How to move past the guilt???

[Breezy Trousers]

I had an affair with a MM and it has been over since July. My husband has forgiven me but I cannot seem to forgive myself and move on from the guilt. Any suggestions on how to heal?

 

One more thing...my husband and I are planning to renew our vows with our pastors help. I just feel like I need to fix my emotions before we do this.

 

 

I don't know the history of the affair, but if it only ended in July and you spent a lot of emotional energy on it, you're probably still in a state of confusion. There are five stages to grieving and it sounds like you're in the very early stages. Most affairs are high in illusion, but that doesn't make the suffering any less real.

 

You may want to read some posts over at the OW/OM board to help you through this. Pretending you can turn the feelings off, express guilt, and jump back into your marriage as if nothing happened is delusional.

(And it's ridiculous to discuss exchanging marriage vows right now. You're trying to slap a Band-Aid on a severed artery. Good luck with that.)

 

Your husband is being asked to deal with being betrayed while also dealing with a wife who is grieving another man. He needs tremendous support. You can't give that to him right now. I'm not judging you for that. I'm just asking that you deal with where you're at, not where others may want you to be --- or where you wish you could be.

 

Read Owl's post again. Consider forming a response. That's where the solution is.

 

Something you're unconscious of drew you to this affair. Explore why.

 

The Work of Byron Katie can help you release guilt and anger.

 

Best of luck to you.