I got my justice

[lonelynyc]

Many of you don't remember my story. About a month and a half ago I was on LS every day, despondently venting about my ex. She broke up with me in July but proceeded to string me along, send me maddening mixed signals, use me (everything from sex to household chores), verbally abuse me, and was just generally horrible for months thereafter.

 

I finally found my self-respect and called her to tell her I never wanted to speak to her again, and some other choice words. She expressed similar sentiment. The next day I changed my number, blocked her from contacting me on AIM, email, the whole 9.

 

Fast forward a month and a half, I receive an email from the ex on my new work email (publicly listed online, unfortunately) basically asking me about how my new job and apartment are, and how I've been, generally. She also expressed concern about my old number not being in service (seriously, take a hint).

 

For many of you hurting right now, your day will come... If your ex systematically mistreated you, then when you were all spent, discarded you, it won't end well for them. My life isn't perfect, but I'm guessing I'm doing a whole lot better than her (never have desired contact since the beginning of October).

 

I'm guessing one of 2 things is going on with her: 1) She realizes that she lost someone pretty special and isn't meeting anyone who quite compares now that she's single or 2) She's striking out on the dating scene and, though she doesn't want me back, desires an ego boost that would come from knowing I'm still hung up on her (which I'm not). I'm not delusional, I'm guessing it's the second of the 2. Seriously, **** her breadcrumbs. I've taken my power back and will never relinquish it again, being a weak fool is never a good idea. All of you struggling with the mind games and breaking NC, just realize that if you maintain your resolve, you will have your justice too.

[mike588]

Many of you don't remember my story. About a month and a half ago I was on LS every day, despondently venting about my ex. She broke up with me in July but proceeded to string me along, send me maddening mixed signals, use me (everything from sex to household chores), verbally abuse me, and was just generally horrible for months thereafter.

 

I finally found my self-respect and called her to tell her I never wanted to speak to her again, and some other choice words. She expressed similar sentiment. The next day I changed my number, blocked her from contacting me on AIM, email, the whole 9.

 

Fast forward a month and a half, I receive an email from the ex on my new work email (publicly listed online, unfortunately) basically asking me about how my new job and apartment are, and how I've been, generally. She also expressed concern about my old number not being in service (seriously, take a hint).

 

For many of you hurting right now, your day will come... If your ex systematically mistreated you, then when you were all spent, discarded you, it won't end well for them. My life isn't perfect, but I'm guessing I'm doing a whole lot better than her (never have desired contact since the beginning of October).

 

I'm guessing one of 2 things is going on with her: 1) She realizes that she lost someone pretty special and isn't meeting anyone who quite compares now that she's single or 2) She's striking out on the dating scene and, though she doesn't want me back, desires an ego boost that would come from knowing I'm still hung up on her (which I'm not). I'm not delusional, I'm guessing it's the second of the 2. Seriously, **** her breadcrumbs. I've taken my power back and will never relinquish it again, being a weak fool is never a good idea. All of you struggling with the mind games and breaking NC, just realize that if you maintain your resolve, you will have your justice too.

 

3 months later I'm waiting on my justice,, even though it doesn't really matter anymore, it would still be nice.

[stunned8165]

Still waiting for mine too. The ultimate justice. it's been 5 1/2 months. strict no contact 5 weeks. I did see her after 5 months on the road and noticed she looked a little ragged. didn't speak to her, just saw each other in passing. Awful strange she decided to go that way after 5 months knowing I'm there everyday at the same time. During LC, an e mail indicated things arent so grand. She was mad I went on a trip and told me the 5 year old still msses me and talks about me. How ever, she is still seeing her boss. The schmuck she left me for. For all I know, she could be trapped now. She dumps him, shes out of a job. Just like all the others he screwed with there. Now she has to pay her own bills ( I paid all the bills).. she has to do it ALL on her own.. I know I'll have my justice. I can't wait for it to come... ......... Glad you got yours buddy. Stay strong, keep control..

[Rorschach64]

I do not wish bad things on my ex even though she went out of her way to insult me, belittle my character, and then some more just so she can walk away guilt free.

 

Best justice served is when you move on and accept things for how they are instead of wishing ill on your ex's even if they deserve it or not.

 

Otherwise the justice you are seeking may never come at all.

[wilsonx]

I am curious, how is justice?

 

For those of you that have not gotten this said justice? Why do you think this is justice?

[stunned8165]

don't know wilson. Maybe just the ego boost of knowing they still reached out to them. Put your self in their/our shoes. Guess you haven't had yours yet aye?.. I would love to hear your story. I really would.

[Rorschach64]

Justice I want is the self serving justice of moving on, growing from the experience in to a better person that is also stronger because we all know that can only come from me and not my ex or anyone else.

 

I think ignoring an ex that is trying to reach out via ego boost/bread crumb/ whatever isn't serving justice it is doing myself and them a favor because obviously at that point they are most likely confused, lonely, and/or feeling guilty while I am not there to coddle them because it was a choice they made so they must deal with their own demons like the rest of us.

[EgoJoe]

I am curious, how is justice?

 

For those of you that have not gotten this said justice? Why do you think this is justice?

 

 

Wilson: you are doing so much better! Not that I wasn't angry myself but you were harboring that for awhile. You're so on the ball on everything and asking the right questions.

 

To all: I think that justice is relative and I think it's important to ask yourself wouldn't you rather have the justice of health and self-respect than the justice of another's suffering?

[stunned8165]

You are right. But when one still houses that anger for being done so wrong, it's natural to feel the want for that justice. Or Karma to kick in or what ever. In due time it turns around to what you sayin and IS better. But still having that pit in your belly, and anger for what was done (well, what was done to me in MY case anyway).. Yes, I want justice right now... Then to top it off, I run into her on the road tonight. Again. Twice in two weeks. Haven't seen her on that street in 5 1/2 months. Thios si the route we would see each other 2 to 3 times a week on our way home. No need for her to go that way. In fact, it's an odd route for where she lives.

[tomm]

well FOR ME justice would be for my ex of 6 months ,who left me for someone else would be to get totally hurt and left and put down verbally by the new guy , BETTER justice would be comming to me telling me she was sorry for leaving etc and asking for another chance and i would just laugh in her face and tell her to have a good life . if that happend and i knew it did i would totally smile , and laugh -I [as others here] HATE liars and cheaters ,and i've been lied to and cheatted on by her hope shegets a BIG dose of her medicine

i hope KARMA exists

[perfectlyflawed459]

I think the best justice you can do is just find happiness within yourself and live your life to the fullest. Show them that you don't need them to be happy ya know? I have been doing this for seven weeks now, strict NC and just letting go, and my ex has already tried to reach out to me twice. Of course I miss him so much and still love him, but I stood my ground and gave him nothing in his attempts to reach out to me. I know I am not ready to have him in my life again, but it does feel good to have some power back in the whole thing. That way now he has to wait for me to decide when we can talk again, not him.

[tomm]

i think best justice after your lied to and cheatted on is to see the ex fall on their faces and loose whatever they have plus it would bring a mile to my face

[Shattered dreams]

Actually i am praying one day my ex will realize what he lost..

[Rorschach64]

What PF said.

[tomm]

same boat here i'm hopping she wakes up and realizes what she's had and doesn't anymore AND after what she did theirs no chance of anything with me

just wish her misery

[wilsonx]

There is absolutely no justice wishing bad things upon your ex or being ego driven to show that you were right and that your ex needs you.

 

I will tell you, I personally despise the fact that my ex is selfish to the point where she breaks NC and then pretends like nothing happened. It doesn't feed my ego, it hurts. It confuses me, its annoying and it sucks. For those of you that do not get contacted by your ex, good, you are ahead of the game

 

Read the coping forum where people's ex's contact them 1-3-10 years after the breakup, it still ****ing hurts. I got contacted by an ex that left me out of no where, 6 years later. I took my phone and slammed it into a brick wall and next day, got a new number. She told me oh yea, I moved to MN, got married, have a kid, and now am divorced and work as a real estate agent and I said ok? Where is the justice in this, it still hurt but only temporary.

 

There is no justice in love, emotions and heartbreak. Those of you that think there is need to look in a mirror and ask yourself, am I just as selfish as my ex.

 

And as for the original post lonelynyc there is no justice in that, your ex cares for you as a friend and was showing compassion.

Edited November 18, 2011 by wilsonx

[fallenheart]

There's no such thing as "karma."

 

Bad people do bad things and get away with it and they sleep just fine at night.

 

Good people are trampled all over all the time and never get a break.

 

Good for you that your ex emailed you. But my ex is never gonna write to me, call me, or even give me a second thought, just like the MAJORITY of the exes on this board. No such thing as "justice" either.

[betterdeal]

I'm guessing one of 2 things is going on with her: 1) She realizes that she lost someone pretty special and isn't meeting anyone who quite compares now that she's single or 2) She's striking out on the dating scene and, though she doesn't want me back, desires an ego boost that would come from knowing I'm still hung up on her (which I'm not). I'm not delusional, I'm guessing it's the second of the 2. Seriously, **** her breadcrumbs. I've taken my power back and will never relinquish it again, being a weak fool is never a good idea. All of you struggling with the mind games and breaking NC, just realize that if you maintain your resolve, you will have your justice too.

 

I'm guessing she likes you and hopes you've calmed down, and would like to be on good terms with you. I'm also guessing you're still upset and haven't processed your feelings fully yet. What do you want? To be right or to be happy? Sometimes you have to let go of trying to be right in order to be happy, and this is one of those times.

 

I'm not saying reply to her. That's your choice. But if you see your relationship with this person as a competition, you're going to remain upset. When you reach the point where you think about as much about her enquiring into your welfare as you would if an old friend you haven't spoken to in a long time did the same, that's when you'll be truly powerful.

 

Draw a line, chalk it up to experience and don't look back in anger. Live, love, learn.

 

You'll get there.

[tomm]

nope absolutly no justice in wishing bad things to happen to my ex , ithat's just the fun part wishing and playing scenerios of what could /might happen in my head.

the justice would be for some to come true .

my ex can't stroke my ego ,even if she tried .

you ''despise'' the fact your ex still contacts you and acts like nothings wrong , BUT no one is forcing you to pick up the phone , or to read the mails etc that's all on you

yea i'm not a karma believer BUT was hopping i was wrong and their is karma and things would happen to the ex to cause misery to her , that's why i said i hope karma is real

[M2155]

Sounds like "justice" = revenge or validation.

 

I've had exes come back in the past saying they messed up (not always that they wanted to get back together) and it does feel good to know they see your worth- I'd never describe it as "justice" but it does stroke the ego and maybe it feels like "justice" because that person kicked you so far in the other direction in the first place. You feel like you have the upperhand again when it's your turn to push them away.

 

I don't care if my ex comes back and says he made a mistake or whatever (I know now that he didn't in breaking up, but he did in how he did it) but I will admit I more wanted his current relationship to fail. But the best would be if I never find out one way or the other until he is far in the past because I'm not indifferent yet.

 

I do believe in karma. If someone sells me a piece of crap car, I hope somewhere down the line he breaks his leg or gets sued for someone falling in his driveway. It's not something I'll hear about so it's not the "justice" for whatever the person did to you, but I do believe what goes around comes around. However if you are sitting waiting or hoping for your "justice," then you are still too emotionally vested. For me, exes only seem to come around when I've totally moved on and could care less. By then it's not justice, it's just something annoying. Because if you've truly healed and moved on, that person doesn't affect you anymore.

[stunned8165]

I sorta run in both directions with this. I want to see here fail, but then again I don't because I don't want her kids to suffer. They suffered enough as it is for her lying, cheating, selfish, bi polar actions. I actually had a taste of justice yesterday. This is the second time I ran into her on the road in two weeks after no sign of her for 5 months. I had every oportunity to roll down my tinted window, wave and or smile. She knew I was there. But I just ignored her. Why do I think I'm getting a little justice? Because something is fishy about this. Read my post about running into her. I think she is up to something.............. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t305747/

[lonelynyc]

 

And as for the original post lonelynyc there is no justice in that, your ex cares for you as a friend and was showing compassion.

 

My ex is a very screwed up person. The email was not prompted by feelings of friendship. After I didn't reply by the very next day she called 2 of my friends and even my aunt to try and get a hold of me. Then, I get another email that says something along the lines of "I wanted to have a conversation about "us" but it's clear you've moved on."

 

After all the games she played for months on end, I can't say I feel a whole lot for her plight right now. I was walking her dog for weeks, comforting her at every twist and turn, believing we were working things out... and she was going out there and ****ing someone else. She still wants to embroil me in this horrible back-and-forth thing and non-relationship. I'm so much better off without this.

 

I have focused on my career, friendships, and hobbies since the break up. I don't sit at home consumed with revenge fantasies. Hell, I've even dated with the spare time I have (with mixed results). I'm doing well, but it would be a lie to say all the things I went through with my ex don't sting at times. Time will heal those wounds, but for now, I'm only human. I sincerely hope she learns from the pain.

Edited November 18, 2011 by lonelynyc

[wilsonx]

I am very happy for you that you are focusing on the right things for you but Im going to show you something.

 

It takes a screwed up person to be in a long term relationship with a screwed up person. The second you accept it and say damn, maybe I might be screwed up to, is when you can start focusing on your problems instead of your ex's problems. You say my ex is screwed up. Guess what, water seeks its own level. Look at your thread title "I got my justice" There was no justice in this post.

 

Focus on fixing your problems, insecurities, and here's another hint, stop focusing on her, if she emails you again, delete it without reading it. You are enabling her to play games because of this, you cant deny it either because I did the same thing last month and it took betterdeal telling me to let it go to realize, Im playing games with a game player.

 

You are too, accept, learn from it, forgive yourself, let it go

[Zabs]

I don't quite run with the 'justice' theory..as I hold a different sentiment.

 

I think the vocab you use to describe the situation serves to illustrate the intensity of feelings still experienced. To use 'Justice' sounds to me a person is still wounded..and cares enough to get a reaction.

 

For me, acceptance is a much more powerful word...reason being...for the most part I see acceptance as a choice. We have NO choice in defining the behaviours of others...yet we can influence them. We have NO choice about the choices of others but we can choose to respond differently.

 

If a particular issue, you find yourself banging your head on the wall...you have two choices....a) continue to bleed and bang your head on the wall or b) say..this hurts..I ain't gonna do that anymore.

 

Hard choices...a)..perservere and HOPE for the best or b) CHANGE and see what happens. Often we are afraid of the unknown so we continue to burden ourselves with 'Slipper Syndrome' despite knowing your feet might be better off without them.

 

Recently, I decided to CHANGE. I am scared...and even though I can predict the next few moves...after that time..I will no longer have that luxury..because as we change our strategy to heal..the ex's turn their attention to a new and improved next move! All I can say is that it will be check - mate for HIM if he continues...banging his head on the proverbial wall!

 

:DMuch love

 

Zabs xx:bunny:

[betterdeal]

The point of justice is to bring about reconciliation. Reconciliation is what happens when we no longer feel under threat or in pain from something. It doesn't necessarily mean re-engaging with someone else (an ex-lover in these cases) rather, it means feeling you have reached a place where you feel secure.

 

If you don't feel you can reconcile what happened just yet, that's okay; it just takes time to reach that place. It takes longer for some people, shorter for others. Imagine a day when you can bump into your ex and if they're cordial and friendly, you can be the same back; and if they're not, you can walk away from the encounter in the same way you would from an angry bum - bit of a shock, but no big deal.

 

Be honest with yourself, first and foremost. All those dumb things you did; the cowardly things; the mean things. Be honest with yourself about them. Don't judge, learn from them. If you have done dumb things, what was it in your head that made you choose to behave that way. What did you lack? What did you gain? How can you behave and think differently in the future? What's holding you back from being confident, happy, genuine?

 

There's so much to learn about oneself that, really, none of us has much time to waste hiding behind hurt or anger or guilt or regret. This is why you let it go. So you can live in the present moment and not the past. It is for your own benefit.