Author D-Lish Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 I agree. I love that you can be yourself around him, tell him about your anxiety and stuff. It's good because he's getting to know ALL of you. hehehe, I told you he was a nervous talker and inexperienced. Atleast you know he has a dinkler and it's awake and alive! Never rush a good thing. Enjoy and just get to know him, fool around and stuff. No need to bang-bang so quickly! And there is no pressure from his end, which is nice. If I choose to sleep with him, it will be because I am ready and I'm sure about what I am doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Well maybe if I was 20, uneducated, and prone to labelling myself without years of introspection and study of both sides of the coin- I'd say your question is vaild. However, I am twice that age, and I studied Religious Studies in my post secondary stint of education. I don't judge him for being spiritual, but I am an Atheist. I don't label myself lightly, or without careful consideration. The lack of sexual interaction comes from me wanting to be both careful and sure about what I would be getting myself into. I hope you continue to post and I sincerely hope this guy works out. Some Jewish men are extremely good husbands and partners. I think when women are not 20 anymore they put less emphasis on looks and as I said there is nothing wrong with that. I am also glad you are on Wellbutrin and not a Prozac like drug, the latter interferes with sexuality. So when the time comes you will be ready. Most Atheists I know spent a lot of time studying religion and you are no exception. Sometimes I sense they were looking for answers. It is also normal for well educated people to become Atheists. However, sometimes they are a bit intolerant and I am glad you are not. Nevertheless, I wish you would become an agnostic instead of an Atheist. Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 The lack of sexual interaction comes from me wanting to be both careful and sure about what I would be getting myself into. ....so why have you been having twice-weekly "sleepovers" with him then if nothing sexual and you're wanting to wait? Why overanalyze things to this degree? Doesn't it ever get tiring to do so? He talks so much, he doesn't know how to kiss, he's pushing with the vitamins and critiquing what you eat, bla bla bla. Why date someone then pick them apart here? Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Hummmm if i was in the guy's situation I'd assume the girl isn't that attracted to me/doesn't like me in that way and stop dating her. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Twice a week sleep over when sex is not on the table is superfluous. I would date and then go home. What is the point? BTW, I do not advocate sex too soon. That has been my position from day one. Link to post Share on other sites
westrock Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Maybe I like him because he does have this tendency to look after me a little.I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not around him.I don't remember the last guy I dated that had such a tendency. One thing that is nice is that he doesn't judge me- I know I could tell him anything about me and he wouldn't judge me. I've never felt that way before with any of my ex's. And there is no pressure from his end, which is nice. If I choose to sleep with him, it will be because I am ready and I'm sure about what I am doing. All of the above are qualities one would find in a healthy relationship. He sounds like a great guy. I wish you all the best with this guy! Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted October 21, 2011 Share Posted October 21, 2011 Okay, Update. He came over again last night- with more groceries and some more supplements. He cooked me dinner, we watched a movie and he stayed over again. The relationship hasn't turned sexual. I refuse to go there until I get a handle on what kind of situation I am getting myself into. He didn't continue talking as I fell asleep this time:D. I did tell him politely that he talks too much- and he apologized and said he's just nervous because it's been a long time since he met someone he wanted to spend time with. He still talked a lot, but not as much as before. As TBF suggested to me after my last break up, I was more up front about my vulnerabilities. He knows about my anxiety, a bit about what happened with my ex- and we didn't start out getting to know one another with me putting on a facade like I normally do. With my last ex, I presented myself as something I wasn't: Perfectly composed, completely confident and secure, etc, etc... He lives with his brother (they have a business together)... And he told me last night that he told his family about me recently because his brother has been wondering why he's been sleeping elsewhere twice a week for the past little while and it's caused a stir within the family (curiousity). I do believe him when he tells me that he hasn't spent an overnight with a woman in ages. His brother called at midnight last night as I was sitting right next to him and could hear his brother talking. When he told his brother he wasn't coming home I heard his brother say "Holy Sh*t, you have to introduce us to this girl"... For now, he might just be intrigued because I am not "giving it up", I don't know. But rest assured I am not "giving it up" until I am sure. I'm not invested, but I am not ready to give up just yet. Maybe I like him because he does have this tendency to look after me a little. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not around him. I don't remember the last guy I dated that had such a tendency. One thing that is nice is that he doesn't judge me- I know I could tell him anything about me and he wouldn't judge me. I've never felt that way before with any of my ex's. Are there red flags present? Yes. Me admitting to having anxiety and depression issues could be a red flag for him. Am I fully convinced I want to proceed? No, not yet. I am being cautious. I do think he has some selfish tendencies, but so do I. It's like you're having a "friends without benefits". Nothing wrong with that! It sounds like you're both enjoying this new found friendship and I'm glad to hear you're having a nice time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 21, 2011 Author Share Posted October 21, 2011 It's like you're having a "friends without benefits". Nothing wrong with that! It sounds like you're both enjoying this new found friendship and I'm glad to hear you're having a nice time. So far, that's where it's at. I'm just trying to get to know who he really is. I like him, and he's on board with getting to know me better before having sex. I don't expect him to sleep over, he just wants to. He says he is just enjoying the process of actually getting to know someone before jumping into sex right away (which he's never done before). He's just as on board with waiting as I am. We've gotten to second base I guess you could say, but nothing below the belt. I'm still trying to figure out if he has control issues, or whether or not this is a nurturing side he's showing. After talking to him a bit more the other night, he might have a little mix of both going on. I know he's taken an interest in my well being, and that is a nice feeling. As long as he doesn't start insisting on me eating a certain way, I'm okay with it. I jumped into my last relationship so fast, and it turned out down the road that he was nothing like the person I believed him to be. I don't want to make that mistake again. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 I wonder how his mother will feel about him dating a shiksa. Link to post Share on other sites
dispatch3d Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 exasperating thread, I think this forum is a bunch of narcissists! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 So far, that's where it's at. I'm just trying to get to know who he really is. I like him, and he's on board with getting to know me better before having sex. I don't expect him to sleep over, he just wants to. He says he is just enjoying the process of actually getting to know someone before jumping into sex right away (which he's never done before). He's just as on board with waiting as I am. We've gotten to second base I guess you could say, but nothing below the belt. I'm still trying to figure out if he has control issues, or whether or not this is a nurturing side he's showing. After talking to him a bit more the other night, he might have a little mix of both going on. I know he's taken an interest in my well being, and that is a nice feeling. As long as he doesn't start insisting on me eating a certain way, I'm okay with it. I jumped into my last relationship so fast, and it turned out down the road that he was nothing like the person I believed him to be. I don't want to make that mistake again. I like this. Friends but do sleepovers (that's a nice way of getting to know someone, those late night talks) and just keep it above the belt. Have fun, D! I will say, if he starts in how you eat, what you eat just take the bull by the horns on that one. That's a pet peeve of mine when people comment on how others eat, how much or how little they put in their mouths. exasperating thread, I think this forum is a bunch of narcissists! LOL then why bother to stay? Or reply? Uhmm, hello, this is a forum where people are looking for help and input, so of course they're gonna talk about themselves! Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I like this. Friends but do sleepovers (that's a nice way of getting to know someone, those late night talks) and just keep it above the belt. Have fun, D! I will say, if he starts in how you eat, what you eat just take the bull by the horns on that one. That's a pet peeve of mine when people comment on how others eat, how much or how little they put in their mouths. -------- LOL then why bother to stay? Or reply? Uhmm, hello, this is a forum where people are looking for help and input, so of course they're gonna talk about themselves! I agree WWIU, if he puts a diet plan together for me, I'll put my foot down. Nothing wrong with taking it slow this time. I don't know why some posters just chime in to show their displeasure. I have this system that works for me- when I read a thread that doesn't interest me... I bypass it and move on to the next! Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Take your time D! Always a wise move until you get to know him better. As long as he's still vibing both a desire to get to know you as a person and physicality, it's all good! Too much of one or the other can be indicative of his intent and general mindset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 I wonder how his mother will feel about him dating a shiksa. It's okay, the immediate family is non-practicing- it's the extended family that would most likely take issue:cool:. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 Take your time D! Always a wise move until you get to know him better. As long as he's still vibing both a desire to get to know you as a person and physicality, it's all good! Too much of one or the other can be indicative of his intent and general mindset. Agreed, and I took your advice about being a little more openly vulnerable from the onset:). It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be;). Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Agreed, and I took your advice about being a little more openly vulnerable from the onset:). It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be;).It shouldn't be difficult. You're awesome "as is". Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 exasperating thread, I think this forum is a bunch of narcissists! We could all leave. Then it would be a forum of one jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 It shouldn't be difficult. You're awesome "as is". Aw, thanks. Oddly enough, in showing some vulnerability, I feel LESS vulnerable and more secure... Because I know I am not hiding much. We could all leave. Then it would be a forum of one jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 We could all leave. Then it would be a forum of one jerk. Hahahahahaha Where do you come up with stuff like that Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Oddly enough, in showing some vulnerability, I feel LESS vulnerable and more secure... Because I know I am not hiding much. That's an awesome feeling, isn't it? I'm excited to see how this progresses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 22, 2011 Author Share Posted October 22, 2011 That's an awesome feeling, isn't it? I'm excited to see how this progresses. Yes, not even scary! He knows I take meds (and what for), he knows I have a bit of a temper, he knows some of my major insecurities, and he hasn't batted an eye. Now I have to work on teaching him how to kiss... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Hahahahahaha Where do you come up with stuff like that I have a little book. Johan's Book of Smartass Responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 I have a little book. Johan's Book of Smartass Responses. Can I order that online? Is it better than D-lish's Book of Smarter Smart Ass Reponses? I've heard that one is really good. Link to post Share on other sites
ja123 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 In what way? If I was fanatical, I'd steer clear of getting close to people that don't cling to the same belief system. Do you think I go to" Atheist's" meetings every week and conspire against those that don't see the world in the same way I do? Perhaps conspire to alienate others that don't see the world in the same way, perhaps judge them? I think that's called "Church".... Out of curiosity, do you read Richard Dawkins? Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Out of curiosity, do you read Richard Dawkins? Hawking's and Dawkin's- yes, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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