proceed or not, or whatever, just answers I guess to whats happened. Guess I wanted to wine and dine a woman and make her special, in the process making a relationship. I failed.

[davesterr]

I think when we're in love we tend to try and get the best out of the person because we see and feel how things could be in a perfect world.

We try to remove the flaws and bring out their good side even more.

Then again it sucks when those moments are only temporary and the ex resorts back to their usual self.

I wouldn't blame yourself toomuch on trying to wine and dine a woman.

In the end we all gotta use what we got to make it work.

If you're shy be shy , if you're outgoing be outgoing.

If you have a fancy lifestyle then that's all a bonus.

Ofcourse you gotta make sure the girl likes you for who you are and isn't a golddigger ofcourse.

But all in all i think you fell for this girl hard , saw how life could've been if she was willing to settle down and loved it.

Unfortunately she isn't ready to settle down.

That's what led to the break up and that's what led to all the distrust and stress because she wants different things in life.

In a way i think gibson made out some good harsh but true pointers.

She really has no respect for herself , you or the relationship.

But that's how most immature girls are who just want to have fun.

I think you should let go of the past and start focussing on what you're gonna do now.

 

Alot of good information has been given and i think you should be able to see the truth more clearly now.

No amount of advice will change anything though.

Now it just brings you to the place where you have to make a decission and not look back anymore after making it.

 

A broken heart sucks but heck you gave it a shot you know.

Can't blame yourself for trying and you can't blame yourself for the end results if you did your best.

Least you will have the memories to cherish and a nice future to look forward to.

Even if she isn't in it.

[TheJiltedGeneration]

I know I should'nt get involved but @ Smokey_Bear : the person who has authority on whether or not Davesterr's advice is helpful or not is the topic starter themselves. so far your bringing a personal feelings against Davesterr into someone else's post. It's fine if you don't agree with his advice, but if you wish to express such then please take it somewhere else. Davesterr takes a lot of time reading people stuff ( as I am definately know you do as well) and tries to respond to everything where alot of people (sometimes myself included I will be honest) glances through people's posts and give broad-stroke advice. not saying thats wrong as sometimes the most common advice is actually the most trueful and alot of people here ( including myself) have text book ex’s...., but sometimes people need abit of elaborated perspective to steer their thoughts in the right direction.

 

With that in mind lets stop the clashing right now, give our own take on things without any speculation on how bad/good the other person’s advice is, and alow A_bit_lost to decide which one works most for him, as ultimately only he knows what he should really do...

 

@A_bit_lost: simple answer again from my broadstroke reading, but yea just from the responses I’ve read too... my simple answer is this: let her go. She needs to make mistakes before she can appreciate what you can give her. The fact that she cast off the manager so easily and that she played Russian roulette : the shag edition, with a few other guys to be with you, should be a MASSIVE red flag on what she wants out of a relationship. If she wants to be promiscuous let her go be promiscuous as I;ve learnt ALOT of girls in relationships don’t really learn from their mistakes untill it goes to extremes. Although even then for some people they really do never learn.. (hell a friend of mine was RAPED recently which traumatised her and should have been a indication that maybe she should pull back the reigns alittle on constant dating and relationships, but she’s still dating dangerous and unpredictable men ( up to around 34-35 different men now.. yea and btw she’s younger than your ex girlfriend...). To me she likes the idea of not being alone, but doesnt really love you as an individual, but just the qualities..... trust me young people relationship wise are retarded.

 

Sometimes they really need to have the **** REALLY hit the fan before they start revaluating the problems, be it unexpected pregnancy, or a F***ing shotgun to the head before they think “OHH Maybe this was a bad idea...”. And thats what it sounds like with your ex/ potential GF. I guarantee once she finds someone she things will offer more than you( and usually its shallow things like more sex, less body imperfection **** like that, is a woman like that really worth it?) she’ll leave you high and dry, when the opportunity presents itself ( or cheat). She probably will forever be on/ off with you as she has no idea what would be good for her. Basically to put it brass tacks, she’s acting on whims, and on the hoof, which is always a BAD thing. If she wants to be serious then she needs to take some time to think on her own and not feel that the thinking process should be spent while with another guy.

Whim people are unpredictable, and as you’ve seen already one day she’s enthralled by you next day she’s putting some distance . F*** me sounds like she has MPD... urggh.. I really do wish people would use the nice big grey organ nestled comfortably in their skull, rather than allowing that volatile one in/on the groin to have the last word. .. so basically just cut out off contact man before her **** corrupts yours..

She;s done this on and off now and if it’s been this long .. then I would assume as a person she ain’t going to change at all even when you give her time. Best thing to do is to let her **** her life up as thats what she needs to do before she learns.

 

now my advice isn’t absolute and probably spouted a thousand times before but yea take it for what it is and do what you think is ultimately the best thing, as like I said the only person who really knows is you. Most of the time WE ALL KNOW what we should REALLY do, we just need some clarity.. (most of us already know what’s best but just need some guidance from others to solidify said actions)

 

and let’s be honest guys we’re all in the same shoes here and tbh NONE OF US REALLY HAVE THE ANSWERS AND KNOWS WHAT REALLY TO DO. Otherwise none of us would be here and instead would be selling self-help books to earn our keep. But you know it doenst really matter, it’s just nice to have some one listen/read and at least help us through such things. Good advice or not. Doesnt matter , just that people giving different perspectives on what surmounts to really the same thing really shows how much pain we’re all going through right now, and how love can really cloud all of our tact ( especially me, I’ve been a right pu**y recently but if I wasn’t given tough love from you guys I would been fawning over my ex ever more right now trying to fix a relationship on HER TERMS). And that in itself makes it all the more palpable. all of us really know the best thing to do just our emotions are shrouding our judgement, so rather than taking it out on eachother lets put our emotions into something constructive and just concentrate on helping.

 

Food for thought, what helped me also was not if the advice was helpful or not, I already knew the best thing was to leave her already, just I was self conflicted because of how nice it was to be with her. NO, what was really helpful was that people read and could ACTUALLY relate ( maybe not completely, but through the expression of the pain it was enough) to what I was going through. It was empowering to not feeling so alone in all this really made me feel alot better about myself..

 

 

sorry I am prating on now so gonna end it here.. sorry to bring this in the thread A_bit_lost.. lets all end this disagreement here now and back to you.. just know mate there are better women out there and that she’s got her head in the clouds and is way to disconnected with the reality of things to know whats even good for her.. in the end its you who knows what is right..

Edited December 14, 2011 by TheJiltedGeneration

[gibson]

@gibson

 

wow.. ok your comments are fair. Obviously I tried to win a women over with all those things, regardless of all that, I wasn't saying it for an ego boost on here of all places - this women did in fact pursuit me in the beginning I just got massively attached in the process, yes ok, one day i'll look back and think what the hell was I doing, but that's why i'm here, because at the moment it kills and I was looking for advice of how to proceed or not, or whatever, just answers I guess to whats happened. Guess I wanted to wine and dine a woman and make her special, in the process making a relationship. I failed.

 

Like I said, I am glad that you are here. People on here will give your their full attention and help you through this terrible break up.

 

All I am trying to do is point out that your Ex is a symptom of a much deeper problem that resides inside you. We can analyse your Ex and do a post mortem of the relationship and there is nothing wrong. It's part of the healing process for sure.

 

What I don't want you to do is let this ever happen to you again. If you do not address your issues, it most certainty will.

 

Are you a great guy? Yes! Do you have a lot to be proud of? Yes! Do you have a lot to offer? Yes!

 

However, there is a lot more than that. You will always be a victim and be taken advantage of, walked on, used, manipulated, etc. by women like your Ex unless you fix the problem. That's all I was wanting to point out.

 

Universal Truth

 

People Treat You The Way You Let Them Treat You / We Teach People How to Treat Us

You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't. This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others' behavior when you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.

 

If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment. Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone in response to any negative behavior. For example, when people are aggressive, bossy or controlling — and then get their way — you have rewarded them for unacceptable behavior.

 

Because you are accountable, you can declare the relationship "reopened for negotiation" at any time you choose, and for as long as you choose. Even a pattern of relating that is 30 years old can be redefined. Before you reopen the negotiation, you must commit to do so from a position of strength and power, not fear and self-doubt. The resolve to be treated with dignity and respect must be uncompromising.

a_bit_lost,

 

There are a lot of young men here that went through a similar experience as you. They have and grew and learned from it. Some of the things you should work on are... self-respect, self-worth, your identity, boundaries, captain fix a ho complex, etc.

 

You fix those... what you just went through, will NEVER happen again! Not to mention, in the near future you will attract a very high quality women of substance and value who will blow away your Ex on every level!

 

Stick around, post, be honest with yourself, ask a lot of questions, do the hard work and resolve to pay the price to succeed!

 

I for one, believe in you!

Edited December 14, 2011 by gibson

[a_bit_lost]

@gibson

 

have re-read your comments over and over on your break down post, you're so right with what you've said. I'm embarrassed. And tbh, i almost cried reading them, I tried to see the woman for her underlying things and yes, I guess even though i'm jealous about it I like stunning women. I'm not arrogant, well I don't show it anyway, I guess I love status and that kind of thing, i'm down to earth - I just asked my family for confirmation of this as I quizzed myself from this. I'll write back again in a bit - Just taking this in.

[wilsonx]

a_bit_lost - why are you asking your family for confirmation on this?

 

This is the biggest problem, you are responsible for your own core self. You are seeking validation from others and that validation has to come from yourself. When I post on these forums, I do not ask for validation from my friends or family. My friends come to me for validation and I tell them the same thing I tell you, look within yourself. That's all that matters.

 

Do you want to be at my level of (lack of better term) enlightenment, look within yourself and only yourself. Pretend everybody else doesnt exist and listen not to your mind, but that little voice that your mind is covering up. You will know it the first time because you will start to cry. You can do this through meditation, yoga, mindfulness and many other mind freeing activities.

 

I gave you one of the best analogies posted on this forum for your situation but it got lost in the childish nonsense that everyone missed it. I am going to repost it.

 

#3 you do not understand how to handle someone like her, you do not do it with boundaries, she's a hot person, she needs a mellow cool person to control the wild waves of her ocean, until you understand how to control yourself and ride within the wild waves of her ocean, you are never going to be able to survive. You sunk once and twice. You need to learn how to be a master ocean navigator, study take classes etc for yourself first. Once you figure this out, you will be able to handle whatever ocean you decide to sail upon

 

This analogy applies to EVERY single person on this forum that thinks they have a crazy ex. The problem isn't the ex, the problem is you and others like you do not know how to navigate that ocean. I was this person 7 months ago. I didn't know how to sail my ship on her wild ocean, times I got it right, there are times I sunk.

 

When you conquer yourself and if you believe that you want another chance with this person (she is a person, not a whore, shes just scared) then you go out and do it. Fight for what you believe is yours, but only after you learn yourself. Give yourself some time to learn and grow, it will probably take you a year if you put that effort into growing

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t309202/ This is me trying to swim back in her ocean 7 months later. You have no concept of how much I love that girl, even though she might be bat**** crazy.

[a_bit_lost]

gibsons comments and TheJiltedGeneration, daversterr and wilsons words are things that are making me strong to this right now and the things i'm trying to keep at the forefront of my mind to not break NC - Its hard following that inviting text!!! Perhaps she really was reaching out like many others have done on here, wilson included

 

You're right though, she hot headed and every day is different, one day full of emotion and the next backs off a bit, she said once guys can't handle me.

Edited December 15, 2011 by a_bit_lost