When do you decide to give up on online dating?

[oaks]

Or, if it's not your profile, maybe it's what you're putting in that initial email.

[oaks]

I put a 50 mile radius on my search criteria. That includes Washington, D.C., and some areas outside of Baltimore. That's about as far as I'd be willing to go. Unless of course we're suggesting I do a LDR which is another discussion altogether.

 

That sounds fair enough. No, I'm not suggesting LDR.

[grkBoy]

My "giving up" point came generally when I'd see how I've sent tons of emails and barely ever got a response.

 

For me it was when it felt like I was wasting my time on it.

[fortyninethousand322]

Or, if it's not your profile, maybe it's what you're putting in that initial email.

 

Perhaps. What exactly should I be putting in the first email?

[PlumPrincess]

Why I did a couple of times was to look who was online at the moment (that means, there's a slight chance that they're bored and that's why they're online) and ask them if they wanted to meet for drinks, like in an hour or so. It always worked, except when they were not in town at that moment.

 

I started a profile when I was unemployed and should have been spending my time getting a new job. Since I'm a great procrastinator I worked on my online dating profile instead. I made up the excuse that I was honing my skills and that an online dating profile is similar to a résumé. Well, actually - it is. It is about self-marketing and presenting yourself from your best side. You have to pique the interest of the reader, be it to make a potential employer invite you to an interview or be it to make a girl agree to go out with you on a date. It can actually be a fun thing to do. Once you start your self-promotion, you want to tweak your profile a bit here and improve it a bit there all the time... And remember, "Show, don't tell." It's probably one of the best advices I've seen for writing that kind of stuff. And one day, you might use this great skill of yours to find a job.

[fortyninethousand322]

My "giving up" point came generally when I'd see how I've sent tons of emails and barely ever got a response.

 

For me it was when it felt like I was wasting my time on it.

 

That's about where I am. About a month or so ago resolved to not do it anymore. But then I reneged and decided to give it one more chance.

[PlumPrincess]

Perhaps. What exactly should I be putting in the first email?

I can only speak for myself, but I want to be asked out. I prefer, "Hey, I liked your profile. Would you like to meet for a drink in an hour?" to "Hello, I'm so amazed by your profile. You have done so many interesting things and you really sound like an awesome person. [Followed by various questions to show that they have truly read your profile and to initiate a conversation]. Blablabla..." The latter bores the hell out of me. By the way, the first one just works if I see that we have stuff in common, otherwise I will assume that you're someone who sends out random invitations.

Edited October 25, 2011 by PlumPrincess

[oaks]

Perhaps. What exactly should I be putting in the first email?

 

You'll get several different answers, of course, but I try to write something mostly unique to each recipient that reflects on something in their profile (in part to demonstrate that I read it rather than just drooled over their photos). I keep it short - 2 paragraphs at a maximum and sometimes just a couple of sentences. (This post is longer than an initial email that I would send.) I try to ask a question as I feel that it invites a response, and some people find that gives an easy way to respond because they can actually answer the question.

 

I don't make any comment about how beautiful they appear in their photos, or which of their orifices I wish to fill (although I gather that some people try this). I don't repeat anything that's in my profile (they can go and read it for themselves) unless it's to draw attention to a shared interest. I don't invite them to read my profile (because it's obvious that I want them to do so, so it's unnecessary to point it out). I try to avoid clichés (and if you read all the emails you send, and you see any phrases repeated again and again, those are probably the clichés to avoid). I don't think too hard about it - in fact when I realise that I'm struggling to write something I stop and ask myself if I'm struggling because there's nothing I have in common with the woman (and that's often the case... trying too hard because she looks good) then I put her username to one side and come back to her profile later and if I still can't write something quickly then I don't bother.

 

In my last 'round' of online dating I was getting about 1 response for every 12 emails sent (and some of those responses were "no thanks" rather than expressions of interest).

Edited October 25, 2011 by oaks
typo

[fortyninethousand322]

I can only speak for myself, but I want to be asked out. I prefer, "Hey, I liked your profile. Would you like to meet for a drink in an hour?" to "Hello, I'm so amazed by your profile. You have done so many interesting things and you really sound like an awesome person. [Followed by various questions to show that they have truly read your profile and to initiate a conversation]. Blablabla..." The latter bores the hell out of me. By the way, the first one just works if I see that we have stuff in common, otherwise I will assume that you're someone who sends out random invitations.

 

Can I ask how old you are (even if just an age range)? I've kind of wondered if maybe I should just ask them out right away, but I always thought women found it too forward.

[fortyninethousand322]

You'll get several different answers, of course, but I try to write something mostly unique to each recipient that reflects on something in their profile (in part to demonstrate that I read it rather than just drooled over their photos). I keep it short - 2 paragraphs at a maximum and sometimes just a couple of sentences. (This post is longer than an initial email that I would send.) I try to ask a question as I feel that it invites a response, and some people find that gives an easy way to respond because they can actually answer the question.

 

I don't make any comment about how beautiful they appear in their photos, or which of their orifices I wish to fill (although I gather that some people try this). I don't repeat anything that's in my profile (they can go and read it for themselves) unless it's to draw attention to a shared interest. I don't invite them to read my profile (because it's obvious that I want them to do so, so it's unnecessary to point it out). I try to avoid clichés (and if you read all the emails you send, and you see any phrases repeated again and again, those are probably the clichés to avoid). I don't think too hard about it - in fact when I realise that I'm struggling to write something I stop and ask myself if I'm struggling because there's nothing I have in common with the woman (and that's often the case... trying too hard because she looks good) then I put her username to one side and come back to her profile later and if I still can't write something quickly then I don't bother.

 

In my last 'round' of online dating I was getting about 1 response for every 12 emails sent (and some of those responses were "no thanks" rather than expressions of interest).

 

Yeah that's pretty much exactly what I write. The only time I ever comment on pictures is when they're doing something exceptionally interesting (like one girl who had a picture from a vacation in Egypt) otherwise I stick to the content of the profile.

[oaks]

Yeah that's pretty much exactly what I write. The only time I ever comment on pictures is when they're doing something exceptionally interesting (like one girl who had a picture from a vacation in Egypt) otherwise I stick to the content of the profile.

 

Ok. So it's not working. Change it. Maybe what PlumPrincess suggested would work for you?

[azsinglegal]

My "giving up" point came generally when I'd see how I've sent tons of emails and barely ever got a response.

 

For me it was when it felt like I was wasting my time on it.

 

For me, it was after I had enough bad dates for some good stories and then I bailed.

[AHardDaysNight]

Ok. So it's not working. Change it. Maybe what PlumPrincess suggested would work for you?

 

PlumPrincess is a minority.

 

I tried that once, and she deleted her profile right after. Apparently I scared her, lol.

 

The brief success I've had (if you can call a few emails back and forth success) has been trying oak's method.

[watermelonjuice]

I know, I know. Online dating isn't the best place to be looking for dates, it's contrived, it's forced, it's best used as a backup plan, etc.

 

But, I am at my wits end with online dating. I've had my account reviewed by two different people, fixed some stuff on it, and cleaned it up. For whatever reason I'm just not getting any responses, it's been this way for over a year now. Some of the women have at least looked at my profile before not replying but most don't even do that.

 

I don't know, is online dating really that big of a joke? Should I just say "the hell with it" and end my involvement in it?

 

Right about now. It's not that I don't get responses. But after I take quite a while to communicate with someone, they decide to up and leave and go all quiet. It drives me crazy.