Leikela Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Here is the scenario: A good friend of mine, with whom I also work with, hung out with a bunch of us on Sunday night. My husband was teasing her and she casually flicked some beer at him. In retaliation, he took a smidge of water in a straw and blew it on her chest. She then retaliated by taking a mouthful of beer and spitting it all over his face. He proceeded to call her every name in the book. He told me to immediately remove her from Facebook, never talk to her again and that she is no longer welcome in our house anymore. Here is the thing. While what she did is disgusting, I also believe is eventually forgivable. I am pissed that she took that immature route but I think after time, I can move on from it. The reason I say this is because my husband wasn't 100% innocent in all of this from the beginning. However, I feel disloyal to my husband for wanting to mend fences with my friend. So far this week we haven't spoken at all at work. I want her to apologize and take responsibility for her actions and to grow from this experience. That is the only way I can be friends with her again. It is akward at work and akward with my husband. I am in the meantime, trying to speak to my husband about forgiving her, but he is a stubborn one! Am I wrong for wanting to repair the friendship, despite what she did to my husband? Any advice here would be great. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Aren't you upset at your husband, it sounds like what he did was low rent.. She got pissed because he spit water down her chest and she spit water in his face and then he calls her every name in the book but you are mad at her ? What gives ? Are you thinking she overreacted and he didn't ? I understand the loyalty factor but it sounds like your husbands behavior was sub par... She may have overreacted.. but so did he.. I would try and repair the friendship if it means anything to you and not if it doesn't. If you repair it by the sounds of it your husband owes her an apology.. maybe they both owe each other some "I'm Sorry's" Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 Art, I appreciate your reply but you have some of the facts jumbled. She flicked BEER on him and he responded by sipping WATER into a straw (without it going into his mouth) and blowing a very small amount onto her chest. She responded by taking a big gulp of BEER and spitting it all over his face. Her actions were worse to me and everyone else at the table thought so too. I guess you had to have been there to see all of it unfold. While my husband was not innocent in all of this, his actions were not of a vile, disgusting nature. She topped anything he may have done. I think he was the better person by calling her names instead of topping her and punching her square in the face. Others at the table even jumped back in fear that a retaliation was forthcoming. They stated they would have punched her in the face. Like I said before, I guess you really just had to be there to truly comprehend. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 He proceeded to call her every name in the book. He told me to immediately remove her from Facebook, never talk to her again and that she is no longer welcome in our house anymore. Wow. Quite a reaction. She sure got under his skin because he really lost it. Calling her every name in the book? For what? Couldn't he have laughed it off and assumed she'd had too much to drink? And even after a week, he's still, what? Pissed off? Embarrassed? Why is he taking some drunken foolishness so hard? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 In retaliation, he took a smidge of water in a straw and blew it on her chest. She then retaliated by taking a mouthful of beer and spitting it all over his face. Two wrongs don't make a right. Your friend never should have flicked water at him to begin with, then none of this would have happened. Yet -- HE blew some water ON HER CHEST and she reacted by spitting beer in his face. They are BOTH wrong and things got out of control. Anyway, they both acted dumb and immature, and the reactions are over the top. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I think he was the better person by calling her names instead of topping her and punching her square in the face. Others at the table even jumped back in fear that a retaliation was forthcoming. They stated they would have punched her in the face. Like I said before, I guess you really just had to be there to truly comprehend. What? Y'all would punch each other in the face for childish pranks while drinking? You think that's appropriate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 No, I wouldn't punch her in the face, nor would my husband. The people we were with stated that they would if they were in that situation. I agree though that both were wrong here in this situation. That doesn't change the fact that I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am not asking an opinion on whether my husband is a jerk or not. I know he was immature in this situation. Oh and she wasn't joking when she spit a mouthful of beer in his face. And she was not drunk. My husband was being playful but she took it to the next level. Imagine sitting there in a restaurant full of people with beer dripping down your face? You would want to laugh it off when it was done to you with mal intent? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Sounds like a pisser to have witnessed. Ya really want to go right to Facebook and take her off when something like that happens. That'll show her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 It definitely was a pisser and part of the reason why I was pissed was because they were both acting like babies. I yelled at both of them and then stormed out. Two babies fighting... I didn't want to remove her, my husband did. After I cooled off a bit, I went back and talked to her and then my husband to try and smooth things over but the damage was already done. I have also explained to my husband how he is not innocent in all of this. I am hoping they both learn from this scenario. What a nightmare... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Is this fairly usual behavior for them? Picking at each other? Do they otherwise get along well? I hope calmer heads prevail. Unless there is history not in evidence, reactions sound a bit out of line with events. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 It definitely was a pisser and part of the reason why I was pissed was because they were both acting like babies. I yelled at both of them and then stormed out. Two babies fighting... Well, there's your answer. Just keep telling both of them they acted like children and you don't intend to get in the middle of this. Tell your husband you have no intention of regressing to childhood along with the both of them. I feel like there's something more to this story, but I have no idea what. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Leikela Posted October 13, 2011 Author Share Posted October 13, 2011 There is a history of them picking at eachother in the past, yes. Things between them have been tense. I guess this brought it all to a head. I had issues with her in the past birhad mended them. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 No, I wouldn't punch her in the face, nor would my husband. The people we were with stated that they would if they were in that situation. I agree though that both were wrong here in this situation. That doesn't change the fact that I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place. I am not asking an opinion on whether my husband is a jerk or not. I know he was immature in this situation. Oh and she wasn't joking when she spit a mouthful of beer in his face. And she was not drunk. My husband was being playful but she took it to the next level. Imagine sitting there in a restaurant full of people with beer dripping down your face? You would want to laugh it off when it was done to you with mal intent? Maybe she didn't appreciate water aimed at her boobs...Just sayin'. They BOTH took it to the next level. They need to sort it out and talk when they both calm down. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 There is a history of them picking at eachother in the past, yes. Things between them have been tense. I guess this brought it all to a head. I had issues with her in the past birhad mended them. Hmm, what kind of issues? Picking at eachother in a fun haha way or in a not nice way? birhad? Sorry never heard that word before.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 I feel like there's something more to this story, but I have no idea what. Me too. Not saying something is going on between them, but to have such a drastic reaction, both of them, how it escalated makes me wonder....... Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Life is short. Having friends makes life really great. My ex husband drove away every friend I ever had with sh*t like this. Now it's over with him, but the friends are long gone thanks to him. And I do miss my friends. My ex was an alcoholic, drug addict, personality disordered person, by the way, if that sheds any light on his behavior. Not saying your husband is. But your husband's behavior lacks maturity. Reasonable, mature, kind, caring people give up the horseplay and name calling. They don't even go there in the first place. That's not how they have fun. It's cihldish, stupid, and reveals deeper problems with getting along with others in social situations. A better solution for now and in the future, is a discussion with both your husband and your friend, separately. Tell your friend you want to stay friends, but it will be just you and her out having lunch or whatever next time. Keep her and your husband separated so they don't fight again. And decide on some boundaries for your husband's behavior. Talk to him about what is reasonable and mature behavior with your friends and acquaintances in the future. This is bound to happen again, a problematic behavior that escalates into a fight, if he doesn't realize the error of his ways and begin to act with more maturity in social situations. Horseplay escalates especially around people who have been drinking. Get boundaries established in your head and communicate them to him, and follow them yourself as well. Just my best 2 cents. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
SisterMidnight Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Me too. Not saying something is going on between them, but to have such a drastic reaction, both of them, how it escalated makes me wonder....... will I be the first to venture...unresolved sexual tension?... (sorry subtle as a brick, me) Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Art, I appreciate your reply but you have some of the facts jumbled. I may have come out of the gate at him but she went overboard too, she went too far with the spitting of the full mouth of beer. You are taking your husbands side which is noble but honestly it sounds like he killed a fly with a shotgun. Do you think your husband should have unloaded on her when he basically asked for it ? It seem they are volatile together... It also seems that he is now working the angle to have her socially ruined too by having your friendship ruined. Enough is enough.. They both need to apologize to each other IMO and let life go forward rather than let this be a wedge in everybody's friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
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