binny Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 One of my best friends seems to go through phases with me... we met at uni, maybe 6 years ago now.. he has always told me straight that he doesn't fancy me and just likes me as a friend and nothing would ever happen. There was a time when I had a huge crush on him, but I realised it would never happen and so I got over him. On the odd occasion I would get "drunken" phone calls from him and he told me that he "loved me" etc, when I questioned him the next day about it he would always brush it off and ignore it, I just assumed he was feeling lonely and I was there. Since I've known him, he has had one serious relationship and has chased after numerous other girls. Tonight, he did it again... he called me and told me he "loved me" and asked me if I felt the same way etc etc.. I'm not even sure what he expected me to say to that.. Is it worth trying things with him, knowing that he will probably have changed his mind by tomorrow? Is it ever a good idea to date a friend? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 never try to date a friend who doesn't want you. dump this loser who is using you for emotional support only... Link to post Share on other sites
TrueColors Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 never try to date a friend who doesn't want you. dump this loser who is using you for emotional support only... I agree. But I would add, why don't you sit down and talk to him about it properly? If he brushes it off, be firm and tell him you don't appreciate him messing with your feelings. Either he comes clean about how he really feels (when he's sober) or he stops it once and for all. Also, seeing as you've seen him date others, have you noticed a pattern at all? How he treats women? The types he goes for? How he behaves when he's in a relationship? All of these will provide clues as to how he will be with you, should you decide to date him. However, try not to fool yourself into thinking he'll be "different" with you just because he's your friend! Link to post Share on other sites
Rabid Ferret Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I'm on with dropping the guy if he's not going to stop using you as an emotional booster shot. Maybe find out if he's willing to cut that behavior out before moving on, but yeah. That sort of behavior is extremely unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Is it worth trying things with him, knowing that he will probably have changed his mind by tomorrow? No, this is not the time to date him. You date him when he is ready to talk to you about dating - he needs to bring this up when he's sober. As long as he's only calling in the middle of the night when he's drunk, he's not ready for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author binny Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 Thanks for all the replies! I agree. But I would add, why don't you sit down and talk to him about it properly? If he brushes it off, be firm and tell him you don't appreciate him messing with your feelings. Either he comes clean about how he really feels (when he's sober) or he stops it once and for all. Also, seeing as you've seen him date others, have you noticed a pattern at all? How he treats women? The types he goes for? How he behaves when he's in a relationship? All of these will provide clues as to how he will be with you, should you decide to date him. However, try not to fool yourself into thinking he'll be "different" with you just because he's your friend! He is incapable of talking about it properly, that's the problem.. I don't even know whether I should believe what he says or not. I believe that actions speak louder than words, anyone can say "I love you" but how many people actually show someone that they love them. He usually calls me most days (we live in different towns now) to chat but we just talk about normal friend type stuff. He has a long list of his ideal woman, I don't fit any of it! Although, neither have any of the girls he has dated or liked. There haven't really beed any patterns as such that I've noticed. He tends to be a bit fickle and jump from one girl to the next, but when he was in the longest relationship he didn't have an interest in any other girl. He also did seem very sweet and understanding while he was in the serious relationship. Perhaps a bit too accommodating though.. I guess what worries me is that he only seems to show an interest when either he is jealous that I'm giving another guy more attention than him or when he is lonely. I guess the best thing to do at the moment is take everyones advice and not get involved at this point in time! Link to post Share on other sites
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