nevadagirl Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Ok so....anyone who's read me knows this ex keeps contacting me about being "friends". He never stopped contacting me and I just ignored it up until a point where he made a new okc and put his Great New Life on it and purposelly visited my profile so I'd see it. So I break down and look at it and See Things I'd Not LIke to See and from there I just thought eFF it and I looked at his FB which I had originally had blocked and there were other pictures I'd wish to never see there too. I felt compelled to talk to him and only pretended to be okay for a few hours but I really felt pretty bad. I mean it hadn't even been two months you know. So I thought ok back to square 1 and not talking so tossed that old email address aside and gave my FB pass to a friend that I know won't give it back to me until I feel better. Supposedly the needy ex sent me some message about life and love and loving your friends the other day - my friend told me he just deleted it. I then received a message on okc - OKC is a stupid site just sso you know you cannot outright block someone unless they send you an IM or an email wich I have now done. We had this twisted conversation in which he insinuated that I'll never know how considerate he * actually * was of me (which saying that by itself is inconsiderate because I couldn't help but wonder what could possibly be worse than him visiting his ex and ****ing her and taking pictures of the two of them together - I mean what, a wife? a girlfriend? seriously what?) He kept saying nothing he has done since we broke up had anything at all to do with me. (Like making his facebook all public (since I had him blocked you know) and insinuating his trip to his ex on his dating profile (something that the only person in the world who would be hurt by is ME and then clicking mine ASAP) - because hey I would have ran across it anyway right? Because stumbling across it yourself and having it put in your face intentionally - that's the same thing! The same result! I feel manipulated and annoyed with myself and unable to take control of the damn situation. It pisses me off to have to pretend like someone is dead in order to move past them. It pisses me off that he said **** to me like "you're still in pain?" I think today actually makes it exactly two months. Apparently the pain should have stopped by now.
wilsonx Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) It doesnt matter what the ex says, take yourself off those sites. Stop looking. Its not your ex's fault you looked. Its yours. He just made it easier for you to look. You ate the breadcrumb. Now, stay off those dating sites and facebook, embrace the pain, keep NC and this means you don't look either. Go out with your friends Love yourself Forgive yourself Accept yourself My challenge to you... I dare you to be great... I dare you to go out in the real world and show yourself that you are great and you don't need these games and bull**** in your life Edited November 12, 2011 by wilsonx
lovesickmonkey Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 It pisses me off to have to pretend like someone is dead in order to move past them. Me too. It's appalling to me that we spent every day together for two years, spent two days breaking up and ... nothing ... for six months now. I think it is definitely the way to do it but I still consider it to be the ugliest thing to happen to me, ever. It pisses me off too.
wilsonx Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) You dont have to pretend that they are dead. All you have to do is focus on you(thats it). Your wants, goals, desires, ambitions, and use the pain to start the drive in your life to go out there and do it. You have the choice to let go or stay mad forever. As long as you stay mad, you are never going to let go. I am really into Mindfulness its helped me tremendously on focusing on the present. One of my favorite quotes is "Letting go is loving yourself" (Buddhist quote).Thats it, it says nothing about your ex, your past nothing, its focusing on you in the present Edited November 12, 2011 by wilsonx
betterdeal Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Have a look into eye patch therapy. It's quite interesting.
wilsonx Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 Have a look into eye patch therapy. It's quite interesting. thread hijack incoming.. what?????? betterdeal
betterdeal Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 http://nzhypnotherapy.co.nz/carolines-articles/eye-patching/ When you're having troubling thoughts such as the OP, you and I have had, it's to do with brain wiring. Ever notice some people manage to move on much quicker than others? Maybe even you've done this yourself. Some relationships, you accept are over much quicker than others. Eye patch therapy changes the neural pathways used, and therefore the way you think and feel. Very easy to try (buy an eye-patch for a few quid). nevadagirl, have a read of the losing contact article linked to in my signature. This is obviously a very upsetting time for you and I think you will feel a lot better by putting the past behind you. Two months isn't so long, the feelings and memories are still fresh and you're keeping them alive with this continued contact. Imagine you have a backlog of paperwork (feelings) to get through. You're adding more to that backlog (by continually accepting messages from him) and it's getting frustrating, you're making mistakes in the rush to deal with everything and you're having to go back and redo things because of that. It's a mess! Stop taking on more paperwork and you'll be able to deal with the backlog. It will takes as long as it takes. And do have a look into eye patch therapy. It can help you reach a new balance in your mind and that leads to peace and harmony with yourself. Wouldn't that be nice?
Author nevadagirl Posted November 12, 2011 Author Posted November 12, 2011 Look I know ok - no contact no contact. I tried that. I tried ignoring that **** but he wouldnt stop. How dare I use a dating profile right? It's more the fact that this person that I thought cared about me is so ****ing callous now - and he makes it so easy to make me feel like I'm insane. Like what kind of thought process is that - "the stuff you saw that you think is insensitive had nothing to do with you and I actually was very considerate of you, more so than you know" <--- saying that IS NOT CONSIDERATE. saying that is just dropping little tidbits that i could be HURT SO MUCH WORSE. So yea I know NO CONTACT. what part of the process do you get over the fact that your ex is over you, doesnt care if he hurts you, and is a complete ****ing stranger now? it's not like he waited 2 months to contact me HE NEVER EVER STOPPED ever since he left me. where's the help for that? does NO CONTACT fix all that too?
betterdeal Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 If he's a callous stranger, why do you care what he says? He's just another jerk. And yes, him saying he was very considerate is like saying "I have endless humility" - a nonsense. Change your phone number, email address, stop reading whatever he puts on Facebook. You're not obliged to read his profile even if it is public - you choose to do that. Get off social media and see your friends and family face to face. You have the power to stop the contact. Make use of it.
wilsonx Posted November 12, 2011 Posted November 12, 2011 You have every right to be angry, if he was a she, Id insert the classic what a bitch remark. His behavior is selfish and trust me it hurts 4-6 months down the line too. I know you are venting your frustrations and I got the same BS at the 4 month of NC mark and I broke. You will realize soon enough that it hurts less and less everytime. The more you put your focus on you, your body eventually hits the "I dont care" anymore switch. This takes time, effort, and energy. While your focus is on him you aren't focusing on you. If you want to stop seeing him, remove yourself from the situation. Remove yourself from dating sites, you don't need them trust me, remove yourself from facebook, change your number, if he shows up at your place, issue a trespass warning against him. This is you taking control of your life and your happiness and it starts with you taking the steps, not him.
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