A friend or not a friend?

[yolatanga]

Started a FWB back in the summer. We live in the same complex. It ws an emotional rollercoaster at all times. Now we are no longer lovers, but have managed to stay friends as he insisted on it. We hang (no sex), still do things for each other and have the same mutual friends. Sometimes he acts like he cares about me...

 

Now something isn't right for the past few weeks. Saw him for 5 minutes last week. He didn't even ask me how my Thanksgiving was. He stopped by to give me something and couldn't get away fast enough. I thought he really wanted to see me. Now I'm reduced to texting. Lame texting where he sounds flat, no responsive and stops in the middle of a conversation. Not to be heard from again until I reach out. Drives me bonkers.

 

I want to ask him why and/or has he met someone? I'd rather him tell me then have to find out from someone else. Do I have that right?

[Way2blue]

My "guy friend" told me that you only have the right to ask someone if they have someone if you are sleeping with them. I would just ask him straight up, though, "hey-miss hangin with you. Just sayin'. Are you alright?" Maybe he is withdrawing because he is having feelings for you.

[yolatanga]

My "guy friend" told me that you only have the right to ask someone if they have someone if you are sleeping with them. I would just ask him straight up, though, "hey-miss hangin with you. Just sayin'. Are you alright?" Maybe he is withdrawing because he is having feelings for you.

 

Wel, we are not sleeping together anymore. So there goes that part..LOL I doubt he has feelings for me. I think he may have met someone or is just moving on to meet someone. I'm so torn with even texting him today.

[othersideofthepillow]

It really sounds to me as though he has met someone that he is either developing strong feelings for or is currently sleeping with.

 

We might just not know how to actually tell you which is why he is acting this way - sorry but it really sounds like he has met someone.

[EnchantedOne]

You can always ask, if he doesnt want you to know he will either say its not your business or will tell you.

Since you dont have sex anymore, he doesnt HAVE to tell you what hes doing or if hes dating anyone.

 

He might be confused about things with you, but it does sound like hes seeing someone else. He may know you might be hurt if you know and hes avoiding you to keep from you asking or from having to see the hurt.

 

My sons father and I were FWB and had strong feelings. When he would start to date someone else he would just pull away from me and start fights so I wouldnt want to talk then Id find out later he had been seeing someone.

[twinkles]

I'm just going to finish your statement.

 

Sometimes he acts like he cares about me..but...most of the time he acts like he doesn't care about me.

 

When someone cares about you they care about you all the time.

[yolatanga]

You can always ask, if he doesnt want you to know he will either say its not your business or will tell you.

Since you dont have sex anymore, he doesnt HAVE to tell you what hes doing or if hes dating anyone.

 

He might be confused about things with you, but it does sound like hes seeing someone else. He may know you might be hurt if you know and hes avoiding you to keep from you asking or from having to see the hurt.

 

My sons father and I were FWB and had strong feelings. When he would start to date someone else he would just pull away from me and start fights so I wouldnt want to talk then Id find out later he had been seeing someone.

I'd rather know, but it probably isn't my business. Never doing another FWB again.LOL stinks

[yolatanga]

I'm just going to finish your statement.

 

Sometimes he acts like he cares about me..but...most of the time he acts like he doesn't care about me.

 

When someone cares about you they care about you all the time.

Good point.

[EnchantedOne]

I'd rather know, but it probably isn't my business. Never doing another FWB again.LOL stinks

 

Yeah, it can work out nicely sometimes. Ive had one where I couldnt keep my feelings quiet and things would blow up.

Ive had one in which I couldnt have cared less about the guy but had known him a long time and having sex now and then worked.

The current one, its working for now. I still love him and he does me but we arent letting ourselves get involved deeper with anyone.

[yolatanga]

Yeah, it can work out nicely sometimes. Ive had one where I couldnt keep my feelings quiet and things would blow up.

Ive had one in which I couldnt have cared less about the guy but had known him a long time and having sex now and then worked.

The current one, its working for now. I still love him and he does me but we arent letting ourselves get involved deeper with anyone.

My guy keeps calling now while I'm at work and can't speak. Keep updated,.

[yolatanga]

My guy keeps calling now while I'm at work and can't speak. Keep updated,.

 

Text: You should get out there and date.

 

Ouch! When I asked him if he was? No answer.

[yolatanga]

He invited me to see him. I only had a certain amount of time as I had a prior engagement. We had some wine, laughed as usual and did not speak about any of this. The next day we talked about cooking later with some friends. All of sudden, silence. 8 hrs of it. No mention of dinner, no nothing. I offered to do something nice. Ignored. He drove right past me and I knew full well he saw me. WTH? I don't get this two faced behavior at all. I told him off. He answered that in two seconds. He's an a**clown for sure.

[BillieAnn]

I Understand you. But would you not make it harder for your self? If you ask and find out that hi has someone? What if he has?

[yolatanga]

I Understand you. But would you not make it harder for your self? If you ask and find out that hi has someone? What if he has?

It's ok I guess. Nothing I could do about it. The problem is we live in the same place, hang at the same places and have mutual friends. I would rather be told so I'm not blindsided.

 

He apologized for any misunderstandings between us. That's pretty much it. Haven't spoken much since.

[BillieAnn]

I've been in that state. I know how it is ..

[yolatanga]

I've been in that state. I know how it is ..

I found out all sorts of info today. I confronted him. He tried to deny it. Finally..."I'm still in love with my ex". He's trying to go back, yet again. The one he's broken up with many times before.

[yolatanga]

Update. We've been communicating a tad. He thinks I hate him. I do not. I just wished he would have told me sooner. Saw him yesterday. We had a blast. He took myself and another friend out to dinner.

 

Why can't I just quit this guy? He does not want me.

 

[yolatanga]

The next day he's been ignoring me. Sent two funny texts about the day before and a thank you. No reply. Went to work out and there he was. We barely spoke. I sent him an e-mail and asked if he wanted to talk. clear the air per se. No answer. This is a nightmare. We live in the same place and hang with the same group. Now I feel like an idiot. I need to be mad and move on. This is just giving me such anx. My chest hurts today. I'm making a fool of myself to keep a friendship going when it was only until his ex comes back into his life. That he's not addressing.

 

[snowflakes88]

It does not sound as though he is at all interested in you. It also sounds like the two of you were never friends - rather, two people who had casual sex and hung out incidentally. You have no right to "confront" him about who he is seeing or is in love with, and he does not owe you any conversation to "clear the air." You are right about the fact that you are just embarassing yourself at this point, and probably annoying him in the process. Let it go.

[yolatanga]

It does not sound as though he is at all interested in you. It also sounds like the two of you were never friends - rather, two people who had casual sex and hung out incidentally. You have no right to "confront" him about who he is seeing or is in love with, and he does not owe you any conversation to "clear the air." You are right about the fact that you are just embarassing yourself at this point, and probably annoying him in the process. Let it go.

 

How right you are. I did let it go and we are still hanging out as friends.

[lemonlegs]

Yolatanga... wow, I was/am in the exact same situation. But I take rejection pretty hard, so unlike you, I've backed the hell away.

 

Me and this guy met while I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I broke up, we had sex, he got distant, didn't talk for a long while. Eventually, we started talking, ended up sleeping together (amidst a bunch of other crap), then he barely would even text me. So finally, I asked him if he wanted to grab dinner, when he said no, I said "Alright, that's it... what's up? Seriously?" and sure enough he said that he felt guilty about having sex with me because he still wasn't sure about his ex. I said no hard feelings and was really nice, but damn, they have SO MUCH drama, and his ex (or girlfriend, who the hell knows now) is 10 years older than me, and 5 years older than him. Furthermore, they both know their relationship will not work, yet for whatever reason, they won't give it up. I almost feel sorry for HER (would never want to be in that position where a young girl felt sorry for me for being played like a fool); LET IT GO, he treats her like crap. Hence, I don't give 2 craps if I didn't get a date with him.

 

Sometimes you see things a lot clearer when you take the rose coloured glasses off.

[yolatanga]

Yolatanga... wow, I was/am in the exact same situation. But I take rejection pretty hard, so unlike you, I've backed the hell away.

 

Me and this guy met while I had a boyfriend. My boyfriend and I broke up, we had sex, he got distant, didn't talk for a long while. Eventually, we started talking, ended up sleeping together (amidst a bunch of other crap), then he barely would even text me. So finally, I asked him if he wanted to grab dinner, when he said no, I said "Alright, that's it... what's up? Seriously?" and sure enough he said that he felt guilty about having sex with me because he still wasn't sure about his ex. I said no hard feelings and was really nice, but damn, they have SO MUCH drama, and his ex (or girlfriend, who the hell knows now) is 10 years older than me, and 5 years older than him. Furthermore, they both know their relationship will not work, yet for whatever reason, they won't give it up. I almost feel sorry for HER (would never want to be in that position where a young girl felt sorry for me for being played like a fool); LET IT GO, he treats her like crap. Hence, I don't give 2 craps if I didn't get a date with him.

 

Sometimes you see things a lot clearer when you take the rose coloured glasses off.

Men are dumb..LOL Sorry this is happening to you. Good you backed off. I'm still stuck on our close friendship (I was his fall back girl) which would die if he went back. I expressed my concerns and he said he was not going back to her. Maybe she told him "no"? She'd be smart to do that. He's broken up with her too many times because the same problems don't go away.

 

It's hard to get away from him. We have the same friends and when we all hang out, we have a great time. Hung out again the other night even after I told him "goodbye". Wonder why he still wants to hang with me even though we stopped having sex?

 

I vowed to not contact him for the next week and see what happens. He's away for the holiday anyway.

 

I need to date. Uggh!

[yolatanga]

Bum'n a tad. No word from friend, not even for xmas. I did wish him Merry Christmas. No response. I'm sure he's back by now and now we'll have to run into each other. Uggh. I'll just pretend I don't give a crap while my heart aches.

[yolatanga]

He's totally ignoring me now. I warned him this would happen and he denied it. How come I feel aweful for him being a jerk?

[Narf]

i have been where you are... and the roller coaster is so yukky at times... But it does get better... My guy ended up with his ex (they are still together now) i see them a bit cause we play at the same sport centre once a week... I keep telling myself you cant make anyone care about you and if they show you they dont then do everything to stop caring yourself... It doesnt happen fast but you start to feel better, you dont even feel like txting or emailing most of the time cause the effort is to much (whether he replies or not) Spend the time on you... Focus on you, do something different or new or random... anything to change it up.