mike588 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Rorch is bang on in the comment re: they don't care ! Nc is brutally hard , but there is a reality that often gets clouded up in all the emotions of the dumpee . That reality is , like Rorch said : they don't care . No one wants to hear that , it sucks , it hurts and it kicks the $^%$ out of self esteem . But if the dumper has not contacted you after you dropped an olive branch - once again they don't care . NC will lead you to acceptance ( diff timeframe for us all ) and acceptance will begin the healing . I'm 3mos in NC - I speak from the heart and from experience . Stay true , be strong as much as you hurt - you are still going ! Thats proof you can do it - all things must pass ( ty George Harrison ) . Cheers all I agree, I too am at 3 months of N.C. and haven't heard anything from her so I assume she doesn't want anything to to with me and doesn't care. They may have cared shortly after the breakup,maybe some guilt but as time moves on they heal too and most likely are happy with their decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Jono85 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 i also agree with the sentiment that they really don't give a sh-t. i'm a realist, and to some, including my current gf, it starts fights sometimes lol, but whatever. i don't like sugarcoating stuff. i'm 11 months NC from my ex after she left me for her ex (a couple weeks after she initiated our first exchange of i love yous ) and it's still hard at times for me. the closure wasn't good at all. in fact she was stringing me along for a bit while she was 'confused'...which only came out after I caught her in some lies. but to the closure part, basically when she DID decide to go with ex (without telling me btw, i found out on facebook) she texted me all normal asking how i'm doing etc, and i told her i couldn't do the whole friends thing, and wished her well saying i wasn't bitter, and all the best. well she didn't even reply, and still hasn't, 11 months later. can u believe that? someone who tells u they love u, and then leave u after many lies, can't even muster the selflessness to understand my situation and wish me well/say goodbye. not even a f-cking goodbye. the weird part is i know she's a terrible person, and would never want her back, but still think about her daily, and hope she breaks NC at some point, so i can just ignore her. i feel like she still holds so much power over me b/c she disrespected me by not even responding to my goodbye text. i know it was probably b/c she was mad, and thought i'd text her again (she knew i hated leaving things unsettled), but i still thought that after i didn't, she would cave and apologize/say goodbye properly. anyhow.. guess i needed to vent a little. i know she doesn't care about me at all anymore. in fact i found out she broke up with her ex again, and started with a new guy, a guy we both used to work with and we made fun of b/c he was so desperate and creepy. i actually basically stole her from him, like they weren't even in a relationship but he liked her a lot, and they were starting to date a little before i came along. but now knowing that she went back to him (a total loser) on the one hand makes me happy b/c i know i'm better than him, but on the other hand further shows how much i don't exist to her anymore lol. ah well...i'm getting better/stronger, esp since i stopped creeping her facebook (we're not friends anymore but i'd still creep). just wanted to share my story. if ur the dumpee...PLEASE SAVE UR PRIDE AND STAY IN NC...DO NOT BE THE ONE TO BREAK IT. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) I agree, I too am at 3 months of N.C. and haven't heard anything from her so I assume she doesn't want anything to to with me and doesn't care. They may have cared shortly after the breakup,maybe some guilt but as time moves on they heal too and most likely are happy with their decision. Let me backup on what I said. I think it depends on the relationship and the breakup as far as the ex. not caring. I know 100% that my ex. cares about me, wishes me the best but that's not enough for her to want to get back together or contact me. I did nothing wrong in the relationship, I gave it my all. I know that, she knows that. It's got to be hard not to still care for somone in a situation like that. As a dumpee I wish her no harm and I care about her,, the same as she feels about me. Edited November 12, 2011 by mike588 Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 To the people that think "out of sight, out if mind". Then why do some dumpers hilariously contact you even years later? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 I also agree with Rorschach. They should be begging for us back, not the other way round. If we beg or plead it never changes a thing, does it? After the unforgiveable and downright cruel way I was dumped, why the hell should I be the one to break NC? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glove_slap Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 To the people that think "out of sight, out if mind". Then why do some dumpers hilariously contact you even years later? could be because they were hurt in the same way they hurt you, could be because something reminded them of you, could be anything but it's usually because they feel guilty for what they put you through after going through the same thing and they want to apologize or reconcile to clear their own conscious. Could be anything to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Rorschach64 Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Triggers....it can happen down the line for no good reason. Most of the time they talk to you to do a guilt dump/ego boost. Question is do they deserve to have their guilt removed? That's up to the individual Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glove_slap Posted December 31, 2011 Author Share Posted December 31, 2011 any other inputs? Link to post Share on other sites
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