Do you ever feel like it's just not meant to happen for you?

[azsinglegal]

I will be single for the rest of my life. I've had some bad relationships, some good ones, but I will never get married again. It's just not in the cards for me.

 

Once I accepted this fact, I'm able to live my life without having any expectations or worries about meeting someone I'll spend the rest of my life with. Is it what I want? No. But not everything in life works out like we plan.

[DearAbby]

That's the thing. I don't feel the pull for any particular man. My career, my health, my social life, I definitely work my a@@ off for them. My whole life I lived by the philosophy that if I lived my life passionately it would all fall into place in the romance department. I just don't feel the pull to go chasing men. Even that one guy I had crazy chemistry with, I'm pretty sure if I wanted him back, I could work my ass off and get him back. I just don't feel the need to do that. I'm one of the most driven people you could ever meet. I'm like a dog with a bone when I want something. I'm just so passive about relationships it makes me wonder if it's because I know deep down that I'm not meant to have a real meaningful permanent one.

 

It's a good thing I have a starter cat

 

Lmao you have a good personality. And trust me sometimes I feel just like you. I get it! Just dont give up. Someone told me you have to go out with 100 puzzle pieces to find the one that fits. Also, I think that you should start to get your things in order for YOU. Start saving money and work as hard as you can. If it happens in romance dept, it does.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

Do you ever feel like it's just not meant to happen for you?

 

Like it's all futile and no matter what you do or who you meet it just isn't in the cards for you?

 

I'm approaching 30. I'm an active dater, I have a lot going for me, not unattractive, my weekends are usually booked up with dates, parties, social events. While there are some things I'd like to change in my life (mainly jobs and location) my life definitely doesn't suck. I meet new people all the time. I'm generally pretty sociable and moderately outgoing. I have a ton of interests and a killer sense of humor. I never have a problem getting "picked up" but I have a ridiculously hard time finding people I connect with and really truly like "that way". I admit I'm picky, if I don't feel the butterflies on the 1st date, there's a good chance there won't be a second one.

 

 

 

While some people might do better to adjust downward their expectations and alter their social efforts, this just doesn't describe YOU.

 

A 29yo woman in the prime of everything, who is circulating sufficiently and meeting lots of people need only remind herself that "the only thing you have to fear is 'fear' itself".

 

So resolve to wipe any signs of 'fear' off of your face and go out there and live life as if THE great guy will enter it 2 years, 2 months, and 26 days from right now. Prepare accordingly.

[refurb]

" I admit I'm picky, if I don't feel the butterflies on the 1st date, there's a good chance there won't be a second one."

 

I would say that you adopt a new policy when it comes to romance and dating. Give the other person the benefit of the doubt and, if they want to, go out on three dates with them before you decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship. If you don't give the other person more time, you may end up quickly abandoning a potentially brilliant relationship based on a first impression.

 

Have to agree. I've had ok first dates that turned in long-term relationships and great first dates that fizzled out.

 

Anywho judges a date on just one date (with the exception of extremely bad behavior) is missing out on a lot of people with potential.

 

RF

[somedude81]

The day that I accept it's never going to happen for me is the day I'll die.

[Imajerk17]

I'll echo some of the above sentiments, about maybe you should give it a chance beyond date one. Just to use your one example, the guy that you had great chemistry with, was terribly incompatible. So, it stands to reason, that great "chemistry" is not a great predictor after all. Now, I'm not saying that you should date a slob with no education just to give it a chance. Then again, I don't have all the details.

 

Also, you did mention (I think you did, at least) that you don't have the same passion or drive in finding/developing relationships that you have with other aspects of your life. Well, it seems that you are person with high standards in all areas of your life (career, interests, friends). In order to attain the high standards in those areas of your life, you admittedly had to work your ass off to get there. So, you have high standards in dating as well. But you don't work your ass off in that regard? Maybe an explanation. I'll just say this, if I didn't work my ass off at dating, I wouldn't get dates at all. Not even crappy ones.

 

 

This is a bump I realize, but I would say, appropriate.

 

I kind of agree with yeahyeahyeah. You have all these bad things to say about the guy you've been hung up on for 4 months (low self-esteem, manipulative, clingy), and yet you had "chemistry". Have you considered that the possibility that it's your people-picker that is just off?

 

You have been so hung up on this guy... it's pretty much all you post about on here. So, did you really give the guy you've been seeing and whom you're thinking of calling things off with, a chance?

Edited December 15, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Disillusioned]

Sort of... I sometimes felt like it's never meant for me, but only because I've always felt excluded.

[ChessPieceFace]

I've yet to be convinced that it ever could happen for me.

[thatone]

Like it's all futile and no matter what you do or who you meet it just isn't in the cards for you?

 

I'm approaching 30. I'm an active dater, I have a lot going for me, not unattractive, my weekends are usually booked up with dates, parties, social events. While there are some things I'd like to change in my life (mainly jobs and location) my life definitely doesn't suck. I meet new people all the time. I'm generally pretty sociable and moderately outgoing. I have a ton of interests and a killer sense of humor. I never have a problem getting "picked up" but I have a ridiculously hard time finding people I connect with and really truly like "that way". I admit I'm picky, if I don't feel the butterflies on the 1st date, there's a good chance there won't be a second one.

 

In my 15ish years of dating experience I've only had 3 real relationships. One 7 years (very on and off and I was very young and stupid 17-24), one 7 months, and one 3 monther. Ironically the 3 monther was the only guy I've ever really felt that crazy chemistry with. But we were horribly incompatible.

 

I've always been on the fence about marriage and kids. I'd like to but I don't NEED to. If I meet someone ridiculously special I would in a heartbeat but I'm definitely not settling just to get those things. But it's really getting to the point where I'm just not seeing it happen. And no this isn't me just being down on myself, I really can't see the future playing out that way. I don't try too hard to find "the one" because I believe that's something that can't be forced. But like I said, I date, I'm social and I have a profile on the dating sites just so I don't miss any golden opportunities. But it just isn't happening.

 

Is it a bad idea to just throw in the towel and say eff it? I feel like I'm getting to the point in my life where I need to start making some of the hard decisions. Like I need to settle into a steady career path, make some decisions about where I want to live, maybe buy a home. I've always kinda put that stuff off because I didn't know where life was leading and I was just going with the flow. But now I feel like I should start nailing that stuff down. Should I get my stuff in order now and prepare for a life of independence? Or should I still stay uncommitted and "drift" while I wait for things to play out? I'm torn...

 

i'll tell you what i think, from the other side of the fence and a few years down the line. i did well professionally by 30, bought the house, decided where i was going to live (albeit with a little unwanted help from hurricane katrina), decided i wasn't going to spend my weekends in the bars anymore, all that crap. and i also didn't have a wife/fiance when i made those choices, figuring it was time to 'grow up'.

 

4 years later, you know what? i'm selling the house, and moving back to NOLA. i'll buy a condo there or something, i'm not going to own another house. i'm removing responsibilities, not adding more. my income comes from two commercial rental properties and me and my partners just sold one. if we get a situation sorted with the tenant on the other we'll sell it too.

 

i really tried to convince myself with my last gf that i wanted the marriage and kids and all that stuff like she did, but honestly, i don't. i think it's great for my friends who got married in their early 20s and are still happy with their lives at 35-40, but i'm not that way. i can come and go as i please, and i wouldn't trade that for anything.

 

freedom is a powerful word. don't throw it away because everyone else tells you that you're supposed to.

 

 

• houses are bad investments.
  
• you can't be a wife or husband by yourself.
  
• there is no reason to settle on where you live for an imaginary life there that you don't even have.
  

 

 

i'm sure there are more gems of wisdom that i'm forgetting but consider your decisions carefully, past 30 they tend to get a lot more 'permanent'.

[ditzchic]

This is a bump I realize, but I would say, appropriate.

 

I kind of agree with yeahyeahyeah. You have all these bad things to say about the guy you've been hung up on for 4 months (low self-esteem, manipulative, clingy), and yet you had "chemistry". Have you considered that the possibility that it's your people-picker that is just off?

 

You have been so hung up on this guy... it's pretty much all you post about on here. So, did you really give the guy you've been seeing and whom you're thinking of calling things off with, a chance?

 

I know I was ridiculously hung up on that guy. I swear it's over now, though. I SWEAR! I've realized a lot about that situation in the last 2 weeks or so. I deleted him completely from my life. All his numbers, his e-mail contact, his fb... gone. I'm over it. And it's his loss.

 

As for the new guy, I really did give him a chance. It just isn't working right now. He's fine to hang out with and date but it wouldn't work as anything more than that right now because of he lack of time we have to be together. I'm not clingy or needy while casually dating but if I'm in a relationship I want to spend time with that person. I want them to be a part of my life and to be a part of theirs. It's just not possible with us. We haven't had the time to really even form a relationship. He doesn't even have time to talk on the phone or text. I really haven't even been able to find out all that much about him besides the usual dinner chit chatty topics because the time just isn't there. We aren't compatible in that respect.

[ScienceGal]

I am also 30 and have contemplated whether settling down with someone is in the cards for me. I've had 3 relationships, 2-3.5 years each, lived with all 3 and left all 3 for different reasons. I've had shorter relationships over the past couple years and I feel like I am a little lost in finding someone that is actually good for me. I won't give up though. No matter how many times my heart gets broken and how many nights I sleep alone and cry. It's downright depressing at times, but I don't regret anything about my life. All of the decisions I've made have led me here. And, here isn't so bad.

 

I am very much wanting to meet the right man to have a great relationship with, but I also realize that I am half of that equation. I need to know what I want, know how to ask for it, and know how to move on if I'm not getting it. sigh.

[phineas]

 

Dont throw in the towel. I know the big 3 O is scary, i was a bit concerned too. You will find that person. Oh ya... Man up!!

 

on a side note, 4 0 next month.

Not even gonna flinch.

[soulm8]

on a side note, 4 0 next month.

Not even gonna flinch.

 

Ha! Me too phineas

[ditzchic]

Ha! Me too phineas

 

Seriously, soulm8? And your avatar is current? You look AMAZING!! Can you give me a reference to the witch doctor you are apparently using? lol.

[soulm8]

Seriously, soulm8? And your avatar is current? You look AMAZING!! Can you give me a reference to the witch doctor you are apparently using? lol.

 

awww, thank you so much! The pic is last New Year's Eve.

 

Seriously, I never dreamed I'd be single at this age. This is the 2nd birthday I've ever not wanted to celebrate... the 1st was 31 lol

[CocoaBrown]

Wait is OP male or female? Haha either way man up!

:lmao: You are always saying something funny! I swear I'm always coming across a post from you that makes me laugh!

[CocoaBrown]

The day that I accept it's never going to happen for me is the day I'll die.

 

EXACTLY! Don't give up OP!!

[kaylan]

This is a bump I realize, but I would say, appropriate.

 

I kind of agree with yeahyeahyeah. You have all these bad things to say about the guy you've been hung up on for 4 months (low self-esteem, manipulative, clingy), and yet you had "chemistry". Have you considered that the possibility that it's your people-picker that is just off?

 

You have been so hung up on this guy... it's pretty much all you post about on here. So, did you really give the guy you've been seeing and whom you're thinking of calling things off with, a chance?

^This.

 

Ditz, youre my e-homie, and this dude is totally right on the mark here.

 

Either give that wonderful chemistry you had a shot, despite your fear of the incompatibilities you guys had...

 

or...

 

see if you can find a compatible person with good chemistry...thats the harder find in my experience.

 

finding one or the other--chemistry and compatibility--seems to be easy, but finding them both and having that one great relationship is the hard part. It takes work to find that but I think chemistry can at least be created. I have done so in the past...I have changed something that was par for the course into fireworks. And how did I do this? Because the compatibility was so strong that I didnt want to just let the person go. Good communication was key and I kept telling myself "Im gonna make her mine and make this work....shes too great to let pass by...she just fits me" And I got the girl.

 

I think you should give people chances past one date. How well do you even know someone upon the first couple meetings. People tend to be in a shell and afraid of messing up so they are a bit different. What i would say you should try is actually making new friends out of these people and seeing if anything clicks down the road. I have been very surprised by some girls in my life once Ive gotten to know them.

 

They have been diamonds underneath a rough exterior or rough and tumble gals under a good girl facade. Things are not always as they appear.

 

Best of luck.

 

I am also 30 and have contemplated whether settling down with someone is in the cards for me. I've had 3 relationships, 2-3.5 years each, lived with all 3 and left all 3 for different reasons. I've had shorter relationships over the past couple years and I feel like I am a little lost in finding someone that is actually good for me. I won't give up though. No matter how many times my heart gets broken and how many nights I sleep alone and cry. It's downright depressing at times, but I don't regret anything about my life. All of the decisions I've made have led me here. And, here isn't so bad.

 

I am very much wanting to meet the right man to have a great relationship with, but I also realize that I am half of that equation. I need to know what I want, know how to ask for it, and know how to move on if I'm not getting it. sigh.

May I ask why you left those 3 dudes?

 

And I am glad you dont regret your decisions. Carpe Diem, No Regrets. Every experience in life leads you exactly where you need to be. Youll be happy eventually.

Edited December 16, 2011 by kaylan

[ChessPieceFace]

Every experience in life leads you exactly where you need to be. Youll be happy eventually.

 

Oh please. How about people that had the experience of being hit by trains or falling off cliffs, they needed to be dead? Stuff just !^@# happens.

[Feanor]

Whoa, dude above me was a bit harsh. But you should definitely chill out, you were in a 7 year relationship and 2 other somewhat long term relationships and still have an active dating life. Not sure what you're worried about, you'll meet someone eventually. Actually, things sound like they're going pretty well for you. There are a lot of lonely people out there, doesn't sound like you're on of 'em.

[soulm8]

All of the decisions I've made have led me here. And, here isn't so bad.

 

I am very much wanting to meet the right man to have a great relationship with, but I also realize that I am half of that equation. I need to know what I want, know how to ask for it, and know how to move on if I'm not getting it. sigh.

 

So very true. The knowing what you want and moving on if you're not getting it parts do get easier. The pain of recognizing you have to move on doesn't.

[kaylan]

Oh please. How about people that had the experience of being hit by trains or falling off cliffs, they needed to be dead? Stuff just !^@# happens.

Dude dont take what I said so literally. I am talking about romantic relationships...not life or death situations. Grow the hell up.

[ditzchic]

 

May I ask why you left those 3 dudes?

 

And I am glad you dont regret your decisions. Carpe Diem, No Regrets. Every experience in life leads you exactly where you need to be. Youll be happy eventually.

 

Well the first guy, the 7 year long relationship was just due to end. We started that when we were 17 and it lasted until we were 24. We just grew apart as people. We went to different colleges, made different friends, life just changed us. We both knew it had to happen and we knew we held on to it way too long as well. We probably should have ended that after a year, two at the most.

 

The 9 monther was when I was 26. He slept with one of my best friends. Do I need to say more? lol.

 

And you know the whole story about the 3-monther, but for the rest of the board, he left me because he thought we were incompatible. Basically, I was really into him and started acting like a crazy b*tch to guard myself from him. I don't know why, really.... But it's whatever. I'm not focusing on that anymore.

 

See, I don't knwo if I agree that every decision leads you where you need to be. I mean I definitely believe that every decision leads you somewhere... but is it where you need to be? I mean, if you would have put off that decision for a few days or made it a few days earlier you could be in an entirely different place. You never know what your life could have been with just a few minor tweaks.

 

Like with my hs-college boyfriend, I really think that if we would have ended that sooner and we both felt free to meet different people where we both were in life instead of hanging on to "us" we would both be in entirely different places. How much more experience and self-knowledge could we have gained during the best years of our life? A ton!

[bac]

Not too sound too unladylike here.. but I can tell the difference between lusty butterflies and chemistry butterflies. I've definitely wanted to bang more than just one guy throughout the course of my life. lol.

 

Lol, you sound like a typical american guy.

How do you expect to find the right man if you are like a male?

You did not express any thought /or feeling in your rant that females typically have because they are full of estrogens.

If you are a female, you expected to have the ovaries which produce estrogens and the estrogens make you look, feel and think as a woman.

[ditzchic]

Lol, you sound like a typical american guy.

How do you expect to find the right man if you are like a male?

You did not express any thought /or feeling in your rant that females typically have because they are full of estrogens.

If you are a female, you expected to have the ovaries which produce estrogens and the estrogens make you look, feel and think as a woman.

 

Haha. I admit I'm a lot more matter of fact than most females. And I definitely have a more "guy-like" sense of humor. I definitely have a huge girly side that I show just as much as the rest of my personality. And I look the part of very girly-girl. And yes, I have a female-like emotional side but I'm not overly emotional and going to pour every feeling out on the internet to a bunch of strangers in a public forum. That emotional side of me is something saved for those closest to me. Yeah my lack of opening up emotionally is probably a huge pitfall in my relationship troubles with men but it's there, they just aren't going to get it just because they asked me out a couple of times. There's a buildup to it.

 

I make no apologies about it though. I'm not your cookie cutter girl. Big deal. I've been told my sense of humor is one of my selling points. I am who I am and I happen to think I'm pretty great. And the one for me will find me pretty great to. Whenever he decides to show up in my life....

Edited December 16, 2011 by ditzchic